Archive for September, 2011
Gross.
This die-hard Boston Bruins fan — who also happens to be the only Sasquatch who has successfully made the monumental adjustment of living among humans, apparently — shaved the team’s logo into his matted mass of back hair in a desperate attempt to procure himself some opening night tickets, according to the fine folks at NESN. Well, if shaving NHL logos into back hair is an art form, consider this guy, um, the Michelangelo “Shaving NHL Logos Into Back Hair.” Or something.
Now, if you find this guy’s back hair art disgusting, you haven’t seen nothing yet. Just wait until you get a gander at what patch of body hair he shaved the Boston Red Sox logo into. I won’t give it away, but in light of the team’s epic collapse, I’m pretty sure you can venture a guess. Yep. That’s gross, too.
[H/T NESN]
Apparently, it’s 2011 and the Georgia Tech football team is “Trippy Mane.” And it is something the team likes to let their fans know prior to every Yellow Jackets home game at Bobby Dodd Stadium at Historic Grant Field.
Good to know. Good to know. If I only knew what “Trippy Mane” actually meant, this little video, which should never, ever be shown to a person afflicted with epilepsy, might be informative. Seriously, my eyes are all bugging out on me now Thanks a lot for getting all Trippy Mane on me, guys. Now I’m seeing trails and stuff and need to quarantine myself in dark, quiet room for an hour or two just to regain my faculties.
[H/T Sports Crackle Pop!]
Wow. Just wow. Color me impressed by Antonio Garay’s Helly Kitty-emblazoned convertible smart car. The most shocking aspect of it all is the car actually has the requisite horsepower to propel Garay’s 6-foot-4, 320-pound fame down the street. Not only that, in one of the photos below, Garay’s Chargers teammate Cam Thomas also hops in for a ride. That is a whole mess of humanity in such a tiny vehicle. It reminds me of one of those clown cars you see at the circus where the face-painted, floppy-shoed performers keep on piling out of it…only on a massive amount of steroids. And bearing a Hello Kitty decal.
Additional images of Garay’s sweet ride follow.
Hilarious. By now you might have heard how a feud between two rival reporters covering the Philadelphia Eagles beat erupted into a bit of a scuffle in the locker room earlier this week. Of course, given the salacious nature of the The text from the video transcribed:
Even though Eagles writers Jeff McLane and Les Bowen work for newspapers under the same media group, competition is fierce.
When Mclane broke news that quarterback Michael Vick will be back on Sunday despite an injury, Bowen tweeted snarkily that McLane ‘made it up’.
McLane tweeted back that Bowen was an ‘old man’ not breaking stories anymore. A twitter war was on.
But the duo weren’t finished. After a verbal altercation at the Eagles complex, Bowen hit McLane on the head.
Only in Philly do we see players giving a blow-by-blow for a fight between the reports. Will the audience join in next?
How do you like that? Even animated Taiwanese reports take potshots at Philadelphia, but that’s not even the best part of the video. The way in which they illustrate the “Twitter War” (McLane and Bowen shooting Twitter birds out of bazookas at each other) was a hoot, not to mention the apparently fiery case of gas which apparently caused McLane to become engulfed in flames. Must have eaten too many cheesesteaks or something.
Sweet Fancy Moses. Nothing wrong with that. Oh, and in case you are a little slow on the uptake, allow me to inform you that Andy Roddick is one lucky, lucky man.
Once again, mercy. That is all.
[H/T Guyism]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• The reality star and former recipient of Hugh Hefner’s creepy advances told People that she has taken out a $1 million insurance policy with Lloyd’s of London on her breasts. Said Madison: “If anything happened to my boobs, I’d be out for a few months and I’d probably be out a million dollars. I thought I’d cover my assets.” Isn’t the fact that she doesn’t cover her assets the source of her income? Further, wouldn’t this have made more sense when, you know, people actually cared about her boobs? [Yahoo!]
• Speaking of breasts, an NHL prospect would appreciate it if all the ladies would put their boobs away. [Puck Daddy]
• Unbelievable: the bus full of strippers outside Lions game might be illegal. Consider my mind sufficiently blowed. [Shutdown Corner]
• Rick Chandler has seen the future of sports, and it is nude. [Off the Bench]
• Andy Roddick is already on his third wedding wing because he loses them. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Hate a Red Sox fan? Send them a sarcastic sympathy E-card. [Busted Coverage]
• Mike Ditka isn’t pleased with the unflattering details contained in the new book about Walter Payton, says he would spit on its author. [Los That Sports Blog]
• Brilliant: The Dugout takes a look at baseball’s Greatest Night. [With Leather]
• Check out the new Derrick Rose shoe commercial where he “battles” a matador. [Sharapova's Thigh]
• Jimmy Kimmel kind of sorty of beat Usain Bolt in a race. [Outside the Boxscore]
• A LEGO basketball court? Neato! [Ball Don't Lie]
• Another Thursday has passed, which means we have a new edition of KSK’s Sex/Fanstasy Football Mailbag. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Hilarious: “Delonte West applies to work at a Cold Stone Creamery” [The Basketball Jones]
• A sneak peek at the Detroit Lions cheerleader calendar. [It's Always Sunny In Detroit]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: K-Mart Reorganizes As Bed & Breakfast Chain
That’s it? Who are the ad wizards who came up with this one?
A few weeks ago, it was reported that a disgruntled Denver Broncos fan was going to spend some of his hard-earned money to fund a pro-Tim Tebow billboard, hoping that head coach John Fox would drive by it and go, “Well, DERP! I guess if it’s on a billboard, I best do what it says and play Tim Tebow!” in his best highly-susceptible-to-roadside-advertising Homer Simpson impression. But that report was regarding disgruntled Jesse Oaks and his disgruntled band of disgruntled buddies. The Broncos fan behind the underwhelming signs you see above is Mohammad Suleiman, who works at a merchandise store in north Denver, whose electronic billboards are the canvas on which Suleiman applied his pro-Tim Tebow brush.
Via FOX 31 Denver:
“It’s still early in the season to be frustrated, but I mean fans are asking for Tebow. Why not give us a little dose of him?” Suleiman says. “If we can be heard, if we can reach the Broncos staff and make some change, that would be great.”
“I think if he (Mohammad) can convince Coach Fox to make a change, then he’s a genius,” says Tariq Suleiman, Mohammad’s brother. “I don’t think John Fox is that stubborn. What more can we do as fans to show what’s needed?”
Yep, I have to agree with Tariq on this one. If John Fox steps to the podium in the coming days and says, “After giving it serious thought — not to mention the uncanny influence of some insanely compelling and convincing electronic signs outside a store in north Denver — I have decided to bench Kyle Orton in favor of starting Tim Tebow,” well, I guess I’m not quite sure where I’m going with this. I wish Mohammad Suleiman would create a billboard informing me what to think about it. That would be awesome.
Pro-Tebow billboard appears along I-25 [FOX 31 Denver]
[H/T Broncotalk]
It’s the perfect situation for both of them: Bubba Watson can help Justin Bieber with his golf game and Bieber can help Bubba with his dance moves for the next Golf Boys music video. Swing it like a boomerang-a-tang and all that.
Video of Bieber’s swing — if you need a cure for your Bieber Fever — follows.
The attorney for Chris Moorhouse, the man charged with throwing a banana at Philadelphia Flyers winger Wayne Simmonds during an exhibition game in London, Ontario, stated earlier today that his client is “mortified,” deeply remorseful and worried that his actions have sullied the good name of his hometown.
Attorney Faisal Joseph added that Moorhouse was simply caught up in the excitement of the game and, according to the AP report, “had no idea his actions could be seen as racist.” Yeah. That’s some mighty fine lawyering right there, counselor. While it makes complete sense that Moorhouse’s attorney would do all he could to competently represent his client and do his very best to cast Banana Tosser Guy in the best possible light, how could this guy not know that throwing a banana at a black man might carry overt racist overtones? Sorry, it just ain’t working for me. Lawyer Guy would have been better off simply saying his client deeply regrets his actions and leave it at that.
And because of that legal strategy faux pas, this one’s for you, Mr. Joseph:
Better luck next time, counselor.
Lawyer: Banana tosser at NHL game ‘mortified’ [AP]
But then again, who isn’t? They’re quite delicious.
Joining LeBron James as a celebrity pitch-person for the aggressive marketing campaign from McDonald’s to pimp their über-popular, annual Monopoly contest is the lovely and talented Michelle Wie. According the Golden Arches’ statisticians, the chance of Michelle Wie getting her next hole-in-one on any given day is 1 in 50,000, but the odds of her being certifiably adorable in this commercial? Prettay prettay prettay prettay good.
But I have one issue with the commercial: that golf cart Wie is operating is clearly not street legal. What gives, Michelle? That’s wholly irresponsible and I fully expect Annika Sorenstam to criticize Wie for this decision as well.
[H/T Dogs That Chase Cars]
Unless you’re wallowing in the schadenfreude of the epic late season collapses of the Boston Red Sox and Atlanta Braves, it’s been a pretty slow sports news morning here on the interwebs. With that in mind, watch this guy try to break the world record for riding a unicycle across the tops of a bunch of beer bottles. Enjoy. Sure, it’s not as amusing as watching Phil Dunphy attempting to tightrope walking, but it’ll do.
[H/T BuzzFeed]
It’s difficult to ascertain for certain given the grainy video, not to mention the somewhat obstructed view provided of the play, but there’s a very good chance a Tampa Bay Rays fan might have been drilled right in the family jewels by Dan Johnson’s epic, game-tying solo shot with two outs in the bottom of the 9th inning of the Rays’ ultimately unbelievable extra-inning 8-7 comeback victory over the New York Yankees which propelled the team into the playoffs.
Talk about the agony and the ecstasy.
[H/T Sports Grid]
From vlogger CyberDeviant:
Los Angeles Lakers basketball superstar Kobe Bryant takes several penalty kicks against Turkish soccer powerhouse Galatasaray’s goalie Ufuk Ceylan in Türk Telekom Arena, Istanbul, Turkey on September 25th, 2011. Bryant was visiting the club as part of his Nike Promotional Tour of Europe, 2011.
Wearing the yellow and red jersey of Galatasaray with his familiar Lakers uniform number 24, Bryant also tried his hand at goalkeeping, inviting Ceylan to take penalty kicks on him.
Ouch. Not an impressive display of athleticism on the pitch by Kobe Bryant in the least. Watching Kobe take penalty kicks is a lot like watching his former teammate Shaquille O’Neal shoot free throws, as in: not pleasant.
Granted, Bryant did manage to sneak one by the goaltender on his last attempt, but still. And his goalkeeping? Similarly brutal, although it wasn’t like Kobe was giving 100% effort, either, which essentially makes this endeavor the soccer equivalent of Kobe during the NBA’s regular season.
[H/T Pro Basketball Talk]
@RajonRondo: Is this 2 much Sugar for Kool-Aid?
Holy crap on a cracker, that is a buttload of sugar right there. If Rondo ain’t careful with his sugar intake — especially with the inactivity related to the NBA lockout, the Boston Celtics point guard could quickly become overweight, making him highly susceptible to being diagnosed with…
