Good to know that the lockout isn’t affecting NFL Millionaires’ ability to hold their annual swanky soiree. Attention all NFL players, solidarity now! And if said solidarity just so happens to be involve a lavish, overdone ball, so be it. Question: but why is Rashard Lewis of the Washington Wizards included as a host? Did he achieve some kind of NFL Millionaire PHENOM exemption status. That’s weird.
Be that as it may, here’s the lowdown on the high society shindig:
You are invited to Walk the Red Carpet with NFL Elite for the Annual NFL “PHENOM” Millionaires Ball Celebration at the upscale venue Grooves of Houston. This event will be the epicenter of all that is beautiful with live entertainment, heart stopping beats, celebrity host, free flowing libations and elements that will dazzle, impress and delight all your senses.
Epicenter of all that is beautiful? Free flowing libations? Elements that will dazzle, impress and delight all my senses? Who is this co-called “celebrity host”? Caligula?
As you can see, the Annual “Phenom” Millionaires Ball will BY FAR be the special event of the year. In case you didn’t catch it, the “Phenom” stands from “phenomenal.” I think. But if you plan on attending, be sure to read the fine print: the attire expected is to be “sexy, mature and sophisticated,” which I interpret as not wearing your authentic NFL jersey with a pair of Zubaz. Or maybe it is. How am I supposed to know? I am none of those things. I guess by stipulating that only a certain level of attire is expected (no baseball caps, no shorts, no t-shirts, no service) is an effective way for the NFL Millionaire Phenoms to weed out the riffraff.
If I could only figure out what “sexy, mature and sophisticated” means, I would so be attending this party. I mean, look at the hosts – it’s a veritable who’s who of NFL Millionaires! And there is a full kitchen open all freaking night! And not one, but two “ultra” VIP sections, so those who get into the “regular, run of the mill” VIP section will still have to gaze across the club in disgust and jealously at the ultra VIPs.
But boy oh boy, talk about a chic, glamorous gala. Not to mention pretentious and ostentatious. There truly is nothing like a hypocritical and narcissistic display of gratuitous excess during these trying economic times. Throw in the troubling lockout keeping NFL players from their jobs and we have a perfect storm of publicity which will undoubtedly help sway public opinion away from the owners and over to their side of the argument concerning all issues NFL lockout-related. Well played, NFL Millionaire PHENOMS. Well played.