Archive for August, 2011
Friends, enemies, comrades, foes, Red Sox fans, Yankees fans: one day, many, many years from now, you will tell your grandchildren where you were when the Great Hashtag War of 2011 between Red Sox Nation and the Evil Empire erupted and how soldiers on both sides fought valiantly, bravely and with honor. Sadly, as is often the case, many courageous Twitter accounts were lost in the epic battle, but each Twitter user’s valor and commitment to the cause despite the grave risk which faced them lives on and echoes throughout the interwebs, solemnly reminding Red Sox fans and Yankees fans alike the high price that is paid in hashtag wars, not only in the lost tweets, but the considerable toll it takes upon your very soul. Your very soul.
And for people who are not fans of either team: we will remember this as the day when the rivalry between these two teams moved on into yet another arena to bug the ever-loving hell out of us. Seriously, this is just stupid, stupid, stupid.
[via @RedSox]
Apparently, the above video is all part of a media blitz initiated for the purpose of getting the word out regarding Cleveland Browns running back Peyton Hillis’ brand-spanking-new website, coincidentally named PeytonHillis.com. It’s called “Peyton Hillis vs. Chuck Norris.”
Jeez, this guy has gone from a virtual unknown to being voted as the cover boy for Madden 12, now he has his own website featuring patently absurd videos of him imitating Chuck Norris. Only in America.
[H/T Cleveland.com]
Earlier today, we covered Chris Johnson’s Twitter ramblings regarding his forays into polytheism. Now we have this doozy. Yeah, this won’t end well. Not for anybody.
It appears the above tweet is in response to the flak Johnson was receiving due to the following message he relayed to his followers earlier today:
I like to thank everyone who have me in their prayers thru my situation, it’s much needed
Oh, man. Thanking people for having you in their prayers as you stay away from your job to extort millions upon millions of additional dollars from your employer? Ouch. While it is impossible to argue against the undeniable fact that Chris Johnson deserves far more compensation than he would make under his current contract and the fact that it hasn’t appeared that up to this point that either side has been willing to budge from their respective unreasonable positions, once again: thanking everyone for having you in their prayers? Bad idea tweets, dude. Bad Idea Tweets.
UPDATE: Man, it didn’t take long for Johnson’s public image to take a serious hit. Check out the file photo the Chicago Sun-Times used for their story regarding the running back’s Bad Idea Tweet:
Ha. Hilarious. Check out this guy’s killer dance moves during a youth football league game. Maybe no music is playing out loud, but the rhythm is in his soul and cannot be silenced. Good for this guy, making the best of it and having a good time while officiating a game between a bunch of little rugrats.
Granted, he’s nowhere near as flamboyant as Dancing Soccer Referee Prancing Guy, but perhaps that’s what makes him and his gridiron get-down so endearing: its subtlety.
[H/T Guyism]
Because they are coyotes, get it? Both the goalie, recently signed Phoenix netminder Mike Smith, and the coyote, hence the name Wile E. Coyote! Synergy!
Created by artist David Darrigo, the Wile E. Coyote mask is an idea and work of utter genius and brilliantly done.
The story behind the mask, from Arrigo’s website (via Puck Daddy):
During this summer’s Free Agent frenzy, the Phoenix Coyotes signed my good friend Mike Smith (Smitty) to a multi-year contract.
A new beginning for Mike, and a new beginning for his goalie mask designs. Gone are the days of pirates, X-Men, lightning bolts, and swordfish…
Cometh the day of desert dogs!
Smitty has always been open to experimenting with new designs. This time around I wanted to try a perspective that I hadn’t seen before.
I wanted The Coyote character to be the centre point, however I wanted to continue the graphic along the sides of the mask (rather than having multiple images overlapping).
Additional photos of Arrigo’s masterful handiwork follow.
Despite Tennessee Titans running back’s contract situation remaining at an impasse (although word on the street is something could be in the offing that could possibly end his lengthy holdout), Chris Johnson is still thankful for all he has been blessed with in his fortuitous life. And he took to Twitter this morning to thank the powers above for waking him up to live happily for another day. What makes it odd is that Johnson thanks the “men” above, not the “man” above (as in the “big guy upstairs,” “the Good Lord up above,” etc.). Who knew Chris Johnson was into polytheism? Not me.
I wonder what polytheistic belief system Johnson adheres to: ancient Greek, Roman, possibly Nordic, Vedic, Celtic? Hard to say. Maybe he’s a practicing Hindi. Who knows? Further, it’s not any of our business either way. Live and let live, I say, and thank the deity (or deities, or neither) above for giving you another day to celebrate life. And then make helluva lot of money due to your incredible ability to play football, in Chris Johnson’s case.
[via @ChrisJohnson28]
LFL | Season 3 | Week 1 | The Story from LFL Films on Vimeo.
Of course they do. Of course they do.
It was a wet, hot and steamy evening (and yet the weather was remarkably mild) in Green Bay last Friday, my friends, when the Minnesota Valkyries invaded Wisconsin to take on Titletown, U.S.A.’s Lingerie Football League squad, the Chill. And as you can see in the above video, things were straight up out of control inside the turfed tundra of Resch Center. Doesn’t have quite the same ring as Lambeau Field, but the symbiotic relationship that exists between Green Bay’s football fans and their now two beloved football teams was on full display when two of the lovely lasses from the Chill, after scoring touchdowns, did their own versions of the Lambeau Leap, jumping into the stands to revel in the borderline creepy adulation exhibited by the fans.
The leaps occur about two minutes and three minutes into the video but watch it in its entirety: the highlights, the aforementioned rabid fans and the statements from the players are all chock-full of goodness. I especially enjoy the one gal who says she knows that people have her on their fantasy football team. Lingerie League fantasy football? If you find yourself among the subset of football fans who participate in a Lingerie League Fantasy Football League, well, there’s no turning back for you. You have crossed over into some pretty ridiculous territory. Oh, and Green Bay beat lost to Minnesota 28-25, just in case you had some big money riding on the game.
[H/T Off the Bench, video via Vimeo]
Goodness gracious! Wow, what a wild and crazy guy. To be honest, I just can’t see that sort of reckless behavior coming from the buttoned-down, ultra-serious head coach of the Dallas Cowboys. But apparently, it be true: former teammate Troy Aikman relayed the story of the debauchery which ensued after Garrett, Darryl Johnston and several Cowboys teammates participated in a charity golf tournament years back and decided to hit Joe T. Garcia’s Mexican Restaurant in Fort Worth and rage. Just let it all hang out in a demonstration of pure, unadulterated, devil-may-care raging, my friends. Buckle up, because here comes the backstory behind the insanity when Jason Garrett jumped into a pool…with his clothes on!!!!
“I can see everyone doing it that was there except Jason,” Aikman, who admitted that he wasn’t at the restaurant, said during a PwC-SMU Athletic Forum at the Hilton Anatole Hotel. “Jason Garrett was doing that. So that’s the one blemish I have on him. I don’t think that will keep him from getting elected if he ran for office.”
Ha! Won’t keep him from getting elected if he ran for office. I don’t know, though, who knows what other kinds of madness hides behind the steely facade put forth by Garrett that he uses to obfuscate his hidden dark side which manifested in extreme, unruly behavior during his playing days? Partying at the infamous “White House” with Michael Irvin? Maybe. Scoping out the swinging senior lady scene with the rascally Jimmy Johnson? Perhaps. Skipping out on Remedial English classes with Emmitt Smith? Oh, you better believe it. The guy jumped into a freaking pool with his clothes on, for cripes sake. There is no telling what kind of heinous acts this man is capable of doing. I guess we should have expected stories like these to ultimately surface about a man who just recently compared defining physicality in football to defining pornography. The man is a depraved cretin.
Troy Aikman tells story of fully-clothed Jason Garrett jumping into restaurant pool [The Dallas Morning News]
(Photo courtesy of Bert Bouwman, via Fox Sports North)
Hey look, more sports-themed corn mazes. Just a few weeks ago, it was the Stanley Cup champion goalie Tim Thomas corn maze which prompted my pals at Busted Coverage to seek out more sports-themed corn mazes. Now we have this one, located in Brooklyn Park, Minnesota which honors the 20th anniversary of the 1991 World Series championship of the Minnesota Twins.
Constructed and maintained by Brazilian-born Bert Bouwman, the corn maze is the central attraction of the Twin Cities Harvest Festival and Maze and the above image depicts the second incarnation of a Twins-centric corn maze (to read about last year’s Twins maze and the incredible amount of work, both in manpower, time, not to mention the cost associated with the undertaking, read the Star Tribune article here).
The plan for the corn maze begins at Bouwman’s kitchen table in early spring, where he maps out the plan on graph paper for the 15.1 acre plot of land the maze sits on. Via Fox Sports North:
“We thought about what a big deal that year was for Twins fans in this area and decided to try and incorporate something that celebrated that championship.” he said.
“We are a family of seven, so we wanted to come up with an idea that was cost-friendly for big families,” he said. “When you see all the smiling faces here in the fall and hear the laughter of the children it makes you feel quite proud of the work you do.
“Everyone chips in, but this takes months to perfect and many long hours in the summer of getting the corn down,” Bouwman said.
Once the design is in finished form after cutting, weeding, etc., the maze is cut through the design, which apparently can take up to one hour to successfully navigate. Impressive work. And no, I’m not going to use “a-maze-ing” to describe it, either. Or even a-maize-ing, for that matter. It’s been done and to be honest, would just come across as completely corny.
Tribute to 1991 Twins is simply a-maize-ing [Fox Sports North]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• Jeez, when you cannot trust two complete strangers in a fast food restaurant’s parking lot selling high-end computer equipment, we are truly lost as a society. A 22-year-old woman in Spartanburg, South Carolina was a victim of a sophisticated ruse when she came upon two enterprising fellows selling iPads for $300 apiece in a McDonald’s parking lot. The duo agreed to sell her one for $180 but upon closer inspection (after she opened a sealed FedEx box containing the purported iPad once she got home), she discovered that it was simply a block of wood painted black with an Apple logo. DERP! [azcentral]
• Ladies and gentlemen, Kansas State’s new mascots: the EcoEnforcers. Hoo boy. [Off the Bench]
• Um, yay? Kid Rock, Lady Antebellum and Maroon 5 to perform during NFL season kickoff show. I would have preferred Toddler Stone, Lord Cerebellum and Crimson 12, mainly because those acts don’t exist. Or suck. [Shutdown Corner]
• South Carolina QB Andrew Clifford crashed his moped while carrying pizza. [Larry Brown Sports]
• The Stanley Cup took a bit of a tumble under Michael Ryder’s watch. [Puck Daddy]
• The Royals’ Brayan Pena: Earth’s defender against the onslaught of the praying mantis menace. [Big League Stew]
• Here’s a commercial featuring ESPN’s Lee Corso eating grass. Yep. [Awful Announcing]
• Check out NBA Offseason’s super cool band-themed t-shirts. [The Basketball Jones]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: If I Go Extinct I Swear I Will Take As Many Humans With Me As I Can (By A Karner Blue Butterfly)
Well, I don’t know exactly what I’ll do. Gouge my eyes and eardrums out with a letter opener, perhaps? It’s just…a horrible, rage-inducing, blood-curdling thirty seconds of awfulness is what it is. How dare Old Navy bastardize the Night Ranger classic, “Sister Christian” in such a wholly inappropriate manner? “Sister Christian” is without a doubt the best tune to feature the drummer as lead vocalist, with “What I Like About You” by The Romantics and every hit from The Carpenters rounding out the top of the list. What about “Beth” by KISS, you ask? How dare you?
Back to “Sister Christian”: the song deserves so much better than having a bunch of blank-eyed, soulless models (but they look really artificially happy like they are on a double-dose of Gleemonex or something – Happiness Pie, anyone?) butchering it with parodied lines like “He brought pizza, he’s alright.” Dammit. Ooh, I get it, the people holding the garage party are Alabama fans and the guy pulling up on some kind of Tiger-themed motorbike is an Auburn fan but since he brought some Domino’s, they’ll set aside their differences to nosh on some ‘za. And believe me, the pizza is coming with extra cheese. Guh.
Go to hell, Old Navy. Your commercials, leading up to and including this one, are the suckiest bunch of suck that has ever sucked.
There you go. Sorry, is it just me or are the outfits Dwyane Wade is wearing for his photo shoot for VMAN magazine a bit on the odd side? Now, I’m no fashionisto (?), but I do know what looks good, understated and classy and what comes across as way over the top and a little garish. For example, I have ceased wearing cargo shorts and Misfits t-shirts to important meetings, a stylistic move which has helped me triple my sales with my side business selling PartyLite candles. Now I wear some nice cotton slacks and Samhain t-shirts. Personally, I think it comes across as much more professional. But enough about me.
In all honesty, just because Wade’s outfits are not my style does not mean they are not stylish. I’m living here in flyover country and probably wouldn’t know a burgeoning fashion trend if it burgeoned me right in the face. But I have to take issue with the bottom right photo featuring Dwyane Wade wearing super short shorts and hauling timber or whatever those hunks of wood are supposed to be. All I know is I’m waiting for Simon of Cyrene to enter into the frame in a subsequent photo and help Wade lug those things.
[H/T The Post Game (via The Basketball Jones)]
Who woulda thunk it, right? To make the story even more interesting/confusing, these four lads happen to pledge their chest-painting allegiance to the 3-23 Tusla Shock. Hey, when you gotta support the team, you gotta support the team. Even if they stink. But brighter days might be ahead, as the Shock recently halted a 20-game losing streak by going on a two-game tear of winning. Awesome. And these guys are cheering them on.
The best part? One of the guys goes by the moniker “The Shocker.” Yikes.
Video follows.
Ouch, Ovie. Your dance moves are whack, homey. Appearing relatively uninterested, here’s Washington Capitals superstar Alexander Ovechkin failing to inspire the party-starting during a cameo appearance in a Russian rap video. I mean it’s pretty awkward. Perhaps it would help if I spoke Russian and could understand exactly what is going on in this video, but listen, I’m no card-carrying Communist, comrade.
The video is chock-full of confusing images: the young karate kid at the end. Russian carnies. Ovechkin trying to rap. Weird stuff.
But really, could Ovechkin’s performance convey his apparent disinterest any better? It’s like he’s secretly wishing he was instead participating in drunken revelry while partying down on a boat in Turkey. Or getting a root canal.
[H/T D.C. Sports Bog]
Egad! That thing is certifiably terrifying. And while stating that purchasing this frightening doll which bears a minor, albeit spooky, resemblance to the Pittsburgh Steelers superstar safety could result in brutal murder by tiny, demonic, felt hands might be kind of a stretch, it is safe to say that gazing upon this creation right before bedtime will definitely result in bad dreams. I’m talking about soul-stealing nightmare fuel.
Number 43 — Big velvet Hair, warm felt eyes, squeezable, throwable and all around the second-cuddliest Troy Polamalu around.
I made him from repurposed felt, velvet, and fleece — hand designed, and then sewn by machine & hand too. He stands about a foot and half tall, and is stuffed full of the bounciest polyfill.
He’s durable, sweet, handmade, and ready to sit through a sure-to-be-victorious Superbowl!
The cost for the “second-cuddliest Troy Polamalu around” “who is ready to sit through a sure-to-be-victorious, um, Superbowl”? Twenty-nine smackeroos, plus shipping and handling, of course.
I appreciate that the artist behind the stitched creation of Troy Polamalu Nightmare Fuel Doll made the dolls out of re-purposed felt, velvet and fleece (the fact that it was created through the use of spare parts kind of makes it a distant cousin to Frankenstein’s Monster, only not reanimated – yet), I don’t know, man, it’s just far too creepy for my tastes. As far as terrifying dolls are concerned, I’d place this bad boy right between the clown doll from Poltergeist and Susan Ross’ doll that bore an eerie resemblance to Estelle Costanza.
[H/T PSAMP]
