Remember Jared Lorenzen? Well, He’s Large And In Charge In Something Called The UIFL

Holy moly! Look at the size of that guy! And he’s playing quarterback, for crying out loud. Granted, Jared Lorenzen never was a prototypical quarterback, even back when he made his mark as the signal caller for the University of Kentucky Wildcats, as well as the few nondescript seasons he spent with the New York Giants after going undrafted in the 2004 NFL draft.

But now, Lorenzen is back in football, large and in charge. Originally hired to be the general manager for the Northern Kentucky River Monsters, a first year team in the regional Ultimate Indoor Football League, Lorenzen got the itch to play football competitively again and now, according to an article on (via BuzzFeed), “leads the UIFL in passing yards (256.6 yards per game) and efficiency (107.1 rating), and he is second with 69 touchdown passes.” Oh, and the team roster page on the River Monsters’ website  has his weight at 290 pounds. Yeah, right. Maybe on the moon.

Either way, it’s pretty awesome that Lorenzen is enjoying his post-big time professional football career. And he obviously isn’t doing it for the money. On average, players in the UIFL take home $200/week, with some quarterbacks bringing in closer to $500. But Lorenzen? Playing in front of smaller crowds – although averaging 1,600 fans per game is pretty impressive for an upstart “minor league” football organization, he’s loving it:

“We’re still doing things the right way,” said Lorenzen. “… I think the fans are getting behind us. It’s just a joy. The stuff we do, like the autograph signings after games, you’ve got the fans here and we’re here to make it entertaining for them. Indoor football is entertainment and a football game just happens to break out. That’s how I look at it.

Right on, Jared Lorenzen. May you continue to feast upon opposing defenses’ secondaries in the UIFL like I bet you can do when bellying up to an all-you-can-eat dinner buffet. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

With Lorenzen, River Monsters aim to become N.Ky.’s team [ (via BuzzFeed)]

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  1. Upstate Underdog

    May 18, 2011 at 9:16 am

    He has a Super Bowl ring, so he’s got that going for him.

  2. Larry Brown

    May 18, 2011 at 11:54 pm

    And a career in professional eating if the whole football thing doesn’t work out …

  3. Howard

    May 19, 2011 at 10:05 am

    I have watched Jarred play twice against the Canton Cougars and the guy can still throw a frozen rope, tight spiral. Not to mention, he is very entertaining when he gets out of the pocket. Hey-Hey-Hey, like Fat Albert. He has brought some nice credability to the UIFL and draws fans.

  4. SEMERFI.1

    May 19, 2011 at 3:43 pm

    Jared Lorenzen is a freak of nature, anyone that big that can throw the ball as well as he does pretty amazing. If he dropped say 50 pounds could he be better, more agile and better athletically who knows obviously he’s happy it seems. Guys like him continue to amaze the fans, remember Nate Newton, big man, not muscular but very big, wide and athletic, played many years as an ALLPRO NFLer, he made the game fun. Hopefully Jared can do the same for the fans of his team, I say GOOD LUCK TO HIM, besides who is anyone to judge him unless u been in his shoes and besides anyone commenting on here doesnt have a SUPER BOWL RING DO THEY???????? CASE CLOSED…

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