Archive for July, 2011
Everything was going great for French golfer Thomas Levet (left) on Sunday: he had just won the French Open and was enjoying the adulation from his fellow countrymen and countrywomen. That’s when things took a turn for the worse: during a celebratory leap into a pond after his victory, Levet somehow broke a bone in his shin. DERP! He will be out of action for six weeks, meaning he will miss the British Open. DERP, indeed.
This isn’t even the first time this year that a person has been injured by taking a flying leap into a body of water to celebrate a tournament victory. Stacy Lewis’ mother injured her leg when she joined her daughter for a dip after Stacy won the Kraft Nabsico Championship in April.
But this time it was different – it was the actual golfer who got hurt, and wouldn’t you know it? Levet is extremely disappointed about how it all played out. Via The Daily Mail:
“I am extremely disappointed to miss out on the Open Championship, but my specialist has advised me to have an operation on the fracture tomorrow morning,” said Levet, who was second to Ernie Els at Muirfield in 2003 after a five-hole play-off.
“I will have screws and a plate inserted which will ensure that my shin recovers completely.
“I will be off for six weeks, which is very bad timing with so many important tournaments coming up.
“However, the wonderful memory of winning my national Open will definitely keep me going through my recovery!”
Video of Levet’s tragically humorous leap follows.
Captain America. Wolverine. Tony Romo? The Incredible Hulk. Iron Man. Jerry Jones?
Sadly, the melding of the Dallas Cowboys and the cherished super heroes that make up the Marvel Universe have now been inextricably interwoven together for all eternity due to a newly announced marketing partnership between the NFL franchise and Marvel Entertainment, LLC. The agreement between the two powerful corporate conglomerates will allow the Cowboys to co-opt images of super heroes from Marvel and pair them with images featuring the team’s logo, colors and jerseys and place them on clothing. Ugh.
The collection of clothing will include shirts, hoodies, etc. with sizes available for both kids and adults. Onesies for infants will also be sold, because, hey, it’s never too early to turn your child into a Cowboys-loving rube.
Via Cowboys.com:
“We are excited to team up with Marvel Entertainment to create such a unique line of apparel for our fans,” said Jerry Jones Jr., Chief Sales and Marketing Officer for the Dallas Cowboys. “We are constantly looking for new and innovative ways to energize our fans, and what better way than to combine our brand with some of the all-time great Super Heroes that everyone has grown up with.”
Lame. While I understand that both entities are in the business of making money, I still have to ask: Why the freaking Cowbooys, Marvel, why? Any team but that overhyped, underachieving and bandwagonesque football squad.
Super Team: Marvel Entertainment, Cowboys Team Up [Cowboys.com]
Fail. I don’t know what this guy’s Saskatchewan Roughriders jersey, featuring “CANADIAN” as the name and “EH” as the number is all aboot, but I do have one thing to say nevertheless:
Take off, you hoser.
[via BuzzFeed]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• To Michigan jail inmate Kyle Richards, one of the many inalienable rights provided by our Constitution is the ability to rub one out to pornography while incarcerated. Richards has argued that his civil rights are being violated after his request for pornography was denied. Richards says that he is being subjected to a “poor standard of living” and “sexual and sensory deprivation.” Hey Richards: Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time (without an adequately stocked spank bank). [Yahoo!]
• Red Sox reporter Heidi Watney is hot, so says this nerd’s face. [With Leather]
• One of the kid actors from from Roseanne is now doing Rex Ryan foot fetish parody videos? [Hugging Harold Reynolds]
• Best World Cup jersey exchange ever. [Off the Bench]
• Some Phillies prospect and his girlfriend had a very public breakup on Twitter. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Check out this Brewers fan falling down the stairs and pissing himself right in front of a cop. [Sharapova's Thigh]
• The Pittsburgh Pirates are back, baby! [Rumors & Rants]
• Kobe Bryant tested out some deep freeze chamber in Germany. [That NBA Lottery Pick]
• Bill Simmons: God of Hollywood. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Funny videos of the Phillie Phanatic. [Unathletic]
• The 10 most disgusting eating competitions. [Sports Pickle]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Rock Song Takes Pro-Rock Stance
Pearl Jam frontman Eddie Vedder, in town for a June 28th show at The Chicago Theatre and a lifelong Cubs fan in his own right, took a break from his Summer 2011 tour in support of his solo album, “Ukulele Songs,” in order to attend the Chicago Cubs-San Francisco Giants game at Wrigley Field on Thursday. Of course, while there, Vedder sang “Take Me Out To The Ballgame” during the 7th Inning Stretch, something he has done previously on more than one occasion. But his Cubs-based, Wrigleyville revelry did not end there, as he shocked customers at the neighborhood bar Murphy’s Bleachers with an impromptu performance during the bar’s Open Mic Night.
“Eddie stopped in and hung out on our rooftop after the Cubs game with (co-owner) Beth Murphy and Ron Santo Jr.,” said fellow Murphy’s co-owner James Murphy Friday. “Beth asked him to play a couple of songs at our open mic … before getting back on his tour bus last night.”
Of course, the nice guy that he is, Vedder acquiesced, and while onstage, performed his Chicago Cubs tribute song, “All the Way”, and Neil Young’s “Rockin’ in the Free World.” How cool is that? And I bet as Vedder’s tour bus meandered its way out of Chicago, he looked lovingly back at the town in the vehicle’s Rearviewmirror.Yeah, I went there.
What? That’s good stuff, folks. Fine, be that way. That’s it, I quit, I don’t give a s**t.
Eddie Vedder performs at Murphy’s Bleachers open mic night [Chicago Breaking Sports]
In what should be considered a chilling example of the incredible dangers inherent to cloning, not to mention the ethical implications associated with the practice, the Toronto Blue Jays, in their attempt to play God by creating an exact replica of their power-hitting superstar ended up with this poor creature. This display of perverse scientific practices gone wrong (it’s like The Island of Dr. Moreau, only at the ballpark) should serve as a stern warning to any other major league baseball team out there tempted to tinker with genetic cloning to repopulate their minor leagues with up and coming, yet poorly replicated, talent. Imagine this clone’s existence: marginalized by society, treated like some kind of twisted freak and condemned to a life where he shares no connection to any other being, all through no fault of his own. Sad.
You’re in our prayers, Mini Jose Bautista. Also, it might be a good idea to look into a razor. Couldn’t hurt helping him blend into normal society and appear to be a child, even though that is so far from the truth regarding his damnable condition.
[H/T Big League Stew]
You know, I was just thinking the other day – and quite often since I originally reported on it – with the 2011 U.S Women’s Open Bowling Championship coming up at Cowboys Stadium, what could organizers do to create a buzz, generate a little more interest in an event oft-ignored by the general sporting public. After thinking about it for about for three or four hours (Extra oily approach areas? Snipers armed with tranquilizer darts located in the upper reaches of the stadium? Partial nudity?), I was at a total loss.
Thankfully, the event organizers behind the odd spectacle of a holding a generally small-time event in an enormous stadium that can hold over 100,000 people are much wiser than this half-witted blogger, because they came up with a brilliant idea:
Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders. Gold.
One question: do you think the presence of the cheerleaders could serve as a distraction for the competitors? I’m not saying, I’m just saying. Because I know it would certainly affect my bowling performance. Then again, as I mentioned above, I am a half-wit.
Second question: does the fact that my first two posts today were about the Tour de France and women’s bowling any indication of the kind of sporting wasteland we are heading into with the NBA and NFL lockouts in full effect? I think it might. Sigh. I think it might.
[images via this gallery]
Yeah, I know! It’s that time already. Every year, the initial stage of the Tour de France creeps up on my as if I wasn’t paying any attention whatsoever to cycling. Then I realize I wasn’t paying any attention whatsoever and then I carry on with my life.
But this video, man, this video features some pretty violent crashes. The best parts are when the cyclists wipe out. Which is all the parts. Truthfully, though, I love it when the guys are going around a big curve or bend and they just run keep on going straight – right off the road and down an embankment on into a huge boulder. Ha. It’s funny because it’s somebody else getting hurt.
Happy Tour de France-ing, bicycle racer guys!
[via The Guardian]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• Talk about a crime of passion, am I right? Because any time bacon is involved, at least for me, it’s very personal. Apparently, it also is for 63-year-old Marilee Ann Kolynych of Clifton Heights, Pennsylvania, who assaulted her 9-year-old grandson due to her belief that he ate too much bacon at breakfast and didn’t leave enough for everybody else. According to police, Kolynych knocked her grandson to the ground, pinned him there and beat him on the legs. If that wasn’t enough, she sprayed the boy with the hose. Boy, this woman takes her bacon very seriously. You should see what’s she’s like when sausage links are involved. Ugly. [azcentral]
• Oh, how cute: a love letter from Michael Jordan to some chick from when he was in high school. [Off the Bench]
• DERP! Aaron Rodgers regales Jimmy Kimmel with a story about one time when these photographers were speaking “European.” DERP! [Larry Brown Sports]
• A video welcoming the Winnipeg Jets back in style. [Puck Daddy]
• The new NBA.com looks old. [Ball Don't Lie]
• Yeesh. Paychecks for some Los Angeles Dodgers staffers bounced. [Rumors & Rants]
• There very well could be a Wilt Chamberlain postage stamp. [That NBA Lottery Pick]
• Awesome new edition of The Dugout: “Meet the UltraMets.” [With Leather]
• The seven sexiest sports mascots. [Sports Pickle]
• Ha. “At 24, Sharapova fights to stay relevant in masturbatory fantasies.” [TAUNTR]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Local Trailer Park Shatters No Stereotypes
