Archive for May, 2011
Thanks, Jose Canseco. I am sure she is very flattered by your inane Twitter ramblings. I only wonder what prompted this outpouring of devotion to Lady Gaga Sunday evening. Granted, she was on SNL over the weekend and maybe he was catching up on his DVR. Lord knows he has the time, although I’m not sure he can afford cable. But what prompted it? Alcohol? Loneliness? Punch drunkenness from too much “celebrity” boxing? Hard to say.
By the way, I missed it, but did anyone else catch Justin Timberlake and Lady Gaga on Saturday Night Live? Or is it Saturday Knight Live? Like Jose, I always get the spelling of those two words mixed up. Either way, I heard the show was entertaining. The show really has something for everyone, even if you were born evil. Which everyone was, but you knew that already.
[H/T Hardball Talk]
GAH! What the hell? Now that is one gruesome, disturbing image. Just because the Rapture didn’t make its scheduled appearance over the weekend does not mean everything is hunky dory here on Planet Earth. That’s right: instead of a Biblical Apocalypse, we are smack dab in the middle of an alien invasion.
And I’m afraid to inform you, my friends, that this isn’t a run of the mill alien invasions of past eras – nope, these visitors aren’t ancient alien astronauts whose sole interest in mankind is to assist in our evolution. Nope. They are here to feast upon us and frighteningly, we have no idea when and where they’ll strike next, given their shapeshifting abilities, as evidenced by the above photo.
The question is: why didn’t anyone try to prevent this from happening to the Texas Rangers’ Mike Napoli? Why did everyone stand idly by while some bloodthirsty alien burrowed into his body cavity, like that creatures from Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan? Wait, Ceti Eels gain access to our innards through the ear canal and are used for mind control. Okay, it’s kind of like that creature from Alien. Nope. Not that, either. Chestbursters explode out of a person’s body cavity, they don’t burrow into it. Huh.
Fine. How about it’s kind of like Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Only with baseballs. Yeah, that will work. I guess.
[image via]
Ever since LeBron James and Chris Bosh took their talents to South Beach, Charles Barkley has not been afraid to mince words and refused to pull punches when it came to criticizing the Miami Heat. Most recently, Sir Chuck, while calling them “terrific players,” also referred to the Heat as “a whiny bunch.” Well, Heat fans finally got the opportunity to vocally exact their revenge of Barkley when TNT put Charles, Kenny and Ernie outside American Airlines Arena for the network’s broadcast of Game 3 of the Eastern Conference Finals between the Heat and the Bulls on Sunday night.
After mercilessly taunting Barkley with repeated chants of “F**k you Chuck!!” he gave the crowd what they wanted when he gave them the Double Back Flip, a/k/a the Backwards Double-Barreled Middle Finger Salute.
Video follows, but in case you didn’t read the preceding paragraph or have extreme difficulty with reading comprehension, it contains some salty language.
It was supposed to be a wonderful day. Manchester United was celebrating their 19th Premiere League title on the pitch of Old Trafford with their families when Wayne Rooney’s own son, toddler Kai, completely embarrassed his father by his refusal to boot a ball set right in front of him an inch from the goal line into the net.
Via The Metro:
Never one for patience, Rooney Snr picked up the ankle bitter and smashed the ball into the net himself – much to the relief of Michael Owen, who was desperate for the youngster not to eclipse his own goals tally for the season.
Kai’s choice of kit may have caused some concern among United fans – a ‘sky blue’ number was the jersey of choice…
But then again, if he wasn’t one for controversy, then he wouldn’t be much of a Rooney.
Video follows.
"What's that? I was drafted by the Jazz? NOOOOOOO!!!"
The Utah Jazz, courtesy of the New Jersey Nets, hold the number three overall pick in the 2011 NBA Draft. They are also owners of the 12th pick. And given the statewide love and adoration – perhaps even bordering on idolatry – Utahians (?) have for Jimmer Fredette, who achieved cult-like status in the Beehive State due to his attaining superstar status while leading the Brigham Young University Cougars, it would make perfect sense – especially within the realm of public relations – for the Utah Jazz to take a flyer on Fredette and snag him with that 12th pick. They will already be getting a big time player at No. 3 – despite it being a relatively weak draft – so why not, right?
Not so fast. Fredette, who has all the appearances of being a quite savvy individual, has co-opted the public groundswell of those Jazz fans clamoring for the team to draft him and used it, in my opinion, to subtlety tell the Jazz, “Thanks but no thanks. I’m not trying to be rude here, but no. Just no.”
From the Deseret News (via Sporting News):
“That’s what the people want,” Fredette said of being drafted by the Jazz. “But I don’t think (Jazz officials) should make the decision on what the people want. They ought to make a decision on what they think is best for their personnel. If I go there, it’s great. If not, I’ll be somewhere else. So I’m just looking forward to where it’s at.”
Of course, this is all speculation – perhaps Fredette would like to play for the Jazz – but I’m not buying it. Jimmer is a nice guy and all and would likely never say anything untoward about anyone, but for crying out loud, he has already paid his dues by spending his college years – his college years, dammit! – toiling away in Provo. The guy grew up in New York. Do you really think he wants to spend the early stages of his professional career just down the road from BYU in Salt Lake City? Enough is enough. Fredette is ready for the bright lights of a major media market. Not that I can blame him. It’s time for him to drop the Mormonism, go back to the Catholicism of his mother, and move on with his life.
Further, how else is Jimmer going to help his brother TJ’s sagging rap career get off the ground? It ain’t going to happen in Utah, I’ll tell you that much. Or anywhere, for that matter.
Utah Jazz: Enes Kanter grew up watching Mehmet Okur; Jimmer Fredette says Jazz ‘like’ him [Deseret News (via Sporting News)]
Brilliant. Certifiably brilliant. Well done, Hugging Harold Reynolds. You are hereby awarded an honorary Intercontinental Championship belt.
They all managed to make it: Hulk Hogan, King Kong Bundy, Hillbilly Jim, George “The Animal” Steele, Rowdy Roddy Piper, Mr. Fuji, Bobby “The Brain” Heenan, Junkyard Dog (I think), and many, many others I can’t quite make out (although I’m guessing one is Savage’s brother, Lanny Poffo, possibly Brutus Beefcake, Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat and is that Elvis in the back there?) were on hand for an impromptu memorial honoring the late great “Macho Man” Randy Savage. Well, their acrylonitrile butadiene styrene-based counterparts made it, but really, when setting up a backyard funeral on the fly, what can you expect?
Rest in peace, Macho Man. Your action figure buddies will always have your back…
Wait. What’s this? Is that…is that?
Yeah, makes sense. What doesn’t make sense is how in the hell he can actually watch the game with that damn thing covering his eyes. Another aspect lacking any semblance of sense about this story, although deserving of credit, is how Derek Seyes, a/k/a “Brick Man” makes a 1,400 mile round trip (estimated, via Rand McNally’s mileage calculator) from his home in Coal Valley, Illinois to Oklahoma City in order to attend his beloved Oklahoma City Thunder’s home playoff games. Brick Man has racked up 5,000 miles on his Toyota Corolla in order to attend five Thunder playoff games in Oklahoma City’s home arena, which in another display of synergy, is aptly named Oklahoma City Arena.
Brick Man landed a job in his new hometown of Coal Valley, but that was not going to prevent the “hardheaded” (get it?) Thunder fan from fulfilling his “Gotta Support The Team” mantra as his squad made a deep run in this season’s playoffs. Fellow Thunder backers don’t quite believe that he has been forced to make such a mile-intensive pilgrimage to see the games.
Via NewsOK:
“People will say, ‘Oh, I didn’t know you moved away,’” Seys said. “‘I see you every game.”
He can thank his trusty Toyota Corolla for that. And the oversized “brick’ he has fashioned which he wears upon his head. Do you know what would be cool, though? If Brick Man, in some capacity, was actually in the brick business. Talk about synergy.
‘Brick Man’ Derrick Seys among fans rearranging their lives during Thunder playoffs [NewsOK]
In other words, a gaggle of die-hard Tampa Bay Lightning fans gathered in a parking lot to create a symbolic facsimile of a lightning bolt, for all of you non-egghead, science-hating ignoramuses.
An estimated crowd of between five hundred and six hundred Lightning fans showed up at a Tampa International Airport parking lot Sunday morning to give the team a proper sendoff prior to the team embarking on a flight to Boston for Game 5 of the Eastern Conference Finals against the Bruins. Upon arrival in the lot next to the airport’s economy parking garage, a considerable amount of teamwork and groupthink was utilized as the mass of humanity came together to create the Tampa Bay Lightning logo, and a grand time was had by one and all.
The team’s marketing department came up with the idea for the makeshift pep rally and they made it worthwhile for the first four hundred fans to show up: each of those early arrivers received a Bolts Nation bag filled with pucks and sticks, some of which had been autographed by Lightning players. Four members of Bolt Nation were even more fortunate, as their bags contained tickets to Wednesday’s Game 6 at St. Pete Times Forum.
Via Tampa Bay Online:
For Dave Arnold of Pinellas Park, it was a moving experience.
“Hair stood up on the back of my neck, too,” said Arnold, whose car is painted Lightning blue, with a license that says “Da Bolts.”
The event came together quickly with word getting out on Facebook and at Saturday’s game, said Lynn Whittenburg, a team spokeswoman.
“We wanted to do something big to send the team off for Game 5,” she said. “I knew our fans would show up and help us do something a little more creative than normal.”
George Roe of Largo saw the post on Facebook and decided to go.
“I had to be a part of it,” he said.
See, this is the kind of event when fans come together to enthusiastically support their team that I can get behind. Not like that Oklahoma Thunder flash mob who got together to convince freaking Ellen DeGeneres to become a fan of their team. That was stupid. This? Pretty cool. Whether or not it has any effect on the Lightning team and spurs them on to victory in Beantown remains to be seen. But the effort was there.
Huge bolt logo at airport shows Lightning fans’ support [Tampa Bay Online]
Like I wasn’t going to hop on the comedic gold gravy train bandwagon and at least upload this hilarious photo of Tom Brady having a grand old time on a water slide while he and Gisele were vacationing in Mexico.
It is often said that a picture is worth a thousand words. This is one of those occasions. And one of those words? Effeminate.
This is all obviously a brand new experience for Tommy Brady. At least on a Slip-N-Slide, you’re traveling on a moving sheet of water in basically a horizontal trajectory, but this? You’re going downwards, and super duper downwards at that. I mean, look at his face and how he’s holding his arms all fancily akimbo. Sure, Brady is thrilled to be sliding down this super cool pool slide and it’s super neat and all, but in a way, he’s slightly scared. My question is, what is Brady imagining will be at the bottom of the slide when he topples into the pool? Sharks? Lava? Is he worried his hair is going to get wet or will he be able to keep his head and luxurious mane above water? Oh, who cares? Omigod, this is so much fun!
[H/T Just Jared (via Deadspin, where the commenters put on a quite a show with their best captions)]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• Some wisenheimer hacker circumvented a password protected road sign’s security and made the sign read “Live Nudes Ahead” near a road closure in Greenvile, Delaware. Now that’s a highway, if given the chance, I would want to drive it “all night long.” And that will be the first and only time I’ll reference that awful “Life is a Highway” song by Tom Cochrane. Really, I almost deserve the death penalty for that one. [azcentral]
• Joakim Noah did his best Kobe Bryant impression last night when responding to a taunting fan. Not good. [Bob's Blitz]
• Ray Lewis thinks crime will increase without an NFL season. [Shutdown Corner]
• An athlete used Twitter for good? That appears to be the case: Brandon Phillips used it to surprise a 14-year-old kid at a Little League baseball game. [Off the Bench]
• Here’s some good news for a change: LAPD has arrested a suspect in the Brian Stow beating case. [Big League Stew]
• Ian Poulter took a bit of a tumble en route to his Volvo World Match Play victory. [Wei Under Par]
• The Japanese sport of Botaoshi is kind of weird. Actually it’s not kind of weird, it’s psychotic weird. [Midwest Sports Fans]
• Derrick Rose thinks a lot of NBA players are using steroids. I think. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Here’s Cam Newton singing Justin Bieber’s “Baby.” Enough said. [Outside the Boxscore]
• A video of Red Sox fans fighting each other. I see nothing wrong with it. [It's Always Sunny in Detroit]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Lunatic Realizes Thing He Screamed In Middle Of Street Earlier Not Entirely True
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
Posted by:
• Former Buffalo Bills great Darryl Talley is not taking The Rapture very seriously. [With Leather]
• Video: Blake Griffin doesn’t get video games. [The Basketball Jones]
• John Daly says his ex-wife Sherrie wanted $2,500 to have sex. Classy gal. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Why hasn’t J.J. Barrea married his insanely gorgeous girlfriend? What is he waiting on? [Busted Coverage]
• Oh man, this edition of “Jersey Fouls” is particularly awful. [Puck Daddy]
• The coach of Manchester United is considering a Twitter ban, would like players to “Get down to the library and read a book.” Paging LeVar Burton. [Off the Bench]
• Tito Ortiz needs to develop a sense of humor. [Deuce of Davenport]
• Michigan’s throwback uniforms are really, really throwbacks. [Dr. Saturday]
• Uh-oh: Kenny Perry has questioned Tiger Woods’ mental toughness. [Pro Golf Talk]
• Optimus Prime ain’t got nothing on Lou Gehrig. What? [Bugs & Cranks]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: Roy Halladay Draws Strike Zone On Back Of Hand As Reminder
Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
With the Chicago Cubs preparing to play their first game in the historic Fenway Park since the 1918 World Series, the question was asked of Boston Red Sox manager Terry Francona inquiring about his feelings towards the two legendary ballparks and which one he preferred (via Chicago Breaking Sports):
“I always liked Fenway a little bit better,” he said. “The dugouts at Wrigley make it really hard to watch a game. You’re really stuck in there. I love Wrigley, because I think all the new ballparks are trying to get the feeling of Fenway and Wrigley, just with the new amenities, but I’ve always liked Fenway better.”
Terry Francona, with all due respect – with ALL due respect – how dare you besmirch the good name of Wrigley Field? I mean, who does this guy think he is? Ozzie Guillen? Can you believe that the manager of the Red Sox, who play their home games at Fenway Park, would go out of his way to praise the ballpark which his team plays 81 games in every season and say it is superior to one of the most hallowed sites in major league baseball? Where does this guy get off saying he likes Fenway Park better? Man, that’s kooky talk. It just doesn’t add up.
Red Sox’s Francona: Wrigley’s ‘cool’ but Fenway’s ‘a bit better’ [Chicago Breaking Sports]
"I can't believe what I just read!"
Lee Westwood, much like his hero Popeye the Sailor Man (?) has had all he can stands and he can’t stands no more. Regarding Twitter, that is. Frankly, he’s sick and tired of being sick and tired of all the abuse heaped upon him via the social media site by all the meanie-weenies who choose not to play nice and only use Twitter for dignified, honorable pursuits and discussions.
Via FOX Sports:
”It’s losing its meaning,” Westwood said. ”It’s social media, not social slagging. It seems to have turned into that for some people.’
”It’s just pathetic. ‘It’s there to interact with people and give them an idea of stuff they might not ordinarily be able to engage with. But some always take it too far and spoil it.”
Oh, I know how that goes, Lee, believe you me. Those mean-spirited, heartless folk who pollute twitter with their smartassery are the worst. The dregs of society I tells ya. But don’t let a few bad apples spoil the bunch, Lee. Just ignore them. They’ll move on to harassing someone else in due time. The same way I gave up after Ashton Kutcher refused to reply to my Twitter inquiries. Well, they were more like threats, but you know what I mean.
Westwood: I may close Twitter account [FOX Sports]
"You think anybody thinks I'm a failure because I go home to Starla at night? Forget about it!"
Yep. Nightmare Fuel on steroids. Literally. Yamma hamma. I don’t mean to be overly crass, but after viewing these photos, I’m pretty sure my man parts just bid a hasty retreat straight up into my body cavity. You know, just to be safe.
There are plenty more than the one above and the gallery below over at BuzzFeed. Well worth a gander if you don’t want to sleep tonight. But I did want to save one and highlight it simply because it is terrifying, hilarious and um, without trying to be redundant, hilariously terrifying. That’s really the only way to explain it. It’s after the jump.
We sports bloggers on the interwebs have had a grand time over the years making fun of Woody Paige. From his oddball, sometimes off-putting antics on ESPN’s Around the Horn to other alleged undesirable behaviors behind the scenes, he often makes himself an easy target. But today, I would like to take a moment to pay him respect he has more than earned.
Today, Paige will receive this year’s Suicide Prevention Media Award from Colorado State University. Last September, Paige allowed readers a look inside his private pain when he admitted that he contemplated suicide almost ten years ago when he wrote a heartfelt, intensely personal September 23rd column about the tragic September 20, 2010 suicide of Denver Broncos wide receiver Kenny McKinley.
From The Denver Post:
Woody said he received more than 35,000 messages after the piece ran, some from suicidal people who said his column compelled them to seek help.
Paige says he’s trying to respond to all of them.
Congratulations, Mr. Paige. The honor is well-earned. As a person who lost one of my best friends to suicide just after graduating from high school, all I can add is if his column saved one person’s life and caused them to reconsider going down that tragic road, it was worth more than anyone can possibly imagine.
Denver Post sports writer Woody Paige gets CSU suicide prevention award [The Denver Post]
