Archive for September, 2011
Ernie Johnson (above left, with Cal Ripken), without a doubt one of the best in the business and a certifiable class act, has unfortunately had to bow out from TBS’ coverage of the MLB playoffs this season due to the health-related issues of his son, Michael. Lead analyst duties will be handled by Milwaukee Brewers announcer Brian Anderson.
Johnson issued a statement which included the following (via Game On!):
“My son Michael has muscular dystrophy and has been in intensive care for the last two weeks and is expected to remain hospitalized for several more weeks.”
Michael is 23-years-old. My thoughts and best wishes go out to E.J. and his family.
TBS lead MLB analyst Ernie Johnson to miss playoffs [Game On!]
Sure, Los Angeles Dodgers center fielder has an outside chance of being the league’s first triple crown winner since 1937, not to mention a real shot at winning the National League MVP for his amazing season at the plate, there is no doubt whatsoever he has no competitors and is a shoo-in to win the Triple Crown in Awkward Photoshoots by an MLB player this season.
While the statistical categories which go into being a triple crown winner in awkward photoshoots are much more subjective than the stats one needs to excel at in order to be an MLB triple crown winner, they are just as difficult to lead the league in simulataneously. They are:
1) Overt Softcore Porn Average;
2) Subtle Homoeroticism Over Replacement Photoshoot (SHORP); and
3) Amount of times teammates plaster the clubhouse with photos from said photoshoot.
And as you can plainly see yourself, the photoshoot Matt Kemp did for Flaunt Magazine makes it abundantly clear no other major leaguer has come close to dominating the above categories.
Additional profoundly awkward photos follow.
When it was announced some time ago that a cold weather locale would be considered for the 2014 incarnation of American sport’s biggest event, many scoffed, sneered and turned their nose’s up at the thought. Then it was announced said cold weather locale was New York and everyone basically gave up because whatever New York wants, New York gets. Well, MetLife Stadium is technically in New Jersey, but we need not split hairs here.
And since it will be in the greater New York City area, it should come as no surprise that the logo for the host committee of the aforementioned Super Bowl freely concedes — perhaps even rubs people’s noses in it — that from the entire two-week buildup to the actual game itself, the festive environment could very well be fraught with freezing temperatures and wintry mixes falling from the skies, leading to abject misery for players, attendees, officials, A-listers, etc. courtesy of the inclusion of a snowflake. The logo also features the George Washington Bridge, which is a nice touch.
Not surprisingly, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell is tremendously pleased with the logo (via AP):
“I think that’s great,” the NFL commissioner said Tuesday. “A little snow would be great for us. But whatever comes our way, we’re going to be prepared for it.
“We’re coming and playing in the winter, and I think that would be great,” he said. “Some of our most memorable games were played in unusual weather circumstances. Winter and cold are part of football, and snow is also.”
Winter and cold absolutely are a part of football, Mr. Goodell, and what better way to honor that inherent aspect of the grand game than by showcasing it in the sport’s biggest event? Just as long as it is held in New York, not some gross, cold weather, wintery location like Buffalo, Kansas City or, ugh, Green Bay. I mean, cold is nice and all, but if it doesn’t involve suckling at the teat of big New York money and grandiosity, I’m pretty sure old Rog will stick to warm weather climes, thank you very much.
Logo features GW Bridge, snowflake [AP]
Oh, New York Post, don’t ever change.
In response to Eagles QB Michael Vick’s complaining-but-not-really-complaining during his postgame news conference Sunday regarding how he doesn’t get the calls other quarterbacks do, the editors at the Post, as they are wont to do from time to time, let their snark flag fly by issuing a photoshopped salvo for its cover depicting Vick as a diaper-wearing, bottle-drinking infant. Ha. Whine & Cheese Steak. I wish I would have come up with that one.
But one question: is it just me, or does it appear that the baby they stuck Vick’s head on is a Caucasian infant? Due to the quality of the image, it’s hard to ascertain for certain — nor is it particularly relevant to the shot the paper is taking at Vick — but I really don’t think we need to go down that road again. If you ask me, I don’t think we should be talking about this in the first place.
[H/T Shutdown Corner]
Given the many ways Mother Nature is capable of interfering, delaying or in this case, postponing sporting events, a game called because the playing field has become infested with fire ants is certainly a new one. Fearing for the safety of players, officials, coaches and any other individual who might have to be on the field during play, a football game between Calhoun County and Hunter-Kinard-Tyler in South Carolina had to be postponed last Friday after a referee discovered 15-20 large, active fire ant piles on the field prior to kickoff.
Via USA Today:
Bruce Hulion with the South Carolina High School League says officials properly handled the safety issue.
The home team tried digging up the piles, as well as pouring salt on them before the game was postponed. One hometown fan offered to bring fire-ant poison.
I have to agree with this Hulion fellow. If you have ever been bitten by a fire ant, you know just how painful it can be if one of those little critters chomps down on your skin, let alone an entire hive of them. As if the uncomfortableness which occurs at the bottom of a hogpile after a fumble wasn’t bad enough, imagine it occurring smack dab on top of hundreds of frightened and angry fire ants. Yikes.
All I know is that there is one sinister creature who took great joy and delight when he heard about this story:
ESPN’s Chris Boussard is reporting that LeBron James, Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh are putting the finishing touches on an all-star caliber charity basketball game they are referring to as “The South Florida All-Star Classic.” Tentatively scheduled for Oct. 8 at the 5,000-seat U.S. Century Bank Arena — the home court of Isiah Thomas-coached Florida International University — the game will be a veritable who’s who among NBA superstars:
A number of NBA players are slated to join the Miami trio on the court, including fellow Heat teammate Mario Chalmers, the Oklahoma City Thunder’s Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook, the New York Knicks’ Carmelo Anthony, Amare Stoudemire, the New Orleans Hornets’ Chris Paul, the Washington Wizards’ John Wall, the Atlanta Hawks’ Jamal Crawford, the Houston Rockets’ Jonny Flynn, the Los Angeles Clippers’ Eric Bledsoe, the Dallas Mavericks’ Caron Butler, the Memphis Grizzlies’ Rudy Gay, the Boston Celtics’ Rajon Rondo, the Philadelphia 76ers’ Lou Williams, the Golden State Warriors’ Dorell Wright, and the Portland Trail Blazers’ Wesley Matthews and free agent Eddy Curry.
Cleveland Cavaliers first-round picks Kyrie Irving and Tristan Thompson also are possible participants in the game.
Not a bad lineup of players, to be sure. And all proceeds reportedly will benefit the educational community of South Florida, so in more ways than one, it’s a win-win for all those involved and all those who will be in attendance.
Jeez, with all the exhibitions — and now, evidently, charity games — in all seriousness, who really needs the NBA? Keep your lockout, owners and David Stern, the product the players are churning out isn’t that much of a dropoff.
Sources: Star-studded game planned [ESPN]
Get it? Fishy? Hey, I’d like to see you come up with a witty headline better than the one you see above. There is no doubt in my mind that you would flounder.
Fish puns aside, one of the more intriguing aspects of the new Miami Ballpark, the future home of the Miami Marlins still under construction, will undoubtedly be the proposed aquarium backstop behind home plate. Wikipedia has the relevant information (via SB Nation):
The Marlins announced that dual aquariums that will serve as a home-plate backstop. They will be built on each side of home plate and will be positioned to prevent any disruption to players on the field. The aquarium to the right of home plate (when looking from the pitcher’s mound) will measure 34 feet (10 m) long, 36 inches (91 cm) high and holds over 600 US gallons (2,300 l) of seawater, while the aquarium to the left, will be 24 feet (7.3 m) in length, holding 450 US gallons (1,700 l) of water. Each aquarium will be constructed using a durable fiberglass structure; while crystal-clear acrylic panels 1.5 inches (3.8 cm) thick will be used for the viewing windows that run the entire length of the aquariums. To safeguard the exhibits from impacts, Lexan will be installed in front and in back of the acrylic panels to protect the aquarium from foul balls, errant pitches or any other unexpected contact.
Far out, although I imagine it could be somewhat a distraction to the pitcher. Or at the very least, a convenient excuse (“Sure, I walked three guys in a row, but did you see those Lionfish? They’re beautiful!”) And it is encouraging to know that they aren’t using run-of-the-mill glass in the dual aquariums. We don’t need some foul ball shattering one of the aquariums, something which would definitely interfere with and delay the brisk pace of a typical major league baseball game. It would be akin to when a pane a glass breaks during an NHL game after a vicious check, only with flopping fish and annoying complaints from PETA.
[H/T SB Nation]
Yeah, I have no idea what the title of this post means, either, but it did allow me to invoke one of my favorite Simpsons references, so it’s all good.
Sure, The Simpsons might have lost some of its allure over the many years it has been on, but it still retains a considerable measure of pop culture relevance, so the fact that Kobe Bryant got knocked out in a hand-to-hand-and-a-basketball combat against a Jack Bauer-like character voiced by Keifer Sutherland in the season premiere on Sunday is still pretty cool. I think it goes without saying that the writers could have just as easily opted to go with, say, Chris Kaman instead, which would have been pretty cool in its own right.
[H/T The Basketball Jones]
Would you look at that? They are even wearing identical pants. What we have here is John Daly imparting what I imagine to be very worthwhile wisdom on to his eight-year-old son, John, Jr., on the driving range at the Old Course in St. Andrews in advance of the Alfred Dunhill Links Championship. The saddest realization upon seeing this photo? Given who his daddy is, I bet John Jr. can already outdrive me. Sigh.
Further, I wonder what other hard-living life lessons John will pass on to his own personal Mini Me so John Jr. doesn’t have to go through all the troubles John Sr. has experienced: How not to behave in Hooters restaurants. Why wearing your shirt at all times is a good idea. Why chain smoking cigarettes and pounding Diet Cokes might not be what one should consider as a well-rounded, nutritious diet. How clothes really do make the man. Really, the list goes on and on.
But in all seriousness, that is a pretty cool pic. Despite everything about John Daly that raises suspicion that he might not be the best daddy, by all appearances, that does not seem to be the case. Good for him. And even better for John Jr.
[image via]
Fifth grade. 5’0″ tall. 90 pounds. Hits like a freight train. Color me impressed.
On Sept. 17, New Jersey rivals Shore and Red Bank squared off in Pee Wee League football action. Shore’s Stephen Lubischer, intuitively sensing how this particular running play is developing, fills the hole and absolutely plants the Red Bank running back into the turf with textbook tackling techniques sadly rarely seen even in the NFL. A fine play to be sure.
One last thing: this kid was born in July-of-freaking-2000. Man, I feel old. Well, I seem to always feel old, so let’s just say I feel way older than I usually do which means I feel super old now. But it’s nothing some Doan’s back pills and a nice cup of Sanka won’t cure, though.
[H/T Off the Bench]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• An estimated 3,000 participated in an Undie Run which took place on Saturday in the streets of Salt Lake City to protest the conservative nature of Utah’s state polices. Truly, there is nothing like running around in your underwear along with a few thousand other folks as an effective means to be heard and taken seriously by the establishment. Well done.[Yahoo!]
• Canadian Football League player runs into goalpost, hilarity ensues. [Shutdown Corner]
• The Phoenix Suns to hire a Twitter sideline reporter. [The Basketball Jones]
• Now that he’s been let go by the White Sox, reports indicate that Ozzie Guillen is set to become the skipper of the Miami Marlins. [Rumors & Rants]
• Sean Avery accused Wayne Simmonds of using a homophobic slur. [Puck Daddy]
• Video of Todd Bertuzzi’s sick between the legs shootout goal. [Bob's Blitz]
• Phoenix Coyotes’ Paul Bissonnette reveals his Twitter dating strategies. [Off the Bench]
• That Peter King. He sure can equivocate. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Couple engages in sexual relations on a cricket field, forced to compensate people in the stands which is defined as a “victim surcharge.” [The Slanch
• The Onion Headline of the Day: California To Allow Prisoners To Serve Sentences Online
(click to enlarge)
Wow. Absolutely mind-blowing, not to mention brilliantly composed. This gorgeous piece comes courtesy of the talent of artist Nate Hallinan. Check it out: the mushroom cap is actually growing right out of the Smurf’s head. And the snail impaled on his hunting stick? Incredible. And he kind of looks like a blue Chihuahua, doesn’t he? Cool.
Now that’s a nice way to wrap up the week. Have a nice weekend, everybody. Enjoy the games.
[H/T BuzzFeed]
I have no clue what exactly is the context of this sublimely — yet sadly — hilarious video, nor am I aware how long it has been around, but believe me, upon watching it, you will instantly feel so much better about your lot in life solely due to the encouraging fact you were not present for this wholly depressing scene.
For those of you unable to watch it due to the draconian policies of your place of employment (still, be thankful you don’t work for Walmart), here’s the rundown: Manager Guy assembles the crew for a little impromptu pumping up before the beginning of the shift, and what better way to do it than by going with a foot-stomping, hand-clapping rendition of Queen’s “We Will Rock You” but instead of the original lyrics, he alters them into, “We are, we are Walmart” (stomp stomp clap, stomp stomp clap). It’s dreadful. I particularly enjoy the malaise expressed by the guy holding the camera when he halfheartedly chants along. Once.
So, thank your lucky stars you weren’t one of these poor, poor employees. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was learned that at least two of them hung themselves in the employee break room before the end of their shift.
[H/T Sports Pickle]
"Now, if that's a fact, tell me, am I lying?"
New York Yankees general manager boastfully admitted on Thursday that the team feigned interest in then free agent Carl Crawford last offseason for the sole purpose of driving up the exorbitant price it would ultimately cost the rival Boston Red Sox to sign the former Rays outfielder (7 years, $142 million).
Via ESPN New York:
“I actually had dinner with the agent to pretend that we were actually involved and drive the price up,” Cashman said. “The outfield wasn’t an area of need, but everybody kept writing Crawford, Crawford, Crawford, Crawford. And I was like, ‘I feel like we’ve got Carl Crawford in Brett Gardner, except he costs more than $100 million less, with less experience.’”
Wow. How sinister and conniving. And what’s the deal with New York teams being so keen on faking their opponents out? Just this week, two Giants players were accused of faking injuries during a game against the Rams but even worse, it has been alleged that their defensive coordinator actually coaches players on how to do it, a charge Perry Fewell refused to deny. What’s next? The New York Knicks saying they are a [championship-contending] team to trick everybody? Oh, wait.
But back to the Yankees and their nefarious methods. What say you, Brian Cashman, regarding how everything turned out in the end between your squad and the BoSox?
Going into the season, Cashman said Red Sox GM Theo Epstein, who also landed Adrian Gonzalez, “kicked my a– in the offseason.”
How does he feel now after winning the division?
“What I said was accurate: The Red Sox had a great winter, and I had a bad winter,” Cashman said. “But as it turned out, I had a better winter than anybody would’ve expected, including myself.”
What a smug little S.O.B.
Yanks drove up price on Carl Crawford [ESPN New York]
Dear Lord. Turns out my nightmares featuring the disembodied head of Alexander Ovechkin chasing me through a darkened forest wasn’t simply a horrific conjuration of my fractured psyche…anymore. Nope, now it is all too real, or at least has a counterpart in the material world. Sure, the source of my terror was initially planted in my head some time ago due to the CCM’s twisted Alexander Ovechkin Floating Head commercial from last year, but that at least had some whimsical aspects to it to minimize the sense of paralyzing dread, but not this frightening image.
Courtesy of Darren Rovell’s Twitter account (via D.C. Sports Bog), the nightmare fuel you see above is a photo of a sculptor completing the initial preparations on the waxen, incredibly lifelike head of the Washington Capitals superstar for the eventual attachment to its currently headless body for display at Madame Tussauds wax museum in downtown Washington, D.C.
Is it just me, or does that thing give anyone else the heebie-jeebies? The eyes. So cold. So aware. So…
(shudders)
