Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.

• To Michigan jail inmate Kyle Richards, one of the many inalienable rights provided by our Constitution is the ability to rub one out to pornography while incarcerated. Richards has argued that his civil rights are being violated after his request for pornography was denied. Richards says that he is being subjected to a “poor standard of living” and “sexual and sensory deprivation.” Hey Richards: Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time (without an adequately stocked spank bank). [Yahoo!]

• Red Sox reporter Heidi Watney is hot, so says this nerd’s face. [With Leather]

• One of the kid actors from from Roseanne is now doing Rex Ryan foot fetish parody videos? [Hugging Harold Reynolds]

• Best World Cup jersey exchange ever. [Off the Bench]

• Some Phillies prospect and his girlfriend had a very public breakup on Twitter. [Larry Brown Sports]

• Check out this Brewers fan falling down the stairs and pissing himself right in front of a cop. [Sharapova's Thigh]

• The Pittsburgh Pirates are back, baby! [Rumors & Rants]

• Kobe Bryant tested out some deep freeze chamber in Germany. [That NBA Lottery Pick]

• Bill Simmons: God of Hollywood. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

• Funny videos of the Phillie Phanatic. [Unathletic]

• The 10 most disgusting eating competitions. [Sports Pickle]

• The Onion Headline of the Day: Rock Song Takes Pro-Rock Stance