Archive for May, 2011
As the folks at BuzzFeed point out, the song chosen as the soundtrack, which contains the lyrics, “You were born to be wasted,” really ties the whole video together. According to the vlogger, this video was recorded during a May 13th game between the Cincinnati Reds and St. Louis Cardinals. I mention this solely to provide some historical perspective, as it were.
Man, if only we could get this guy paired up with that other Cincinnati Reds fan who enjoyed cutting a rug that we profiled earlier this season, well, it would be interesting to say the least.
While I cannot be certain of this, my guess is this inebriated bastard uttered some slurred variation of “I love you, man” at least 15 times during the recording of his sloppy drunk antics.
Oh, and as far as Drunk Ass Cincinnati Reds fan’s overall performance goes, I’ll give his dancing a 7.5 and his blood alcohol content a .23, which ain’t too shabby. In some way or another.
[H/T BuzzFeed]
I don’t know about anyone else out there in Internetland, but count me among those who are very relieved that ESPN’s Adam Schefter will finally be able to get some sleep tonight now that he has his brain wrapped around the Arnold Schwarzenegger-Maria Shriver separation. It’s been a hard couple of days for him. The thought, “Why would Arnold and Maria be separating now?” would bounce around his pea brain as the ESPN NFL Insider tossed and turned in bed. “They seemed so good together in those California tourism commercials,” he would often say to himself in between fits of rage and despair.
But really, his ability to expertly interpret the hidden meaning behind today’s news about Schwarzenegger fathering an illegitimate child reveals Schefter’s hidden talents as a pop culture insider. To be honest, when I read about the news, I was completely unable to make the connection between it and the couple’s separation. Brilliant sleuthing. In a way, it opens up a whole new avenue by which Schefter can offer up his often inane and useless analysis. NFL is nothing compared to the enthralling world of pop culture.
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Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• No, the watermelons are not exploding due to a well-executed smash with the Sledge-o-Matic. Instead, it is due to Chinese farmers injecting the fruits with an overdose of growth chemicals during wet weather. Officials have compared to the wild and wacky exploding watermelons as “land mines,” or as I choose to refer to them, WaterBonds. Or Canscecomelons, take your pick. [Yahoo!]
• Ross Bernstein, author of The Code, appeared on PD Radio to discuss a book he was working on with Derek Boogaard, Meet The Boogey Man: Fighting My Way To the Top. We miss you, Boogey. [Puck Daddy]
• Bow down before the World Beard and Mustache Champion, hairless heathens. [Off the Bench]
• Albert Pujols played 3rd base last night for the Cardinals. [Rumors & Rants]
• College Baseball Rain Delay Jousting. Yeah, I can see that. Better than Quidditch. [With Leather]
• Check out this little Giants fan sporting a Brian Wilson beard. [Larry Brown Sports]
• How in the hell is Rex Ryan’s book #11 on the New York Times’ bestseller list? [Bob's Blitz]
• Dollar ticket night for the Nationals-Pirates game looked boring. [Busted Coverage]
• NHL Realignment is like, radical man! [Melt Your Face Off]
• Dennis Rodman’s got the funk, y’all! [That NBA Lottery Pick]
• If that talking basketball from those commercials actually was used in real games. [Sports Pickle]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: (audio) Business Card Confirms That Real-Estate Agent Is Eddie Money
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
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• So, the 2011 World Beard Championships happened. [With Leather]
• The Fort Myers Miracle have a crush on Justin Bieber. Hey, that’s not appropriate! [Off the Bench]
• Heartwarming: video of a paralyzed girl confined to a wheelchair getting the chance to take part in a team cheerleading routine. [Busted Coverage]
• The Thrashers ownership group is reportedly in talks with a group based in Winnipeg and are discussing possible relocation of the franchise. It’s about time. [Puck Daddy]
• Two divergent theories on the greatness of Kevin Durant. [The Basketball Jones]
• Today in weird Strasburg jerseys. [D.C. Sports Bog]
• MSF is back with one of their patented (and awesome) photo stories. Today: Indecent Proporal with Bud Selig and Pete Rose. [Midwest Sports Fans]
• More Peter King buffoonery. Today, Peter cites a radio interview that never happened. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Headline: “Jorge Posada sits out of game as a hint to Derek Jeter” [TAUNTR]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: HP Unveils Non-Computer For Those Who Don’t Need A Computer
Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
That Evan Longoria is really something, man. Fake? Whaddya mean fake? Why would anyone take the time to create a fake video featuring one of Major League Baseball’s biggest stars where, due to his ability to sense a batted ball flying straight at a reporter’s head, sticks his hand out just in time to snag the ball, thereby saving the reporter from suffering a serious injury? What would be the purpose of that? What ulterior motives would be satisfied by playing on our emotions like that?
A commercial, you say? Hogwash. Okay, fine, have it your way – it was for a commercial, probably for some future Gillette ad, right? Man, you people are gullible. You’ll believe anything.
I’m chalking it up to Evan Longoria having extrasensory perception. It’s the most feasible reason behind it.
[H/T Off the Bench]
Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Now, let me get this straight: even though the Chicago Bulls, on their home court, in the first game of a best-of-seven series, handled the Miami Heat with relative ease, that does not mean that the series between the two Eastern Conference finalists, in essence, is pretty much done? Finished? All over but the crying? But the Bulls beat them pretty good. How can anyone expect the Miami Heat to somehow manage to win four of the next six games? It’s not like that has ever happened before in NBA history, right? I mean, shouldn’t the Heat be so demoralized by a Game 1 loss that instead of continuing on, they should simply forfeit and go upon their merry way? Are you telling me that LeBron, Dwyane, Chris and company are actually going to continue on with this demoralizing experience? They lost Game 1, for crying out loud! Talk about gluttons for punishment! Whoa! That’s kooky talk!
As good as Bulls were, don’t count out LeBron, D-Wade just yet [Chicago Sun-Times]
Dear Lord, what in the holy hell were they thinking? Who are they, you ask? The folks in charge of officially licensing MLB gear. That’s right, the above abomination is an officially licensed product by Major League Baseball. That thing is downright atrocious and affront to good taste, style and, well, everything.
The good folks over at Baseball Nation (via Hardball Talk) did a fantastic job of combing through the caps available for purchase at MLB Shop to find the twenty most offensive, ugliest caps for sale. There are truly some horrible eyesores, but for my money, they don’t get much worse than this one. I’m trying to come up with some kind of analogy for it or at the very least, the type of person who would actually wear it, but, man, I can’t think of one person foolish enough to buy this cap. I don’t know, a colorblind, fashion backward leprechaun living in Cambridge, maybe? Or possibly a wardrobe piece from the off-Broadway production of Yahdood and the Amazing Technicolor Sawx Cap?
The 20 Ugliest Caps Licensed By Major League Baseball [Baseball Nation (via Hardball Talk)]
"Ewwww...gross!"
I took a poop and I liked it? Courtesy of Florida Gators fansite Gator Country (via SB Nation), what follows is the rather unique pregame ritual of incoming freshman receiver Ja’Juan Story and how he gets ready to play:
Q: What’s your favorite pre-game ritual?
A: Well, I take a doodoo. Before every game I doodoo.
Q: That’s your FAVORITE pregame ritual?
A: Well, that’s the only thing I do. That’s one thing I have to do before every game, or I won’t feel energy, and I’ll just feel slow. When I do I just feel light on my feet and everything, and I feel faster, so that’s what I do.
Q: You know I’m going to write this in a story right?
A: Well, I mean, that’s what it is. I doodoo and then listen to Katy Perry.
Awesome. I for one cannot think of any better way to get focused, loose and limber prior to kickoff: a poop and a Perry. Sounds relieving. Lord knows how lethargic one can feel without the intrinsic benefits of a decent bowel movement. Also, it should be noted that just prior to the Poopy Perry part of the interview, Story says that Katy Perry’s “Fireworks” is the most played song on his iPod, adding that the song is “intense.” Hopefully, for Story’s sake, the words “Fireworks” and “intense” are never used in conjunction with describing his pregame “doodie.” That wouldn’t be good for anybody.
IncomingGatorsQ&A:WRJa’JuanStory [Gator Country (via SB Nation)]
Alrighty then. I guess we have no choice but to believe Los Angeles Lakers guard Shannon Brown, because if I have learned one thing about the interwebs during my time on it, if someone actually writes something and publishes it on a social media site, it’s 99.9% certain it is a true statement. Otherwise, what would be the point of posting it? Right?
Apparently, and I am going on speculation on this one because I rarely travel in Rampant Unsubstantiated Speculation Internet Rumor Mill Circuit, the buzz in the ‘tubes was that Brown might have gotten overly friendly with teammate Pau Gasol’s girlfriend, Silvia Lopez Castro. And by gotten overly friendly with, I of course mean that he had sexual relations with her. You may recall that this entire hullabaloo regarding the relationship status of Gasol and Castro erupted as the Lakers were unraveling in their series against the Dallas Mavericks when speculation persisted that a rift had developed between Kobe Bryant and Gasol due to Kobe’s wife meddling in Gasol and Castro’s relationship. Gasol subsequently denied it, but now this latest piece has been added to the puzzle.
To Brown’s credit, at least he did not give the rumor a chance to gain legs by ignoring it and allowing it to fester. Instead, he took it head on and vehemently denied it via his Twitter account. Good for him.
There is, however, one aspect of the above tweet that gives me pause from completely absolving Brown and granting him complete innocence concerning said rumor. Brown said he never slept with Gasol’s gal, not that he didn’t engage in some hanky panky with her. Maybe there wasn’t much sleeping going on, you know what I’m saying? HOO-AHHH!
(makes sexually suggestive hand gestures, eliciting perplexed and disgusted responses from the other people in the coffee shop)
[via]
I don’t know, I guess it kind of makes sense since LeBron James is referred to as King James and the lion is referred to as the King of the Jungle, although I do have to question the wisdom of actually getting said tattoo, but to each their own, I suppose. I only wonder if this tattoo would have fared better than LeBron’s putrid 5-15 shooting performance yesterday in the Miami Heat’s 103-82 loss to the Chicago Bulls. Ah, who am I kidding? Tattoos can’t play basketball.
[image credit (via BuzzFeed)]
You might recall way back in early April when NESN reporter Heidi Watney had some difficulty swallowing, nearly choking, when she sampled some fried chicken and waffles at Progressive Field during a Boston Red Sox-Cleveland Indians game. Well, the lovely Miss Watney decided to set the record straight regarding her on-air near choke when she visited the MLB Fan Cave in New York City recently. Watney insists that it wasn’t because the food was nasty or that she suddenly lost the ability to masticate and subsequently swallow food – instead, she said that her cameraman was making her laugh, thus causing it to be incredibly difficult to properly chew up the scrumptious treat that is fried chicken and waffles. In the above video, Watney gives a good accounting of her eating skills quite nicely as she samples a fried chicken and waffle cupcake concoction without the necessity of a someone being on standby just in case the Heimlich Manuever needed to be administered on her.
Good job, Heidi. And as an aside, anytime you want to record yourself eating something, we’ll be watching. Perhaps next time, let’s go with a banana. Or a Popsicle. Either way, it’s up to you.
Thanks, Tyler.
Zing! Well played, good sir. So, let me get this straight: team records six consecutive shutouts = goal becomes suitable hideout for terrorists. Gotcha.
[H/T Sports Pickle]
In what is developing into a butterfingers epidemic of epic proportions, yet another soccer player has dropped a trophy during a celebration, evoking the memory of when Real Madrid’s Sergio Ramos dropping the Copa del Rey trophy off the top of a double-decker bus in April.
This time, it was Ajax goalkeeper Maarten Stekelenbur dropping the Dutch league trophy while standing atop a bus during a triumphant ride through the city of Amsterdam. D’oh! Ajax had just won their 30th league championship courtesy of a 3-1 win over something called FC Twente. Luckily an onlooker recovered the plate-like trophy and returned it to the players before further damage was inflicted upon it.
Obviously, non-goalie soccer players are not allowed to use their hands during play, so perhaps we could attribute Ramos’ clumsiness on not developing the necessary skills to, you know, hold on to something, although one suspects he uses his hands in other facets of his life. But a goalkeeper? No excuse, man. No excuse. For shame, Maarten Stekelenbur. For shame. In retrospect, maybe he should have been sporting those ginormous gloves soccer goalies use. Wouldn’t have hurt.
Video: Another goalie drops trophy during victory parade [Toronto Star]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• Four individuals were hospitalized in Tuscany after a brouhaha turned physical regarding the thickness of ham slices at a grocery store. Via AFP: “The row broke out when a 50-year-old woman shopping in the Tuscany town of Livorno in central Italy protested that the ham slices being cut by a counter assistant were too thick. A scuffle unfolded involving the shop assistant’s father as well as the woman’s husband and two sons.” As an Italian myself, allow me to interject: we take our food seriously. One time, I punched a waiter at Olive Garden because my pasta was not prepared al dente. Later I wondered why, as an Italian, I was eating at an Olive Garden in the first place. I think we all learned something that day. [Yahoo!]
• The Vancouver Green Men responded to Don Cherry’s criticism of their antics in their own special way. [Puck Daddy]
• Taj Gibson is a good dunker. Just ask Dwyane Wade. [The Basketball Jones]
• The Minnesota Twins will wear their throwback 1961 jerseys at all home games this season to pay tribute to Harmon Killebrew. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Chad Ochocinco rode a bull. [Busted Coverage]
• Sarah Silverman joined Joe Buck in the booth during the Red Sox-Yankees game. Awkwardness ensued. [Bob's Blitz]
• Sage Steele, Squirrels and Jerking Off: a magical combination. [Awful Announcing]
• Astros fan does a fantastic job of eluding security. Check it out. [Off the Bench]
• Here are some important observations from Game 1 of the Eastern Conference Finals. [Rumors & Rants]
• Now here’s an impressive hidden ball trick pulled off by a lacrosse player. [Outside the Boxscore]
• Should we be easing up on ripping Jorge Posada? [PineRiders]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Laid-Off Zookeeper Goes On Tranquilizing Spree
Derek Boogaard 1982-2011
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Derek Boogaard was found dead in his Minneapolis apartment at 6:10 p.m Friday night by members of his family. He was 28-years-old. A six-year NHL veteran, “Boogeyman” was known as a bruising, hulking enforcer, but for those who knew him personally, he was much more than that: thoughtful, caring, humorous, loyal. A “big teddy bear” was how former teammate, Niklas Backstrom referred to the big guy with a big heart (via Star Tribune):
“I don’t know how to describe it,” said goaltender Niklas Backstrom, who sat 6 feet away from Boogaard in the Wild locker room for four years. “It’s really hard. Unreal guy. Great friend and an awesome teammate. Just a really big teddy bear. Outside the rink, he didn’t want bad for anyone.
“If you don’t know him, if you just know him by what he does on the ice, you don’t know how great he is. Smiling every day. At the rink, I don’t think he was mad at anyone ever. I just want to send my condolences to Boogey’s family.”
Since learning of his death, many others within the NHL community have shared similar sentiments about Boogaard. During his five seasons with the Minnesota Wild, Boogaard developed into a fan favorite – and perhaps one of the most popular and well-liked Wild players in its history – which was abundantly evident by the prominence of Wild sweaters bearing his name which were seen every game at the X. Wild fans were sad to see him go when he joined the New York Rangers this past season as a free agent, but never forgot the thrills he delivered on the ice, always giving it his all, always taking care of his teammates.
I only learned of Boogey’s death this morning when I woke up and picked up my newspaper on the front stoop. To say I was tremendously saddened by reading the headline would be an understatement. Boogaard was one of my all-time favorite hockey players, both for what he did on the ice but also for how he carried himself off it: with his trademark wit, class, dignity and humility. I have rarely had more fun writing than the many, many offbeat posts I did with Boogaard as the subject when I wrote for Melt Your Face Off.
Rest in peace, Derek. You will be sorely missed by your friends and family and everyone else you have touched during your far too short time on Earth. But not only that, you will be missed by people who never were lucky enough to get the opportunity to meet you. Thoughts and prayers.
Note: for those of you in the Twin Cities area, Wild fans are holding a memorial service at the Xcel Energy Center in St. Paul on Sunday at 6:00 p.m.
Ex-Wild tough guy Derek Boogaard found dead in Minneapolis apartment [Star Tribune]
