Archive for July, 2011
At least that is what we can reasonably infer given that the team sent out emails to its season ticket holders saying as much last night. One small problem: the NFLPA has yet to even hold a vote on the new collective bargaining agreement, let alone ratify it, you could say the Bengals organization’s move was more than a bit premature.
The email, in its entirety, from Bengals Blog (via Shutdown Corner):
You Ready for Some Football?
Dear XXXXX,
We are excited to let you know that the NFL has reached a new Collective Bargaining Agreement that allows the entire NFL season to be played this year.
The NFL is the most popular sport in America. Our games are intense, unifying and meaningful to fans in the stadium and to those watching at home. We are thrilled to have a labor deal in place that will provide fans with a decade of certainty and that will allow us to focus all our energies where they ought to be — on the playing field. The upcoming 2011 season will surely be exciting, and football work will begin shortly. Our coaches will begin meeting with players, and the Club will welcome back talented veterans along with exciting rookies from the April NFL Draft, like top picks A.J. Green and Andy Dalton. Whether all of that will take place in Cincinnati or Georgetown, Kentucky, will be decided shortly once we receive the NFL’s operating schedule.
Two years ago, our football team swept the AFC North—one of the toughest divisions in football—and many key components of that team remain, including defensive coordinator Mike Zimmer and a defense that ranked in the top half of the NFL for three straight seasons. The area of the team that will change the most will be the offense with a new direction under offensive coordinator Jay Gruden and new faces at quarterback and wide receiver. The mix of veterans and rookies should return our offense to the top level we need, and we are excited by the challenge.
This year—like others before it—we will focus our energies on returning to the Super Bowl again. That’s what we want and that’s what our fans want, and our franchise has been blessed with great support from fans for decades. Last season we reached a record-setting 57th straight sellout—a string we hope to restart soon—and our games have been the most-watched television program in the local market for the last applicable 96 ratings weeks. This is great football country, and incredibly: 95% of the Cincinnati population watched an NFL game during the 2009 season (third highest ranking among NFL markets).
We are very grateful to our fans, we thank you for your patience during the labor stoppage, and now we look forward to a great season together. Who Dey!
Sincerely,
Katie Blackburn
Marvin Lewis
Uh, oops. Leave it to the Bengals to make such an overreaching and epic fail. You just have to laugh at the organizational ineptitude of that franchise. Or cry, if you’re a Bengals fan. Sorry.
Bengals send out letter to season ticket holders a little too soon [Bengals Blog (via Shutdown Corner)]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• What is this world coming to? John Dancler has been fired from his job as a traffic cop in Los Angeles after it was discovered he appeared in a pornographic film while wearing his uniform. He has filed an appeal regarding his dismissal. And to that, I say, “Bow-chicka-bow-wow.” [azcentral]
• A minor league pitcher had a no-hitter taken away from him two days after the fact. [Larry Brown Sports]
• The LAPD has made two arrests in the Bryan Stow beating case. [Rumors & Rants]
• Thoughts on how we are about to enter the great age of tell-all books about Tiger Woods. [Off the Bench]
• Check out Blake Griffin’s super neat Subway superhero adventure. [The Basketball Jones]
• Houston Texans RB Arian Foster has become the first player to sign the new CBA. I think. [Bob's Blitz]
• Video of NFLPA head DeMaurice Smith interrupting a live ESPN report. [Outside the Boxscore]
• The bullpen for the Sand Diego Padres found an interesting way to keep cool.[Big League Stew]
• In today’s edition of The Dugout: How to pick up soccer chicks on the internet. [With Leather]
• Holy crap! Check out this guy’s broken nose! [The Sports Hernia Blog]
• You have got to watch this crazy bowling shot. [Midwest Sports Fans]
• Revealing diagrams of athlete brains. [Sports Pickle]
• Tiger Woods’ Makeover Doll. [TAUNTR]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Congress Continues Debate Over Whether Or Not Nation Should Be Economically Ruined
In today’s Wake N’ Blog, the odd story of the day which kicks off each link dump highlighted Gamera, a tortoise who, due to injury, had a leg amputated which was later replaced with a wheel. Thanks to the folks at BuzzFeed, I now present you a video of Gamera tooling around with its new mechanical appendage, which upon further inspection, appears to be nothing more than a modified chair caster screwed into the shell of the poor creature. Huh.
Well, at Gamera looks happy. At least as far as I can tell.
Well, this is certainly a welcome development for all of you golf fans out there who also happen to be functional illiterates that get all their news via the wonderful world of Taiwanese animation. You can get caught up with the current stories of the day without all of that pesky reading.
Wait. Why I am even bothering to write something for the benefit of functional illiterates? They can’t read it. Huh. Talk about an exercise in futility.
Following Jose Canseco on Twitter is like reading an eyewitness account of a horrific train wreck described in individual dispatches of 140 characters…with grammatical and typographical errors. But I suppose that’s half the twisted fun of it all. The guy holds nothing back.
And his latest sequence of meandering thoughts was a real doozy. Beginning with the above tweet regarding Leila, who is presumably the most recent succubus to suck the soul out of poor Jose. The reference to her being a “man eater,” could very well indicate she would be a fitting stand-in for the subject of the 1982 number one hit of the same name by the greatest duo in the history of music, Hall & Oates.
But more on that later. What followed the above tweet were the following sequence of deep thoughts:
- Just ask her previous boyfriends
- I am probably giving her all the ATT and she will get a reality show next
- How can u put a restraining order on someone u havnt seen in 4 months and lives in another state
And finally:
A broken heart is knd of like a broken bat you can use it again but it will never be the same
Now if that isn’t a perfect line for a song, I don’t know what is. If Hall & Oates ever want to make a big comeback by recording a baseball-themed, Philadelphia Soul-infused pop record, they should enlist Jose Canseco’s services as a lyrics writer.
But for now, here’s “Maneater.” Whoa-oh here she comes. Watch out, boy, she’ll chew you up.
Sure, I could have opted to not embed the classic Hall & Oates video featuring all that cheesy ’80s goodness, but when presented with the chance to make a reference to the duo, what was I supposed to do? Pass it up? Yeah, right. I can’t go for that. No can do. And now that I have alienated a majority of my readers with references to songs that were popular before they were born, I’ll stop now.
[H/T Hardball Talk]
[Tweets via @JoseCanseco]
"Shh! I'm about to tell a joke here!"
As you all know, Super Bowl XLVI will be held next February in the idyllic, tourist-friendly (especially in the winter) locale of Indianapolis, Indiana. As the owner of the Indianapolis Colts, Jim Irsay is among the many individuals whose job it is to ensure that the big game goes off without a hitch, even in the wintry climes of Indiana in February.
While addressing some of the logistical issues related to hosting a Super Bowl in Indianapolis, Irsay stepped up to the mic and performed a little improv comedy, but what made it tremendously amusing is the potshot he took at fellow owner Jerry Jones and the many troublesome developments which arose – some of which Jones had some control over and could assume at least partial responsibility, others that he could not – when Cowboys Stadium hosted Super Bowl XLV earlier this year (via Sporting News):
“We’ve got our snowplows ready and seats counted,” Irsay said.
Ha! Take that Jerry Jones! How do you like them apples! Dude, you just got so burned!
Colts owner Jim Irsay to have ‘snowplows ready’ for Super Bowl XLVI [Sporting News]
I mean, if you’re going to actually invest in Mr. T vanity plates – and who among us has not thought to do that? – you might as well go all out. Well played. That is all.
[via BuzzFeed]
Not much setup required for this bit of innuendo-based video hilarity goodness. Comcast SportsNet Washington anchor Chick Hernandez is engaging in some friendly banter with an offscreen co-anchor named Julie regarding a “Win A Free Foursome” golf promotion when Julie says, “Do you go swimming for those balls?” After saying “I don’t think so…sorry…excuse me?” Chick completely loses his composure and barely makes his way through the rest of the segment. But really can you blame him? Mentions of foursomes, balls. Really, there’s not much else he could have done.
Heh. Balls.
[H/T Awful Announcing]
Now that’s how you do it, people. We have had several instances recently where some selfish, despicable and heartless person snatches a ball away from some other person (or a bat, in one instance) that has made its way into the stands that it is refreshing to see how a young Arizona Diamondbacks fan named Ian showed the right way to go about things. More importantly, the video has, in a way, restored my faith in America’s citizenry, in particular its youth.
Here’s how it played out: as Milwaukee Brewers second baseman Rickie Weeks was making his way to the dugout after being out in the field, he tossed a baseball in the direction of a Nicholas, a young Brewers fan, sitting in the stands at Chase Field. But instead of the ball remaining in the possession of the designated fan (Nicholas), the ball ultimately ended up in the hands of Ian. Ian, a young kid in his own right and obviously thrilled at scoring the treasured souvenir, made his way back up the steps in jubilation. But upon realizing that the ball wasn’t meant for him – it was meant for Nicholas – Ian did the honorable thing and gave it to the dejected and heartbroken Brewers fan Nicholas. Awesome.
And best of all, Ian’s classy act didn’t go unnoticed. Diamondbacks broadcasters Daron Sutton and Mark Grace noticed the boy’s charitable act (via Big League Stew):
Sutton: “Are you kidding me, this kid is going to do this?”
Grace: “That is big time, right there!”
Sutton: “Oh my goodness!”
Grace: “What a nice young man!”
Even better, Sutton and Grace had Nicholas up for a visit to the broadcast booth and rewarded him with tickets to an upcoming game as well as an autographed bat from Justin Upton, his favorite Arizona player.
Once again. Awesome. Thank you, Ian, for restoring my faith in humanity. At least temporarily, until the next time some jerk ruins it for everyone again. But for now, I’m going to celebrate the inherent goodness in each and every one of us, displayed so admirably by this young kid.
Play of the day! Selfless young fan returns ball to upset boy [Big League Stew]
Pictured above is Nives Celzijus, who, according to Wikipedia (where all the information gleaned from said site can be taken as gospel), is Croatian socialite, model, singer and writer (talk about a quadruple threat). She is also well known for being married to Dino Drpić, a soccer star playing Superleague Greece.
Given her, ahem, considerable “talents” off the pitch (and I’m not talking about her singing and writing – do a Google Image Search of her – nothing great, but not too shabby, either), Celzijus has just signed on to play a match for a Croatian professional men’s soccer team. From Unprofessional Foul (via Off The Bench):
Because the Croation WAG has just signed on to play with NK Slaven Belupo in the Croatian first division. (Presumably this is a men’s team as no mention of a women’s team is in the report nor can one be located on the web.) Nives, wife of Croatian international Dino Drpic, will join Slaven Belupo on Friday in a match against Zagreb FC. Reports are that Celzijus will not start but should appear in the match later on. Of course.
Brilliant! Have her sashay her way onto the pitch for a minute or two, run around and voila! Instant sexy publicity stunt. The MLS could learn a thing or two from this Euro league. Exactly what, I’m not sure, but something.
Could Female Footballers Suit Up In MLS? [Unprofessional Foul (via Off the Bench)]
If Tiger Woods thought his divorce from Elin was an awkward ordeal somewhat played out in a public forum, his divorce from his longtime caddie Stevie Williams could prove to be that much more uncomfortable. At least Elin kept a relatively low profile and didn’t talk much about it (other than her interview with People) during her split from the golfer. By all appearances, given the way Williams has been more than willing to comment in the past 24 hours or so upon his dismissal as Tiger’s bagman, it appears he has no intention of affording Woods that luxury by going away quietly.
Speaking to CNN affiliate Mediaworks, here’s what Williams had to say about how his admiration for Woods deteriorated due to the golfer’s dalliances with what we learned to be were merely a bunch of skanky harlots (via the New York Post):
“Well, I think when you’re great friends with somebody and a situation like this occurs, you obviously lose some kind of respect,” Williams told CNN affiliate Mediaworks.
Williams added:
“I’ve stuck by him through and through,” Williams told 3 News. “Now he decides things aren’t going well for him, and I’m down the road, so the timing’s very disappointing.”
It is not surprising that Williams feels compelled to tell his side of the story, nor is it difficult to sympathize with the guy for feeling disappointed over his unceremonious dismissal. By all accounts, he always seemed to have Tiger’s back throughout the entire infidelity ordeal, rarely uttering even a word about it despite intense media scrutiny, so to be summarily dropped by Woods despite his loyalty, it makes sense that he feels it is his time to speak about his tenure with fallen superstar.
And Stevie has even more planned in that regard: he later alluded to his plan to write a book about his life, which would obviously include quite a bit about Tiger:
“You know, when I write my book, it’ll be the time I decide what I write,” Williams said. “It’ll just be one of those interesting chapters in the book.”
Ooh, that will certainly be a juicy chapter, to be sure. And as I mentioned above, it’s Williams’ prerogative to do so, even if that’s the last thing Tiger would want Stevie to do. Woods will just have to realize that Williams doesn’t work for him anymore and he can no longer control what he does or does not do. Sure, maybe it wasn’t the best idea for Williams to caddie for Adam Scott at the AT&T National without Tiger’s explicit consent (the proverbial “last straw” which appeared to precipitate Williams’ dismissal), but was firing him the way Tiger should have rewarded Stevie’s loyalty through it all?
As Shakespeare once wrote, “Hell hath no fury like a caddie scorned.” Okay, that’s not exactly what he wrote, but it would have been had the great playwright been a whoremongering golfer who has no qualms about callously and disloyally casting away the very people who loyally stood by him during his darkest times.
Tiger’s former caddie says he ‘lost respect’ for golfer during sex scandal [New York Post]
Doug Glanville, now in the employ of ESPN, had an admirable professional career, spending nine major league seasons with Cubs, Phillies and Rangers. But yesterday before the Chicago Cubs played the Philadelphia Phillies at Wrigley field, Glanville demonstrated why not one of those teams ever asked him to pitch in a pinch.
Wearing a Cubs jersey over a dress shirt – an interesting fashion choice – Glanville took to the mound, wound up and absolutely sailed his ceremonial first pitch over the head Cubs outfielder Tony Campana and all the way back to the Wrigley’s trademark brick wall.
But hey, let’s give the guy a little credit, in light of the litany of horrible ceremonial first pitches over the years that embarrassingly get pounded right into the turf, at least Glanville’s made it to home plate in the air. That’s something. The best part is that Glanville seems quite pleased with his efforts, raising his arms in the air in triumph after airmailing the pitch. Hey, if you’re not going to take pride in what you do, what’s the point?
[H/T Hardball Talk]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• A tortoise who was treated at the Washington State University is now a testament to the wonders of modern science after a leg that the more critter had to have amputated due to injury has been replaced by a swiveling wheel that was attached to its shell. The tortoise, named Gamera, named after a Godzilla movie monster, weighs 23 pounds and seems to like wheeling around, albeit at a slow pace. Said Charlie Powell, spokesman for WSU’s veterinary hospital: “I don’t know whether he’d pass the hare, but he moves around very well.” Indeed doctor, indeed. [azcentral]
• Hardly seems fair: the Dallas Mavericks’ J.J. Barea and his gal, who just so happens to be a former Miss Universe, are having a baby. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Jim Thome is about to reach the 600 homer plateau and it seems like no one cares. [Babes Love Baseball]
• Speaking of Thome, he’s the main character in the latest edition of The Dugout. Good stuff. [With Leather]
• For $2800, you can have the Atlanta Falcons cheerleaders over for a rousing game of football. [Busted Coverage]
• A British boxer is none too pleased about a two-story McDonald’s which will be erected in Olympic Village. [Off the Bench]
• Maybe it’s time to lay off Chris Bosh for a spell. [The Basketball Jones]
• There is a whole bunch of wrong going on in this foul ball field from Citi Field. [Bob's Blitz]
• This just in: Jimmer Freddette is good at shooting a basketball. [Ball Don't Lie]
• Check out what Giants closer Brian Wilson looked like sans beard. [The Legend of Cecilio Guante]
• Finally, a realistic sports bar menu! [Sports Pickle]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Man From Last Week Smacked Into Present Day
It appears that the NHL just couldn’t leave well enough alone with its, shall we say, unique, partnerships with animated characters. As you may recall, the NHL teamed up with Stan Lee and Marvel to create The Guardian Project, which involved Lee creating 30 new superheroes called Guardians, each of whom represented one of the 30 NHL hockey franchises. It generated a buzz when it was announced last fall, so I guess it could be considered a relative success for the league.
Now the NHL has set its sights on an even younger market with the announcement that the league and Disney have joined forces to create Phineas and Ferb-themed apparel, collectibles and assorted tchotchke-type products to lure even more kids into following the fine sport of hockey. While this at first might seem somewhat silly – why spend all that time marketing to the rugrats in the first place? – check out these compelling statistics (via kidscreen):
Nearly one-third of NHL fans are between the ages of six and 17, and 65% of those fans watch the Disney Channel, according to the NHL.
Phineas and Ferb currently airs on Disney Channels and Disney XD channels in more than 169 countries and in 35 languages.
You pair that first factoid with the global reach mentioned in the second regarding the worldwide reach of the show and you are talking about one hell of a way to market your product. That Gary Bettman is a freaking genius! Or he’s just a huge fan of Phineas and Ferb – and anyone with kids or childlike television viewing habits can attest to the relative quality of the program. Really, as far as the why behind how this came about, I could see it going either way, but I’m guessing it had more to do with Bettman’s childlike television viewing habits as opposed to his business and marketing acumen. You see, I heard he’s a huge fan of iCarly, too.
[H/T to Pro Hockey Talk for the head's up]
Disney’s Phineas and Ferb get cooler with the NHL [kidscreen]
It was just recently announced on Tiger Woods’ official site that Steve Williams will no longer be Tiger’s caddie as the two are parting ways after 12 years of unprecedented success together.
Tiger’s statement regarding the split:
“I want to express my deepest gratitude to Stevie for all his help, but I think it’s time for a change,” Woods said. “Stevie is an outstanding caddie and a friend and has been instrumental in many of my accomplishments. I wish him great success in the future.”
Eyebrows were raised earlier this season when Williams hopped on Adam Scott’s bag for the U.S. Open and subsequent events as Woods rehabilitated his leg injuries, so perhaps this bit of news should come as no surprise. And what this all means as it relates Tiger’s immediate future (no replacement has been announced) and whether or not this is an indication that Woods is shutting it down for the year is unknown at this time.
But one thing is for certain: we will never see an awkward high five like the one depicted in the above photo ever again, and that, my friends, is sufficient enough reason to be saddened by this development.
UPDATE: Steve Williams has issued a statement on his own website where he comments on the end of his working relationship with Tiger, and he doesn’t appear to be pleased about the abruptness and timeliness of it all (via Pro Golf Talk):
“Following the completion of the AT&T National I am no longer caddying for Tiger after he informed me that he needed to make a change. After 13 years of loyal service needless to say this came as a shock.
“Given the circumstances of the past 18 months working through Tiger’s scandal, a new coach and with it a major swing change and Tiger battling through injuries I am very disappointed to end our very successful partnership at this time,” he said.
Tiger no longer working with Steve Williams [TigerWoods.com]
