Archive for August, 2011
Hope Solo, everybody’s favorite attractive goalie for U.S. women’s soccer (deal with it, Briana Scurry: you’re through), made an appearance on Dan Patrick’s radio program today and the topic of the possibility of her making an appearance on next season’s Dancing with the Stars came up. Here is the exchange between Patrick and Solo when the radio show host told her that his inside sources have told him she will be on the show (via Sporting News):
“Oh boy, are those sources correct? You will not know until next week when they make their announcement,” Solo replied.
“So you’re not denying it?” Patrick asked.
“I’m not admitting it, either,” Solo said.
How very, very coy, Miss Solo. She’s like a riddle wrapped around an enigma. An enigma wearing goalie gloves and shin guards. Or some such nonsense. In the end, it would be hardly surprising if Solo turned out to be one of the contestants. The trajectory of her celebrity is at its apex right now and you might as well strike while the iron is hot. DWTS‘s season will be in full swing, just in time for her rumored nude pictorial (according to her cryptic tweets on the topic, along with this photo of her frolicking in a fountain wearing only a bathrobe that accompanied the latter tweet) to presumably appear in ESPN The Magazine’s The Body Issue hits the shelves on October 17th. The gal’s got a master plan. Give her credit for that.
Hope Solo reportedly to compete on ‘Dancing with the Stars’ [Sporting News]
At least that is what I am getting out of yet another one of Jose Canseco’s nonsensical, strange and misspelled tweets. Seriously, if there were such a thing as Grammar Court, Canseco would be tried for crimes against the English language.
But I would watch out if I were you, Jose: Ron Perlman will destroy you if you try to get in on his Hellboy action.
[@JoseCanseco (via SB Nation)]
Image via The San Francisco Examiner
Awww, how adorable. Her name? Brooklynn Olivia Bird. Her date and time of birth? August 1st at 8:01 p.m., exactly nine months and seven minutes to longtime Giants fans Robert and Jennifer, after San Francisco won the World Series on November 1, 2010, meaning that theoretically, she was the quickest baby to be conceived after the Giants beat the Texas Rangers 3-1 in Game 5 to clinch the franchise’s first World Series championship since 1954, when the team was still based in New York. In being conceived so quickly afterward (7 minutes, eh? Quite the quick celebration, indeed) and born at that time, Brooklynn Olivia has been named “Comcast SportsNet 2010 Giants World Championship Baby”, beating out 929 babies in 10 states.
According to a report in The San Francisco Examiner, Brooklynn and her mommy and daddy will receive “a $2,010 gift certificate, a commemorative brick imprinted with her name at AT&T Park and a birth certificate signed by the Giants.” Pretty cool.
Brooklynn was born eleven days late, but the extra time it took her to be born had its rewards:
“We never win anything; now we have a baby and now she wins everything for us,” said the 30-year-old Bird.
Awesome. A big congratulations goes out to little Brooklynn and her proud parents. Good job on the quick conception and not wasting any time, you two.
SF Giants World Series baby announced [The San Francisco Examiner]
World Championship baby born to longtime Giants fans [The San Francisco Examiner]
According to the fine folks over at Devil Ball Golf, the man making the almost-too-crazy-to-believe trick shots in the above video is Grant Dodd, a “former pro golfer, current OneAsia Tour commentator, occasional blogger.” More importantly, he is a lover of wine and apparently, enjoys when the worlds of wine and golf intersect, especially when it involves accomplishing wacky trick shots where he knocks down wine bottles sitting on a nearby green while sipping on said wine with one of his chums.
Is it real? Another well-executed fake created to dupe us into believing this guy is some kind of trick shot maestro? Hard to say, but I hope none of the wine contained in those knocked-over bottles is being wasted. That would be a shame, would it not?
[H/T Devil Ball Golf]
While I cannot say for certain, nor can I confirm it one way or the other, as, you know, South Park resident Darryl Weathers is an imaginary animated character, but as a red-blooded, patriotic American, my guess is he would be extremely unhappy with Goshen College’s decision to stop playing “The Star-Spangled Banner” prior to sporting events, instead opting to play “America the Beautiful.” In fact, I suspect the passionate Mr. Weathers would say something like, “DEY TOOK UR NATIONAL ANTHEM-SINGING JERBS!” which would be kind of weird since wouldn’t those jobs be replaced with jobs for people singing “America the Beautiful”? Kind of makes you wonder why I even took this route to introduce this story, doesn’t it? Oh well, can’t change it now. What do you mean, “Use the delete button.” That’s kooky talk. And look at that guy. He’s funny. DEY TOOK UR JERBS! Yes, I know that is a super old reference as well. Sigh.
Moving on, the move by Goshen College, a Mennonite Church-affiliated school located in northern Indiana, to replace the traditional playing of the national anthem with “America the Beautiful” prior to sporting events is sure to create an unnecessary level of controversy and an unneeded amount of hand-wringing and gnashing of teeth. But the school’s president, Jim Brenneman, argues that “America the Beautiful” is more fitting and in line with the school’s pacifist traditions.
Via the Chicago Tribune:
Leaders of the 1,000-student college decided in June to quit playing an instrumental version “The Star-Spangled Banner” after starting to do so for the first time last year.
Some students and graduates were against the song being played because its lyrics contain references to using war to defend the country.
As alluded to above, this change in protocol at silly sporting events is well within the rights of a private institution and the decision shouldn’t generate controversy. But it will. To make another South Park reference: America…well, you know the rest.
Indiana college will play ‘America the Beautiful’ instead of national anthem [Chicago Tribune]
Maybe. But whether or not that is indeed the case, by all indications and his performance thus far, Tim Tebow is simply not a very good quarterback at the professional level. And until he is a competent pro-style quarterback, the determination of whether Tebow is a victim of anti-religious bias really has no bearing whatsoever on the discussion regarding the future of his career as an NFL quarterback, Peter King’s commentary notwithstanding.
[via the always-superb Game On!]
I have to give credit where credit is due: the below tweet from LeBron James definitely reveals that the King has a sense of humor about himself and has likely read and seen a lot of the jokes on the interwebs regarding his receding hairline:
Ha! Male pattern baldness. Now that’s something we can all laugh about! Well played, King James. In fact, I appreciate your wit so much I am going to let the entire “wussing out on the high dive” exhibition slide.
Oops. I guess by linking to the video, I’m drawing even more attention to it. Oops. My bad.
[via @KingJames]
In an astute move with an eye on ensuring the safety of youngsters throughout the greater Green Bay area as well as providing a chance for families to celebrate their beloved local football club and its Super Bowl championship, Ashwaubenon public school district officials have decided to end classes early on Thursday, September 8th for the Packers’ season-opening prime time game against the New Orleans Saints.
Via Sporting News:
ABC affiliate WBAY-TV in Green Bay reports Wisconsin’s Ashwaubenon school district is scheduling a half-day session for the Packers’ prime-time opener. According to the report, the intention is “to help get the students to their homes safely” before the crowds and media pile up on the town of 104,057 for all the Packers-Saints festivities.
Kindergarteners and elementary schoolers will have a little extra time to prepare for their pregame tailgate, getting out at 11 a.m. CT. Middle and high schoolers will need to wait a whole half-hour later, 11:30 a.m. That’s still a good eight hours before the 7:30 p.m. CT start.
Fair enough. But eight hours prior to kickoff? It’s not like the kids in Green Bay have to get fall-down drunk before game time. At least not yet. And before any nattering nabobs of negativity begin with the “Won’t somebody please think of the children???” diatribes, the school district has made the necessary adjustments to make up for the lost time by changing a scheduled half-day on September 23rd into a full day of school.
Further, this is a perfect example of a moment where a community can rally around the shared experience of expressing civic pride. And even if those few hours had been missed this school year, I’m pretty sure the students would adjust and be just fine. After all, we are talking about Green Bay Packers fans here. They are a hearty, salt-of-the-earth bunch and I am confident even with missing a half-day of school, they would have had no trouble in the future with the tasks of affixing a block of foam cheese to their heads and singing along to “Go Pack Go”.
Heck, if these youngster Packers fans are any indication, what with their Lady Gaga-styled “Go Pack Go,” I’m pretty sure in Green Bay, the kids are alright:
Editor's note: not an actual photo of Alex Cobb's rib
Tampa Bay Rays right-handed pitcher Alex Cobb was feeling discomfort in his right hand and numbness in his right arm during his last start, an August 6th game against the Oakland Athletics. After being placed on the disabled list, Cobb flew to Dallas for an examination by Gregory Pearl, a renowned vascular surgeon who has treated other major league pitchers. Cobb was diagnosed with a clot in his right subclavian vein and would require surgery.
Unfortunately, Pearl couldn’t completely remove the clot without taking the surgery to the next level: removing one of Cobb’s ribs. So that is what the good doctor did. But Cobb wasn’t about to part with the extracted piece of his skeletal anatomy, so he kept it and now has his rib in a jar and is treating it as some kind of macabre souvenir. How very…Ed Gein-like.
Via Tampa Bay Online:
“I’ve got the rib at my house,” Cobb said. “My dad asked me to keep it. It’s in a jar. It looks like a rib. It looks like you went to Chili’s and got a little baby rib and put it in a jar of liquid.”
Ha. Gross.
Cobb was told by Dr. Pearl that another pitcher who had a similar procedure now keeps his rib in a jar in his locker in the clubhouse as a twisted take on a good luck charm. Rays manager Joe Maddon said he’s “OK with that,” but if it’s all the same to Cobb he doesn’t “need to see it.”
You know, I was thinking (which is never a good thing): imagine if one of the pitcher’s teammates came upon his rib in a jar and happened to be not aware of the surgical procedure. What if he believed it to be a baby back rib or something sitting in a brine? Following that line of logic, can you imagine if that teammate took the rib out of the liquid and cooked it up on a portable grill and ate it? Gross! Talk about a mess of epic proportions stemming from a horrible misunderstanding. It would be like a typical Three’s Company episode. Only with cannibalism.
But let’s just say – and hopefully it never happens, obviously – that a teammate did accidentally eat the pitcher’s rib. The horror of it all aside, do you know what would go nice with it? A Cobb salad, of course.
Rays notes: Surgically removed rib bottled by Cobb [Tampa Bay Online]
Allow me to welcome my pal samerochocinco to the Sportress for a guest post. You might be familiar with samerochocinco as the man behind the brilliant work at the now defunct Second-String Fullback and his commentary on sports sites all over the interwebs. You can also follow him on Twitter (@samer_k). So give him a hearty S.O.B. welcome and please enjoy his 2011 NFL QB Battle Guide.
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• That’s a gold headline, Jerry. Gold. Two Bulgarian men and a former Greek wrestling champion were allegedly using violence to muscle out other vendors in the highly competitive doughnut market on Paliouri beach in the Halkidiki peninsula near Thessaloniki. Thankfully, undercover police infiltrated the three operations and put the kibosh on their nefarious methods. Heh. Doughnut ring. Good stuff. And it makes me hungry. [msnbc]
• Kyle Busch has license suspended and will pay a fine for going 128 mph in a 45 mph zone. Seems fair. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Uh-oh: little leaguers celebrate win with “earthquake celebration.” [Big League Stew]
• Blake Griffin is interning at Funny or Die. [It's Always Sunny In Detroit]
• The Texas Rangers would prefer it if fans did not do The Wave. Well done. [Off the Bench]
• The new trailer for NBA 2k12 dabbles in nostalgia. [Ball Don't Lie]
• Here’s a video of some goofy white guy working out with the Philadelphia Eagles cheerleaders. [The700Level]
• And here’s Blackhawks coach Joel Quenneville singing “Take Me Out To The Ball Game” at Wrigley Field. Terribly. [Puck Daddy]
• Some ESPN columnist argues that Miami is the most miserable sports town in America. Here is why that guy is so wrong. [Rumors & Rants]
• How do you solve a problem like Tim Tebow? [The Legend of Cecilio Guante]
• Former NBAer Rex Chapman did a karaoke performance of Prince’s “When Doves Cry”…and had it recorded. Fantastic stuff. [That NBA Lottery Pick]
• Mike Bibby has a customized Impala. And it is up for auction for $100K. Yowsers. [Busted Coverage]
• Drew Magary’s new novel, The Postmortal, has a trailer. Watch it. Then buy the book. Beste of luck, Drew. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Report: Male Hair Loss 7 Times More Painful Than Childbirth
Good golly. Gee whiz. Additional exclamation of exasperated annoyance. Would you get a look at that? The thought of Chris Berman, Tom Jackson, Mike Ditka, Keyshawn Johnson and a clinically insane-appearing Chris Carter (he must be the B.A. Baracus of the group) armed with semi-automatic weapons and the clearance to shoot to kill is a little too much for this hombre to handle. Disturbing.
Apparently, this was all part of a commercial ESPN will be rolling out promoting either Sunday NFL Countdown or Monday Night Countdown, take your pick.
Then again, not as disturbing as The Bermanator poster found in a sports bar in Sanibel Island, Florida :
Wow. An impressive display of one of the more difficult Judo choking moves that can be administered on an opponent. And while it certainly is not the most pleasant name in English, to be sure, believe me, “Faceful of Crotch” has a much more graceful and pleasant sound to it when spoken in its native Japanese. Lyrical, almost.
[image via]
This commercial has been playing on-air during game broadcasts for a few months here in “Twins Territory” and I have looked for it on more than one occasion, but today is the first occasion I have come across an embeddable version of it, so here it is: the Minnesota Twins and the Folklore in the Follicles.
The clever ad from the Twins’ marketing department (who have had their fair share of classic commercials over the years), touts the power of Joe Mauer’s sideburns, the awe-inspiring presence that was Carl’s Pavanostache and the wonder of Denard Span’s “perfect beard” and how each player’s dedication to grooming has translated into on-the-field success.
But the genius of the ad is when current manager Ron Gardenhire and former manager Tom Kelly appear in succession, each one sporting magnificent mullets in the hopes that the new hairdos will help the Twins be successful. That has not been the case this season, but it doesn’t take away from the comical absurdity of it all.
Gardenhire: Whatever it takes to win. Right, TK?”
Kelly: “You got that right, Gardy.”
Brilliant. The sight of these two managerial curmudgeons having a little fun should surely be a hoot to anyone who is familiar with their typically low-key approaches to the game of baseball.
Seriously, Tom Kelly? With a mullet? Gold.
Ha. And the hits keep on coming for LeBron James. It’s almost like the guy can do no right. The poor guy can’t even hang out in Barcelona, Spain without doing something that results in him once again getting mocked and ridiculed. Of course, requiring three minutes to summon up the courage to jump into a pool off a high dive is pretty comical. Who knew LeBron James suffered from a paralyzing case of acrophobia?
The fact that some Spanish guy with a microphone (and all the bystanders) is imploring him to jump almost the entire time James alternates between sheepishly walking away from the edge and peering uncomfortably down into the pool doesn’t help matters. Nope, not at all. Although I should be the last person to make fun of someone for being afraid of heights. Crap, I can’t even step up onto the fourth rung of a stepladder, for crying out loud. At the same time, I am not a world class athlete who felt the need to exhibit masculine bravado (or machismo, since LeBron is in Spain) at inopportune times on countless occasions. Make that false masculine bravado, or machismo falso, for the Spanish folks who witnessed this display firsthand.
Be that as it may, one thing is for certain: LeBron is no Thornton Mellon. I wouldn’t expect any Triple Lindy attempts from him anytime soon.
[H/T I am a GM (via The Basketball Jones)]
