Archive for September, 2011
Wow, what stories don’t the folks behind these Taiwanese animation stories create videos for? Canadian Parliament proceedings? The news found in the local community paper that a rudimentary dental exam performed on the mayor of Topeka, Kansas revealed an impacted molar?
Be that as it may, and perhaps not-so-shocking, is the fact that Serena Williams’ latest U.S. Open tirade against an official, umpire, lines person, ballgirl/boy, concession worker, what have you, has received the Taiwanese animation treatment. The introductory text from the video, as transcribed by Off the Bench’s Rick Chandler:
Once upon a time, women’s tennis was a genteel version of the men’s game. All that changed with the Williams sisters.
Venus and Serena overpowered opponents with their strong baseline play, forcing other ladies to up their game.
But Serena also has a reputation as a hothead. …
Yes, all that changed with the Williams sisters. Despite the fact, that yes, according to the video, when Serena gets angry her head spontaneously combusts, that statement is a bit irresponsible and completely uncalled for. Come on, Taiwanese animators: don’t be haters.
Serena Williams meltdown given the Taiwanese animation treatment [Off the Bench]
(screengrab edited to protect the delicate sensibilities of some readers)
You know it’s bad when the athletic director of a Division-1 college football program has to plead with the school’s fans to politely stop wearing shirts which glorify and pay homage the state which the university calls home courtesy of the insertion of an F-bomb into the name of said state, lest the profane shirt be captured by national television cameras, thereby casting a bad light on the hillbilly, backwoods reputation of the aforementioned state.
But sadly, that appears to be the case for West Virginia University, whose athletic director, Oliver Luck, has formally asked that Mountaineers fans refrain from wearing the now infamous “West Fu**in Virginia” shirts to games. You may recall that ESPN cameras captured the above hilarious image during WVU’s nationally broadcast game against Marshall on Sept. 4.
Luck issued a formal plea via an open letter published on West Virginia University’s athletics website, msnsportsnet.com. The letter in its entirety follows.
I haven’t been keeping up with the ups and down, ins and outs, etc. of professional Belarusian soccer leagues as of late — I choose to blame the economy — so instead of interjecting my Eastern European soccer ignorance into the narrative, here is the gist behind Dnepr Mogilev’s goalie Artem Gomelko’s epic “DERP!” (via YouTube):
In the 66th minute Dnepr defender Anton Matveenko tried his luck at a ridiculous 70-yard lob, but his shot was wayward and was on it’s way straight out of play. But then home keeper Artem Gomelko decided to be a clever-clogs and it backfired spectacularly.
In an effort to stupidly try and catch the exit-bound shot with one hand, Gomelko hopelessly diverted the ball from around the post straight into his own net.
“DERP!”, indeed. Truly one could not find a DERP!-ier example of soccer DERP!-iness on the interwebs, correct? DERP! No really, say it with me: DERP! It’s fun.
[via NashFootball2012]
Perhaps some of you might disagree with my initial assessment, but that is one butt-ugly shoe. And yes, I get it: the garish choices of orange and green are Miami-inspired (Hurricanes colors), but that doesn’t excuse their excessively loud, over-the-top appearance. See, I like to keep my sneakers on the more understated, modest end of the spectrum. That’s why I have been rocking Velcro high-top kicks with heels that flash for years now. I don’t need to be out there “making the scene” when I’m dribbling the rock and missing layups by hitting the bottom of the rim. I let my game speak for itself, thank you very much.
[H/T Sneaker Freaker (via Nice Kicks)]
Why would the St. Louis Blues insist on going with Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin’” for the team’s de facto theme song for the upcoming season, you ask? Simple. Because after decades of general indifference, the song is about to take off in a white-hot, blinding blur of cultural resurgence and relevance, that’s why.
What’s that? Have I missed something? Are you telling me that the resurrection of the ’80s power ballad has already occurred? You have got to be kidding me. No, I don’t watch a lot of shows on FOX or HBO. Those channels don’t come in well on my television with the antenna I crudely fashioned out of an unused wire hanger. But what does that have to do with anything?
In the video, which is the first television spot rolled out around the new marketing gimmick, you have Blues winger Patrik Berglund pretending to play the catchy piano melody interspersed with Blues players who will have to explain throughout the season why the organization which employs them hired ad wizards who came up with this one.
Instead, I would have opted to go with Bob Seger’s “Like A Rock.” Under-appreciated classic, that song. I’m surprised no one has ever thought to use that catchy tune for an ad campaign. Wait. What?
[H/T Puck Daddy]
One of the better stories to come out of college football early this season is the tale of Alan Moore, a 61-year-old Vietnam veteran and grandfather of five who made the Faulkner University football team as a placekicker. By getting into the game to kick an extra point in Faulkner’s season opener against Ave Maria, Moore became the oldest person to ever get into and participate in a play from scrimmage in college football history.
Moore, who was a placekicker for Jones College in Mississippi in 1968 before heading over to Vietnam, made his extra point attempt on Saturday in his NAIA-affiliated team’s 41-19 win.
Via the Toronto Star:
Players one-third his age swarmed Moore as he jogged off the field smiling. Grey-bearded and tanned, Moore swapped high fives and fist bumps with teammates.
Moore — with the word “believe’ written on his kicking shoe — said he was glad to get the first kick behind him.
“It’s not about me, and it’s not about being old. It’s about the team,” Moore said before hugging his grandkids at midfield after the game.
Video of his old-school, soccer-style kick, along with an AP video report, follows.
You can now count San Francisco Giants reliever Jeremy Affeldt among the ranks of baseball players who have suffered hilariously awful injuries doing everyday, albeit somewhat irresponsible, activities.
Affeldt was at a barbecue last Thursday when he was presented with a conundrum not uncommon for the guy doing the grilling: a stack of frozen hamburgers. Personally, I would always suggest using never-frozen patties, but I also understand sometimes situations like this cannot be avoided. What can be avoided, however, is using a big, sharp knife to pry them apart. That was Affeldt’s first mistake.
From the Mercury News (via The Slanch Report):
“I should have used hot water,” Affeldt said in a phone interview with a pool reporter from The Associated Press. “If I had used a butter knife, nothing would have happened.”
Affeldt is now done for the season, as the wounds to his hand due to his reckless use of dangerous kitchen tools resulted in a wound so deep, it caused nerve damage and Affeldt required surgery to properly treat the injury. Derp, indeed. Also, never, ever use hot water to thaw meats. First of all, it is not safe and secondly, you are going to ruin the meat. Why don’t you just boil the darn patties and save yourself a step?
Good news, though: with proper rest and rehabilitation, Affeldt should make a full recovery. He also learned a valuable lesson: always use fresh meat and be careful with knives. Those things can be pretty sharp, you know.
San Francisco Giants update: Reliever Jeremy Affeldt slices hand with knife, out for season [Mercury News (via The Slanch Report)]
Hazing has never been so…blue.
Humiliating neophyte teammates has become an annual rite of fall in major league baseball, and the rookies on the Washington Nationals were not spared the indignity on Sunday as they left Nationals Park of the trend to have the youngsters dress up in ridiculous outfits in order to properly demonstrate the pecking order in the clubhouse.
In case it is too difficult to ascertain due to the excessive use of body paint and Smurfy attire, that’s pitching phenom Stephen Strasburg dressed up as Papa Smurf and playing the role of a completely unattractive Smurfette is Wilson Ramos. What a delightful pair those two make, much to the frightening chagrin of the Smurf on the furthest left in the photo. He shall now be known as Psychotic Smurf.
From D.C. Sports Bog (via Big League Stew):
Jayson Werth appeared to be the ringleader, and the Smurf theme song played in continuous loop in the clubhouse during the dressing. F.P. Santangelo said the episode was “definitely” the best rookie hazing he’d ever seen in his baseball life.
Leave it to Jayson Werth to be the man behind the Smurfy silliness. In light of his underwhelming un-Smurfy season after coming to the Nationals as a high-priced free agent (7 years, $126 million for a .233 batting average), I guess we should give him credit for accomplishing something in his first season with the team.
I still think paying homage to Shirt Tales would have been a better choice. A vastly underrated cartoon.
Nationals rookies dressed as smurfs [D.C. Sports Bog (via Big League Stew)]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• Well that’s odd. Julio Socarras Mompeller, 31, was traveling with his wife and child to a 9/11 ceremony when police saw him allegedly exposing himself through the sunroof of his Mercedes Benz. Mompeller was in the passenger seat with no shirt on and was making hand motions while exposing himself. His wife and child admit that they saw him expose himself but could not say what possessed him to do so. I can tell you — two words: Never Forget. [msnbc]
• Ron Jaworski dropped a s**t bomb during Monday Night Football last night. [Busted Coverage]
• Manny Ramirez was arrested last night on domestic abuse charges. [Big League Stew]
• CBS tennis analyst Mary Carillo on Serena Williams: she’s “an assclown.” [Off the Bench]
• According to a recent health inspection, Wrigley Field is totally disgusting. [With Leather]
• A Patriots bar in D.C. sells an item they refer to as “Gisele’s Sweet-Ass Potato Fries.” [Larry Brown Sports]
• Video of Jonathan Toews accidentally nailing a kid during a children’s camp. [Outside the Boxscore]
• Reasons why nothing is going to get done in the near future relating to the NBA lockout. [Pine Riders]
• Beware of Zombie Announcers! [Awful Announcing]
• Video: Kate Upton on the Jets sidelines during the team’s game on Sunday night. [Bob's Blitz]
• Headline: “Ancient Chinese Secret Say Peter King Confuciused About Colts’ Sucktardery.” I can see that. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Monday Night Football Matchup Venn Diagram. [TAUNTR]
• Guy forms a Luigi in a Tetris game. Huh? [Sharapova's Thigh]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Grown Men Inspired By Stupid Little Sign Hanging In Locker Room
This video is so chock-full of awesomeness. I don’t even know where to begin. Perhaps I should start with identifying the man who one day might be known as the college football coach who gave the most bizarre performance during a press conference ever.
His name is David Bennett and he is the head coach of the Coastal Carolina Chanticleers. I cannot say for certain, as I am incapable of probing the inner workings of the mind of a raving lunatic, Bennett is attempting to illustrate the superiority of dogs over cats by telling a story about “a little kitty cat” in his kitchen and a one-way screen door. Or something. I quickly became confused while watching this exhibition of twisted genius when he started frenetically waving his arms about and began incessantly meowing to prove his point that his team needs more dogs than cats. Like I said, the entire scene is a freaky one and way out there.
[H/T Off the Bench]
We have had our fair share of nightmare fuel posing as cute and cuddly toys/dolls as of late, this Troy Polamalu monstrosity and the Steely McBeam Pillow Pet, to name a few. Apparently, soul-stealing dolls are not limited to involving NFL teams in western Pennsylvania any longer, as we now have these freaky-deaky Kevin Garnett dolls.
Carelessly unleashed upon the world by Anta, KG’s shoe company, these creepy creations are more than disturbing. In fact, they cause an impossible-to-ignore sense of dread to rise up in me, much like the demonic characters from the 1987 horror “classic,” Dolls. And that, my friends, is not a good thing. Not a good thing at all.
Just a warning: if you happen to come upon one of these ghastly creatures or recklessly decide to get one of your own, I’d advise you to sleep lightly.
[H/T The Basketball Jones]
What I like about Joe Morgan’s consistent chicken dancing is its consistency.
No, I have no idea what the hell this is all about, either, but apparently, the Oktoberfest in Cincinnati is the site of the world’s largest chicken dance, whatever that entails. I assume people dance like chickens at it, although it is possible people actually dance with chickens. You know those Ohioans. But since I wasn’t informed about this in a timely manner, I will sadly be unable to attend. I mean, if that event doesn’t scream “road trip,” well, um, there you go.
I only wonder if Joe Morgan’s former booth partner on Sunday Night Baseball, Jon Miller, will make an appearance. That way, they will have someone one on hand to over-pronounce any Hispanic chickens who may be on hand.
[H/T Sports Grid]
Not that it’s tWWL’s fault in any respect, it appears that ESPN Fantasy Football seems to attract a lot of people who are inclined to come up with team names rife with anti-Semitism. So much so, in fact, that a formal complaint was issued from the Jewish Human Rights organization the Simon Wiesenthal Center. Examples of the inappropriate names included “Jews are Immoral” and “Jews Are Terrible.” From what rock did these people crawl out from under? Fantasy football players AND anti-Semites? Talk about a bunch of degenerate troglodytes.
Said Rabbi Abraham Cooper, associate dean of the center (via Game On!):
“They may have been fantasy leagues but the hate is all too real. This is another example of bigots leveraging Internet portals to demean their ‘enemies’ and recruit for their causes. Unfortunately, the targeted enemy in this case was a Jewish who was about to sign up his son to ESPN Fantasy Football.”
From ESPN:
Network spokesman Josh Krulewitz said that while ESPN has systems in place to protect against inappropriate team and league names “clearly with millions of users and deceptive ways around the safeguards, we can never completely eliminate it.”
The Center praised ESPN for acting in good faith and for their quick response, although with all the safeguards implemented to prevent people from coming up with inappropriate names — seriously, have you ever tried to use a slightly provocative with a team name for any of the ESPN fantasy leagues? It’s nearly impossible — you would think they would have seen this issue coming long before now.
ESPN yanks fantasy leagues with anti-Semitic names [Game On!]
Photo Caption: (‘Anchorman’ Reference)
Posted by:
Or, if you prefer:
(Bewitched reference)
Really, it’s up to you how you want to go about addressing this photo of Roger Federer and Will Ferrell having a chitchat at the U.S. Open. The ball is in your court, as it were. Have fun with it.
[via]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• Apparently, authorities do not look too fondly upon a person setting up a fake online ad inviting people to an orgy at the house of a feuding neighbor, as 44-year-old Philip Conran has pleaded guilty in Connecticut court to risk of injury to a child last week. Why risk of injury to a child? Because one of the several people who showed up for the fake orgy groped a teenage girl at the residence. Not good. Pervert Groper Guy was also arrested. [azcentral]
• If you aren’t familiar with the Surf Dog Hall of Fame, you ain’t living. [With Leather]
• Lance Briggs will be wearing 9/11 tribute gear on Sunday, NFL fine or not. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Speaking of tributes, these are the shoes Matt Hasselbeck will be wearing on Sunday. They were, of course, made in China. [Busted Coverage]
• If you somehow missed it or want to see it again, here’s Randall Cobb’s brilliant 108-yard kickoff return. [Bob's Blitz]
• In other NFL news, Charles Woodson opened the NFL season with a celebratory crotch punch. [Shutdown Corner]
• Man, is Peyton Manning’s contract extension looking great or what? [Deuce of Davenport]
• Tiki Barber’s girlfriend posed for Maxim, ruined it by talking too much about Tiki. [Off the Bench]
• Here’s Steve Nash practicing with his MLS team. [Ball Don't Lie]
• Here’s video of a soccer player sliding crotch-first into a goalpost. [Outside the Boxscore]
• Dwight Howard loves to dance, especially when he’s in Mongolia. [The Basketball Jones]
• This week’s KSK Sex/Fantasy Football Mailbag has a sexy season kickoff theme. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Tom Brady UGG for men commercial soundtrack alternatives. [TAUNTR]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: News In Photos: Stack Of Unused CD-Rs Turns Five
