Archive for July, 2011
Boy, Comrie looks real impressed with his wife’s antics, doesn’t he? We all knew it was only a matter of time before the Pittsburgh Penguins center began to get tired of her crap, right?
Okay, that might be a bit harsh, but I came across this photo during my daily perusal of E! Online (yeah, like I’m not going to keep up with Ted Casablanca’s “The Awful Truth” – as if!), and apparently, the lovely and I guess talented Miss Duff is demonstrating the newest craze that will hopefully replace planking then disappear as quickly as it arrived: owling.
As you can see, you perch like an owl and it’s supposedly funny. Apparently. Duff tweeted that she was avoiding the so-called “Carmagedon” all weekend and instead opted to annoy her hubby with her ornithological demonstrations.
I don’t know, I like Hilary and all, but this isn’t as good as the extensive photo collection Comrie snapped during the couple’s vacation in Capri, nor is it as entertaining as whatever the hell she is doing to her then fiance is this photo. But I’ll give her an “E” for effort. Speaking of which, thanks, E! See what I did there? No? Well, I suppose you might still be focusing on the two photo links directly preceding this sentence. I can see how that could happen.
Forget Planking, Hilary Duff Shows Off Her Owling Skills! [E! Online]
First, Jenn Sterger did Versus, but that show (The Daily Line) was canceled. Now, the ambitious brunette has set her sights on another basic cable channel as she desperately (and to be honest, admirably) attempts to resuscitate her stymied and compromised career after the entire Brett Favre sexting scandal. And said legitimate, professional, media-type reemergence begins on a little channel known as Spike TV.
Sterger has recently shot a pilot for something called Spike’s Spare Time, a mishmash of a show where Sterger will interview celebrities while the two engage in a bitter ball and pins battle on well-oiled lanes – bowling to the layperson.
The New York Post‘s Page Six has the inside scoop on what has to be considered a 7-10 split of a show:
It’s probably the one sport I’m pretty awesome at,” she told Page Six. “I’ve bowled since I was 6. I was in all of the youth leagues and a bunch of traveling leagues in Florida.” Back then, she told us, her average was 189, with an all-time high of 289.
Wow, 189. That’s pretty impressive. I bowled in leagues for years in my 20s and while I might have gotten close a time or two for a few week stretch, I’m pretty sure I never eclipsed that average over an extended period of time. And a high score of 289? Wowee kazowee. Are we sure she wasn’t playing Wii Bowling and was confused. Nah, she’s got a good head on her shoulders.
Still, I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m looking forward to the lovely Jenn Sterger strutting her stuff on the lanes, whipping down a wicked bender of a ball for strike upon strike on Spike while interviewing, um, I don’t know, some “celebrity.”
But seriously, I hope this latest attempt at a career resurrection goes well for Sterger. Plus, as far as unorthodox concepts for talk shows are concerned, you can’t complain with watching an attractive woman bowl. It’s not like you’re seeing late down at your local bowling alley. Those places are like damn leper colonies. Only with beer.
Bowling pilot for Jenn [New York Post]
Fact: if you want to keep up with everything and anything going on Philadelphia sports-related, you ought to bookmark The700Level. You shan’t be disappointed. The fellas bring it every day.
Now with that public service announcement out of the way, allow me to move on to this delightful little animated short, “Baseball Friends: Ryan Howard and Chase Utley.”
From the creator of “Baseball Friends,” mutsack:
Ever wonder what pro baseball players chat about on the team bus? Well, ‘Baseball Friends’ takes real audio from a conversation between Ryan Howard and Chase Utley and turns it into a cartoon. This is as real as it gets, folks.
Indeed. As real as it gets. While I have no reason to doubt the veracity of the creator’s claims as to the audio’s legitimacy, it is hard to believe that Ryan Howard and Chase Utley would be so open, so personal, so vulnerable when describing their hopes and dreams to each other, in particular how Utley dreams about hitting home runs. But who knows? It’s not like I know either of them.
What I do know, however, is that if Chase Utley is exactly in person as he is portrayed in the above video, I do know one person who would be thrilled to get the chance to participate in a real deep conversation with the Philadelphia Phillies star:
It’s hard to believe, but the presence of the actor who expertly portrays Ben Chang on Community causes Kate Upton appear that much sexier. And he’s a pretty handsome fella in his own right, so that’s saying something. Exactly what, I do not know.
But seriously, these are some pretty sultry pics of the überhot Upton, even with the Jeong photobombing and that other guy. Just consider it a midday treat from your Friendly Neighborhood Blogger-Man.
[via GQ via The Big Lead (H/T BuzzFeed)]
Oklahoma, Nebraska. Same difference.
While it is strange to think that the Nebraska Cornhuskers are now a member of the Big Ten Conference and are no longer in the Big 8 Big 12, one would expect Riddell to have better quality control procedures in place to avoid a mistake like this one. All I can say for certain is that heads surely rolled at the Riddell Mini Helmet Pack Assembling Factory Place the day this particularly egregious snafu occurred. Even more so than usual.I’ve heard it’s like a freaking Third World sweatshop in that little corner of factory hell.
[via @YtownJack]
Whoa. Would you get a gander at that girth around his gut? Unbelievable. Professional athletes in the offseason: they’re just like us! Well, just like me, except my spare tire-like beer gut is more of a year-round thing as opposed to an example of simply letting oneself go a bit during downtime, but still.
Washington Capitals superstar (and a wild and crazy party animal guy of some renown) Alexander Ovechkin recently sat down for interview (which is embedded here on the Capitals’ website) and it appears he has put on a few pounds over the last couple of months while living the high life in his homeland of Mother Russia. But can you hardly blame him? The guy is like a friggin’ rock star over there. And in Russian rock star terms, that means he’s essentially the equivalent of how popular Quiet Riot was here stateside in 1983, because that’s the band who is currently shooting up the charts over there in Moscow. Also big in Russia right now: acid-washed jeans. Sure, the Iron Curtain fell years ago, but those mad Russians are still woefully behind on all the American pop culture fads.
But that’s not what’s important right now. What matters is that Alexander Ovechkin, who is one of the most skilled and electrifying players in the NHL, has a beer gut. I have never felt like I had more in common with a professional athlete more than I do right now. Throw in the acid-washed jeans I’m wearing right now and Ovie and I are practically like twins.
[H/T D.C. Sports Bog]
Wait. What? But apparently, it is true: the bruising Baltimore Ravens linebacker has been making quite a splash in Hollyweird: a film he produced with his production company, Team Sizzle Worldwide, and co-wrote as well, entitled When Beautiful People Do Ugly Things, was actually screened at the Cannes Film Festival this past spring. And up next is a new film he wrote, The Coalition, but he has brought in some legitimate LaLa Land heavy hitters to star in this one: Tyler Perry’s House of Payne‘s Denyce Lawton and even better, none other than Jackee Harry (simply known as Jackée), who is perhaps best known for playing the sexy and sultry (and annoyingly voiced) Sandra Clark on the classic Marla Gibbs vehicle, 227. Or maybe you are familiar with her from this Family Guy bit. Either way, she’s a big star.
So there you have it. Terrell Suggs is making the big time in Hollywood. There really isn’t much to add to this one, nor is profoundly interesting. I mean, good for Terrell Suggs and all, but really, this is all about Jackée, and opening up a whole new audience to her considerable talents. As it should be.
“Marrry.” Ha.
UPDATE: Here’s the trailer for Suggs’ new film (via Ball Junkie):
NFL Star Terrell Suggs — I’ve WRITTEN A Movie!!! [TMZ]
Ha! Gilbert Arenas’ tweet regarding how he would eschew traveling to parts unknown and instead would rather dress up as a woman and compete in the WNBA in order to play basketball in the U.S. is about as funny as the 2002 “romantic comedy” (seriously, Wikipedia?) portraying one man’s struggle to ensure everything is properly taped down and the wig is properly affixed so he could play roundball with the ladies while entering into a budding quasi-lesbian relationship with Vivica A. Fox…which sadly means said tweet was not really that funny. Yeah.
But hey, at least if Arenas’ gender-bending plan came to fruition, he likely wouldn’t face criminal charges for what he was secretly “packing” in the locker room, amirite?
[via @agentzeroshow]
Cleveland Indians closer Chris Perez is an emotional, slightly depraved man. He also might be a rageaholic. How do I know this? Well, for one thing, he just can’t live without rageahol. Secondly, his nickname is “Pure Rage” and stars in his own web-based miniseries, “:60 With Pure Rage”, so that covers his issues with rageahol. The depraved part? The guy uses the song “Firestarter” by The Prodigy as his intro music, for crying out loud. If there is something more depraved than being a fan of The Prodigy, I haven’t seen it.
Now comes video evidence of Perez in a full, blown-out display of rageaholism, and it was directed squarely at a couple of buckets of bubble gum in the Indians’ dugout, which Perez promptly took out his aggression on upon making his way down the steps. Hubba Bubba, talk about unadulterated, bubble gum hating rage, although my guess is four out of five dentists would approve of Perez’s meltdown.
It all went down at Target Field last night. Perez came to the mound in the 9th inning with the Tribe leading the Twinkies by a score of 1-0. After recording one out, Perez walked Joe Mauer, then gave up a double to Michael Cuddyer. The Indians then made the wise choice of intentionally walking Jim Thome in order to face third baseman Danny Valencia (interesting side note: Valencia and Perez were roommates in college at the University of Miami). Valencia responded to the slight with a broken bat bloop single to left, scoring Mauer and Cuddyer. Ballgame. Twins win, 2-1.
Obviously, someone who goes by the moniker “Pure Rage” isn’t going to be especially pleased when blowing his 2nd save of the season, in particular to a division rival. What say you, Chris Perez?
Via Cleveland.com:
“I thought I made some good pitches to Mauer,” Perez said, who showed his frustration in the dugout after the game. “One of four that (plate umpire Alan Porter) called balls were strikes to 95 percent of the league. But that’s baseball.”
Aha, a textbook case of psychological projection. Let’s just hope Perez gets a handle on things before his “Pure Rage” condition worsens. First, you’re spazzing out on a couple of buckets of bubble gum, the next thing you know, you’re obsessively burning stuff. Because he’s a firestarter, terrific firestarter.
Minnesota Twins rally in 9th against Chris Perez, top Cleveland Indians, 2-1, to spoil Justin Masterson’s gem [Cleveland.com]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• It hardly seems worth it, does it? Johnathan Carter, 25, arrested on five counts of assault, swallowed the above-mentioned contraband in anticipation of heading to the clink. Once locked up, Carter puked up his secret stash of smokes and now will have a promoting contraband count added to his already considerable litany of charges. [azcentral]
• This just in: bee-bearding is awesome. [With Leather]
• Five reasons why Jim Thome’s 600 home run chase isn’t generating the buzz it warrants. [Big League Stew]
• Evan Longoria is Twitter flirting with U.S. Women’s Soccer hottie Alex Morgan. [Off the Bench]
• It is going to be freaking chaotic when the NFL lockout ends. [Shutdown Corner]
• Why NBA players’ possible pilgrimage overseas to play basketball might be a bad idea. [PineRiders]
• Heartwarming story about how a brain cancer survivor has asked the Stanley Cup out on a date to raise money for research. [Puck Daddy]
• Sepak Takraw, also known as kick volleyball, is one messed up sport. [The Nosebleeds]
• Twins broadcasters fried an egg on their desk during Monday’s Minnesota-Cleveland game. [Outside the Boxscore]
• The most inappropriate Sports Illustrated for Kids covers of all-time. [Sports Pickle]
• Play fantasy baseball, win money. [More Hardball]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: (Video) Should Adults Be Allowed To Bring Kids To R-Rated Movies Where We Masturbate?
Awesome. And they went with “Sure Shot” to boot. And best of all, it really looks like Grover and company are really singing/rapping. Nicely done, video mashup creator people.
[via BuzzFeed]
Just last week we highlighted Minnesota Vikings punter Chris Kluwe’s admirable efforts at creating a lockout-themed “Hitler’s Downfall” parody video, now he’s back at it on Twitter, taking shots at some pretty big NFL names, mentioning them all and summarizing his thoughts on those players with the hashtag #douchebags.
What is sticking in Kluwe’s craw is how Peyton Manning and Drew Brees (and others, including Vincent Jackson and Logan Mankins) are selfishly attempting to hijack settlement discussions in order to negotiate their own side deals, with the possible side effect of stalling a timely resolution and end to the lockout. In the case of Manning and Brees, they want be exempt from ever having the franchise tag placed upon them during the remainder of their careers while Jackson and Mankins would like to become unrestricted free agents or alternatively, be compensated to the tune of $10 million.
Way to put your own selfish interests in front of all of your NFL-playing colleagues, and perhaps more importantly, all of your fans. The punter is right: quite the demonstration of being “that guy.” A mighty fine job pointing it out, Chris Kluwe. Screw those guys.
Ha. Gold.
While having a discussion on the program Daily News Live in Philly, panelist Ricky Bottalico fields a question from a fellow panelist regarding whether or not Roy Oswalt will make it back from injury this season. As it has happened on more than one occasion (Steve Levy’s epic error instantly comes to mind), the poor guy mentions Oswalt’s “bulging d**k” instead of the Philadelphia Phillies pitcher’s “bulging disk,” much to the enjoyment of not only himself but to his fellow talking heads. Good times all around. Bottalico’s facial expression when he realizes he just made a phallic verbal gaffe is fantastic.
But perhaps even better than that is the phenomenal editing job performed by @RayRay610 (via Crossing Broad via The Big Lead). That takes this already amusing video to a completely different level. Nothing bulge-worthy, but pretty good stuff nevertheless.
[H/T Crossing Broad (via The Big Lead)]
This is New York Islanders rookie Ryan Strome. This is him completely de-breezering (?) a goalie with a between-the-legs, spin-o-rama backhander for a gorgeous goal during a Blue & White scrimmage over the weekend. Prettay prettay prettay nifty.
However, I am a bit confused by the announcers’ commentary regarding the goal:
Announcer #1: You want to talk about mustard? Ryan Strome put it on thick!
Announcer #2: There’s mustard, there’s relish, there’s the whole hot dog on this one.
Huh? Well, I guess they have plenty of time to come up with better material before the NHL regular season begins in a few months.
[H/T Puck Daddy]
Jeez, I can’t see Major League Baseball being alright with this ad for a marijuana grow store once they catch wind of it. Wind containing gentle notes of an acridly sweet, pungent aroma, that is.
This ad was apparently in the SF Weekly, and my guess is in all likelihood, readers of said paper won’t be seeing it much longer. At least the above version of said ad with the San Francisco Giants logo in it. Bud Selig is sure to be all to willing and eager to harsh on Plant’It Earth’s mellow. Dude.
(insert your own Tim Lincecum joke here)
What? Do I have to do everything around here?
[H/T Bugs & Cranks]
