Archive for June, 2011
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• Shocking, right? I mean, how did the police manage to nab 23-year-old Steven Long, who, after stealing a 59-inch TV, wedged the stolen property between the handlebars and his lap. Not a real good example of a burglar blending into his surroundings. [azcentral]
• NFL Owners, the Commissioner and the NFLPA held a super secret meeting. A super secret meeting that wasn’t a super secret since there are numerous reports about it. [Shutdown Corner]
• Ricky Rubio is finally joining the Minnesota Timberwolves and boy, Kevin Love sure is excited. [The Basketball Jones]
• A charter flight carrying the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim had to make an emergency landing. [Big League Stew]
• Shaquille O’Neal truly was one of a kind. [Midwest Sports Fans]
• Oh no! A hard salary cap in the NBA would make the Big Three unaffordable for the Miami Heat. [Larry Brown Sports]
• NBC advertised the wrong Stanley Cup Finals matchup. Oops. [Awful Announcing]
• Awesome: the Seattle Mariners will be giving out Pearl Jam Bobbleheads. [Ted Williams Head]
• Wow, the contestants at the Scripps National Spelling Bee look real excited to be there. Yep. [Off the Bench]
• Apparently, you cannot bite in hockey. Good to know. [Bob's Blitz]
• How Bono hitched a ride with Gilbert Brule of the Edmonton Oilers. [Puck Daddy]
• Yet another weird-ass sport: Hantis. [Deuce of Davenport]
• Nasty: check out this chick Phillies fan smelling her armpits. [Busted Coverage]
• Lamar Odom and Kris Humphries made cameos in the Kardashian music video, which begs the question: why do the Kardashians have a music video? [That NBA Lottery Pick]
• An interesting rundown of the richest athletes from various countries around the world. [Unathletic]
• The “Cavs for Mavs” movement is appreciated in Dallas. [Lewp's Weblog]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: 43-Year-Old With Skateboard Not Fooling Anyone
I’m no human behaviorist, nor am I a social psychologist who is able to expertly decipher the motivations behind groups of people yelling chants repeatedly in unison, but from what I can ascertain, these Vancouver Canucks fans want their team to “go” somewhere. Where? They do not say. When? No idea. Why? Beats me. “Go Canucks Go!” is all they say. Quite confounding.
While you ruminate what exactly these people are trying to express through their mesmerizing, repetitive and passionate intonations while in some trance-like state of consciousness, do not forget that the Stanley Cup Finals start tonight and will be aired on NBC at 8:00 ET here in the States. In Canada? You guys don’t need me to tell you when the game is on.
Bruins. Canucks. Be there or be square. Enjoy the game, folks. See ya tomorrow.
[via]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
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• In honor of his retirement, here are the Top 10 Shaq moments of all time. [Cosby Sweaters]
• You stay classy, Buckeyes fans: a student reporter at OSU has received threats because of his reporting on Tressell. [Off the Bench]
• Kneel before Lance Armstrong and apologize, you fools! [With Leather]
• Getting to the bottom of what exactly is a Canuck. [Puck Daddy]
• Here’s a photo of LeBron and Dwyane modeling some stylish duds – for grandpas. [The Basketball Jones]
• Carlos Zambrano broke a bat over his knee. Anger management is good. [Big League Stew]
• A sexy Dutch model threw out the first pitch at a Blue Jays game. [Busted Coverage]
• Uh-oh: Tony Romo’s wedding had a surprise visitor… [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• A selection of rejected NBA Finals slogans. [Sports Pickle]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: History Channel Treating Invention Of Popcorn Like It’s Fu**ing Penicillin
Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
Heh. Check out this guy enjoying the scenery. Not that I can blame him, although I wonder what her beau, Dwyane Wade would think of this horndogger, who appears to be taking a long, leering look at the buttocks area of his lovely lady. But what does Creepy Ogling Man care? An opportunity like this comes once, maybe twice in a lifetime. Carpe diem, I say. And you have to love the whole look of the guy, from the buttoned down shirt to the randy smirk on his face. You can almost imagine him muttering under his breath, “Alright, alright. Now that’s what I call a double dribble.” Or some such perverted nonsense.
Note: yes, this is the third consecutive post featuring NBA Finals Photo Gallery fun. But I did mention in Wake N’ Blog this morning that content would likely be touch and go for at least the next few days. Speaking of “touch and go,” let’s hope this guy only fondled the lovely Miss Union with his eyes.
[image via]
Here’s a photo of Michael McDonald singing the National Anthem prior to tipoff of Game 1 of the NBA Finals between the Mavericks and Heat Tuesday night at American Airlines Arena and I just have to add: seriously? Freaking Michael McDonald was the best the Heat, not to mention the NBA, could get? Now, don’t get me wrong, the guy has had a remarkable career – I am especially a fan of his work with the Doobie Brothers (I mean, What A Fool Believes? Forget about it) – but let me put this to you all clearly: nothing against him, but if I hear “Yah Mo B There” one more time, I’m going to “Yah Mo” burn this place to the ground. Just saying.
[image via]
Boy, talk about ballsy. I wouldn’t be surprised if this sign waving Miami Heat fan was rudely awoken last night by an onrush of federal agents storming his home. But I guess when confronted, it is always best to stand firmly in defense of your principles. And if that involves smoking Cuban cigars in violation of the Cuban Democracy Act, a/k/a the United States trade embargo against Cuba, so be it.
On the other hand, is it possible that this guy is threatening to place Dallas Mavericks owner inside his smoker? And then perhaps feed him – probably as some kind of human brisket – to like-minded Heat fans? I suppose that’s possible. Kind of creepy, though. And I’m not sure whether the punishment for smoking an egotistical blowhard is more severe than being in possession of Cuban cigars. Something to think about.
[image via]
Eww. Gross. And probably a little simple chronic halitosis-ey. Since there is nothing better than holding a photo contest right smack dab in the middle of a contentious lockout to help rouse the passions of fans, the Washington Redskins are holding what they are calling a Redskins Fan Draft Photo Contest. First prize consists of assorted memorabilia, but even better than that, the lucky winner whose display best exemplifies “When Gotta Support the Team Goes Wrong” gets a lunch date for two with Washington Redskins General Manager Bruce Allen! Just a warning: Allen doesn’t share appetizers, so be sure to order one for yourself. Also, he’s a horrible tipper.
Anyway, courtesy of The Official Washington Redskins Blog (via Mr. Irrelevant) comes this somewhat disturbing image depicting just how far one Redskins fan was willing to go to showcase her love for the team: a Washington Redskins Logo Dental Crown. I bet Rick Reilly would love this fan’s “gum”ption (get it?) if he ever could steal himself away from staring at himself in the mirror while writing another nauseating piece of rehashed drivel he refers to as “columns.”
Here’s what the toothy Redskins fan had to say about her dental art:
I will always be a redskin fan and the permanent crown on my tooth with the Skins logo will make sure everyone knows that I eat and sleep the Skins!! forever!!
Uh, I hate to rain on her parade, but how will everyone know that she “eats and sleeps the Skins!! forever!!”? How many people does she allow to take a gander inside to see her dental crown in the back of her mouth? Does she walk up to people on the street and say, “Hi. My name is so-and-so.” (opens mouth super wide) “Check out my awesome Redskins Logo Dental Crown!” Now, I’m not one well versed in social graces, but my guess is that would come off a bit off putting, especially to strangers. At the same time, perhaps this gal is something of a dental oddity and has one of those flip-top heads from those old Reach toothbrush commercials. That would at least make it a lot easier, although it’s unlikely that’s the case.
[H/T The Official Washington Redskins Blog (via Mr. Irrelevant)]
Not too shabby. And given that the Seattle Mariners had a reasonably successful month of May (15-11) after starting the season off slowly, this little Mariners fan dude does have a pretty good reason to get up, celebrate and dance. Plus the song being pumped into the the ballpark was a trip, it had a funky beat and even I could bug out to it.
[via BuzzFeed]
It’s funny because if Jim Tressel, after running out of other career options, elected to take a job as a Walmart greeter, he would at least still get to wear a vest to his job every day.
The above Photoshop, courtesy of Pittsburgh Steelers linebacker LaMarr Woodley, depicts disgraced former Ohio State football coach Jim Tressel suffering the indignity of having to smile and be cordial to the absolute dregs of society: Walmart customers. But I wonder why Woodley is clearly taking such glee in the utter embarrassment currently being suffered by Buckeye Nation…
(checks out Woodley’s bio)
Aha. Woodley played his college football at the University of Michigan. That makes a lot of sense. I bet he – and every single Michigan alum who has watched OSU dominate the rivalry during the Tressel years (9-1 against the Wolverines) – is absolutely loving this.
As an aside, to be perfectly honest, I couldn’t care less about OSU or Jim Tressel or how this entire debacle quickly evolved from minor annoyance for the football program into all-encompassing scandal. What? A college football coach, who arrogantly believes he was above the law and not only scoffs at the rules and regulations of the NCAA but overtly lies when questioned about violations of those rules and regulations as well? I thought every single one of these guys were the pinnacles of integrity, honor and righteousness. Now you’re telling me that some of them may not be as incorruptible as they present themselves? That the carefully cultivated public persona put forth by a college football coach could very well just be a huge damn lie? Color me shocked!
Nevertheless, despite my ambivalence regarding Tressel’s unceremonious resignation, the guy deserves everything that’s coming to him. Even if that means taking a part-time job as a greeter at Walmart. Not that Tressel will likely suffer such a horrific fate. Conniving men like Tressel always seem to manage to land on their feet. But if he does, at least Tressel does have some experience dealing with the caliber of people who frequent that hellhole of commerce.
UPDATE: I unknowingly did not give credit where credit is due for the above Photoshop brilliance. The excellent work was performed by Deadspin commenter Polk Panther. Check out some of his other phenomenal stuff over on Tumblr. Thanks, Polk Panther. Keep ‘em coming.
[image via]
Always good for an interesting, baffling and insightful quote, Mike Tyson made an appearance on The Gridlock on ESPN Las Vegas and discussed many topics, from going 130 mph on a motorcycle, his appearances in both Hangover films but perhaps most enlightening, what follows is how the man himself now views his brutal dominance during his prime (via Sports Radio Interviews):
If he realized how dominant and intimidating he was back in his prime:
“No, but even if that wasn’t the fact, I still would have believed because I was so full of myself, I didn’t have time to think of any of that. I was just so oblivious to that stuff.”
But was he having fun at that time?
“Yeah, yeah, it was a lot of fun. But it was almost like masturbating, you know? I was having a lot of fun but you’re not producing anything, you know?”
Boy, do I ever know what he means with that statement. Um, metaphorically speaking, of course. Yeah.
Moving on, not only did we get the benefit of that Tysonism, Iron Mike also riffed on a classic quote with the following Groucho Marx reference:
On his induction into the Hall of Fame:
“I’m always pretty weary of any club or organization that wants me as a member.”
Boy, do I ever know what he means with that statement. And it’s a helluva lot better than offering up a Richard Marx reference, but I suppose that goes without saying. Metaphorically speaking, of course. Wait, that doesn’t make any sense. But then again, most stuff Mike Tyson says doesn’t make much sense. On the surface. But if you peel away the layers, Tyson is always willing to offer up some revealing, albeit off kilter, wisdom. Metaphorically speaking. It almost makes you wish you could just fade into Bolivian.
Note: for those not in the know – and if that’s the case, shame on you – here’s the background to the “You jackin’ it?” reference.
Mike Tyson Compares Former Life and Career to Masturbation: “I was having a lot of fun but you’re not producing anything, you know?” [Sports Radio Interviews]
When I started reading the great Bill Walton’s tweet from last night, I was all “No way is he going to go there,” but then I finished reading it and then I was all “Oh no he di’int! Man, he did go there! What style, what grace. Tweet it down, Big Man! Tweet. It. Down.” After that I realized that my one-on-one monologue with myself was kind of weird so I decided to let myself go from my imaginary phone conversation with myself, which made me think that the manner in which I was discussing things with myself was probably how Bill Walton lives his life every day. Which is awesome.
Of course, Walton was referring to the fact that former Fab Five member and current scrub Juwan Howard’s presence on the Miami Heat roster. Well, after Miami’s 92-84 win in Game 1 over the Mavericks last night, Howard and his teammates are now 1/4 the way to getting Howard that ring. Without the help of a booster. Which is good. Not awesome like Bill Walton’s inner monologues, but pretty good nonetheless.
[via @The Bill Walton Trip]
Wake N’ Blog: I’m Back, Baby!
Posted by:Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• Usually, this space is reserved to link to some odd story about someone shoving something up their butt or the exploits of drunken naked people or some variation of the “bizarre news” angle, but today, I have chosen to use this first bullet point of Wake N’ Blog to let my readers know that I have taken the last four weekdays off (and Memorial Day) from the Sportress for just about the most awesome reason imaginable: on Thursday, my wife gave birth to our little baby girl. Now, I will try to avoid the pitfalls which usually go hand in hand when fathers go on and on and on when a new baby is brought into this world, but I will say this: she is an absolute treasure and I can’t even remember what my life was like before she was here. With that said, expect the amount of content around these here parts to be a little touch and go over the next few days as we adjust to the new little angel in our home. Oops. I’m already doing what I said I would not do. Apologies. Alrighty then, back to the Toy Department. And of course, thank you for dropping by.
• The 10 oddest places the Stanley Cup has ever visited. [Puck Daddy]
• A photo gallery of Avril Lavigne and other famous women who throw like girls. [With Leather]
• A ball boy disrupted play at the French Open by wandering onto the court. [Off the Bench]
• Larry Bird is honored by being compared to Dirk Nowitzki. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Glam rockers Steel Panther was Tony Romo’s wedding band? [Busted Coverage]
• Video of the bad ass Hot Wheels-themed stunt done prior to the start of the Indianapolis 500. [The Last Angry Fan]
• Rampage Jackson motorboated a reporter during an interview. [Awful Announcing]
• Scottie Pippen has continued his assault on the Chicago Bulls. [Foul Balls]
• A Dodgers fan dropped his daughter while in pursuit of a foul ball. Classy. [Bob's Blitz]
• The Nationals got disrespected by Phillies fans during a home game. [Ted Williams Head]
• Winnipeg finally has another NHL team…OR DO THEY? [Melt Your Face Off]
• 2011 LOL NBA Finals, Game 1 edition. [That NBA Lottery Pick]
• Here’s a video of some moron water skiing into a tent. Wait, what? [Sharapova's Thigh]
• Alright, Peter King, that’s just about enough from you about the Red Sox. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Tips on how to dominate in five classic family picnic sports. [Sports Pickle]
• A hilarious compilation of people fainting. [Unathletic]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: NASCAR Awards Driver $50,000 For Homophobic Comments
