Archive for September, 2011
I heard about this story on Sunday courtesy of Twin Cities radio host Dan Barreiro’s Twitter account, but completely spaced writing anything about it — I blame the economy — but it be true: the obituary of far-too-young-to-die (22) Josiah A. Abeler published Sunday in Minneapolis-based newspaper the Star Tribune contained a rip on Minnesota Twins catcher Joe Mauer:
Abeler, Josiah A. Age 22 of Anoka. Suffered a seisure in his sleep. Josiah was a senior at Bethel College majoring in business and enjoyed his Costco family. Anoka High School graduate, Class of 2007. Josiah had a great time playing Tornado football, basketball and track. He was a Twins fan, though angry at Joe Mauer.
Zing. Although it is a surprising choice by the family member who wrote up the obit. To actually take the time and space to rip Joe Mauer and his near-embarrassing sub-par performance this season, from the bilateral leg weakness fiasco, to his horrific power numbers, to the way in which the many commercials he starred in rubbed Twins fans the wrong way, and finally, putting the kibosh on playing the rest of the season due to pneumonia, to say that the Twins star, who was nearly granted god-like status in Minnesota, has experienced a tremendous backlash from his once-adoring fans would be a gross understatement. But to go so far as to take a potshot at the guy in a young man’s obituary? Man, this Josiah Abeler kid must have been really ticked at Mauer.
[via Star Tribune via @DanBarreiroKFAN]
Encouraging news for Indianapolis Colts fans, to be sure. Peyton Manning has begun his rehabilitation process! And the grueling nature of his strenuous rehab should certainly inspire Colts fans that his return is nigh! That’s right, Manning has begun walking. Briskly, even. He was spotted Monday at the Colts’ indoor training facility doing laps. But they were brisk laps, people.
The exciting scene, as painted by IndyStar.com:
Wide receiver Reggie Wayne looked up as Manning passed. Wayne looked at Manning, looked at a small group of reporters off to the side, back at Manning, then back at the reporters.
“Walking it off, I guess,” Wayne said with a shrug.
On his next pass, Manning looked at the two television cameramen present and said, “Can I get this for my scrapbook? Pretty exciting, huh?”
Exciting, indeed. I mean, as far as Colts fans, players and management are concerned, when your franchise quarterback’s rehab from his eighteenth (okay, not 18th) neck surgery is at the point where it is the intensity equivalent to the manner in which senior citizens get their exercise — brisk walks around indoor facilities, malls in the case of old folks — a Colts fan has no choice but to get pretty pumped up about his imminent return.
Peyton Manning walks laps at Colts practice [IndyStar.com]
Man, that Lady Gaga: what a class act. There she was, enjoying a little Monday Night Football action, a tilt which pit her hometown New York Giants against the St. Louis Rams from her luxury box. Now this is, of course, only conjecture, but apparently, Lady Gaga noticed some handicapped patrons sitting directly below her who, due to their status as wheelchair-bound peons, were not as fortunate as the Fame Monster to be imbibing on some fancy-schmancy champagne during the game at MetLife Stadium.
Upon realizing the tragic status of their champagne-free gameday experience, Lady Gaga proceeded to dump champagne out of her glass into their presumed gaping, parched mouths. While I am sure the disabled folks appreciated her charity, you can tell the guy sitting behind her feels completely left out. Maybe if you were in a wheelchair or something, dude. Quit your sour-faced pouting.
What a gal. Makes you wonder why she hasn’t been beatified yet.
[image courtesy of NJ.com, via Deadspin]
Sure, her form is a bit suspect, but given she was nearly plowed over by Conor Jackson during her impromptu ode to Subway restaurants, I am left quite impressed. That’s dedication, kids. Perhaps the Boston Red Sox could learn a thing or two from this gal.
And yes, I am well aware that this entire post is profoundly stupid and a complete waste of time. But thanks for pointing it out.
[image via]
“Good luck babe.” How thoughtful. Despite breaking off their engagement in July, the coals that once glowed brightly from the love between the surly, pouty Chicago Bears quarterback and his reality star former fiancee may still be smoldering a bit given Jay Cutler sent out the above tweet to his ex prior to her taking the stage on Dancing With The Stars on Tuesday night.
Of course, Miss Cavallari responded, smiley face emoticon and all:
OMG, is that adorable or what? But seriously, the entire exchange between the former lovers should come as an encouraging sign to Bears fans. No, not for the fact that reigniting his relationship with Kristin Cavallari might somehow light the competitive fire inside their quarterback. Nope. It’s actually encouraging because Jay Cutler was able to function both physically and mentally after the savage beating he took at the hands of the New Orleans Saints defense on Sunday. The fact that he wasn’t eating his meals through a straw and had sufficient enough faculties to use his hands come Tuesday should be considered a bright spot in an otherwise disappointing performance for Bears fans.
Tigers officials have confirmed that the glasses of longtime, legendary Tigers broadcaster Ernie Harwell were pried off the statue honoring the man. The statue, which honors the man who passed away in May 2010 and sits outside Comerica Park, was reportedly vandalized back in July and that is when it is suspected the glasses were stolen.
How someone could have been able to climb up on the statue and steal the statue’s spectacles is anyone’s guess, but as Tigers spokesman Ron Colangelo conceded, “With 43,000 people a night coming through your turnstiles, things happen.”
The Tigers fully intend to have the studio who created the statue make new glasses and reattach them, but given the delicate nature of that particular component of the statue, there is no guarantee that they will not be stolen again (via The Detroit News):
“We’re going to attach them as strongly as possible,” says Omri Amrany of the Fine Art Studio of Rotblatt-Amrany in Fort Sheridan, Ill., “but if somebody has a crowbar and a little persuasion, you cannot keep the glasses on anybody. Anything that can break a car can break a statue.”
The image above depicts how the statue appeared with Harwell’s glasses firmly in place and a photo of the statue sans glasses follows.
Finally, the perfect piece of sporting equipment for all the friendless kids who still want to play catch with a football but sadly only have the company of a brick wall to pass away the time of intense, soul-crushing solitude. I am not kidding, the Passback Football is such a depressing item it comes with a one-month trial prescription of Zoloft for Kids. No strings attached, just like the Passback Football.
[H/T Sports Pickle]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• Wait. What? PETA has announced that it plans to publicize veganism through a website which intermixes pornography and video of animal suffering. From the Reuters report: “‘We’re hoping to reach a whole new audience of people, some of whom will be shocked by graphic images that maybe they didn’t anticipate seeing when they went to the PETA triple-X site,’ said Lindsay Rajt, PETA’s associate director of campaigns.” Surprisingly, a lot of people and organizations are not pleased with the decision, but anything for attention, right PETA? [Yahoo!]
• Apparently, there is somebody pretending to be Vince Young running amok in Washington, D.C. Couldn’t this person find a better person to impersonate? [Shutdown Corner]
• LeBron James is better than Kobe Bryant, so says a video game. [The Basketball Jones]
• Congratulations to Mariano Rivera for notching his 602nd career save. [Big League Stew]
• For his DWTS debut, Metta World Peace bleached his hair, had his name written in Hebew dyed into hair [Larry Brown Sports]
• Speaking of DWTS, how about this headline? “Nancy Grace dance moves will make you question the existence of a just and loving God (video)” Now that a must-see. [Off the Bench]
• Video of Charles Barkley doing a karaoke of “My Way” is about as awesomely bad as one would expect. [Ball Don't Lie]
• Meet the New York Mets rookie “cheerleaders.” [Busted Coverage]
• KSK has tracked down the newest worst Peter King sentence ever. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• This San Diego Chargers “Whale’s Vagina” shirt is pretty clever. If it were 5 years ago. [Sports Pickle]
• Mayweather vs. Merchant: 50 years ago in the fight that never happened. [TAUNTR]
• Former NBA player John Starks wants to get you into a new automobile. [That NBA Lottery Pick]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Team Returns To Stadium In Dead Of Night To Retrieve All They Left On Field
Now that’s power, kids. And ultimately, Justin Upton’s impressive display of hitting Monday evening, which left him holding a small portion of the handle as the rest of the bat was sent flying out towards third base, proved to be of the utmost necessity, as it was the lone run scored in the Arizona Diamondbacks’ 1-0 win over the Pittsburgh Pirates. It was Upton’s 31st homer of the season and the play had to be reviewed to ensure there was no fan interference.
Justin Upton, what say you? Via MLB.com:
“I knew I had barreled the ball up,” Upton said. “I guess I hit it on the wrong part of the bat or the wrong side of the bat, I don’t know what it was. I don’t know if it was cracked before or whatnot. I have no clue how it happened to be honest with you. The ball just carried.”
Just carried, indeed. Must be that dry, desert air. Or perhaps Upton is some kind of bat-breaking superhuman. Or maybe, despite breaking his bat, he just hit the ball real far. Hard to say, really.
Ah, the internet. Such a marvelous thing, not only because somebody noticed that Dallas Cowboys defensive coordinator Rob Ryan’s play-calling sheet has a photo of a chick in a bikini (closer-up image follows). But even better? After Jimmy Traina put out the request for his Hot Clicks readers to identify just exactly who the gal is, it only took a short time for one intrepid individual to not only name the bikini babe, he forwarded along the exact photo (also follows) on Ryan’s playsheet.
Ha ha. Do you like apples, birthday boy? Well, how do you like them apples?
Saturday was Alexander Ovechkin’s 26th birthday, so teammates Brooks Laich and Niklas Backstrom ambushed Ovie by pieing him in the face not once, but twice during a session with the media. Fortunately for us, Alex Gordon of Russian Machine Never Breaks was on the scene and he has frame-by-frame documentation and video of the prank, so be sure to head on over there for a more detailed account of the hilarity.
Poor Ovie. Talk about a horrible birthday present. My assumption is that the towel pie was of the shaving cream variety, so I bet that stung. Sure, not the same kind of sting caused by coming up short every season in the playoffs, but stinging nonetheless.
[H/T Russian Machine Never Breaks]
Last week, I bemoaned the fact that I was not informed about Joe Morgan being selected to lead the World’s Largest Chicken Dance at Cincinnati’s Okotberfest celebration. Well, someone in Cincy had the good sense to videotape the Reds Hall of Famer and former ESPN baseball announcer up on stage, shaking it — with fetching lasses on both sides of him, mind you — while doing the Chicken Dance. Whatever that is.
But truly, given the perception of Morgan as a curmudgeonly, opinionated blowhard, it quite the site to behold watching him dance ridiculously. Morgan conceded that he didn’t practice much for his Chicken Dance debut, only looking up how to do it on YouTube the night before. See, you would never see Dave Concepción pulling a stunt like that — consistently preparing to maintain consistency was his hallmark, you see — and that’s what made Concepción the remarkable player that he was. That guy could do no wrong — at least in Joe Morgan’s eyes.
[H/T Big League Stew]
Oh, that Bubba Watson: what a silly guy. He recently uploaded the above video of him testing out the putt-reading capabilities of a new caddy he’s trying out, Lance, who happens to work for fellow PGAer Matt Kuchar. And in order to properly grade out Lance’s reading the distance of the putt, Bubba attempts to drain one down the aisle of the airplane. Of course, he makes it. And thankfully, it was only putting Bubba had on his mind, not driving. That would be flat-out dangerous.
[H/T Devil Ball Golf]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• I suppose it’s better than a partridge, right? Phil and JaNelle Lovely of Greenfield, Iowa discovered what appears to be a pumpkin growing in their pear tree. But it wasn’t technically growing out of the pear tree — turns out a vine from a nearby garden snaked its way up the tree, thereby giving the appearance that the pumpkin had sprouted from something it shouldn’t, which leads to wonder why this story is all over the interwebs right now. I guess the picture of it is neat, should you want to click through on the story. [Yahoo!]
• The interception return by the well-conditioned athlete Vince Wilfork was a sight to behold. [Shutdown Corner]
• Announcer Thom Brennaman thinks Al Gore plays for the 49ers. [Awful Announcing]
• Here’s video of David Beckham going incognito to sell his cologne at a Target store. [Off the Bench]
• Must-see video of two senior citizen ladies shotgunning beers at the Michigan game. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Eddie Vedder joins Winnipeg fans in a rousing rendition of “Go Jets Go.” [Puck Daddy]
• A soccer goalie got knockeddafuggout courtesy of a kick to the head. [Bob's Blitz]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: ‘Under New Management’ Banner Heralds Bold New Era For Cell Phone Store
More rookie hazing mayhem, folks! And if you ask me, the more of these harmless hijinks occur, the better. This time, it involves a young man, a bathroom and some barricading.
The victim? Rookie reliever Jose Ceda. The perpetrators? The Florida Marlins bullpen, led by ringleader Edward Mujica. The objects utilized? A bunch of sandbags, which were stacked outside the Marlins bullpen bathroom at Citizens Bank Park in Philadelphia, trapping Ceda inside for a spell. Good stuff. What makes it even better is that it didn’t occur at the Marlins’ soon-to-be former home ballpark, Sun Life Stadium. That way, there were actually fans in attendance to witness the frivolity.
[H/T Big League Stew]
