Archive for May, 2011
Seriously? Is that what a completely irrelevant act has been reduced to? As you likely know, much ado has been made due to an innocuous, meaningless embrace shared between St. Louis Cardinals slugger Albert Pujols and Chicago Cubs general manager Jim Hendry prior to Tuesday night’s Cardinals-Cubs game at Wrigley Field. And as folks are wont to do, a ridiculous firestorm of conjecture, guesswork and interpretation regarding the meaning behind it quickly ensued. Why are these two hugging anyway? Is this a sign that the Cubs tampering? Was it an indication that Pujols is headed to the North Side at season’s end? Are the two friends? Close talkers? Lovers? Okay, definitely not lovers, but really, what could it all possibly mean? We need – nay, we demand – answers, dammit!
Thankfully for us, the Chicago Tribune sought out some charlatans who pass themselves off as body language experts to take a gander and utilize their considerable symbolism-deduction talents to interpret the “Hug Heard Around The World” (wait, can a hug be heard? Can Horton hear a Who? What?). Their pseudo-scientifically-based opinions (via Chicago Breaking Sports):
Patti Wood, author of “Success Signals: Body Language in Business,” says the photos could offer some clues.
“(Pujols) feels comfortable with him. I can tell you that he would be happy connected with that particular person,” Wood said. “It’s not an act. It’s a real connection. He’s very comfortable and he’s very happy.”
Perry Myers, a 30-year investigator and body language analyst, said it looked like the two were making more than just small talk.
“Obviously from the picture where they’re standing with people in the background, it looks like Hendry is kind of in that business mode,” said Myers, president of MSI Detective Services in Chicago.
“Pujols is listening intently. It looks like there’s a serious side to that discussion. Probably not ‘How’s the wife and kids?’ ”
Fascinating. Utterly, mind-numbingly fascinating. So let me get this straight: Hendry is talking and Pujols is listening intently to what Hendry is saying and not completely ignoring him? And it could be serious? But at the same time, the other body language expert infers that Pujols is happy? And there might be a connection? Serious sides to unheard discussions? Business mode? Background people? Not an act? Comfortable AND happy? A real connection? How about a Love Connection? Could Chuck Woolery help us out with this? Lemme check. I’ll be back in two and two.
Body language experts analyze Pujols-Hendry hug [Chicago Breaking Sports]
Ha. Goes limp. It’s funny because Tiger Woods is a self-admitted sex addict. It’s the subtlety that really drives home the point and gives the headline its delightful humorous angle, although to be perfectly honest, the “been there, done that” aspect of the bit leaves me a bit flaccid about the whole damn thing.
[H/T Mediatite (via @JimmyTraina)]
Yikes. That’s…haunting. The glowing red eyes and the smoke emitting from his nostrils really adds an entirely unwelcome level of creepiness. Notorious Chicago homer, ESPN’s Michael Wilbon, is seen here imitating a bull in order to rejoice in the fact that his beloved Chicago Bulls have reached the Eastern Conference Finals after taking the Atlanta Hawks out behind the woodshed Thursday night and whipping them by a score of 93-73.
I’m a fan of Wilbon’s, so I’ll give him credit for having some fun with it, but in a way, I am relieved that he didn’t do something similar when the Blackhawks won the Stanley Cup last season. That has public relations nightmare written all over it.
[via @PTI]
With his Chicago White Sox team stumbling out of the gate this season with a 15-23 record, it’s a safe assumption to make that skipper Ozzie Guillen could use some time to just relax, unwind and collect his thoughts. And what better way to do that than to spend some quality time with his wife in solitude while sampling some local wines in Napa Valley? Sounds wonderful to me.
Guillen and his wife Ibis took advantage of a day off on the West Coast before the White Sox take on the Oakland Athletics in a weekend series to spend the day at the Kunde Family Estate in Kenwood, where they sipped on wine, met with the owner of the winery and simply kicked back and enjoyed the scenery. Ahh, wine country: how peaceful. Sure beats spending an entire day at the ballpark, right Ozzie?
Referring to the place in separate tweets as “heaven” and the owner of the estate as “wowww amazing,” Ozzie summed up his relaxing sojourn in Napa Valley quite nicely with the following:
“I don’t know much about wine but this is wauoooo”
“wauoooo,” indeed. Well put. Ozzie. Couldn’t have said it better had I been there myself.
[H/T Hardball Talk, @OzzieGuillen]
Awesome. For the uninitiated – which I have no choice but to assume would be most of you (we are talking about a minor league baseball team here) – every year, the St. Paul Saints, a member of the American Association of Independent Professional Baseball, hold a Name the Pig contest, where fans can vote on a clever name for the season’s pig mascot. Over the previous 18-year history of the team, the Saints’ porky mascot has been bestowed a name which is a play-on the name of a celebrity/public figure of the day, such as Kevin Bacon, Brat Favre, Slumhog Millionaire, Boarack Obama, Notorious P.I.G. and Piggy Smalls. And this year was no different. Allow me the honor of introducing to you, Justin Bieboar, who made his first appearance Thursday night at the Saints’ season home opener at Midway Stadium.
Justin Bieboar is only one-month old and the name beat out such competitors as Oprah Pigfrey, Conan O’Briham, Natalie Porkman (The Black Swine), Shaquille O’Squeal, Squeally Dan, Buckingham, Brat Blyleven and Piggyleaks. And as the Saints point out, Justin Bieboar has quite a lot in common with the tween sensation for who he is named:
The four-legged swine shares many similarities with his tween counterpart. Bieber rose to fame instantaneously and has had numerous platinum hits while the Saints four-legged mascot also rose to fame when it was first introduced and helps rally Saints teams to get hits. Bieber is considered a teen idol while the Saints pig is just considered an idol. There is no truth to the rumor the Bieboar will have the same hairstyle as Bieber.
“Midway Stadium has played host to numerous musical sensations over the years including Bob Dylan, Hootie and the Blowfish, R.E.M. and Willie Nelson but never for more than one night at a time” said Saints Executive Vice President/General Manager Derek Sharrer. “We consider ourselves and our fans very fortunate to have a performer of this pig’s stature committed to entertain at Saints games throughout the summer.”
You have to love the way the Saints do not take themselves too seriously, although it should not come as a surprise, given the team is owned Mike Veeck, the son of the legendary Bill Veeck, who was the owner at one time or another of several baseball teams, including the Chicago White Sox, where he showed he had a flair for the absurd and entertaining by way of his offbeat publicity stunts, most notably Disco Demolition Night. Serving as co-owner of the Saints – although he takes a very limited role in operations – is none other than Bill Murray, so you can probably get a pretty good idea what kind of outfit the St. Paul Saints are and how the team is run.
But that’s all backstory. The real story here is Justin Bieboar. Look at him. Ain’t he adorable? Far better looking than that no-talent hack who is his namesake.
Saints Catch Bieboar Fever in 2011 [St. Paul Saints Official Site]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• Do me a favor. If you’re at work, look up from your monitor and take a look at your colleague sitting nearby? Is he or she a soul-crushing idiot jagoff? He or she is? Of course they are. Well, I hate to break it to you, but that person is shortening your life. According to a study conducted by researchers at Tel Aviv University in Israel, a positive relationship with co-workers not only improves job satisfaction, but will help you live longer. From the AP report: “Peer social support, which could represent how well a participant is socially integrated in his or her employment context, is a potent predictor of the risk of all causes of mortality,” the researchers said in the study reported in the journal Health Psychology, which is published by the American Psychological Association. Amazing. Not only are they ruining your life on a day-to-day basis, they are ensuring you have less days to actually live. When you think about it, it’s not surprising. Co-workers are, more often than not, real pains in the ass. [Yahoo!]
• Oooh, burn: Sharks fan gives Red Wings fans an octopus prior to Game 7 last night. But it was octopus sashimi! Ha! [Puck Daddy]
• Is Marv Albert headed to CBS? Unknown at this time, but all signs point to “YES!!!” [Awful Announcing]
• Is Shaquille O’Neal finished? God, I hope so. [Rumors & Rants]
• In Texas, you lie about fishing, you’re going to jail, pardner. [With Leather]
• How a knee to the groin saved a young basketball player’s life. Seriously. [Off the Bench]
• UFC will be handing out bonuses to fighters you use Twitter. [Larry Brown Sports]
• The 15 ugliest dunk faces from the NBA. [BuzzFeed]
• LeBron apologized now because people were ready to accept it. [Ball Don't Lie]
• Speaking of LeBron, here are some other mental notes he took this season. [Sports Pickle]
• Rick Reilly lampooning is the best kind of lampooning of all. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• The 11 best Jay Mariotti prison bitch faces. [Busted Coverage]
• In other Jay Mariotti news, check out video from one of his stalker calls. [TAUNTR]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Justin Verlander Doesn’t Bother Telling Parents Difference Between No-Hitter And Perfect Game
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
Posted by:
• One of my favorites sites on the interwebs, Busted Coverage, has had a facelift. And it’s looking prettay prettay prettay good. [Busted Coverage]
• Dennis Rodman’s Hall of Fame induction is going to be awesome! [The Basketball Jones]
• An exhaustive history of thirty-nine years of walkoff walks. [Big League Stew]
• LeBron James apologized for “The Decision.” [Larry Brown Sports]
• That college hoops game that is going to be played on an aircraft carrier might be played on the same one that buried bin Laden at sea. [Off the Bench]
• Detroit Red Wings fan goes all out decorating his house, you know, because you gotta support the team. [Puck Daddy]
• Regretting the fact that there isn’t a website solely dedicated to the butts of hot volleyball girls? Not anymore you don’t. [Ted Williams Head]
• Money to burn: NCAA shells out $17.2 million to protect the term “March Madness.” [The Dagger]
• Here’s a photo of Saints owner Tom Benson showing off his Super Bowl ring to the Pope. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: Point/Counterpoint: If I See Doug, I’m Going To Kick His Ass vs. Apparently Doug Is A Better Fighter Than I Thought (by Rick Stovall)
Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
Whoa, that’s like, a pretty big number, isn’t it?
Sang Lan, a Chinese gymnast who tragically was paralyzed from the chest down during a accident in 1998 while in the U.S. when she was 17, has filed a $1.8 billion lawsuit. Sang Lan asserts that her injury stemmed from someone moving a mat while she was in mid-air.
Via The Washington Post:
The $1.8-billion suit targets everyone — from Ted Turner, who founded the Goodwill Games where the accident happened in 1998 in New York, to the former AOL Time Warner Inc. media company, which owned the games, to USA Gymnastics, which supported the event, to the couple who were her guardians in New York. It says they broke promises to care for Sang, then 17 and paralyzed from the chest down ever since.
The suit is an unexpected turn for Sang, whose sweet smile and upbeat nature earned her many supporters in China and who became a symbol of determination and courage in the face of a devastating injury. Returning home in 1999, she received a hero’s welcome, with officials calling her “the pride of all Chinese.” Since then, she has used her fame to advocate for the disabled.
Just to be perfectly clear, by no means am I implying that this poor woman has been through a terrible ordeal and suffered a horrible injury, nor am I claiming that she doesn’t have the right to at least attempt to seek damages as compensation for her horrific injury, but $1.8 billion? Seriously? Who is her lawyer? Bob Loblaw, Attorney at Law? Now that’s a reference I haven’t been able to incorporate into a post in a long time.
Paralyzed Chinese gymnast’s $1.8-billion lawsuit risks her carefully maintained image [The Washington Post]
Although I cannot confirm this, according to what SI’s Jimmy Traina has heard from his Twitter followers, this is from ESPN’s “Rumors” page, whatever that is.
Well, I guess it has almost been a few hours since it was confirmed that a young man with his entire life ahead of him was tragically found dead.
You stay classy, Albert Lin.
UPDATE: Yep. It’s ESPN. Go figure.
[via]
She must have seen his clumsy exploits with that soccer ball. Total turn-off, I reckon.
People has just broken the news that diminutive sexy starlet Hayden Panettiere and her gigantic beau, heavyweight boxer Wladimir Klitschko, have officially split up after two years of dating, thus putting an end to the most head-scratchingest couple this side of Felix Unger and Oscar Madison. The reason? Distance.
Said the two former lovahs (from People, via The Big Lead):
“Even though we’ve decided splitting up is best for both of us, we have an amazing amount of love and respect for each other and remain very close friends,” says the Scream 4 actress, 21.
“We had a great time together, but it’s not that easy to manage a relationship between two continents,” he says. “I have a lot of respect for Hayden as a person and as a friend, and I believe we’ll keep our friendship even after the separation.”
And here I thought these two, despite all the pitfalls which can befall a celebrity couple, were going to make it work. Well, I guess Hayden can move on from fielding awkward questions about her and Klitschko’s sex life to answering queries regarding what it’s like to date a dashing, debonair and dreamy sports blogger!
(high fives self)
What? It could happen. Did I neglect to mention I just got a haircut. And it’s a pretty nice haircut. Yeah.
Hayden Panettiere and Wladimir Klitschko End Their Romance [People (via The Big Lead)]
The moody, lyrical intro to “His Name Is Dirk,” as performed by German DJ/Producer, Flula Borg:
His name is Dirk
He plays basketball
He’s a Maverick
He is a shooter like Larry Bird
He can shoot a three-pointer
Or dunk a good one on you
He plays good like an iPod
He’s like the German…Moses
Well, if he plays good like an iPod and is like the German Moses, I guess there’s little else to say. Well done, DJ Flula. Crap, Falco ain’t got nothing on Flula Borg. Der Kommissar? More like Der Krappissar, amirite? Although with all due respect, I hope DJ Flula Borg’s next track dedicated to the Dallas Mavericks star is “Rock Me Dirk Nowitzki.”
And in case you were wondering, given his name, yes, you will be assimilated…into a funky society where lyrical odes to basketball players are backed by triptastic, German beats!
German Moses, y’all. Groove on that.
[H/T The Basketball Jones]
PGA Tour players: they’re just like us! Okay, not really at all, but according to an interesting story on Yahoo!, some Tour golfers have admitted to playing Tiger Woods PGA Tour 12: The Masters as a way to get a first look and a feel for courses they will be playing in upcoming tournaments. Thanks to EA Sports’ use of “a combination of ground-based, survey grade GPS mapping and aerial stereo photography to create a digital terrain model,” the game play on the newest version of the game is hyper-realistic or as realistic as sitting on your butt and playing a video game can be to actually doing something that requires some semblance of physical exertion.
Some of the golfers who point to the benefits of the simulation provided by the video game? Bubba Watson, who used it to prepare for this week’s Players Championship at TPC Sawgrass (via Yahoo!):
“It settles me down, relieves the stress,” Watson said. “It’s just fun to play. It does help you to remember the course and layout, remember where stuff is located. It’s just like a yardage book. Plus when you put it on the hard mode, it’s very realistic at Sawgrass. Seventeen is really realistic.”
Joining Watson is Rickie Fowler, who practiced playing Augusta on Tiger Woods 12:
“When I played Augusta for the first time, I learned that seeing it on the game can teach you quite a bit about the course,” said Rickie Fowler, who made his Masters debut in April. “When they made it (the video game), they wanted it to be done perfectly, and they did that. It’s pretty crazy how close they got it to being like it is on the real course. The game helps you with your angles off the tees a bit, and it gives you an overhead view that is very helpful. And the breaks on the greens are pretty true. I liked the video game a lot, especially since I am in it. That is pretty cool.”
You got that right, Rickie. It is pretty cool. But guess what? I’m in the game, too, although the guy I created for the game is in far better shape than me…and much, much better looking. Sigh.
It is, however, pretty cool how all the hard work and effort the designers put into creating the game has apparently paid off in its realism. Sadly, for most golfers who enjoy playing the video game as well, we are never afforded the opportunity to make a comparative analysis between the game and the actual courses, so we’ll have to take their word for it.
Video game helps with PLAYERS preparation [Yahoo!]
Wow. Just wow. I’ll give her credit, that Serena Williams sure is one bold woman. While Miss Williams’ new avatar for her Twitter account is somewhat revealing, at the same time, it is quite modest. At least for a Williams sister.
And thankfully, for her sake – and ours, perhaps – Serena didn’t elect to use this photo for her new Twitter avatar. That wouldn’t have been good for anyone.
[H/T Game On!]
UPDATE: What the fungus? For some unknown reason, Miss Williams has changed her mind and once again changed her avatar:
I dunno, this one is alright, but that first one sure was breathtaking. Too bad.
Wait, what? (a phrase which, when used without the comma between the two words, has now been copyrighted by Norm MacDonald)
No, I don’t have any idea what is going on either, so allow the estimable Wysh from Puck Daddy to explain.
This ad for the RFSU Power condom from Swedish film makers Koja debuted during the 2011 IIHF World Championships in Sweden, promising a prophylactic that “increases desire and pleasure.” You know, one that’ll have you and your partner … rabbits, people. We don’t need to spell it out for you.
Power condom, eh? Alrighty then. Check out the commercial below, in all its bunnies-humping-while-playing-hockey glory.
Citing a re-aggravation of the injuries to his left knee and Achilles that he suffered at the Masters, Tiger Woods has withdrawn from the Players Championship. Not that things were going swimmingly: Tiger chunked and hacked his way to a 6-over-par 42 on the front nine, so in a way, it was likely only cutting his tournament short by 27 holes.
While doctors cleared him to compete, he just couldn’t continue. Said Tiger (via the New York Daily News‘ golf blog, From the Bunker):
“I was just trying to draw that ball just a little bit. I pushed forward and it just didn’t feel good. The knee acted up and the Achilles followed after that and the calf started acting up. Everything started getting tight,” he said. “It was a chain reaction.
“They said I could play, that the more rest I got the better it would be, obviously. But this is a big event. I wanted to come back for it and play and unfortunately, I wasn’t able to finish.”
I’ll give Tiger credit for at least trying. He clearly understands the importance of the Players Championship and despite being nowhere close to 100%, he elected to give it a go, which is much more than can be said for Lee Westwood and Rory McIlory, and they’re healthy.
Tiger Woods withdraws from Players [From the Bunker]
