Archive for June, 2011
Usually, you don’t want to be “that dude” or “that guy” or some other variation on that theme, but when NBA Finals MVP Dirk Nowitzki sports a shirt reading “I’m That Dude,” well, I suppose it’s a pretty good thing. And if there is one thing that is a certifiable fact, if you can convince a person who owns one of those shirt silk screen printing machine thingamajigs to create a custom t-shirt for you, whatever that shirt is invariably a true statement.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some female body inspecting to do. Off to the mall!
[image via]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• Well, that’s, um, original. The Longmont (CO) Police Department is on the lookout for a pale-complected woman between the ages of 55 and 75 who pulled off a heist at a Wells Fargo bank inside a Safeway by threatening to give the teller AIDS if she did not cooperate. So, uh, there you go. [Yahoo!]
• DeShawn Stevenson sporting the best smack talking shirt in NBA Finals history. [Midwest Sports Fans]
• Report: Miami Heat players partied with Dallas Mavericks players at Club LIV. [Larry Brown Sports]
• The folks at Ecards are even getting in on the LeBron hating. [Off the Bench]
• The 20 funniest internet reactions to the NBA Finals. [Ranker]
• The “Greater Man Upstairs” responds to LeBron James. [Sports Pickle]
• Photographic evidence of a Sedin triplet. [The Slanch Report]
• This short karate match is really, really short. [Bob's Blitz]
• Check out this Canuck Chick’s vulgar message for Bruins fans. Too bad her squad got destroyed. [Busted Coverage]
• Wayne Rooney is a karaoke master! [Outside the Boxscore]
• Being Buster Olney. [Rumors & Rants]
• Here’s a nifty little LeBron James Flowchart which tells you if he’s going to play a great game. [Ted Williams Head]
• Peter King gave a graduation speech? The horror. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Mark Cuban looking like that kid steroid dealer from South Park. [Hugging Harold Reynolds]
• You know, it’s true: rooting for failure can be fun. [The Legend of Cecilio Guante]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Members Of U.S. Women’s Soccer Team Love Each Other Like Sisters And All That S**t
"Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh..."
This is somewhat of an old story given the rapid pace of the modern news cycle, but I would have been remiss if I did not at least briefly address Oklahoma City Thunder guard Nate Robinson getting cited for public urination early Friday morning in a New York City suburb. Via cbcsports.ca:
White Plains police say an officer spotted Robinson urinating on a sidewalk outside a bookstore just before 2 a.m. Friday.
Authorities told reporters that Robinson was taken to police headquarters, issued a summons and ordered to show up in court June 22. The offence normally carries a $50 US fine.
Robinson posted a message on Twitter on Friday saying he made a “silly mistake.” He promised it wouldn’t happen again.
Promised what won’t happen again? Urinating in public or getting caught urinating in public? Because I’m not sure if Robinson is aware of this, but public pee-pee parties can be a risky business. You have to be keenly aware of what is going on around you to ensure that if the po-po come to interrupt your pee-pee, you gotta be able to zip up quickly and move along. Poor form from Robinson on this one.
One last issue to address from the story: was Robinson patronizing said bookstore or did he just happen to have to go right outside of it? If he was a customer, what kind of a bookstore was it? An adult bookstore? Or do they have 24-hour Barnes & Noble locations in White Plains? Just wondering.
UPDATE: Nate Robinson busted AGAIN for public urination, this time in a little place called…Aspen. I dunno, Lloyd. The French are assholes.
Thunder’s Robinson cited for public urination [cbcsports.ca]
Boston Bruins goalie Tim Thomas has done just about everything humanly possible to help lead his squad to Stanley Cup glory throughout his team’s entire run through these NHL playoffs. His performance in the Finals in particular have been outstanding: five games between the pipes, six goals allowed. But despite the fact that he faces enormous pressure heading into tonight’s potential elimination game against the Canucks at TD Garden, Thomas has had other nagging, albeit less important, issues to address: the fact that Vancouver netminder Roberto Luongo’s feelings are hurt because Thomas hasn’t gone out of his way to compliment his fellow netminder’s performance.
The source of the apparent acrimony between the two goaltenders (via The Vancouver Sun):
Before heading to Boston on Saturday, the Vancouver Canuck goalie told reporters he’s had lots of nice things to say about his Boston counterpart, but hasn’t been receiving anything in return.
“I’ve been pumping his tires ever since the series started,” Luongo said. “I haven’t heard one nice thing he’s had to say about me, so that’s the way it is.”
Thomas made the following retort while at the TD Garden on Sunday:
“I guess I didn’t realize it was my job to pump his tires. I guess I have to apologize for that.”
I guess you should, Mr. Tim Thomas. I guess you should. Further, that kind of lackadaisical attitude towards the crucial task of properly inflating someone else’s tires will not get him very far in the full service gas station business. Nor will it help him land a job at Tires Plus, either, for that matter. But I guess he’s a pretty good goalie so maybe he’s not worried about post-NHL career plans at this time, although it’s never too late to plan ahead.
Thomas on Luongo: ‘I didn’t realize it was my job to pump his tires’ [The Vancouver Sun]
Real? Fake? Hard to say, but really, who cares? It’s pretty funny either way, because if there is one thing I have learned in my years, it’s that when old people get injured through no action of their own while innocently minding their business, the end result is certifiable comedic gold.
Hopefully, the old gal is alright. Or if not, she somehow figured out a way to exact her revenge on that little soccer ball-kicking ragamuffin from the comfort of her hospital bed.
[H/T It's Always Sunny in Detroit]
Evoking memories of the Michael Jordan “Jumpman” logo which quickly became synonymous with His Airness when it was introduced all those years ago, the proprietors of DirkSwish.com are peddling this shirt featuring Dirk Nowitzki’s patented fadeaway jump shot pose for only $19.99. Perhaps one day this image will evolve into an iconic representation for the NBA Finals MVP and develop into something just as recognizable as Jordan’s, but either way, we can now say that at least Dirk Nowitzki and Michael Jordan have something in common with each other that does not involve a tangential connection to Adolf Hitler. Which is nice.
[H/T New York Daily News]
Just a total fail on so many levels. Not only did the Miami Heat not win the NBA title on Sunday night, as any moron with half a brain should have been able to infer, it was impossible for them to win it. Unless you were to utilize some kind of weird Bizarro World math where the team that is the first to lose 4 games in a best-of-seven series somehow wins the championship.
Well, I hope Macy’s didn’t spend too much of their advertising budget for a full-page ad in this newspaper. Hopefully, this was from some podunk community paper in some backwoods Florida town. What’s that? This was from today’s edition of the Miami Herald? Ouch.
[H/T @AndySlater (via NESN)]
HELAS? Who the hell are the HELAS? Sounds like a creature straight out of Land of the Lost.
But you have to give him credit: talk about covering all your bases. No matter the outcome of last night’s game, this kid could say he was rooting for the winning team. Well, with at least one-half of his outfit. On the other hand, maybe he has multiple personality disorder and couldn’t get the fragmented aspects of his psyche to agree on which team to cheer on. Stranger things have happened.
[via BuzzFeed]
It wouldn’t have been far-fetched to think now that LeBron James and his weepy band of Miami Heat teammates have been ousted from the NBA Finals and were forced to stand idly by while the Dallas Mavericks celebrated their NBA title on the Heat’s home court that James may have sought out the moments afterward to show some humility, eat a little humble pie, if you will, regarding his ill-fated championship quest. But nope. Not at all. In fact, James post game comments where he insinuated that everyone who rooted against him are miserable people who will continue to live miserable lives were simply further evidence that he just does not get it. Not one bit.
LeBron’s arrogant and extremely alienating comments, via Reuters:
“Absolutely not,” James said when asked if it bothered him that so many people were rooting against him.
“At the end of the day, all the people that was rooting on me to fail, they have to wake up tomorrow and have the same life that they had before they woke up today,” he said.
“They have the same personal problems they had today. I’m going to continue to live the way I want to live and continue to do the things that I want to do with me and my family and be happy with that.”
Douche. It’s these kinds of comments that only serve to further enlighten the fact to NBA fans that James doesn’t give a rip about anything other than himself. No matter what he does or says at any other time, James’ comments illustrate that he is the epitome of narcissism and will never be a winner in the eyes of the average person. But why should LeBron care what we think? After all, we’re just miserable people who will have to wake up to live the same crappy lives we had the day before. But hey, at least we’re not colossal failures whose shortcomings not only as a competitor but as a person as well weren’t played out on the world’s stage for all to see. Because that would totally suck and be profoundly humiliating. Right, LeBron?
James not bothered by those rooting for him to fail [Reuters]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• The Carlisle Area School District in central Pennsylvania has come up with an interesting way to cut costs: having sheep handle some of the lawn care and landscaping duties on school grounds. The district says it will save nearly $15,000 per year by allowing the sheep to graze on the grass, thus necessitating no need for lawn mowing services. [Yahoo!]
• Mark Cuban says Mavs fans punked the s**t out of Miami fans during a live appearance on SportsCenter. [Awful Announcing]
• Holy moly, check out Dirk Nowitzki’s ginormous Ace of Spade bottle! [Busted Coverage]
• The Mavericks took the championship trophy out clubbing. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Making sense of the NBA Finals, Reddit-style. [Midwest Sports Fans]
• Video of Chris Bosh crying after losing the NBA Finals. [That NBA Lottery Pick]
• The morning after an NBA championship is won. [Lewp's Weblog]
• And finally, one last item NBA Finals-related: yeah, I’d say Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert is quite pleased that the Heat lost. [The Last Angry Fan]
• Your first look at 2011 Stanley Cup champions apparel. [Puck Daddy]
• Pittsburgh Pirates had a sellout? They can thank Huey Lewis for that. [Rumors & Rants]
• The original rulebook for soccer is up for auction for only $5 million. [Off the Bench]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Middle-Class Suburbanites Fail to See Irony in Their Lives
I have no idea when and where this occurred, but since the bottom scroll is showing the outcome of a Twins-Royals game, my guess it occurred last weekend. No matter when it happened, in all my years of either witnessing personally or seeing replays of deplorable actions committed by grown ups at sporting events on the internet, this one takes the cake. The little girl clearly has the ball in her possession…until the greedy broad snatches it right out of her grasp. And even if the girl didn’t have complete control of it? The wench should have relented and let the poor child have the ball anyway. That’s “Responsible & Dignified Fan Behavior 101″: you almost always give a caught ball to a nearby kid. No excuses. But no, this witch had to steal it away from a child so she could show it to her friends, who I hope were supremely embarrassed.
For shame. At least it was captured on video for all eternity so this evil woman can hopefully receive eternal scorn for her despicable actions. As citizens of Internetland, it should be our goal to figure out who this lady is so she can be properly identified and thoroughly shamed. Unbelievable.
[via BuzzFeed]
Kip Henley, whose full-time job is serving as caddie for Brian Gay, is dropping the bag and is instead competing at this week’s FedEx St. Jude Classic in Memphis, Tennessee. And being a professional caddie, he does not have a caddie of his own on call, so he decided to give his daughter Stormi the job. Some of you might already be familiar with his daughter, either through her winning Miss Teen USA 2009 or her memorable audition on last season’s American Idol.
But before any of his fellow caddie colleagues try wooing his lovely daughter, Kip Henley has a warning for them (via FOX Sports):
He knows you’ll go rushing to Google images, or perhaps You Tube for Stormi’s “American Idol” and “Miss Teen USA” performances, which is fine with him. The message is clear, especially to Henley’s fellow caddies: “I’ve told ’em all, you can look, but you cannot touch.”
Stern words from a protective papa. Good thing Tiger Woods is injured and not in the field this weekend, amirite? Hoo boy! Can you imagine? No, I’m not referring to Tiger’s whoremongering. From what I hear, that Steve Williams is a bona fide horndogger and he would have been all over Miss Stormi, much to Kip’s chagrin. Okay, I have never heard such a thing about Steve Williams. Not once. But since I don’t know any other caddie’s names off the top of my head, I had no choice but to go with him. So there you go. Good luck, Kip and Stormi. May you both have tremendous success on the course and may Stormi be free of harassment in the caddies’ locker room.
Beauty queen caddies on PGA Tour [FOX Sports]
Aw, poor kid. Norville Barnes, had he been a real person and not a character in The Hudsucker Proxy, would not have wanted to see his invention to be a source of confused, hurt feelings of transference. Look, he has his entire hula hooping, Miami Heat-supporting life ahead of him but if LeBron, Dwyane, Chris and company don’t somehow win the next two games over the Dallas Mavericks to win an NBA championship, this wee lad may never be able to look at a hula hoop again, let alone wear a Wade jersey while hula hooping and humming the lines to “Here We Go, Heat, Here We Go!” It’s a sad destiny that awaits this little guy. Crying shame, I tell ya. Maybe, instead of the pathos-inducing presence of a hula hoop, perhaps Hula Hoop Miami Heat Mini Fan can instead turn to the pogo stick for next season’s Finals run for the Heat, which, of course, will inevitably only cause, more heartbreak and disappointment for this tyke. What then? I don’t know, how about one of those Hippity Hop ball thingamajigs.
[via BuzzFeed]
MLB Network’s Peter Gammons might not want to get seats out in the bleachers at Wrigley Field for a Cubs game anytime soon – or ever, for that matter, after he blasted the old ballpark, calling it “a dump” during a radio appearance earlier today on “The Mully and Hanley Show” on WSCR-AM 670.
Via the Chicago Tribune:
“The problem that (Ricketts) has, and the Ricketts family has a serious issue, is they’re going to have to understand it’s not only rebuilding personnel. They got to make that ballpark livable, it’s a dump, Wrigley Field. They’re going to have to spent $200-and-something million on re-renovating Wrigley Field, do what the Boston owners did with Fenway Park. And the investment is far greater than, I think, maybe they realize. That the amount of work that Wrigley Field needs is, there’s a ton of money that has to go into rebuilding that place.”
Ouch. Quite the scathing commentary. Now, being a person who has never been to Wrigley Field, I cannot personally state my opinion one way or the other as to the quality of the old ballpark, but given the fact that Gammons was born and raised in Boston, got his start in the sportswriting business in Beantown and elects to use Fenway Park as a comparison for how an old ballpark can be updated and still retain its charm leaves me somewhat ambivalent as to Gammons’ motivations for hammering on Wrigley. Perhaps his blatant homerism for Boston is rearing its ugly head in his harsh critique of Wrigley. On the other hand, every time Ozzie Guillen goes to Wrigley, he pukes. So there’s that. Maybe the place is a dirty and disgusting dump. Case in point: seagulls, as they do at real garbage dumps, already wreak havoc and lord over the environs within the walls of Wrigley Field.
Then again, maybe that’s part of its charm. Maybe wallowing in abject filth is the new epitome for experiencing a major league baseball game in the lap of luxury. Who am I to say? I’m not one for keeping up with the trends.
Gammons: Wrigley ‘dump’ tying Ricketts’ hands [Chicago Tribune]
Rachel McAdams was at Game 4 of the Stanley Cup Finals between the Canucks and Bruins at TD Garden the other night, and thankfully, employees were able to break out their “Rachel McAdams Cam” to capture and document her attendance. And it’s a good thing, too. Can you imagine had the TD Garden put a lot of time, money and effort into the creation of the “Rachel McAdams Cam” only to not be able to utilize the impressive technology? Heads would surely have rolled.
Wysh over at Puck Daddy points out in his post that McAdams hails from London, Ontario, so she’s obviously well schooled in the grand game of hockey, so it’s nice that her busy schedule allowed her to take in a Stanley Cup Finals game. But even more than that, it’s quite entertaining to see the lovely and talented Miss McAdams get all jazzed up about being shown up on the Jumbotron. And here I thought I wouldn’t be able to admire her any more than I already did, in light of how I was so moved by her breathtaking performance as the young and vivacious Allie Calhoun in The Notebook...(sniff) Oh man, it’s getting a little dusty in here. I gotta go.
[H/T Puck Daddy]
