Archive for August, 2011
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• A Michigan State Police trooper spent a part of his Thursday morning attempting to wrangle a runaway rooster. Described by a fellow trooper as a “big, fat, juicy rooster,” the bird ultimately took a flying leap off a bridge to evade the trooper. It was like that scene in The Fugitive, I bet. “I DIDN’T KILL MY HEN!!” (jumps) [azcentral]
• Now’s your chance: Derek Jeter and the lovely Minka Kelly have split up. Which one of these newly-single people you set your sights on is up to you. I won’t judge. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Oh, Lenny: the complete and utter mess that is Lenny Dykstra has been charged with indecent exposure. [Rumors & Rants]
• Fred Couples has officially named Tiger Woods a member of the President’s Cup team. [Devil Ball Golf]
• Jim Thome is back playing for the Cleveland Indians. And that seems right. [Big League Stew]
• Has the national anthem jumped the shark? My good friend Rick discusses that very question in the latest edition of “Rick’s Cafe.” [Off the Bench]
• The 25 greatest sports corn maze moments in farming history. Great stuff. [Busted Coverage]
• Video: Little Leaguer hit in the face is at first not funny, then turns extremely funny. [With Leather]
• Check out BBoy McCoy, the break-dancing ballboy. [Outside the Boxscore]
• Ha ha, LeBron James lost in a game of Knockout to a 16-year-old. [Sharapova's Thigh]
• MLB’s Hurricane Survival Plan. [TAUNTR]
• Time for another edition of KSK’s Sex/Fantasy Football Mailbag. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Insane Moron Draws Conclusion From NFL Preseason Game (Spoiler Alert: A photo of ESPN’s Mark Schlereth accompanies the article – ha!)
Wow. Very impressive. Granted, it’s not as intricately detailed – nor as colorful – as the many beautiful examples of the sandpainting as practiced by the Navajo Nation in the Southwestern United States, you still have to give St. Louis Cardinals first baseman credit for his efforts. I mean, he is a novice after all and I see a lot of potential in his foray into individual artistic expression. Good for him.
Big League Stew is holding a caption contest for the above photograph. Perhaps some of you wisenheimers would like to head over there and give it a crack. Interweb glory could be yours!
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times: gloves are overrated. Granted, when I say that I am usually referring to washing dishes in the kitchen sink (we use Palmolive in our household: “You’re soaking in it”), not when chasing down popups in foul territory and opting to go barehanded to make the catch instead of using the old, trusty mitt.
But that’s just what Baltimore Orioles infielder Robert Andino did last night at Target Field, shagging Justin Morneau’s high floater into foul territory and snagging it with his glove-less right hand during Baltimore’s 6-1 romp over the hapless Twinkies. A spectacular play, to be sure, but what I like most about it is Andino’s style, his flair for the dramatic, all the while flying in the face of convention and all that jazz. Good for you, Robert Andino. You are a true individual.
Now that, my friends, is a provocative headline. It really gives you something to think about, does it not? And the image really helps give the reader a nice jumping-off point for the pondering of that alternate reality.
Freaking brilliant. Well played, Joe Sports Fan. Well played, indeed.
What if Michael Vick was a….(fill in the blank)? [Joe Sports Fan]
(previously at the Sportress: Whaaaa? ESPN The Mag Imagines What Michael Vick Would Look Like If He Were White)
I know, weird, right? In America, advertisers are not allowed to show people swilling alcohol in commercials. But in Europe? It’s Thunderdome! What a crazy country.
In the commercial, Los Angeles Lakers big man Pau Gasol, along with his brother, Marc (who plays for the Memphis Grizzlies), are sipping on some suds after playing a spirited game of hermano a hermano one-on-one basketball.
The inside scoop on the commercial for San Miguel Beer, from the Los Angeles Daily News (via Lakers Blog):
In the spot, the Gasols are sitting on a bench after playing a game of one-on-one basketball. Then they drink from the bottles of the nonalcohlic beer.
Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. Wait. Nonalcoholic beer? What the fungus? I suppose that’s how they roll in Europe. Nonalcoholically. What a crazy country!
Moving on, here’s is what big brother Pau is saying in the commercial:
In the commercial, Gasol says, translated from Spanish: “To be honest, I can’t recall the number of times I’ve seen my name written everywhere, in all the colors, sizes and types you can imagine, but the one that makes me feel more proud is the name I see on the back of my brother’s jersey.”
Wait, again. Spanish? They speak Spanish in Europe? I thought they all spoke European over there. Once again, Europe: what a crazy country! I’ll never figure those crazy cats out.
See Lakers’ Pau Gasol, brother Marc of Grizzlies, drink brews in Spanish commercial. [Los Angeles Daily News (via Lakers Blog)]
Wow. Just wow. The above image accompanies a story available online with a headline which asks the question I am sure has been on everybody’s mind: “What if Michael Vick were white?” The article will be reprinted in the upcoming ESPN The Magazine issue devoted solely to Michael Vick, an essay I am sure will not stir up any controversy, even without the above mind-blowing, absurd image. Nope. None at all.
The writer of the article, Touré, promptly took to Twitter to voice his opinion on the wholly inappropriate nature of the image in relation to his essay (via Deadspin):
I had no idea they’d put a pic of Vick in whiteface. Makes no sense w an essay saying it’s impossible to re-imagine him as white?
Have to agree. That is a sure-fire case of Bad Idea Whiteface. Let’s be pragmatic here as we try to wrap our brains around what is going on here as we attempt to understand the thought process through which this terrible idea was arrived at: there is no such thing as Good Idea Whiteface, so you have to wonder what the brain wizards at ESPN The Magazine could have possibly been thinking when they come up with this one. Wow.
UPDATE (via Deadspin): In record time, ESPN has replaced the above image in the online version of the story with a regular old photo of Michael Vick (UPDATE #2: The original image of a theorized white Michael Vick is back up). Sadly, for The Worldwide Leader In Sports, they can’t replace the image in the magazine. That’s the weird thing about magazines that have already been sent to press (courtesy of @JasonRomano, via Deadspin):
If Indianapolis Colts wide receiver Reggie Wayne had his druthers, the team who pays him good money to catch footballs would have stood pat while waiting for Peyton Manning to recover from his neck surgery and remained loyal to the backup quarterbacks currently on the roster, the woefully underwhelming tandem of Curtis Painter and Dan Orlovsky. Instead, the Colts opted to lure Kerry Collins out of retirement as an aged insurance policy in case Manning isn’t ready to go when the regular season begins, a possibility becoming more and more unlikely with each passing day.
Here’s what the obviously disgruntled Wayne had to say to the Associated Press regarding the Colts’ affront to his delicate sensibilities regarding loyalty (via Sporting News):
“We don’t even know him, we ain’t vanilla, man, we ain’t no simple offense. So for him to come in here and be the starter, I don’t see it. I think that’s a step back.”
“I don’t care who you are,” Wayne said. “I mean I’m not going to let anyone just come in here and just push someone (like Painter) aside like you’re that dog now, you know what I mean?”
Yes, Reggie Wayne. I believe we do know what you mean. Loyalty: good. Doing whatever is necessary to win games: bad, if it involves pushing someone aside like a dog. And while I will commend Wayne for sticking up for the abilities of one of his teammates, the numbers tell a vastly different story. Thus far in the preseason, the presumed temporary replacement for Manning, Curtis Painter, has produced some pretty ugly stats: 8-16 for 95 yards, 0 TDs, 1 INT and a dismal quarterback rating of 42.4. Orlovsky hasn’t fared much better, 11-27 for 178 yards, 1 TD, 3 INT and sports an even worse QB rating of 36.3. Further, how can we forget this boneheaded play by Orlovsky when he played for the Lions? Yeesh.
With the horrific performances by these two quarterbacks in mind, my suggestion to Reggie Wayne would be to apologize to Kerry Collins for your comments, thank him for coming out of retirement to be a temporary stopgap at the QB position and take him out for a nice steak dinner.
Reggie Wayne less than thrilled with Kerry Collins signing [Sporting News]
Ouch. That is cold, Bill Walton. Cold as ice. You know, in light of those pesky rumors that surfaced last year about alleged indiscretions involving Delonte West and a member of the LeBron James family.
To quote the great Bill Walton himself: Throw it down, big man. Throw. It. Down.
[via @TheBillWalton]
Hey, Texas Rangers catcher Mike Napoli: you’re trying to grab the wrong ball! The one you want is over to your your left. Yep, the baseball. I know, it can get confusing sometimes.
As you can see, Napoli couldn’t hold on to the baseball during a play at the plate during the Rangers-Red Sox game last night and Boston slugger David Oritz ultimately scored. But not without a violation of near crotchal proportions.
[image via]
And who does the Chicago White Sox manager have to thank for the amazing revelation of white lightning he witnessed during last night’s game against of Anaheim (I refer them “of Anaheim,” deal with it)? The Angels center fielder, Caucasian speed demon Peter Bourjos.
From ESPN Chicago (via Hardball Talk):
“Oh my god, he can be my favorite player,” Guillen said. “I’ve never seen a white man that can run that fast. It is really impressive.”
Don’t ever change, Ozzie. Don’t ever change.
Ozzie has man crush on Halos’ Bourjos [ESPN Chicago (via Hardball Talk)]
This just in: Derek Jeter is a nice guy and sometimes, that friendly disposition causes him to give equipment rendered unusable to him to kids in the stands. To be honest, as a non-Jeterophile, I have no idea how many times this has occurred, but it did last night in the Bronx during the 7th inning of the New York Yankees-Oakland Athletics game. Jeter’s bat was cracked on a line out from a pitch from Brian Fuentes. As he made his way back to the dugout, Jeter slid the bat over the top of the dugout to a young fan, who appeared overjoyed at obtaining the game-used souvenir, even if it seemed he might have to share the prized possession with another kid sitting to his right, who by all appearances is his brother.
One person who was not happy about it? A grown man wearing a Robinson Cano jersey immediately to the young fan’s left. He was so unhappy with some wide-eyed youngster receiving the coveted bat and not him that he threw his arms up in exasperation before bringing them down in dejection in response to the unfairness of it all. Poor guy. So close, yet so far. Stupid kids. Who invited them to the ball park anyway?
If you look up the word “unflappable” in a dictionary, you will see the face of Jim Furyk. And if you look up “composed” and “levelheaded” and “sedate”? Yep, pictures of Jim Furyk once again, which leads me to one of the following conclusions: either the publisher of the dictionary has an unnatural obsession with Jim Furyk or they have an incredibly lazy graphics department. One of the two. But that doesn’t bother Jim Furyk. Nothing does.
[H/T Devil Ball Golf]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• To be honest, for me, it is generally preferable that it be an albino boa constrictor and that was the case in this situation as well. Eric Fiegel was arrested Tuesday at the Predators Reptile Center in Mesa, Arizona after a review of surveillance footage revealed that he had stuffed several albino boa constrictors down in his pants in a misguided attempt to steal them. [msnbc]
• There were 347 fans in attendance at Sun Life Stadium for the Reds-Marlins game yesterday. [Big League Stew]
• Stanley Cup-winning goalie Tim Thomas, celebrated in corn. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Boomer Esiason has officially joined the Tim Tebow Hate Train. [Shutdown Corner]
• Here’s funnyman Andy Samberg dressed up like old tennis players. [With Leather]
• Get used to it: Kris Humphries wasn’t featured on the cover of the People issue dedicated to his wedding. [Off the Bench]
• Here is video of one soccer player kicking another soccer player in the nuts. It’s funny because it wasn’t us. [Outside the Boxscore]
• Rick Reilly: ESPN’s highest-paid xenophobe. [Pine Riders]
• Jim Tressel is still getting tons of love from Ohio burger joints. [Busted Coverage]
• Brandon Marshall has all the crazy. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Carolina Panthers owner Jerry Richardson has made it clear he does not want Cam Newton to get a bunch of tattoos. Little did we know he has hidden ones. [TAUNTR]
• Was He-Man responsible for the electrical storm in Toronto? [Food Court Lunch]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Man Born To Party Dies Partying
Yet another example of how a dog can be braver than me. Damn you, Otis! You have emasculated me for the last time! Okay, it probably wasn’t the last time, especially if he intends on skydiving again. Sigh.
Dig if you will the picture. Apologies. I cannot help myself. Bearing in mind that I linked to this hilarious yet oddly disturbing video in Wake N’ Blog this morning and it has ran back and forth through the interwebs like Prince’s fingers on a fretboard, I came to the realization that if I did not enter this fantastic slice of whimsy into the Sportress’ archives, I would be doing a grave disservice, not only to the Sportress, but to my readers who may not have clicked through or seen it elsewhere.
So here it is: Rex Chapman, singing Prince’s “When Doves Cry.” Wow.
Chapman, who spent his NBA career with the Charlotte Hornets (where?), Washington Bullets (who?), Miami Heat and finally, the Phoenix Suns, might be best remembered for launching up this prayer of a 3-pointer against the Seattle Supersonics (who the what?) in the first round of the 1997 NBA playoffs, but once this video is properly circulated, he might become better known for this amazing performance. Chapman insists on the YouTube page that he did this karaoke jam on a dare from his kids. He also tweeted “Watch at own risk. Air-Force mids, jorts, belt, Karl-Kani hoody = pure sex symbol. An Idiot King who would be Prince?” Awesome. Props.
Still, I feel like I would be well-served by purifying myself in the waters of Lake Minnetonka after watching that thing.
[H/T Hot Clicks]
