(Video) Wussiest, Weakest, Most Embarrassing Hockey Fight Ever

Holy crap, did I just see open-handed slaps during what can barely be referred to as a hockey fight? These two “combatants” from the Russian KHL (Kontinental Hockey League) set back the glorious world of hockey brawls so far it might never recover.

Since I know jack squat about the KHL, I’ll allow the Greg Wyshysnski of Puck Daddy paint the vulgar picture:

According to Slava Malamud of Sports-Express, fighting in the white sweater and wearing his visor is Dmitry Ryabykin from Avangard Omsk, a 35-year-old defenseman from Moscow who was drafted by the Calgary Flames No. 45 overall in 1994 and never played a game in the NHL. (Taken six spots behind him? Patrik Elias, still playing with the New Jersey Devils.)

Fighting in the blue sweater is Neftekhimik Nizhnekamsk forward Evgeny Lapenkov, 27, who has split time between Spartak Moscow and Neftekhimik Nizhnekamsk (what a word score in Scrabble this team is) for the last three seasons.

 Neftekhimik Nizhnekamsk? Now that’s a name. Too bad Evgeny Lapenkov took a ginormous dump on the integrity of their franchise with that despicable display of pugilism. For shame, Engeny Lapenkov. And you too, Dmitry Ryabykin. You two ought to be ashamed of yourselves. Derek Boogaard is spinning in his grave as we speak. Sad.

[H/T Puck Daddy]

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  1. nickster

    August 15, 2011 at 9:31 pm

    after watching this, all i can say is thank goodness for Canadians…

    • joschmoe

      August 16, 2011 at 1:43 am

      wow…i honestly woke my girlfriend up at 241am laughing at this…she was pissed, but it was completely worth it.

  2. chuck spohn

    August 16, 2011 at 2:23 pm

    I’ve seen hard hits at my wife’s Zumba class!!!

  3. Bob Blitz

    August 16, 2011 at 4:21 pm

    Think they were going for karate chops, but have no karate training whatsoever, so they were just going by what they have seen on TV.

  4. richard c.

    August 18, 2011 at 2:09 am

    Not as “wussy” as one which featured former Ranger tough-guy Nick Fotiu. After bobbing and weaving with his opponent for a couple of minutes, without even throwing a punch, he and his counter-part were penalized for delay of game. Wish I could remember who he squared off against.

    • Yo Zeke

      August 18, 2011 at 1:05 pm

      I believe it was Giles Lupien

  5. Dunny

    August 18, 2011 at 1:25 pm

    I’ve seen better swings on a porch.

  6. Tommy

    August 18, 2011 at 1:27 pm

    Cat fights are better!!!!!

  7. vja

    August 18, 2011 at 1:42 pm

    I remember a sparing match involving two NHL players.
    They acted menacely and jestured to throw punches.
    They did not get fighting or rughing penalties, but rather
    delay of game penalties. No punches landed.

  8. Delta511

    August 18, 2011 at 2:10 pm

    Honestly throwing slaps was a pretty good idea. The other guy was wearing a helmet and a visor. A hockey player with broken hands isn’t very useful.

  9. Madi Lawson

    August 18, 2011 at 2:37 pm

    thank goodness the refs were there to stop them from hurti…i mean, from futher embarrasing themselves.

  10. greg mulligan

    August 18, 2011 at 2:45 pm

    Wow. By comparison, David Ortiz’s fight with that pitcher from Baltimore doesn’t look so pathetic.

  11. Doug

    August 18, 2011 at 2:46 pm

    That was some of the worst carnage I’ve witnessed in professional sports. I think the dude in blue left with a pinch mark.

  12. Michael B

    August 24, 2011 at 5:40 pm

    In the words of Frank Stallone, “Stupid, fu$&^#$, Russian bast@(&#.

  13. Michael B

    August 24, 2011 at 5:41 pm

    ….and fuc*%# pus$(#$

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