Archive for October, 2011
To be fair to Spanish referee Eduardo Iturralde Gonzalez, it was less of a deliberate slide tackle on Valencia midfielder Sergio Canales and more of an example of his inability to stay upright as he clumsily stumbled before taking out the Spanish star. But his form, even if it was displayed while in the process of making a total doofus out of himself? Impeccable.
[via The Guardian]
Keep on rockin’ in the free world, Neil. With the NHL season almost upon us — finally! — it’s time to dig out the jerseys of our favorite teams and get amped. Amped, get it?
I don’t know who Neil is talking to, but apparently, he’s in the market for some Winnipeg Jets season tickets. I love how at the end of the video he says, “Who am I gonna root for? the Sharks or the Jets? Go Jets!” As if someone as cool — and Canadian — as Neil Young would ever dream of cheering on a team based in San Jose, California.
But perhaps the strangest part of seeing Neil Young wearing a Winnipeg Jets sweater is that Young was actually born in Toronto, Ontario, not Winnipeg, Manitoba. But then again, who would want to root for the Maple Leafs? Isn’t that right, Maple Leafs fans? You guys know what I’m talking about.
[video via @strombo]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• I have no idea how a town can have an Oktoberfest festival without a considerable amount of thirst-quenching suds, so there you go. But for the first time ever in the town of Cullman, Alabama had beer at their Oktoberfest festival. The town of 14,000 had something ridiculous called an “autumn prohibition” which prevented alcohol from being served, but not any longer. Said chairman of the Oktoberfest committee, Ernest Hauk: “I think once people get over being worried about who’s going to see them drinking … it will just grow and grow.” You think? [msnbc]
• The 11 burning questions regarding the upcoming NHL season. [Puck Daddy]
• If I had a nickel: high school football player walks off field, punches coach, gets arrested. Yeah. [Off the Bench]
• Interesting: Red Sox owner John Henry has blamed former manager Terry Francona for a spill he took on his yacht. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Who wouldn’t want to watch a couple of idiots argue? If I told you it was ESPN’s Stephen A. Smith and Skip Bayless, would that sweeten the deal? [Awful Announcing]
• Nothing to see here, just John Lennon and Miles Davis shooting hoops. [Ball Don't Lie]
• Check out Redskins owner Dan Synder’s $70 million yacht. [Busted Coverage]
• Fantastic: The Missouri State hockey team has pink ice for cancer awareness. [Sharapova's Thigh]
• Gross: Rangers catcher Mike Napoli said he swallowed a bunch of chew during a home plate collision. [Big League Stew]
• Yay! LOLNFL for Week 4! [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• The Dugout takes a look Houston Astros outfielder Jordan Schaefer’s possession of marijuana arrest. [With Leather]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Layoffs Are Necessary If We Want To Keep The Lights On,’ Says CEO Halfway Through Tasting Menu
Shiver me timbers and so on and so forth. Yep, James Harrison feels like a pirate. But don’t take my word for it, here’s what the the already-intimidating-but-infinitely-more-so-now-with-that-scowl-and-surgical-eyepatch Steelers linebacker tweeted with the attached above photo following the eye surgery he underwent due to right orbital bone fracture he suffered in Sunday’s game against the Texans — boy, that was a mouthful (via SB Nation):
I feel like a pirate. Lmao
Lmao? That’s an odd thing for a scurvy scallywag to say following surgery to repair broken freaking bones around one’s ocular area. Eye!
Oops. I mean, “Aye!!” Matey.
Technically, Bruce Boudreau doesn’t want to be the person actually lugging around the equipment cleaning your filthy, disgusting carpets (seriously, do you have farm animals living in your home?), but he does know of a reputable company that does a bang up job in making your carpeted floors look like new, whether they be shag, berber, or, uh, whatever other kinds of carpeting there are in this crazy world.
In his own words, “You need Hadeed.”
Certainly not a mind-blowing piece of advertising, I just always find it amazing when coaches get in on the paid endorsement action, as they rightfully should in the first place. And hey, here’s an interesting factoid: did you know that Boudreau had an uncredited role in Slap Shot as the character Hockey Player #7? Crazy stuff.
[H/T Russian Machine Never Breaks (who also have a second commercial and a blooper outtake)]
An approximation of the first few lines of the “song,” because I wasn’t going to keep listening to it to get right (you’ll understand soon enough):
Red Sox Nation is faceless and complacent
They turned Fenway into Disneyland with pink hats they laced it
This club’s a joke now
Drop all our hands down (???)
Tell all the pink hats to pack all their stuuuufff
We missed the playoffs
Why aren’t you pissed off?
Let’s take back Fenway
We’ve all had enouuughhh…
Okay, I lasted almost 25 seconds. And that was only to attempt to transcribe this steaming pile of hot garbage. See how long you can go before wanting to plunge a letter opener into your ears.
Yes, a joke, indeed. It really must be tough to be a Boston sports fan. I can see why they’ve all had enouuughhh. What a jagoff song.
[H/T Sports Pickle]
Yamma hamma, it’s Fright Night. I don’t have a PhD in demonology nor am I well-versed in the world of the occult, but I can nevertheless argue that if there were a demon seeking a entrance point out of the fiery pits of Hell into the World of Man as well as an inanimate object it could inhabit in order to unleash its reign of unholy terror, my guess is it would take one look at this bad boy and say, “Yep. That’ll do.”
But, why, you ask, is the above Evil Incarnate Posing As A Seemingly Innocent Child’s Toy referred to as “another entrant into the Alex Ovechkin Nightmare Fuel Hall of Fame? Such short memories, dear friends. Do you not remember this?
Jeez, as a man sporting facial hair — although not to the glorious extent of Brian Wilson, of course – I sure wish I had a comely, on-call beard groomer. Yeah, that would be nice.
Coming on the heels of last postseason’s Joe Girardi-Mariano Rivera debacle, is Taco Bell’s most recent foray into having an MLB player pimp their ginormous XXL Chalupas. And with Giants closer Brian Wilson in the mix, you just knew it was going to offbeat, strange and whatever other word for weird you want to throw in there. I mean, have you seen the slice of nightmare fuel that is his appearance in the new NBA 2K12 commercial? That’s actually beyond weird. It’s somewhat off-putting and disturbing, almost to the point I don’t want to buy the game anymore.
Now there’s a provocative and attention-grabbing headline if there ever was one. But what is the Phillies center fielder referring to with his “poo everywhere” pronouncement? A post-game catered feast in the clubhouse gone horribly wrong? A laxative-fueled rookie hazing ritual? While those two possibilities would have been hilarious, he was actually speaking to the piles-of-feces-leaving laps the Budweiser Clydesdales took around Busch Stadium prior to Tuesday night’s game between the Phillies and Cardinals in St. Louis.
From CSN Philly (via The700Level):
The famed Budweiser Clydesdales trotted around the warning track a couple of times to big cheers from the crowd.
Shane Victorino wishes they had went around just once.
“How about the horses?” a giddy Victorino said in the clubhouse after the Phillies’ 3-2 win. “They went around a second time and crapped all by our dugout. It smelled awful. I think they did it on purpose. There was poo everywhere.”
It should come as no surprise that the equine symbols of the Anheuser-Busch Company are prominently showcased at a stadium whose name pays tribute to the company that practically owns St. Louis, but trotting them around to poop all over the place prior to a playoff game? That’s pretty, um, …lame.
I bet you thought I was going to go with “crappy” there, didn’t you? Come on, does everything have to involve toilet humor with you people?
Animal House at Busch Stadium in Game 3 [CSN Philly (via The700Level)]
Before going forward, first and foremost, I am a big fan of one Miss Hope Solo. Others may disagree, but I find the U.S. soccer goalie quite attractive, not to mention she sports a pretty well-toned, athletic figure. And secondly, I am by no means in a position to criticize a nude photo of any other person. If that were me up there in that photo and in that pose, Greenpeace International would be dispatching folks to the site of the shoot solely to determine how a beached whale could have ended up so far away from the ocean.
But with that in mind, does the above image strike anyone else as, uh, not good? You have to think the photogs in charge of the shoot had some better pics at their disposal. There’s something about it, that’s…alien-like. As if some creature is is inhabiting her body, just waiting for the precised moment to feast upon the flesh of innocent, unknowing bystanders.
I dunno, maybe I have seen the preview for the remake of The Thing one too many times. That’s probably the reason.
[image via @hopesolo]
Oh, how I love me some dishing on When-Pro-Sports-Collides-With-Hollywood-For-A-Steaming-Bowl-Of-Love-Stew! Such love is spice with many tastes. A dizzying array of textures…and moments.
With that in mind, step aside Jay Cuter and Kristen Cavallari, your star-crossed story of reality show starlet falls for surly, somewhat obnoxious NFL player has quickly become bland and tasteless, now that Us Weekly has scooped us on the fact that Emily Maynard of The Bachelor fame — no, I don’t watch the show, I’m far too busy watching reruns of House Hunters and Sarah’s House, you know, manly stuff — is reportedly dating Carolina Panthers tight end Jeremy Shockey. Do I hear wedding bells? Or is that just my tinnitus playing tricks on me?
Take it away, Us:
“They were set up on a blind date,” a pal of the North Carolina single mom, 25, tells Us Weekly.
A mutual friend on the Panthers staff played matchmaker for the former New York Giant, 31, and the pair dined at BLT Steak in Charlotte’s Ritz-Carlton hotel.
“They’ve been out five times,” says the pal. “Emily thinks Jeremy is nice, but she’s just having fun!”
Oh, I bet she is having fun. How can’t she be having the time of her life while getting escorted on the arm of Jeremy Shockey? Right? Or no? Jeez, I’m not cut out for this gossipy reporting stuff.
But anyhoo, best of luck to them and all their future romantic endeavors. Hey, maybe these two could double date with Cutler and Cavallari or Brady and Gisele or Romo and that chick who married him. Heck, maybe they should all get together for an enjoyable evening out. Now wouldn’t that be a hoot? Yes, yes it would.
Exclusive: Bachelor’s Emily Maynard Is Dating NFL Pro Jeremy Shockey [Us Weekly]
I cannot believe that in all my years, I have never laid eyes upon this brilliant product. I also cannot believe I used the best line I could come up with to riff on the magnificence that is the BAR-noculars invention in the headline of this here post.
On second thought, I actually can believe that regarding my comedic shortcomings. Maybe if I had a fully-loaded pair of BAR-noculars at my desk I could come up with some additional funny material. Then again, considering exactly how much of the creature you can fit into those bad boys, perhaps not. You know what I’m talking about.
[via @darrenrovell]
Alrighty then. Not to take away from the tasteful and artistic nature of the photographs which typically grace the pages of ESPN The Magazine‘s annual Body Issue, is it just me, or is this exactly what Jerry Seinfeld was referring to when he was explaining to Elaine how he assumed that the gymnast he was dating would use his body as the apparatus during lovemaking? Just saying.
Moving on, the release of the much ballyhooed “Body Issue” is nearly upon us, so ESPN is providing slack-jawed gawkers a sneak peak at some of the athletes who will be featured in the issue. Additional photo of the lovely Alicia Sacramone follow as well as a couple photos of LPGA newcomer Belen Mozo — whose inclusion in the magazine was mentioned previously at the Sportress — in the buff.
Enjoy.
No, don’t laugh, it’s true. The little varmint who briefly delayed play during the 6th inning of Game 4 between the St. Louis Cardinals and Philadelphia Phillies might have cursed the Cards due to his disruptive antics.
The squirrel interrupted Ryan Theroit’s at-bat in the bottom of the 6th. Theroit eventually singled once play resumed and Jon Jay walked as St. Louis staged a mini-rally with two outs. But it was not to be, as pitcher Jamie Garcia struck out swinging. The next inning, Garcia left one out and up in the zone and Ben Francisco jumped on it for a three-run homer, which proved to be enough, as the Phillies edged the Cardinals by a score of 3-2 to take a 2-1 lead in the series.
Did the squirrel somehow place a hex upon the Cardinals team, a la the black cat and billy goat from baseball lore? Hard to say, but the Phillies sure were amused by it, even though they didn’t quite understand the cosmic significance of the interruption as it pertained to good luck charm vs. bad omen (via MLB.com):
“Oh, we noticed that squirrel,” infielder Tyler Greene said. “But we didn’t know what to think of it, good or bad…”
But if you think for one second that renowned animal lover Tony La Russa has changed his views of the wondrous nature of all creatures in the animal kingdom, think again:
Manager Tony La Russa, who founded the Animal Rescue Foundation, was linked to a possible adoption. His daughter, Bianca, thought the family might have a new pet by Wednesday, tweeting:
“Good bet, but I’d say 98% RT @MattSebek: There’s a squirrel on the field at Busch Stadium. 96% chance it sleeps at La Russa’s house tonight”
That La Russa: a man of principle. Although I don’t think, in light of what occurred after the squirrel made its grand appearance, anyone should be surprised if this little critter suffers the same fate as the pet rabbit in Fatal Attraction. A man has his limits, people.
This squirrel is nuts for postseason baseball [MLB.com]
[video courtesy of Big League Stew]
The day was October 5, 1986. The Buffalo Bills were taking on the New York Jets in an AFC East grudge match. During one particular play, no one could have had any idea that what was about to happen next would ultimately go down in history as one of the most amusing referee explanations in sports history. And we have referee extraordinaire Ben Dreith to thank for it.
After an incomplete pass from Bills QB Jim Kelly, Jets defensive tackle Marty Lyons (misidentified as Mark Gastineau by Dreith) took Kelly down to the ground, but the action did not end there. A skirmish erupted between the two players, eventually culminating in a bit of a scrum, and as players spilled onto the field from the sidelines, overall disorder ensued. Apparently, from Dreith’s vantage point, Lyons took some liberties as the two wrestled on the ground, including what Dreith perceived as some cheap shot blows below the belt. Ouch.
That’s when the magic happened. As Dreith explained the penalty, he pointed over to the Jets defense and said:
“We have a personal foul on #99 of the defense. After he tackled the quarterback, he’s giving him the business down there. That’s a 15-yard penalty.”
But what made it pure gold was Dreith, as he said “giving him the business,” demonstrated the repeated punching actions as he made the call. Brilliant.
So, happy 25th anniversary to you, Ben Dreith. Without your unique style, we might not even have a character like Ed Hochuli refereeing NFL games. And that’s a world I don’t want to live in.
[H/T for the heads up to RandBall]
