Oh, Tom. Why do you insist on torturing Patriots fans so? But hey, at least he has his kid in a Beatles shirt, although I’m fairly confident the hipster doofus that is Tom Brady is somehow attempting to be ironic by doing so.
And can anyone confirm to me the exact moment when Tom Brady morphed into Crosby Braverman (capably portrayed by Dax Shepard) from Parenthood?
Yeah, I watch Parenthood, you got a problem with that? Sure, it lacks the excellence of The Parent ‘Hood, the classic series which starred Robert Townsend and aired during the mid-90s on the WB, but come on, comparing anything to that brilliant show is like critiquing a movie based on its relative quality when compared The Godfather. It shouldn’t be done.
Breaking: Chicago Blackhawks captain Jonathan Toews is, like, a psychic medium or something. Why? Because he says he knew all along that Vancouverites would riot their ever-loving asses off after their beloved Canucks found a way to lose Game 7 at home against the Bruins. Toews is all too aware of the psychotic behavior Vancouver Canucks fans are capable of, not only because of his psychic abilities, but also due to the heated postseason rivalry his Blackhawks squad and the Canucks have enjoyed over the past several seasons.
“I kind of expected that,” said Toews, who was scheduled to leave Chicago on Tuesday to head to Las Vegas for the NHL Awards. “Those fans are crazy. When we beat them the last couple of years they were throwing stuff on the ice. They’re crazy fans and obviously passionate about their team. I kind of expected a reaction one way or another.”
While it’s all well and good that he kind of expected a reaction one way or another, why did Toews refuse to alert the authorities? Imagine the senseless violence and mayhem that could have been averted only if Toews had acted upon his instincts and adequately warned the city of Vancouver.
Wait. I know why: Jonathan Toews must be one of those self-loathing Canadians. Also, much like Simon Baker as Patrick Jane, he is also not a psychic.
THE MENTALIST, THURSDAYS ON CBS: DON’T YOU FORGET ABOUT ME
Note: backstory behind the above Mentalist reference here.
Yamma hamma! Yankees pitcher Joba Chamberlain has been keeping his Twitter followers apprised of all developments following his Tommy John surgery last Thursday, and as you can see, the results of the procedure leaves a person’s arm in not-so-appealing of a condition. Yikes.
The above photo showing the condition of Chamberlain’s arm post surgery after the surgical wrap was removed, along with this one, were both uploaded earlier today via this tweet, but just a few moments ago, Joba uploaded another pic (below), captioned “Done!!”
This video, shot after the Vanderbilt-Florida game was suspended due to inclement weather last night, features the ground crew for the College World Series participating in an imaginary game of baseball on the tarp-covered field. Those crazy kooks.
Sure, it’s not as amusing as the antics of the Clemson and Davidson baseball squads from a couple of months ago, but hey, these guys were doing their damnedest to try and kill time in Omaha, Nebraska, of all places. Also, not one member of the grounds crew was eaten by the tarp, which is always nice.
Famous athletes and celebrities: they’re just like us! Except for one thing (and tons of others): they all seem to have a predilection to naming their offspring bizarro names. Take Olympic gold medalist Jennie Finch, who along with her husband, Casey Daigle, went ahead and named their new baby boy, Diesel Dean. That’s right: Diesel Dean Daigle. Talk about a Triple-D baby. That’s alliteration kookiness!
Gross. And stupid. Not as bad as when Kim Kardashian asked Ray J to “Hit Me Baby One More Time” in her “leaked” (get it?) sex tape, but still.
While the tweet, “I’m a slave for you” was immediately preceded by a tweet uploading a photo she took while taking in a Britney Spears concert last night, it nevertheless remains not right. Why? First of all, anytime a person invokes Britney Spears lyrics to profess their eternal adoration and dedication to their luvah, well, it ain’t good. Unless they’re lyrics from “Sometimes”, but that goes without saying. Secondly, it’s “I’m A Slave 4 U.” Get the Prince-styled spelling right, Kim. Ya moron. A guy like Kris Humphries ain’t going to put up with half-witted tweets from his attention whore fiancée that reference titles of 10-year-old pop songs incorrectly. Brett Lockett might, though, but that guy clearly has some issues.
The heck? What in tarnations is that fashion fail? It looks like something that would be appropriate apparel for after-concert shower attire for members of Parliament-Funkadelic. I’m willing to bet that Bootsy Collins would become insane with jealously if he ever got a peek at this little number.
But alas, instead of donning this outfit for an impromptu post-shower version of “One Nation Under A Groove,” Venus opted instead to debut this outfit from her eleVen clothing line during her dominating first round match against 97th-ranked Akgul Amanmuradova of Uzbekistan, who Venus easily defeated 6-3, 6-1.
The press had a veritable field day bemoaning and lambasting Venus’ apparent lack of fashion sense, but Williams disagreed, referring to her outfit as “trendy” and adding that “[j]umpers are very now, as is lace.” Huh. I guess I’ll have to take her word for it.
In the archive video dating from 1999, nine-year-old Rory – who had just been crowned the Under-10 World Champion in Florida – is seen chipping balls into the drum of a washing machine on the Kelly Show in front of a live studio audience.
Young Rory tells Gerry that chipping air balls along the hall of his Holywood home, through the kitchen door and into his mum’s washing machine is part of his training.
When asked what the best part of his game is, Rory says: “Chipping.”
Ha. Awesome. I don’t mean to spoil the adorableness of it all, but is it just me, or does that host get a little too handsy with Rory during the chipping demonstration? A bit awkward if you ask me.
GAH! Sweet mercy and a goodness gracious thrown in there to boot! What in the bloody hell is that thing and who in their right mind thought this was a good idea?
I’ll tell you who: the ad wizards at FindMeAGift.com, who apparently are attempting to capitalize on Wimbledon by selling this certifiably terrifying Roger Federer mask. Heck, it looks not so much like a mask than it resembles how it would look if some psychopath with a scalpel carefully removed the tennis star’s skin right off his skull. Ca-ree-py.
While it’s not so much the mask itself as it is the nightmare fuel ad image with its dead, soulless white eye holes – it looks like one of those spooky kids from Village of the Damned.
The site’s pitch:
Ideal mens fancy dress accessories, our Roger Federer Celebrity Masks are the best masquerade masks for sports lovers. Just pop on your tennis whites, add our Roger Federer Celebrity Mask and you have a simple, comfortable and unique costume for any event! The lightweight masquerade masks are easy to wear and are printed with true-colour, high quality digital print. You may just think these are paper masks, but wait until you check out your party photos or people’s reactions in the street! We have had a huge amount of fun with these and can guarantee a lot of laughs!
Laughs as possible reactions from people in the street? Possibly. Arrest for causing a public disturbance while scaring the hell out of passersby? Most definitely.
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• And they said it wouldn’t last. A mere 13 hours after the official start of their life together, Bernadette Besario Catan-Keeler, 30, was arrested and accused of domestic battery of her husband, Mike Keeler, at the nightclub. The incident appears to have stemmed from Keeler’s belief that his blushing bride was getting a little too friendly with another man on the dance floor. See, that’s why I just stick with the “Electric Slide” at wedding receptions. No chance of being too frisky doing that stupid dance. [msnbc]
• Yeah, given the ominous look of these storm clouds, it was definitely a good idea to cancel the nightcap game of the College World Series last night. [Busted Coverage]
• Sad: Comedy Central has canceled Sports Show with Norm MacDonald. Oh, they canceled Onion Sportsdome, too, but who cares about that? [Awful Announcing]
• Rory McIlroy’s dad stands to win over $300k if his son wins the British Open by 2014. Find out why. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Video of Ozzie Guillen getting ejected is always amusing. [Sharapova's Thigh]
• Heh: if sports radio callers took the streets with signs. [Sports Pickle]
• This Tiger Woods-U.S. Open ad is pretty funny. [TAUNTR]
• Dennis Rodman might have assaulted someone in a bar over LeBron James. Huh. [That NBA Lottery Pick]
Talk about turning the other cheek, amirite? But even if Sedin had done so, my guess is Marchand would have just started punching him on that one, too. Which is awesome.
Man, just watching that makes me want to punch somebody repeatedly. Just so long as the person will put up no resistance whatsoever.
I can’t wait for Game 7 tonight. Call me what you want – naive, even (whatever that means – is that French?) - but I think the Bruins, despite the home team winning every game in this series, nevertheless have a puncher’s chance tonight against the Canucks in Vancouver.
“THIS HILARIOUS BBQ APRON WILL BRING LOADS OF LAUGHTER TO YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS! IT LOOKS LIKE A REGULAR APRON BUT IT HAS A PENIS TUCKED AWAY UNDERNEATH THE TEA TOWEL. SO LIFT UP THE TOWEL AND GIVE YOUR FRIENDS A SURPRISE!
…
The oversized penis is made from a nylon stocking and has pubic hair in the obvious areas! It is truely [sic] hilarious!”
“Truely” hilarious, indeed. You can see the not safe for work image here, but seriously, do you really need to? What kind of sickee are you? Perv.
I believe, due to the fact that the University of Detroit is naming their court after Dick Vitale, an “AWESOME, BABY!” is in order. So there it was. Awesome. Baby.
The University of Detroit will honor its former men’s basketball coach and athletic director Dick Vitale, and current Hall of Fame college basketball analyst for ESPN, by renaming the basketball court the Dick Vitale Court at Calihan Hall. The dedication will be held in conjunction with an ESPN2 telecast of Detroit hosting BIG EAST foe St. John’s on December 5.
Vitale coached at the University of Detroit (1973-77), compiling a winning percentage of .722 (78-30), which included a 21-game winning streak during the 1976-77 season when the team participated in the NCAA Tournament. Included in the streak was a victory in Milwaukee over Al McGuire’s eventual national champion Marquette. In April 1977, Vitale was named Athletic Director at Detroit and later that year was named the United Fund’s “Detroit Man of the Year.” He was inducted into the Titan Hall of Fame in 1993.
The Dick Vitale Court at Calihan project will include a brand new, state-of-the-art hardwood floor for the home of the Detroit Titans men’s and women’s basketball teams.
Well, how about a mighty fine congratulations to Mr. Dick Vitale. The guy, love him or hate him, is a college basketball institution and it must be quite an honor for the old guy. Although I wonder why they didn’t name the court “I Love Coach K Diaper Dandy Baby DUKE DUKE DUKE Memorial Court.” You know, despite the wordiness.
Many thanks to Big Daddy Drew over at Kissing Suzy Kolber for bringing to my awareness this photo from the magical nuptials of Tony Romo and Candice Crawford in late May. As you can see, the attractive bride surprisingly has attractive friends who were more than happy to play a part in a big time, glamorous wedding gala. As the saying goes, “Never a bride, always a bridesmaid.” Yeah, I have no idea how that old saying is relevant to this photo. I got nothing. But look! Pretty ladies!
Boy, does this video bring me back to the halcyon days of my youth when I didn’t want to be like Michael Jordan. You see, back in the day, I decided I wanted to be like Shawn Kemp. Which is why I have 14 illegitimate children. But don’t tell anyone, especially the mothers of the many spawns I have sired. But then again, when am I gonna make it back to Haiti?
