Archive for July, 2011
Hoo boy, this ain’t good. The interwebs caught fire last week when photogs captured Tiger Woods ex, Elin Nordegren, canoodling with a new, unnamed man. Later it was discovered that this new fellow was some rich guy named Jamie Dingman and that the two had been dating for some time but had managed to keep their relationship under wraps. Unfortunately for poor Miss Elin, her new beau has brought something back into her life she would prefer not to deal with again – a woman from her past has reared her ugly, gold-digging head: alleged Tiger Woods mistress Rachel Uchitel.
According to reports, Elin Nordegren’s new boyfriend, the aforementioned Dingman, allegedly was involved in a romantic relationship with Uchitel a few years ago, perhaps at the same time Tiger was reportedly involved with her. Yikes.
Via the Chicago Sun-Times:
Even though Dingman’s dalliance with Uchitel predated his relationship with Nordegren, she is devastated she was blindsided by all this — especially since Dingman didn’t tell her about the creepy connection until after the news broke.
“I think she’s worried she’s stumbled on another ‘Tiger,’ ” said a close Nordegren friend Monday.
Sheesh. Poor, poor Elin. When is this scorned woman every going to catch a break? You know, except for the being filthy rich, beautiful and having the entire world’s sympathy for having the unfortunate experience of being married to a horndogging scoundrel part.
Still, one has to wonder if this latest development will put the kibosh on the couple’s budding romance. All I would add is maybe Elin should stop focusing on becoming involved with überwealthy, globetrotting high rollers and settle down with a regular, down-to-earth guy. A sports blogger, perhaps. Stranger things have happened, right? Okay, no, a stranger thing has never happened, nor will there ever be a stranger thing than that.
Elin Nordegren stunned to learn new man slept with Tiger Woods mistress [Chicago Sun-Times]
Quite impressive. Pretty fly for an old guy, wouldn’t you say?
During a fantasy basketball camp put on by the Charlotte Bobcats, one of the camp’s attendees, a young lady, inquired of His Airness whether or not he could still throw it down. Being the die-hard competitor that Jordan was, is and always will be, he of course obliged with a demonstration of the fact, that yes, even in his advancing age, he retains some of his dunking ability. Granted it wasn’t as awe-inspiring as Jordan in his heyday, it was nonetheless a legit dunk.
Eye on Basketball does some math to illustrate MJ’s somewhat diminished, yet impressive, leaping skills.
Let’s crunch some numbers. JumpUSA.com lists Jordan’s standing reach at eight to 10 feet while noting that you need to be able to touch four to six inches above the rim to dunk a ball. So we can calculate (estimate) that Jordan has, at minimum, an 18″ vertical leap. Pretty solid given that he is pushing 50 years old. In case you were wondering, the site lists his highest measured vertical at 43″.
So there you go. While quite a downward deviation from Jordan’s gravity-defying prowess from years past, he still got up there and flushed it, whereas I’m nowhere close to 48 and some days it’s a grind to simply flush a toilet, let alone flush a basketball. Not that I ever could dunk in the first place. Being 5-foot, 10-inches tall with no vertical leaping ability had a lot to with that, I guess. Sigh.
Still, I don’t know which thing causes me to be more impressed: the fact that Michael Jordan can still dunk or that he can rock a Hitler mustache without worldwide condemnation. Something to think about.
Michael Jordan can still dunk at 48 [Eye on Basketball]
Ha. It’s funny because they made Rory McIlroy the baby. Fitting, in light of his whiny comments regarding the weather conditions during the freaking British Open. One would suspect he’d be plenty familiar with it.
In any event, the poster. ‘Tis true: nobody does party like the Paddies and if these four blokes (McIlroy, Darren Clarke, Padraig Harrington and Graeme McDowell – at least I assume that’s him – it has to be, although the raggedy hair and beard are a bit of a throw-off) are uniting for an epic drinking binge in order to celebrate Clarke’s breakthrough major championship victory, plenty of pints of Guinness shall be downed. Probably some Jameson as well, but as an aside, Rory does kind of strike me as a fellow who would enjoy a Bailey’s or two from time to time. Just a hunch. Either way, as McIlroy put it himself, “I think this picture could be quite appropriate over the next week haha.” Haha, indeed.
[via @McIlroyRory]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• If it’s not a big enough crime to be cooking up a batch of meth in a hotel room, Christopher Stanly Fondren, 35, of Jackson, Tennessee, committed another egregious act while doing so when he microwaved a Hot Pockets sandwich in the microwave, funking up the entire hotel with the funkified odors of said “foodstuff.” Even worse, the Hot Pocket exploded in the microwave, starting a fire which brought authorities to Fondren’s hotel room where they found meth making equipment in the garbage. What say you, Jim Gaffigan? [azcentral]
• How about I kick off my work week of linking with the easiest one ever? “This Is The Greatest Collection Of Kate Upton Pictures You Will Ever See.” Easy enough. [With Leather]
• Colin Cowherd just needs to go away. While that has been true for years, his latest comments about how Roger Goodell is like a father figure to fatherleess African American players seals the deal. [Awful Announcing]
• Oh dear: Brian Wilson is going to meet President Obama. This will not end well. [Off the Bench]
• Here’s some photos of Titans receiver Kenny Britt handcuffed on stage at a Britney Spears concert. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Roy Halladay had to leave his start because of the heat. [Rumors & Rants]
• The 10 most unrealistic sports scenes in movie history. [Midwest Sports Fans]
• Here’s some video from Day One of the Los Angeles Kings Ice Girl tryouts. [Sharapova's Thigh]
• When NBA mascots go planking. [That NBA Lottery Pick]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Drunken Man Makes Interesting Point About Society
Ha! Awesome. Make sure you click on the above image in order to see it in its full-sized glory.
Well done, little fella. To me, this photo is like one of those paintings where no matter where you walk, it feels like the eyes in the portrait are following you, gazing into your very soul.
Yeah, I thought this was as good as anything as a means to wrap up the week. I’m heading out of town for a long weekend and will be back on Tuesday. Be well.
[image via BuzzFeed]
Chris Kluwe is a pretty funny guy, especially for a punter. Who can forget his handful of whiteboard witticisms over the past year or so?
Well, extreme boredom seems to have finally become virtually unbearable for the Minnesota Vikings punter (his band Tripping Icarus must be on hiatus or something), because yesterday, Kluwe uploaded his latest online opus: one of those “Downfall of Hitler” parodies that I thought had finally memed itself out of existence, but apparently, I was wrong. So there you go. All in all, it’s a pretty good effort put forth by Kluwe. Well done.
WARNING: Of course, there is some salty language contained therein…spelled out, even! So people who are offended by sequences of letters that spell out swear words probably should eschew viewing it.
"Jazz hands!!!"
While the word on the street is that for all intents and purposes, the NFL lockout may be as close to coming to an end as it has ever been, the fact remains that the lockout remains in effect. But guess what? That ain’t stopping that old outlaw Hank Williams Jr. He’s actually in Florida filming the promo for the upcoming season of Monday Night Football, something he has been affiliated with for 23 seasons now. That is mind-blowing. But am I the only person who grown progressively tired of the schtick with each passing year? Yeah, we get it: we’re supposed to be ready for some football, a Monday night party, yadda yadda yadda. Stop asking me if I’m ready, dammit. You know damn well I’m ready – I got the friggin’ TV tuned to the channel broadcasting the blasted football game, so can we finally move on? Furthermore, is it just me, or do the shots from the current incarnation of the intro look exactly like every other season’s?
Yet, despite how sick I have become of the Monday Night Football opening sequence, it is leaps and bounds superior to that absolutely ridiculous intro to Sunday Night Football. I don’t care if Faith Hill looks halfway decent in it, I literally have to change the channel during it, lest I become embarrassed for everyone involved with the entire awkward presentation. Seriously, it’s awful. The hackneyed lyrics, in particular the references to Al Michaels and Cris Collinsworth, are dreadful. Simply and utterly dreadful.
Hank Williams Jr., for one, is ready for football [The Tennessean]
It has taken a few days, but Pittsburgh Steelers wide receiver Hines Ward has finally addressed his DUI arrest last weekend via his Facebook account. Let me rephrase that: It has taken a few days, but Pittsburgh Steelers wide receiver Hines Ward has finally kind of sort of not really but yeah addressed his DUI arrest last weekend via his Facebook account. To wit (via Pittsburgh Tribune-Review):
Fans – I appreciate all the love and support. Thank you! It means a lot to me. I have a great respect for the legal system and am leaving things in the hands of my attorney. I can’t wait for football. I’ve been working out hard. I want to get back to the big show again this year. We have some unfinished business to take care of. So we will be ready to go when we are given the Green light. Here we go! Hines
Fair enough. Of course, it should come as no surprise nor should anyone have expected Ward to go into great detail regarding his arrest, but what I found much more interesting is a post Ward made on July 8th, one day prior to his arrest:
How many of you guys and gals text while driving? I am bad at doing that. It’s very unsafe. Help remind me from time to time to stop texting, tweeting, or facebook while driving. Let’s help each other!
I have to agree. Texting while driving is very unsafe indeed. Very interesting. While Ward is in fact innocent until proven guilty, I find the juxtaposition between the post and the stance he took therein and his arrest one day later quite interesting. Maybe his attorney will utilize the texting angle in Ward’s defense, although I don’t see how his lawyer can argue that texting could cause Ward to reportedly have a BAC of 0.128, according to the police report.
Steelers’ Ward uses Facebook to comment on DUI [Pittsburgh Tribune Review]
You just have to to love Jim “Bones” Mackay, Phil Mickelson’s longtime caddie. He’s always willing to do whatever is necessary to assist Phil stay focused. But even more than that, Bones is keenly aware of the moments when Phil is taking things too seriously and not enjoying himself. And what better way to interject some lightheartedness than by playfully lifting a leg and letting one rip? I know I find hilarious. Don’t you?
But more importantly, how did Phil take it? This photo was taken on the 18th hole during the first round. Beginning his second round at even par, Phil went out and shot a 69 today in a major that has historically given him fits. Mickelson is now sitting at a respectable 1-under heading into the weekend. I’d say the impromptu, on-course flatulence did the trick.
[image via]
I cannot tell you how many times I have made a critical mistake on the internet only to have Mötley Crüe drummer Tommy Lee swoop in and make things right. Okay, that’s never happened, and frankly, it would be frightening if it ever did, but newly signed New York Rangers center Brad Richards can thank the stars for the heavy metal legend stumbling across a computer at a New York City hotel where Richards had neglected to log out of his Twitter account. Richards subsequently suspected that his account had been hacked, but as you can see here, Lee noticed the error and promptly remedied the situation. Amazing. And completely bizarre.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I now have to go rock out to some Shout At The Devil. For nostalgia’s sake. Maybe I’ll throw in some Girls, Girls, Girls while I’m at it.
[H/T Puck Daddy]
Let this be a lesson to the kids: Ambien and late-night emails demanding the presence of a rock guitar god at your birthday party do not mix. The more you know.
I suppose we should cut Lance Armstrong a bit of slack on this one. It’s not like he’s competing any longer and he should be able to abuse prescription drugs like every other red-blooded American, although I suspect the French will nevertheless insist that he agree to submit to a urine test. And who out there hasn’t succumbed to the soothing aspects of an Ambien binge and the drug-addled rantings subsequently blasted out via email. You know how it goes: you pop a couple of Ambien, down a Michelob Ultra or two or eight and before you know it, all Hell breaks loose. If I had a nickel…
You know, come to think of it, we have seen warning signs of Lance’s issues with Ambien well before the above tweet: I mean the guy goes mountain biking with some pals and thinks he can alter the terrain with a casual wave of his hand. Might be time for an intervention.
[via @lancearmstrong]
Oh dear. Well, that’s certainly a sight to behold. Miguel Ángel Jiménez, the pontail-sporting, stogie-smoking Spaniard is a spry forty-seven years of age, so it comes as no surprise that in order to get loose and limber for a daunting 18 holes of golf at The Open Championship at Royal St. George’s, a bit of stretching is required. What is particularly disturbing, though, is the subtle eroticism involved in said stretching.
But what makes the video great is the BBC’s Peter Arliss’ detailed, colorful commentary. Maybe great is not the word. Disturbing, perhaps.
And many thanks to Mr. Jay Busbee over at Devil Ball Golf, who passed along this tweet from revered, longtime sportswriter Dan Jenkins, which I believe sufficiently encapsulates a sufficient description of Miguel’s pre-round warm-up:
Miguel Angel Jimenez has a warm-up routine that would get a stripper arrested.
Indeed, Mr. Jenkins. Couldn’t have described it better myself.
[H/T Devil Ball Golf]
Heh. “Colon stinky.” While somewhat played out, the reference nevertheless remains funny because…you know damn well why it’s funny: because we’re all a bunch of sophomoric, immature mouthbreathers here on the interwebs, that’s why.
At the same time, after looking at Yankees pitcher Bartolo Colon’s stats from last night’s 16-7 drubbing laid upon the Yankees by the Toronto Blue Jays (2/3 inning pitched, 6 hits, 8 runs – only 2 earned, 2 walks), it’s hard to argue with the headline writer’s assessment.
On second look, however, there is something even more vile, more “stinky,” as it were, polluting the screencap above from the New York Daily News: a Mike Lupica column. Talk about vile.
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• In yesterday’s Wake N’ Blog, I brought you what I believe to be the best headline ever: “Owner Of Killer Bear Chokes To Death On Sex Toy.” As you can see above, today’s headline is no slouch, either. Snippets from the disturbing AP report: “A New Mexico man was indicted after police said he was linked through DNA samples to semen-tainted yogurt samples handed out at a grocery store…Anthony Garcia, 32, appeared in court Thursday after being indicted the day before on charges of adulterating food and making false statements to federal investigators…Officers responded to the store after a woman called to report an employee had given her what she was told was a yogurt sample. The woman told police she believed it was actually a bodily fluid.” Gross. One question: how did this lady know it contained semen? I’m not saying, I’m just saying. Still, nasty. [azcentral]
• The ageless Tom Watson wasn’t going to let Dustin Johnson hog all the attention, drains his own hole-in-one. [Larry Brown Sports]
• In the newest edition of Rick’s Cafe, Rick discusses why we love Hope Solo and how eventually we all may love women’s soccer as well. [Off the Bench]
• Fascinating (and enraging) piece about how writer Bruce Feldman has been suspended indefinitely by ESPN for doing something they gave him permission to do. ESPN, you gotta love them. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]
• A male Kentucky cheerleader plummets four stories, lands on feet, survives. Also, he might be a cat. No, he’s not a cat. [Busted Coverage]
• The most recent edition of The Dugout takes an amusing gander at the Roger Clemens trial. [With Leather]
• Recurring features figure prominently in today’s Wake N’ Blog. Here’s another: a new KSK Sex/Fantasy Football Mailbag. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Brian Cardinal has some interesting suggestions for NBA Championship mementos. [That NBA Lottery Pick]
• Nine last-minute NFL Lockout player demands. [Sports Pickle]
• Harry Potter/NFL Lockout comparisons. [TAUNTR]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Report: You Know You Are A F**king Idiot, Right?
