Archive for August, 2011
See, the new “It’s Not Crazy, It’s Sports’ commercial, which will debut tonight during Monday Night Football (preseason, whee!) is amusing because the commercial tells the tale of a little girl and her dreams of how her future beau will propose marriage to her and illustrates how she envisions the “Decent Proposal” evolving as she grows into a young woman. “Stacy” realizes the moment is coming, and believe you me, after envisioning the magical moment her entire life, she cannot wait to see how it plays out.
That’s the amusing part. The funny part comes along after her boyfriend asks for her hand in marriage during a Detroit Tigers game when a fat guy spills beer on her after the awkward proposal. Ha. Fat guy. Ha. Beer.
[<em>via]
Wait. What? This tweet from Blake Griffin is all sorts of confusing. Now, I understand how running over a squirrel – or any animal for that matter – can make a person feel profoundly guilty. You should have seen how bad I felt after I ran over all those penguins (don’t even ask me how I ended up driving my car through the local zoo’s South Pole exhibit). But how did Griffin arrive at the conclusion that Casey Anthony is a monster simply because of the pangs of guilt he felt after running down a squirrel…
Unless…unless the squirrel Blake Griffin ran over was his child! Holy moly! Can you imagine? And how did he know it was his child? Did the squirrel resemble him? Or was it possible this squirrel had mad hops or something like his father? And if Blake Griffin’s squirrel child did possess his considerable leaping ability, why didn’t Squirrel Griffin Child simply jump out of the way? Unless…unless Blake Griffin WANTED his Squirrel Griffin Child dead. Squirrelfanticide? Seriously? Now that’s something he should feel guilty about. Just pay the squirrel support and be done with it, Blake. I can’t imagine acorns cost that much.
[via @blakegriffin]
Holy crap, did I just see open-handed slaps during what can barely be referred to as a hockey fight? These two “combatants” from the Russian KHL (Kontinental Hockey League) set back the glorious world of hockey brawls so far it might never recover.
Since I know jack squat about the KHL, I’ll allow the Greg Wyshysnski of Puck Daddy paint the vulgar picture:
According to Slava Malamud of Sports-Express, fighting in the white sweater and wearing his visor is Dmitry Ryabykin from Avangard Omsk, a 35-year-old defenseman from Moscow who was drafted by the Calgary Flames No. 45 overall in 1994 and never played a game in the NHL. (Taken six spots behind him? Patrik Elias, still playing with the New Jersey Devils.)
Fighting in the blue sweater is Neftekhimik Nizhnekamsk forward Evgeny Lapenkov, 27, who has split time between Spartak Moscow and Neftekhimik Nizhnekamsk (what a word score in Scrabble this team is) for the last three seasons.
Neftekhimik Nizhnekamsk? Now that’s a name. Too bad Evgeny Lapenkov took a ginormous dump on the integrity of their franchise with that despicable display of pugilism. For shame, Engeny Lapenkov. And you too, Dmitry Ryabykin. You two ought to be ashamed of yourselves. Derek Boogaard is spinning in his grave as we speak. Sad.
[H/T Puck Daddy]
Lookin’ good, Colby Rasmus. Lookin’ good. Or should I use the word spiffy? Or perhaps dapper? Clearly, the newly acquired outfielder for the Toronto Blue Jays (via a trade with the St. Louis Cardinals in July) raided his grandfather’s bureau for that getup. Either that or he loves rocking the retro look and his wardrobe is full of dated get-ups like this sport coat/top hat ensemble. Although I wonder what his dad thinks of his outfit. I suppose as long as Tony La Russa had nothing to with it, Papa Rasmus is totally cool with it.
Now, if you’ll excuse Colby, as soon as he lands in Seattle for Toronto’s three-game series with the Mariners, he is going to maximize some early afternoon down time with some serious macking to do down at the bingo hall. Hopefully his outfit doesn’t reek of mothballs, which can be an obstacle with sporting the retro look.
[image via @RickyRo24]
I know, a total surprise a Denver Broncos fan (and a fervent Tim Tebow backer, I’m sure) would go in this direction with their customized jersey. And if you ask me, maybe a bit sacrilegious. But hey, I’m no theologian, so what does my opinion matter? Further, any way you slice it, having the ability to emblazon your Tim Tebow jersey with the Lord and Savior’s name surely is a blessed event. Really, truly a blessing. In a way, at least to Tebow supporters, Jesus Christ and Tim Tebow are practically the same person. Metaphorically speaking, of course.
My only question: can Jesus competently throw a decent 15-yard out route? Because if he can, Tebow might want to hit him up for some tips.
[image courtesy of @CSLennon (via Sports Pickle)]
After missing the cut with a 153 (+13) on the first two days of the PGA Championship, 1991 champion John Daly became simply a golf fan and watched the drama unfold over the weekend. And like everybody, he had a bone(r) to pick with all the gosh-darned erectile dysfunction ads (and let’s be frank, all other networks as well) CBS insists on inundating the airwaves with during golf tournaments, not to mention the frequent flyer program spots. But in a CBS broadcast on Saturday that, according to Jonathan Wall’s calculations, featured a staggering three commercials for ever five shots aired, I believe Daly speaks for us all when he says he’s had his fill of ED spots, let alone nauseatingly frequent cuts to commercial breaks. Enough’s enough already: as far as ED commercials are concerned, I am pretty sure every man who has that particular issue is now fully aware of their many options.
Dear Lord. That isn’t simply a mullet: that’s a Mega-Mullet. In the Land of Mullets, this guy is King.
To be completely clear, I cannot confirm for certain that King Mullet is in fact a St. Louis Cardinals fan. The only reason I suspect that to be the case is the fellow who uploaded this photo for our collected horrified amusement directed a tweet to @CardsInsider, so that’s all we have to go on. And in the end, does it really matter? Well, I suppose it does for embarrassed St. Louis Cardinals fans. I mean, would you want this guy to be part of your community? Unless you’re dying to get your hands on some tickets to a Night Ranger concert or something.
[image via @MattSebek]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• A 94-year-old Ohio woman awoke to a shocking surprise in her backyard on Sunday morning: a crashed blimp. The 128-foot long blimp broke from its tethers at the Columbus airport because of high winds and landed in Lillian Bernhagen’s backyard in Worthington. The blimp advertises Hangar 1 vodka and when asked if she might sample the spirit, Bernhagen replied
• Speaking of old ladies, a 98-year-old woman earned the highest Judo black belt. [Off the Bench]
• Check out this 425-foot frisbee golf ace. [Bob's Blitz]
• Mike Comrie knocked up Hilary Duff. Well done. [Puck Daddy]
• Bradley’s win and Dufney’s grace are the reasons why we watch golf. [Devil Ball Golf]
• Brooklyn Decker read a book while attending a Reds game with husband Andy Roddick. [Busted Coverage]
• The Tampa Bay Rays are playing “Dress Up” again. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Some NBA player you have never heard of scored 78 points in a Pro-Am game. [The Basketball Jones]
• Oh, joy: it looks like Shawne Merriman is going to keep doing that stupid dance. [Shutdown Corner]
• Cowboys coach Jason Garrett is no fun at all. [Deuce of Davenport]
• The Cubs need to sever ties with Carlos Zambrano. [Midwest Sports Fans]
• If athlete charities had more selfish goals. [Sports Pickle]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Penn State Players All Worried They’re Going To Be The One Who Accidentally Kills Joe Paterno
A video of an usher at Dodgers stadium taking a baseball away from a kid sitting behind home plate after he retrieved it has been making the rounds on the interwebs today and according to the team, it was all a joke that got completely taking out of context.
In the video, the boy triumphantly raises the ball in the air and gets some congratulatory high fives from fans sitting nearby after he comes up with a foul ball hit over the screen only to have the usher come up to him and take it away after the kid sits back in his seat. The television broadcast quickly cuts away back to the game just as the usher is making his way down some stairs, and that’s the reason viewers missed the hilarity of it all.
The explanation from the team, courtesy of Dodgers spokesman Josh Rawitch (via the Los Angeles Times):
“It was all in good fun. Unfortunately, the video cuts away too quickly,” Rawitch said. “Within seconds of him taking it away, he walked right back and gave it to him. Everyone ended up happy and smiling.”
Ha! That’s hilarious! What an elaborately-staged and well-executed bit of tomfoolery. There is nothing wrong with breaking a kid’s heart, just as long as it’s only temporary. Oh, and I’m sure that’s exactly how the situation went. Sorry, but I have to cite an immutable law of the interwebs that often comes into play when controversies such as these arise:
Video or it didn’t happen.
Dodgers usher took foul ball from boy as joke, team says [Los Angeles Times]
[video via Michael De Land]
How so? Allow me to present to you Exhibit A: above is audio of a segment from Beau Bock’s show in Atlanta where he and Tim from Stone Mountain debate the outlook fans should have regarding the upcoming Atlanta Falcons season. Tim from Stone Mountain and Beau Bock never really get off on the right foot during their highly intellectualized debate featuring give and take about Falcons skill players Harry Douglas and Jacquizz Rogers. But the poop really hits the proverbial fan when Tim from Stone Mountain dares call Beau Bock a “homer.” Then look out, because it sounds like Beau Bock has drank about a liter of rageahol before he explodes in white-hot fit of hostility featuring much screaming.
[H/T Shutdown Corner]
I’m not the keenest mind around, but something tells me Texas Rangers starting pitcher C.J. Wilson isn’t too fond of Oakland, whether it be the town, the weather, the fans or even the field at O.co Coliseum (that’s what they’re calling it now? Seriously?). Heck, the hatred for Oakland by Wilson is so evident, so all-consuming, the guy probably hates oak trees simply by association with the town’s name.
Wilson, scheduled to pitch in Oaktown on Friday against the Athletics, let his feelings be known quite clearly in an interview with the Fort Worth Star-Telegram:
“I hate pitching there,” Wilson said. “The mound sucks. The fans suck. There are no fans there. The fans who are there are really adamant, but sometimes you’ll go there and there’s 6,000 fans. I just wish the fan base supported them a little more.”
He continued with his Oakland haterade when he commented on the crisp weather and whether he would ever consider playing for the Athletics when he becomes a free agent after this season (via MLB.com):
“I’d rather pitch here than in Oakland, regardless of the weather,” he said. “I don’t like their fans. You don’t need to worry about me signing there after the season. They hate me anyway, so it doesn’t matter. The players on their team hate me, whatever. I don’t care. It’s true — dudes on their team don’t like me. I get it.”
If Wilson could have somehow incorporated some comments about the quality of the city’s mass transit system and the town’s immigrant population, he might have very easily veered into John Rocker territory with his critique, but alas, thankfully for everyone, he did not.
But really, C.J., come on, tell us how you really feel. Don’t hold back, now. We want complete and total honesty, even if your thoughts on the subject might appear a bit on the brutal side. Just let it loose, sir. Oh, you’re good? Okay, cool.
Wilson trashes Oakland, its fans and chilly weather [Fort Worth Star Telegram]
No love lost between Wilson, Oakland [MLB.com]
Wait. What?
While I am sure there are many ways through which one becomes a subscriber on MLB.com’s email list, the reasons behind why are of no consequence now, because if you happen to be one of those very lucky people, you have likely already received the following message in your inbox (via Sports Grid):
“Hey baseball fans – want to experience what people are calling ‘the best concert
of the year’?
Here’s Your Chance!
Ticketmaster is flying one lucky fan +1 to Vegas to see SADE live – and IT COULD BE YOU!
[...]
With very special guest John Legend”
Wow. Talk about knowing your target audience. If there is one thing that is a certifiable fact, it’s that if one were to create a Venn Diagram featuring two sets: die-hard major league baseball fans and Sade devotees, the populations would be damn near completely overlapping. Whoever at MLB was behind this brilliant promotion sure is one “Smooth Operator”, if you know what I mean.
Despite a thorough search, I have not yet been able to locate video of Pablo Fabian’s demonstrative celebratory ripping-off-shirt routine after he vanquished foe Marc Zwiebler (21-17, 7-21, 24-22) in a tidy (or untidy, I have no idea) 74 minutes at the Yonex BWF (Badminton World Federation) World Championships in London, but I’ll be sure to update this post if I come across video documenting his rapturous post-match performance. If the ripping his shirt down the center wasn’t enough, Abian proceeded to slam is shirt down to the ground in victorious ecstasy:
Pictured above is young Braden Hill. He hails from Ypsilanti, Michigan and while on vacation in Hawaii, he made his first hole-in-one at the 14th hole from the kid’s tee (68 yards) at the Kaanapali Kai Course on Maui, which means this wee lad has already likely accomplished more during his short golfing career as I have in 20+ years. Sigh.
But according to his dad, Braden’s hole-in-one might develop into something of a double-edged sword, as the boy now expects to get a hole-in-one every time he goes out. From The Detroit News (via Yahoo!):
“I had to explain to him I’ve never gotten one, most golfers hadn’t ever had a hole-in-one,” said Brent Hill, Braden’s father. “Being 6, he hasn’t quite grasped it.”
To make matters more frustrating for hacks like me, Braden was rather ho-hum about his accomplishment:
“I was much more excited than he was and we had to finish the round right there,” Brent Hill said. “We went back into the club and Braden had to buy the drinks. At least for the four or five of us in the family.
“He wanted to keep playing but I was too excited. Looking back, I’m not sure it was the right decision. He was a couple strokes under par and was working on a real good round.”
Further, to make matters practically intolerable for miserable, miserable hacks like me, Braden is already quite the accomplished golfer, competing in three golf tournaments, winning two, while regularly hitting in the 40s. The 40s? Gee whiz. Sure, the boy plays on a much shorter course than you and I, but that simply takes into account his smaller size, which makes me feel awful. Just awful.
As I mentioned previously here at the Sportress in a post about the six-year-old girl who notched her first ace, hearing about these little whippersnappers performing so excellently on the golf course at such an early age really makes me want to hang it up, give up the ghost and tuck my clubs back into an unreachable area of the crawl space in my house. Either that or throw the whole damn set into a water hazard. Either way.
For Ypsilanti kid, 6, first hole-in-one ‘not that big of a deal’ [The Detroit News (via Yahoo!)]
Goodness gracious, that is one butt ugly shoe. Denim? Seriously? And of course, as it has been with anything basketball-related and awkward over the past year or so, it had to involve poor LeBron James.
Now, at this stage in my life, I’m not really big into basketball sneakers any more, nor am I in the market for a new pair of B-Ball kicks, but I can assure you that there is no way in hell I would ever strap on these Nike LeBron 8 Denim shoes. Not even if I was headed to an event that strangely paired a hoedown and a 3-on-3 basketball tournament.
Who in their right mind would buy these shoes? I can think of only two people: Denim Vest from Seinfeld‘s “Festivus” episode (expertly portrayed by Kids in the Hall alum Kevin McDonald) and the music teacher from that “Back to School” Target commercial. You know the one, where the teacher is listing the items students will need by singing “The Denim Song”:
I am ashamed to admit it, but I love that commercial. I wish that guy had been my teacher.
[H/T Pro Basketball Talk]
