Archive for June, 2011
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• The criminal known to authorities as the “Mullet Bandit” struck again, hitting his fourth bank in Ohio within the past month. Said Harry Trombitas, a special agent with the FBI: “As soon as employees saw the man enter the bank, they knew immediately that it was the ‘Mullet Man.’ But by then it was too late.” Indeed. You always know trouble’s brewing when a mulleted man enters a business establishment. Nothing good can come of it. [Yahoo!]
• Mavs coach Rick Carlisle on Jason Whitlock during presser: “Who is this guy?” Ha. [Ball Don't Lie]
• Yeah, the Japanese Robot Soccer Cat might need some work. [With Leather]
• Jorge Posada’s best days on the diamond may be behind him, but he’s selling sangria. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Oh no, what a shocker! Terrell Pryor is leaving Ohio State! [Midwest Sports Fans]
• Guards say Plaxico Burress was a filthy inmate. [Off the Bench]
• Bruins fans were not fans of sitting by the Vancouver Green Men. [Puck Daddy]
• Some Detroit Lions rookie got the team’s logo tattooed on his arm. [Busted Coverage]
• Here’s video of Jim Leyland pranking the Tigers hitting coach. [Bob's Blitz]
• A Deuce Special Report: Steroids are Awesome! [Deuce of Davenport]
• The hiring of Mark Jackson by the Golden State Warriors to be coach is interesting. [PineRiders]
• 2011 LOL NBA Finals Game 4. [That NBA Lottery Pick]
• A J.J. Barrea billboard in Puerto Rico zings Kobe Bryant. [The Basketball Jones]
• Flowchart: Are You a “CLUTCH” NBA Superstar? [Sports Pickle]
• Finally, Brett Favre weighs in on the Anthony Weiner controversy. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• The seven most whipped athletes in history. [Unathleticl]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Stripper Failing School She’s Working Herself Through
What the fungus? Did he, did he have the hair on his head airbrushed? Apparently, Gabriel Rodriguez (photo via) wasn’t going the easy route by simply painting his face like Possibly Crying But Likely Perspiring Mavs Fan I highlighted earlier today. Nope, he had various Dallas Mavericks players painted on his head. Yep. But what’s the deal with the Dirk Nowitzki having a tongue like Gene Simmons? Am I missing something here? It looks like an homage to the Freddy Krueger Tongue Phone scene from A Nightmare On Elm Street. Gross.
And if that wasn’t enough for you, check out this guy:
Note: video contains mild profanity
Sigh. Granted, it’s not as bad as the Ke$ha parody video, but still. Ladies and gentlemen, “GO BRUINS!” a Bruins Rap by White People. Sigh. But who am I to judge and be a hater? It’s not like I’m uploading videos showcasing my considerable rapping skills while simultaneously professing by devotion to a particular sports team. Oh, and you’re welcome for that, by the way.
Lyrics in their entirety can be found on YouTube, but here’s a sample:
we bust out the gate like POW
bringing the heat, you know we never stop
you shakin in your boots, bet you’re scurrd now eh?
you ‘nucks better close up shop
cuz the bruins are in town, baby
ready to kick some ass, shut you down like a pc
crash your party, and rip this s**t up
and this I can guarantee
Shut you down like a pc? What? Sigh.
This video was uploaded on June 4th, which begs the question: they are aware that the Bruins are down to the Canucks two games to zero, right? But I guess given all the time they spent coming up with the dope rhymes, it would have been a crying shame not to unleash them on the masses. Word.
[via BuzzFeed]
That makes a lot of us, Mr. Guillen. Chicago White Sox manager made an appearance earlier today – looking quite spiffy, I might add – at the Chicago Board of Trade to take in the sights and sounds of one of the world’s oldest futures and options exchanges. And like most folks, the abject chaos of the scene baffled Guillen, who, in a series of photo uploads stated the following:
- I’m at chicago board of trade this am wowwwww this is nuts
- I no know whats going on so I’m just taking pictures hahaha
hahaha. Nuts indeed, Ozzie Guillen. If there’s one person who can make sense out of our country’s incredibly complex and faltering economic system, it’s Ozzie. Just so long as he didn’t actually pay the fine levied upon him by the NHL. That would not bode well for his financial acumen.
[via OzzieGuillen @ yfrog]
And the skeptics said Major League Baseball wouldn’t succeed in south Florida.
According to the box score from yesterday’s game, the attendance was 13,208 at Sun Life Stadium for the big matchup between the Florida Marlins and the Milwaukee Brewers, but if this photo courtesy of @saralivingston (via @darrenrovell) is any indication, at least 12,000 of those paid attendees came dressed up as empty red seats. Jebus.
Granted, the weather in Miami yesterday was pretty brutal, topping out at 86 ° with a dew point way up there at 72.4 ° with 80% humidity, but still, these people live in that God forsaken climate year round, so you think they would be used to it. Further, the Marlins are having a pretty solid season up to this point, sitting at 31-26, only 3 games back of the first place Philadelphia Phillies in the NL East. Can you imagine what it would the stands would look like if the team was horrible? It would probably resemble a typical paltry crowd that shows up for a Tampa Bay Rays game, for crying out loud.
[H/T @saralivingston (via @darrenrovell)]
Wow. I almost royally screwed up that headline. If I had left “jokes” out of it, I mean, boy, that sure would have been misleading.
Anyhoo, as the lovely and talented Jenn Sterger begins to try and piece together her shattered professional reputation, which took something of a downturn (a bit of an understatement) due to the entire Brett Favre sexting scandal last year, she has been making the rounds and talking to whomever has been willing to provide her a platform to show everybody the gifts that God gave her state her side of the case.
Recently, as part of her 2011 Career Resurrection Tour, Miss Sterger appeared on ESPN Milwaukee with Jason Wilde and the D-List to address all the rumors and innuendo that she has been subject to over the past year or so, specifically the penis jokes she has been forced to endure due to her unfortunate interactions with the Ol’ Dongslinger (via Sports Radio Interviews):
What are your thoughts on the Good Morning America interview you did? Were you happy with the way it played out?
“To be honest? I was already working for FUEL when I did that. I actually went to them [FUEL] and said ‘Look I feel the need to get this out there. I was to say my piece. I’m tired of being attacked. Quite frankly I reached my penis joke quota for the year. I’m tired of hearing them.
She’s already reached her penis joke quota for the entire calendar year? I mean, having one’s reputation and career ruined is one thing, a reputation and career which was cultivated with photo shoot after photo shoot in which one is in varying stages of undress is one thing, but being completely unable to enjoy a decent dick joke for six months? That’s just cruel and unusual punishment if you ask me. Talk about a flaccidly humorless existence.
Jenn Sterger: “Quite frankly I reached my penis joke quota for the year. I’m tired of hearing them.” [Sports Radio Interviews]
It’s hard to say, really. On the one hand, this face painter could be simply reacting to his beloved Dallas Mavericks going down two games to one in the NBA Finals after the squad lost to the Miami Heat 88-86 Sunday night. Alternatively, the bead of moisture running down his painted blue cheek could also be stemming from the considerable amount of perspiration accumulating on his forehead.
Either way, the image is quite disturbing. He resembles an adult male version of Violet Beauregarde from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Never a good look. Oompa Loompa, indeed.
[via @ESPN]
At least that is what I initially thought she was doing with the following tweet from yesterday:
“Can’t wear skinny jeans cause my ….. don’t fit” #federer
But then your Friendly Neighborhood Blogger Man did some interwebs research and discovered that instead, Miss Williams was giving props to Roger Federer by alluding to a Jay-Z lyric in “Swagga Like Us” where the rapper says, “Can’t wear skinny jeans cause my knots don’t fit,” knots of course meaning “wads of cash” in hip hop lingo (I’m down, I think). To be honest, I’m all kinds of confused by this tweet. For one thing, Federer lost to Rafael Nadal in the French Open finals yesterday so shouldn’t the hashtag be “#nadal” anyway? Secondly, maybe Williams is subtlety acknowledging that she is keenly aware of the sizable proportions of her back end, something she has freely admitted to in the past on more than one occasion?
Actually, to be completely up front with everyone, the only reason I took the time to address Williams’ rather uninteresting tweet was because it reminded me of a line from Pee Wee’s Big Adventure when P.W. is talking to his new friend Simone and says, “Everybody I know has got a big ‘But’…”
C’mon, Serena, let’s talk about your big butt. But instead of “but” with one t, we’re going with two t’s on this one, of course.
Man, that’s a long way to go for an older than hell Pee Wee Herman reference. Jeez.
[via @serenawilliams]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• Elizabeth Hunt is facing drug charges after a police sting revealed that she has been selling weed along with sandwiches during shifts at a Florida Subway. According to the report, “extra meat” was used as a code word to alert Hunt that customers wanted some additional green along with their subs. After the code word was used, customers would place ten bucks in a tip jar and they would receive a nifty little dime bag dessert as part of their order. [msnbc]
• The city of Vancouver will be relighting the Olympic Cauldron to support the Canucks. [Puck Daddy]
• The Scripps Spelling Bee in pictures. [With Leather]
• Here’s CBS’ Gregg Doyel doing what he does best: being an inflammatory jagoff by asking LeBron James a stupid question during a presser. [Bob's Blitz]
• Great news! Wayne Rooney’s hair transplant procedure is now complete. [Busted Coverage]
• The city of Winnipeg sold 13,000 season tickets for its returning NHL team in 17 minutes. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Minor league baseball team to hold “Rest the Vest Night” in honor of Jim Tressel. [Off the Bench]
• Here’s video of Torii Hunter taking out a fan while trying to make a leaping catch. [Outside the Boxscore]
• Black Knight vs. Patti LaBelle: Who ya got? [Lewp's Weblog]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Keys To The Matchup: Stanley Cup Finals vs. NBA Finals
When I heard the news that Tom Brady was in the Boston area for a workout with his New England Patriots teammates, I immediately began scouring the interwebs for the next amusing offseason photo of Tom Brady on par with the one capturing his joyful water slide antics. Sadly, none were to be found. But the fact that I could not track down one Tom Brady Fancy Boy photo should be taken as a sign of encouragement for Patriots fans. Perhaps Brady will from this point forward eschew public appearances which inherently cause awkward photo ops due to the quarterback’s insistence on looking all fancy and instead Brady will return his focus to football and hanging out with the guys and not globetrotting with his supermodel wife.
And while Brady does look like an effeminate fancy boy in the above image, he does look like kind of a douche. Which is preferable to the alternative. I guess.
[image via]
Just when we thought it couldn’t get any worse, the fallout from Jim Tressel’s forced resignation as head coach of the Ohio State Buckeyes takes a sad, gastronomical turn. Columbus, Ohio area restaurant chain Hyde Park Prime Steakhouse will be removing a steak named after Tressel from its menu. The Tressel cut, a 14 ounce New York Strip (which also comes in an 18 oz. version) is served with garlic cloves, mushroom and garlic butter which is then wrapped in a miniature representation of an OSU sweater vest constructed out of an splayed out, marinated red bell pepper. Okay, no vest is involved in the steak’s presentation, but it still sounds mighty tasty. But before you think the Hyde Park Prime Steakhouse is simply pulling the Tressel steak off the menu as some kind of punishment for the coach’s unethical activities, think again: it’s company policy (via The Columbus Dispatch):
Hauck said the name change on the steak is “not a reflection on Jim Tressel.” The change is in keeping with the restaurant’s 20-year tradition of naming the steak after an OSU coach, he said.
“We love Jim Tressel, but he’s no longer the coach,” Hauck said. “We haven’t come up with a name yet, but we are considering naming it after coach Matta. He’s a pretty big name nationally.”
Everything’s coming up Matta! Well, in the end, I guess the chain really had no choice but to change the steak’s name. Tradition is tradition. And it’s not like Tressel will be able to afford to dine at such a quality eating establishment anytime soon, what with his low-paying job as a greeter at Walmart.
Tressel out; so is name of Hyde Park steak [The Columbus Dispatch]
Sweet Jesus. I weep for our future.
In case you couldn’t follow the slammin’ lyrics due to the fact you might have suffered a minor stroke while watching the video, they can be found in their entirety below.
Isn’t it weird that there are people alive who share the same name? And wouldn’t it be cool if one of them was famous and the other one was not? And ever crazier, how about some brilliant reality show producer came up with an idea where they trade places for a period of time just to see what happens? Yeah, I’m not too impressed with the entire bit either, but CBS has a new reality show coming out called Same Name where the above scenario is played out because, well, reality shows are cheap to produce and no one in Hollywood has any good ideas for scripted, quality television programming. Apparently.
Reports are sketchy, but there have allegedly been sightings of Reggie Bush the Overrated Football Player spending time in Danville, Illinois, hometown of Reggie Bush the Construction Worker. No word on whether Reggie Bush the Construction Worker is overrated at his job. I suppose we’ll have to tune in and see. The show will reportedly air in July.
Bush hasn’t said much about the show or his stop in the city of 32,000 just west of the Indiana line, but the San Diego native did briefly mention it on Twitter.
“In Danville, Illinois shooting a new TV show for CBS,” he wrote late Wednesday night. “Filming and staying with a cool family out here that shares my last name!”
Bush sightings have been hit or miss. The News-Gazette newspaper in nearby Champaign reported that several dozen people, mostly teenagers, waited one day at a local skating rink for a possible Bush stop that never happened. An Internet user posted a blurry photo of a man at a local convenience store claiming it was Bush.
Schlarman High School student Nick Catlin told The News-Gazette that the NFL star lifted weights with the school’s football team. He also said the local Bush is a construction worker.
So, I guess Reggie Bush the Football Player just might get a taste of how the other half lives during his time spent in Danville while Reggie Bush the Construction Worker will see what it is like to live the glamorous life of an NFL football player. It’s a win-win, really and should make for painfully mundane summer television viewing. And better yet, guess who else will be switching places with their same name counterpart for the show? David freaking Hasselhoff. Yep, there’s a guy in Lake Jackson, Texas who is actually named David Hasselhoff, although I’m not sure if he has a saying about being hassled. Jesus, that’s almost as bad as sharing a name with Michael Bolton. And no, I don’t care if it’s an easy reference, I do not celebrate his entire catalog. His or Hasselhoff’s.
Reggie Bush trades places with Danville man for reality-TV show [Chicago Breaking Sports]
Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Okay, there might be a smidgen of something wrong with hoisting up a sign at a hockey game indicating that one would be willing to “switch teams,” as it were, in order to show one’s gratitude for the mostly brilliant postseason performance by Vancouver Canucks goalie Roberto Luongo by performing the act of fellatio on him. But who are we to judge the sign making activity of this guy?
But seriously, that photo cannot possibly be real, can it? This has to be a case of some clever Photoshop wizardry, right? Who in their right mind would hold up that sign? Other than a sexually confused, albeit rabid, Vancouver Canucks fan, that is. You know, I suppose it could be real after all. Canadians do love their hockey.
[via]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com. As an aside, yesterday’s inactivity here at the Sportress was not due to brand new baby syndrome – instead, it was faulty computer equipment at the office. But we’re back up and running…woo hoo!
• Actually, those Cajun backwoods yokels from that show on History would have a nice chuckle over the harebrained actions of suburban police in Missouri, who mistook an alligator lawn ornament for a real live alligator. In fact, the police did not realize said alligator lawn ornament would not be a menacing, ferocious foe until after they pumped two shots into it. But the funny thing about alligators made of cement is that bullets have no effect on them. [Yahoo!]
• Ha! Yet another LOLCubs moment at Wrigley Field. Check out this Cubs logo. [Midwest Sports Fans]
• That’s awfully nice of them: DirecTV will not charge NFL Sunday Ticket subscribers until games are played. [Larry Brown Sports]
• 2011 LOL NBA Finals Game 2. [That NBA Lottery Pick]
• In yesterday’s edition of Rick’s Cafe, Rick discusses whether a particular photo can be a metaphor for our times. Good stuff. [Off the Bench]
• SI and Jim Tressel: That’s What She Said. [Hugging Harold Reynolds]
• Here’s a disturbing tale about the NBA Finals Father of the Year. [Busted Coverage]
• Tiki Barber: still showing up places. [Bob's Blitz]
• Another day, another crazy Chris Bosh face. [Sharapova's Thigh]
• Comparing the NFL Lockout to a pimp/prostitute relationship. [PineRiders]
• Real tweets from real people regarding the fantasy spelling bee announcing teams. [Awful Announcing]
• Lewp recaps last night’s Mavs-Heat game. [Lewp's Weblog]
• It’s time for another entertaining and educational edition of the KSK Sex/Fantasy Football Mailbag. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• What if Shaq tweeted other big announcements? [TAUNTR]
• Ladies and gentlemen, the First Annual Athlete Spelling Bee. [Sports Pickle]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Guy Who Got Laid Off Just Glad Multi-National Corporation Will Make It
