Archive for July, 2011
Sure, if said African-American player was a member of the Cincinnati Bengals.
BAM!
To expand on my point, if that’s the case, anything goes with that miserable franchise. If somebody can get off that team, African-American or not, every football fan should fully support any measure that helps that player get the hell out of there.
But seriously, folks, while an interesting thought and a compelling topic to initiate discussion, to be perfectly honest, I don’t think we should be talking about this.
[via @jayfeely]
Ha. Excellent.
There was no Pho King Way I wasn’t going to briefly mention the name of that Asian cuisine dining location.
And the best part? You can laugh about the name now and 30 minutes later, you can laugh again.
[via]
South Carolina Gamecocks quarterbacks coach G.A. Mangus was arrested on Monday night and charged with nuisance conduct after he was caught allegedly urinating in public in Greenville, South Carolina. Mangus is in his third year at the University.
Via USA Today:
South Carolina athletic spokesman Steve Fink said the team was aware of Mangus’ arrest. Team policy calls for any player arrested to be immediately suspended from the team. There was no immediate word on any discipline for Mangus.
The police report said Mangus was unsteady on his feet with a strong smell of alcoholic beverages. Mangus faces a $470 fine if he is convicted.
Strong smell of alcoholic beverages? You don’t say. Studies show that 4 out of every 5 public pee-pee parties are fueled by the consumption of copious amounts of alcohol. The fifth one, you ask? Incontinence.
As the story indicates, no word on what kind of punishment Mangus will face at this time. But if head coach Steve Spurrier has any say – which I assume he will – Mangus will likely escape severe repercussions from the school. After all, Spurrier knows all about public pee-pee parties…at Augusta National Golf Club even.
UPDATE: Mangus has been officially suspended by the team.
South Carolina QB coach arrested for urinating in public [USA Today]
[image via]
At least I assume that’s Miami Dolphins coaching legend Don Shula, although it is kind of hard to say for certain, what with the disturbing case of cerebral gigantism which appears to be afflicting the Hall of Famer’s cranial region. But where else would cerebral gigantism afflict a person other than their cranial region? Talk about redundant.
Moving on, now I really have no right to tell a great man like Don Shula how to go about his business or what he should and should not put in his body, but if there is one thing we can all agree on, it’s that Brain & Nerve Tonic can have hilariously tragic and devastating consequences. Come to think of it, those players celebrating with the fans look abnormally huge, too. Somebody in the NFL should probably look into that.
[image via]
Of course he was, indeed, Adam Schefter. Of course he was. And do you want to know why? Because Tim Tebow is awesome, that’s why. And despite his not-suitable-for-the-NFL playing style, bases solely on his hard work, gumption, dedication and some righteous blessedness thrown in there for good measure, Tebow will lead the Denver Broncos to Super Bowl championship, that’s why. It’s how he rolls, folks.
No word on whether a Denver Broncos employee let him in or whether Tebow took it upon himself and parted the doors like Moses parted the Red Sea: “LET MY TEAMMATES IN!” he would say.
Sure, we have to assume the former, but it sure would have been pretty cool if it had been the latter.
[via @AdamSchefter]
Make that Morganna the Hugging Bandit, but let’s not split hairs here. A die-hard Boston Red Sox fan ran afoul of the law after she tried to gain access to the Boston Red Sox’s bullpen at Fenway Park in order to get a closer look and perhaps snag a hug or two from players at a recent game.
Jacquline R. Perry, of Brattleboro, Vermont was charged Friday with trespassing and disturbing a public assembly for her poorly conceived attempt at having her love for the BoSox requited courtesy of an ill-timed, yet warm embrace.
Via the Boston Herald:
“Detective William Dunn, while working on the paid detail for the Boston Red Sox game, observed the suspect jump from the stands into the restricted area inside the home team bullpen,” the Boston police report described Perry’s Fenway incursion.
“(Perry) stated to officers that she merely wanted to ask a Red Sox player for a hug and had no intentions of causing any harm to anyone,” it said.
Bad intentions or not, it doesn’t take a genius to guess that jumping over the railing and making your way onto the field of play, or, in this instance, the bullpen, is never a good idea. Sadly, times have changed quite a bit since the freewheeling, swinging days of Morganna the Kissing Bandit. First and foremost, security at ballparks are not so patient with anyone gaining access to the playing surface, men or members of the fairer sex, even if said member of the fairer sex happens to be an obscenely large chested women (in Morganna’s case). Further, they are armed with tasers these days. Miss Perry should feel fortunate she wasn’t dropped with non-lethal dose of electroshock justice.
Note: As far as I can surmise, no video exists of the incident as of yet but I’ll keep my eye out for one and update this post as needed.
Woman seeking hug in bullpen gets busted [Boston Herald]
You’re welcome, NFLPA. You’re welcome.
The video includes appearances from Dallas Cowboys tight end Jason Witten, Indianapolis Colts linebacker Gary Brackett and free agent linebacker Takeo Spikes, among others, thanking all the fans for all their support, patience and the absence of unruly mobs arming themselves with torches and pitchforks and storming individual players’ homes, demanding a swift, timely resolution to the NFL’s labor issues. I reckon that was nice for the players.
So there you have it. The National Football League Players Association is grateful to you all, the fans. Makes you feel all warm inside, doesn’t it? At least it does for me. Then again, that could be attributable to this low-grade fever I have been dealing with 0ver the past 24 hours. What kind of fever, you ask? NFL fever, baby. Yeah, I went there. I am a rube.
[H/T Pro Football Talk]
And for that reason only.
Via ESPN Media Zone:
Laipply, best known for his “Evolution of Dance” viral video, performs 23 of the most celebrated touchdown dances from the past 35 years in this three-minute tribute to American football. ESPN launched the video on social media websites, including Facebook and YouTube, on July 25.
I dunno, it’s not mind-blowing, but I guess it’s alright.
I do, however, believe there is one thing we can all agree upon: Welcome back, National Football League. It’s about time.
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• Australian police were forced to use pepper spray in order to subdue a “rogue” kangaroo who had attacked an elderly woman in her backyard. Phyllis Johnson, 94, suffered cuts and bruises after her attempts to subdue the vicious beast by beating it with a broom proved ineffective. [azcentral]
• As the dust begins to settle, here are the winners and losers in the NFL lockout. [Shutdown Corner]
• But in any event, the end of the lockout means means that NFL teams be transactin’. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• A fan group is trying to start a movement to get the Rams back in Los Angeles. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Obama on Brian Wilson: “I do fear him.” [Off the Bench]
• Which is perfectly understandable, given this creepily hilarious photo. [The Sports Hernia Blog]
• Check out this Boston Bruins-themed wedding entrance. [Cosby Sweaters]
• Video of some dork freaking out after Pete Rose snubs him after asking for an autograph. [Busted Coverage]
• Ouch: mascot flip fail. [Deuce of Davenport]
• Awesome: The history of baseball in one baseball thread. [Sports Pickle]
• Be the first kid on your block to own the Eagles Tandem Quarterback playset. [TAUNTR]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Nation’s Weirdest Teenager Buys Season One DVD Of ‘Murphy Brown’
Leave it to Will Ferrell to take a charity golf tournament, bastardize the entire purpose of it and make it all about him. Essentially, what it all boils down to is that Ferrell does not wish to be bothered with dealing with all the riffraff who will undoubtedly annoy him to no end.
Of course, Ferrell and his handlers, who likely came up with this informative sign for what my best guess is this event, were almost certainly joking, but we cannot be certain of that possibility. You know how those Hollywood bigwigs can be when having to interact with the dregs of society. Kind of like how I get when I am forced to face the multitudes of my many fans that quickly gather around me whenever I leave my home. It’s a tough gig, but that’s part of the deal when you become a blogging celebrity.
[via BuzzFeed]
“Holy cow, it’s a scorcher. Boy, I bet you that guy can cover a lot of court. Hey buddy, they got a new invention. It’s called a napkin.”
Easy Seinfeld references aside, this delightful little scene of a young fan foregoing any semblance of dining etiquette as he enjoyed his milkshake at an Oakland Athletics-New York Yankees game did happen on Friday night, but it’s far too amusing not to touch upon a few days after the fact.
But let’s be honest here: if a little kid isn’t allowed to get a little sloppy while feasting on treats at a baseball game, where can he? Moreover, his dad was on hand to point out that he had ice cream all over his face. Papa even helped him clean up the mess. So, not only did the kid thoroughly enjoy his ice cream, he learned an important lesson on how to appropriately wipe one’s face after eating. It’s a win-win, really.
[H/T The Big Lead]
Alexander Oveckin wearing a burka? Alexander Ovechkin wearing a burka.
While it is certainly a tall order for the Unfrozen Caveman Hockey Player to one-up his already legendary catalog of wacky offseason photos (see here and here for a sampling), I’m sticking to my guns that these three pics could very well be the greatest collection of Alexander Ovechkin living the high life during his time way from the National Hockey League ever.
The Ovechkin-centric site Russian Machine Never Breaks has the details (via Mr. Irrelevant):
…Alex the Great made a surprise appearance during halftime of a soccer match between the Russian Premier League club Anzhi and the defending Russian champions Zenit Saint Petersburg. The local team, Anzhi, honored their guest by presenting him with a traditional Dagestani burka (cape) and papakha (wool hat), as well as the Anzhi supporters scarf. All of these items fit extremely well with one ever-present feature of Alex summer wardrobe — his flip-flops, as reported live by the official Zenit Twitter. Ovi was received with a deafening roar from the stands, with the soccer-themed chants temporarily replaced by the famous Russian hockey call of “Shaibu-Shaibu!”
Awesome. And this comes less than a week from a video emerged of Ovie sporting what appears to be a significant beer gut. Obviously, the bulky burka precludes us from drawing any conclusions regarding whether or not said beer gut was actual or simply the result of a weird camera angle. Still, if Ovechkin is a bit overweight as he enjoys his summer sojourn in Russia, the burka could be the traditional Dagestani equivalent of a mumu for our favorite NHL player. You know, until he works himself back into shape.
Photos: Alex Ovechkin Honored with Hat and Burka at Halftime of Russian Soccer Game [Russian Machine Never Breaks (via Mr. Irrelevant):
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• A 50-year-old man who was believed to be dead awoke in a extremely chilly environment and screamed for someone to let him out, but his screams were misinterpreted as coming from a ghost, scaring off morgue workers. “His family thought he had died,” health spokesman Sizwe Kupelo told the Sapa news agency. “The family called a private undertaker who took what they thought was a dead body to the morgue, but the man woke up inside the morgue on Sunday at 5:00 pm and screamed, demanding to be taken out of the cold place.” Yeah, probably a good idea to actually confirm death before, you know, treating a person like he or she is dead. [Yahoo!]
• This will easily be the best NASCAR invocation you will ever hear. [Off the Bench]
• No! Jay Cutler and Kristin Cavallari have broken up! [Busted Coverage]
• Mario Balotelli was benched during a match after a showboating effort went wrong. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Check out this mini-Mike Tyson fan’s face “tattoo.” [Los That Sports Blog]
• In other news, the NFL lockout appears to be mercifully reaching its end. Let’s…celebrate? [Shutdown Corner]
• Kobe Bryant and Derrick Rose teamed up for a sweet alley-oop during an exhibition game in Manila. [Ball Don't Lie]
• Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries held dual bachelorette/bachelor parties in Vegas. [Jocks and Stiletto Jill]
• Dwight Howard paid a visit to Comic-Con. [The Sporting Rave]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Hip New Alternative Band Has One-Word, One-Syllable Name
Hey, that is exactly what baseball players would look like if they were blasted with x-rays while in uniform! Not that I’m recommending that, nor do I have the scientific background or anatomical wherewithal to make that assertion. For what it’s worth, most of my knowledge of where organs are located in the human body comes from playing Operation, so there you go.
On August 13th, the Memphis Redbirds, the Triple-A affiliate of the St. Louis Cardinals, will be holding Organ Donor Night at the ballpark in order to raise awareness to the troubling statistic that over 111,000 people are currently on organ transplant waiting lists in this country. And what better way to help illustrate that point (and interject the patented and whimsical wacky minor league baseball promotional angle) than to have the team wear jerseys which feature images of actual organs? Brilliant!
From the press release:
The Redbirds will be encouraging fans to sign up to be an organ donor at the National Foundation for Transplants table located on the concourse. Those who sign up or show their driver’s license that they are already a donor will be entered to win a keyboard organ donated by AMRO Music, a team autographed jersey, or a heart healthy basket from US FoodService.
The team will sport organ themed jerseys (picture attached) sponsored by the National Foundation for Transplants. A silent auction will take place during the game on the concourse for fans to bid on the jerseys. An organ transplant recipient will be throwing out the first pitch while post-game fireworks sponsored by Thomas & Betts will round out the night.
Good stuff. It’s fun, but even better, it’s for a great cause. A win-win for everybody involved.
Organ Donor Night at AutoZone Park [The Official Site of the Memphis Redbirds]
[H/T Hot Clicks]
Professional, slightly-washed up golfers: they’re just like us! Well, at least male golfers. I have to admit I have never seen a woman relieve herself during a round on a golf course. Not saying it hasn’t happened, just haven’t seen it. Nor do I have any need to. I’m not a sicko like some people.
On second thought, I didn’t really need to see John Daly peeing on a tree at a golf course, either. With that in mind, I really don’t know where to go here. Maybe I should ask John Daly. Get it? Go? That’s almost funny.
[H/T Deadspin]
