Archive for May, 2011
Bravo, Reggie Bush. Bra-freaking-vo. As you can see from New Orleans Saints (for now) running back Reggie Bush’s tweet from last night, he has no problem whatsoever with the NFL Lockout. It has provided him ample time to catch up on his maxin’ and relaxin’, so what’s the big deal with it? And he’s good, folks. And you see, if Reggie Bush is good, everything’s good. The guy won the Heisman Trophy for crying out loud. Oh, wait.
Anyhoo, if you happen to be one of those people who cannot just let Reggie be Reggie as he chills on the beach, save for some public appearances – blech – via his Twitter account, Bush continued to provide ample reason as to why the NFL Lockout is such a win-win. Well, at least a win-win for Reggie, and really, that’s all that counts. But for all of you selfish saps out there, Reggie Bush explains:
While I give Sign Guy at Grace Presbyterian Church in God Knows Where credit for his effort, his use of the church’s signage to drum up support for the Nashville Predators came up short, as their decent run in the NHL playoffs came up short, losing to the Vancouver Canucks four games to two after dropping Monday night’s game by a score of 2-1. Roberto Luongo was sturdy in between the pipes for Vancouver and that pretty much sealed Nashville’s fate. But hey, at least the parishioners at Grace Presbyterian were behind the team. Okay, maybe just the Sign Guy, but that’s still something.
[image via]
Ouch. Well, that’s just uncalled for, man. The poker? Some referee assigned to the Slovakia-Denmark game at the IIHF World Championship. The pokee? That’s Miroslav Satan, who last played in the NHL with the Boston Bruins and was playing for his home country of Slovakia. Apparently, Satan got in a bit of a tussle with Denmark’s Jesper Jensen and the referee was simply trying to break them up, albeit by rather unconventional methods. I believe that is taught as the Three Stooges Eye Poke Fight Breakup Maneuver at the International School Of Overly-Aggressive Refereeing. It’s a small school. Very exclusive.
[image via]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• A homeless man living in a large dumpster nearly died after he was dumped into a garbage truck and crushed by the vehicle’s compactor. Fortunately, the Waste Management driver heard the man’s pleas for help and halted the compactor. [azcentral]
• High school swim team coach pulls girl out of pool by the hair. Yeah, this won’t end well. [Off the Bench]
• Dwight Howard heading west and joining the Lakers is pretty much an inevitability. [The Basketball Jones]
• Rise and fire! It’s official: Gus Johnson is headed to FOX. [Awful Announcing]
• Scottie Pippen got busted for littering? [That NBA Lottery Pick]
• The Seattle Sounders allow their fans to live like refugees. [Deuce of Davenport]
• The guys have some fun with Photoshop and an already awkward Peter King photo. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Nine great photos from the Kentucky Derby. [Busted Coverage]
• A Slip-And-Slide at the San Diego Hot 100 Bikini Contest? Color me intrigued. [Bob's Blitz]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Slow-Working Pitcher Really Getting Inside Head Of Kid In Crowd Who Needs To Go To The Bathroom
Stunning in its outright toolishness, wouldn’t you agree? As Chris Chase points out over at Shutdown Corner, the camera angle employed by photographer Michael Hickey truly captures New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady at his best. Or worst, depending on your point of view. Nevertheless, it is a style truly his own. You might even call it “The Suave Clown Sans Makeup” look. Throw a red nose and some floppy shoes on that getup and Tom the Suave Clown is all primped and ready to appear at a child’s birthday party.
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
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• Here’s your 2011 Kentucky Derby Porta Run Roundup video. [Busted Coverage]
• Head coaches Rick Carlisle and Phil Jackson debate peyote usage. [The Basketball Jones]
• The fellas at PineRiders wrap up the weekend that was in sports. [PineRiders]
• Manny Pacquiao hung out with Paris Hilton after the fight on Saturday, probably now has scabies. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Minnesota Vikings first round draft pick Christian Ponder has seen Dumb & Dumber over 200 times. Now I know we have something in common. [Off the Bench]
• Gooooly is the IIHF World Championship’s mascot. He likes to slide down rails. Watch him in action. [Puck Daddy]
• Today’s edition of The Dugout addresses the Tolkien-esque correction by the New York Times I touched upon earlier today. [With Leather]
• Gross: burger-eating contestant pukes, eats it. Competitive eating, everyone. [Ted Williams Head]
• Drew doing what he does best: mocking and ridiculing Peter King columns. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Wrestlemania:NBA Playoff Edition. [TAUNTR]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: UFC Fighter Has Idea For T-Shirt With A Bunch Of S**t Written All Over It
Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
Obviously, since we are all horse racing aficionados – at least when the Kentucky Derby rolls around (although even then, I’m doing it solely for the 48-hour binge on Mint Juleps) – the colt Uncle Mo was pulled from the Derby due to a diagnosed infection. Now comes news that his owners are sending him to a farm to receive what they refer to as “treatment.”
Don’t believe them, Uncle Mo! It’s a lie. A gosh-darned lie! Bust out of the trailer, or barn, or whatever enclosure you are currently being house in and run, run like the wind! It’s exactly the same thing my parents told me when I woke up one morning to find out that Puddles, our dog with a disturbingly active bladder control problem, was gone. “We took him to a farm upstate where he could receive treatment for an infection,” they told me. Yeah, right. I, like many other children whose pets have mysteriously disappeared under the cover of night, learned later that what I have been told was not really what happens. The point is this: if Uncle Mo makes it to that farm, he ain’t ever coming back. And now I need some more Mint Juleps to calm my nerves. I’m literally shaking right now, although that could just be the DTs. I drank a lot of those damn drinks this weekend.
Uncle Mo Is Sent to Farm for Treatment [New York Times]
Given the tremendous success the Minnesota Timberwolves organization had packing fans up to the rafters of Target Center last season in light of this promotion (sarcasm), they have decided to bring back the “Pay the Pick” season ticket promotion once again for the upcoming season. T-Wolves fans will be able to purchase an upper level season ticket for as little as $1, depending on the team’s spot in the NBA Draft. Since the Timberwolves finished with the worst record in the NBA, they could theoretically end up with the number one overall pick (don’t hold your breath, Wolves fans – remember Christian Laettner instead of Shaquiile O’Neal in 1992?). Further, because of their institutional ineptitude, they can finish no worse than fourth in the NBA Draft Lottery, which means if fans take advantage of this offer, they will pay no more than $4 per game for season tickets. What a bargain! Almost better than getting some free tickets just by purchasing a couple cans of corn!
Said Timberwolves President Chris Wright in a press release:
“We have had a fantastic response to our “Pay the Pick” promotion the past three years, and hope fans will once again jump on board as we head into what’s sure to be an exciting offseason for our franchise. Once again, we’re working to make the Timberwolves one of the most affordable and fan-friendly entertainment options in the Twin Cities.”
Okay, I’ll agree with the most affordable, but fan-friendly entertainment? Only if you like watching your hometown team stink up the arena. Oh, I kid, I kid. Things are looking up for the Timberwolves. Ricky Rubio might end up in a T-Wolves uniform next season. What? His play has regressed over in Spain? I see. But hey, they might even get the #1 pick in the draft! What’s that? A lockout? Huh. Well, that doesn’t sound good.
Wolves Re-Launch Pay the Pack [The Official Site of the Minnesota Timberwolves]
Bad ass. Who would have guessed that the Utah Jazz’s Andrei Kirilenko was such a huge fantasy role playing game fan? At least that’s what I’m taking out of this incredible piece of body artistry which appears to be a knight – a Paladin perhaps, as that warrior class is said to have access to powerful mounts (nerd alert) – riding a dragon. It is certainly a magnificent tattoo which I am sure required a lot of time and effort.
There has been some controversy surrounding whether or not this is in fact Kirilenko, but a tattoo artist who goes by the online handle of vicback provided updates such as this one demonstrating the progress made throughout the process, so our best guess is that it is indeed Andrei Kirilenko, until proven to be otherwise. I wonder if his wife likes it. She seems like a pretty easygoing kind of gal who wouldn’t get upset over some wicked tattoo.
You know, regarding the premise of this post – that Kirilenko is a Dungeons & Dragons fan due to his new tattoo – on second thought, that hypothesis could be erroneous. Just because he has a huge dragon tattoo does not necessarily mean he’s a big D&D guy. Maybe he’s more into MERP, which leads me to believe that perhaps he was the one responsible for the New York Times having to issue that Tolkien-related correction we touched upon earlier today. That would be weird, wouldn’t it?
[H/T SLC Dunk (via The Basketball Jones)]
Well, this should put this controversy to rest. And if you cannot understand that, then, well, you must be, in LeBron’s words, retarded, I guess. At least that’s the tone LeBron James took during today’s shootaround in Boston regarding the latest controversy stemming from the frequent occurrences where LeBron’s brain tells him to say something and the little person in his head that stands guard between his brain and his mouth and should prevent ignorant statements from coming out of his mouth starts acting like a retard. Or whatever.
As you already have likely heard, more ignorance emanated from James’ mouth during a joint press conference with teammate Dwyane Wade following Game 3 of the Heat’s series with the Celtics. After a reporter asked Wade whether the play which caused Rajon Rondo’s injury was a dirty play, James could be audibly heard saying, “That’s retarded,” despite his best effort to somehow muffle the sound of his commentary.Unfortunately, the presence of a bunch of microphones directly in front of his face caused LeBron’s editorial comment to be picked up for all to hear. Always thinking, that LeBron.
Via the Boston Herald:
Asked about the mini-controversy after this morning’s shootaround at the Garden, James reiterated that he found the question unintelligent.
“I didn’t understand the question,” James said. “It’s definitely blown out of proportion. I don’t think Dwyane is a dirty player. So it’s the same as me saying, ‘I don’t think that’s a great question’ or, ‘I think it’s a stupid question.’ Dwyane has never been a dirty player so I don’t know why someone would even ask him that question.”
When asked if the public uproar was a result of everything he does being magnified, James responded simply, “Of course.”
Indeed, everything is magnified as it concerns LeBron James. It’s utterly amazing how doing things to attract attention to oneself – magnifying things, even – say, like having a nationally televised exercise in narcissism to announce where one will be taking their talents, surprisingly causes things to become, you know, more magnified and stuff. And do you know what that is?
Retarded. Just ask LeBron. He’ll tell you. Personally, I would have opted to go with “unintelligent,” but hey, that’s just me.
LeBron James downplays offensive remark [Boston Herald]
I know all of you Dallas Cowboys fans out there, suffering through the bitter stages of denial regarding your so-called franchise quarterback, are going to be slightly disappointed to read this, but appears to be true: Tony Romo’s bid to qualify for the U.S. Open, much like last year, has fallen way short and it looks like it, save for a miraculous comeback, is all but over and done.
Romo, similar to how he performs in the role of an NFL quarterback, is as much an underachiever on the golf course as he is on the gridiron. In fact, you can draw many parallels between his quarterbacking and golfing: tons of potential, performs well when there is nothing is on the line, but when the pressure ratchets up a notch, he folds, flails and ultimately, fails.
Tony Romo’s chances of advancing in sectional qualfying for the U.S. Open are likely doomed. Romo had a disastrous triple-bogey on the par-4 15th hole in swirling winds on the Stonebridge Country Club in McKinney to put him 8-over for the round. Romo lost his tee shot to the right into a yard and had to hit another shot off the tee. His approach came up short and to the left. He then chunked his chip into the uphill-sloped green and watched it roll back off. He chipped again and hit a four-foot putt.
Romo had a double-bogey on the par-3 eighth hole as part of his 4-over score on the front nine.
Yeesh. Crash and burn. I am much of a golfer myself, so perhaps I shouldn’t be so quick to criticize. Then again, I’m not trying to qualify for the U.S. Open, either. Not that I was there or saw how his meltdown transpired, but it’s almost seems like Romo had his golf ball snapped to him on the tee box on the 15th hole. Metaphorically speaking, of course.
Cowboys’ Tony Romo appears headed to early exit in U.S. Open qualifying [The Dallas Morning News]
I’m sorry, that’s just the way it is and there’s nothing I can do about it. For a person like me who, as a consequence of seeing every episode of Seinfeld a jillion times, cannot have anything occur in my life or read something without having a reflex-like reaction to invoking some reference to the show without fail, I have no choice but write at least something about the fact that Larry Thomas, the actor who portrayed The Soup Nazi (and little else, I suspect) making an appearance at Citi Field for the Mets-Dodgers game on Saturday night.
Via an AP report in The Washington Post:
Actor Larry Thomas, who played the ornery soup genius on the TV show “Seinfeld” appeared — in character — to give DVD prizes to fans at Citi Field who correctly answered trivia questions about the show.
Dressed in chef’s whites just as he did when he famously booted “Seinfeld” characters George Costanza and Elaine Benes from his shop, Thomas waved to the crowd on the big screen, mouthing the words: “No soup for you!”
Later, he posed for pictures with another winner.
Not a bad gig, when you think about it. Thomas, simply by portraying a character on a hit show fifteen years ago, is still reaping the benefits from what I assume he figured at the time was a decent gig and a means to pay the bills. On the other hand, perhaps to Thomas it feels less like an honor and more of something of a curse. No matter what he did as actor, before or after or however impressive, he will always be remembered for that one role. Most of the stars of Friends know what I’m talking about – I guess so do the stars of Seinfeld – except Michael Richards,of course. But that’s another story altogether, fraught with misunderstandings and total confusion. Kind of like “The Tractor Story,” I suppose.
UPDATE: Courtesy of Mr. Rick Chandler from Off the Bench comes some video from the Soup Nazi’s appearance. It follows.
How so, you ask? We all know that online ads such as these rotate every time a page is refreshed, but how can the heartbreaking image in an ad for a charity which depicts a poor child suffering with a cleft lip/cleft palate cause Washington Nationals prospect Bryce Harper’s horrible, horrible mustache appear even worse than it already is?
Because at least Bryce Harper could do something about what’s going on above his lip without the need for complex and expensive surgery. All he needs is a razor.
Note: while I lack the class and sense of political correctness which would have prevented me from posting my inane and insensitive observation – I am a horrible person and will be going to hell one day – I do have the good sense to realize that cleft lips and cleft palates are a terrible, unfortunate occurrence that can be treated. For more information on what you can do to help, please go to Operation Smile.
Bryce Harper’s mustache [D.C. Sports Bog]
There you go. While some may argue that his career with the New York Knicks may have gotten off to a slightly inauspicious start, no one can make the argument any longer that Carmelo Anthony does not have better pets than most folks, something he is even aware of himself, given the message attached to the above photo which was recently uploaded to his whosay account:
Everybody got dogs and cats as pets, I got a camel!
Yep, that’s a camel alright. Bearing in mind that Carmelo Anthony likely has a palatial pad in NYC which far exceeds the general cramped conditions of the stereotypical residence in the Big Apple, meaning he probably has more than enough space to house a camel, can you imagine the size of plastic bag he has to bring with him when he takes that thing for a walk? He probably needs one of those lawn bags one uses when raking leaves in the fall. Because I don’t know if most people are aware of this, but camels can poop. A lot.
[via]
Okay, to be fair, these five Dallas Mavericks fans – grown men, mind you – spelled the last name of their team’s leader, Dirk Nowitzki, on the back of their shorts not actually on the skin of their hind ends, but still, come on, man.
But would it help their cause if I mentioned they were trying to win free tickets to Game 4 between the Mavs and the Los Angeles Lakers and get the chance to perhaps see their squad sweep the Lakers? No? Not at all? Thought so. Via The Dallas Morning News:
So, there you go. I can only imagine how the five of them arrived at the attire depicted in this image which characterizes just about everything concerning “When Gotta Support The Team Goes Wrong.”
Guy 1: Hey brahs, got an idea. How about we get some old, shredded pairs of white boxer shorts, spell “G-O N-O-W-I-T-Z-K-I” on the asses of them and then compliment that already bad ass look with blue tights and some ragged, tattered tops that could have been used as wardrobe for the dance scenes in Staying Alive?
Guy 2: Awesome, dude! Let’s do it!
Guy 3: I’ll only do it if I can have the letter N-O on my ass. Because, you know, I’m like, not gay and crap.
Guy 4: Totally.
Guy 5: Can we paint our faces, too?
What a bunch of yutzes. Well, at least the Mavericks beat the Lakers. I guess their little outfits did the trick. Score one for these guys.
Photos: Mavericks complete improbable sweep; crazy Dallas fans hit the streets to celebrate [The Dallas Morning News]
