Archive for April, 2011
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• I know, shocking, right? A drunken Irishman! And that’s coming from a drunken Irishman, which really doesn’t make sense when you think about it. Another thing that doesn’t make sense? Drinking a bunch of beers and then deciding to climb up a ladder to remove a functioning beehive on their roof, but that is what Andrew Short, an amateur beekeeper (and drunken Irishman) in Melbourne, Australia decided to do after taking in the Melbourne Comedy Festival (and taking down a bunch of booze). Said Short: “A few beers maybe and a ladder, it’s a bad combination.” Yep, it’s pretty clear he’s an amateur beekeeper as most professional beekeepers don’t, you know, have beehives up on their roof. [Yahoo!]
• So that a-hole journalist from Jersey who wrote that idiotic column in which he blamed the Giants fan getting savagely beaten by Dodgers fans because he was wearing a Giants jersey has apologized…sort of. [With Leather]
• The GOP is trying to put the kibosh on Carl Lewis’ senatorial run. [Off the Bench]
• I touched on this yesterday, but once again: Peyton freaking Ellis? [Rumors & Rants]
• Sacre bleu! Tony Parker says he will play in France if there is a lockout. [Ball Don't Lie]
• Uh-oh: Cam Newton struggles to call an audible during Jon Gruden’s QB camp. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Who’s ready for some extreme ironing? It’s XTREME! [Bob's Blitz]
• Just what exactly was Justin Verlander trying to do here? [Babes Love Baseball]
• Another day, another time The Sports Hernia keeps us updated on the beach-going activities of Warren Sapp. Wait…that’s not Warren Sapp! [The Sports Hernia Blog]
• What’s the deal with this guy’s nose? [Busted Coverage]
• You know, the NHL was right to not suspend Raffi Torres, even if he is a vicious goon. [Melt Your Face Off]
• If locals got to name their hometown MLB team. [Sports Pickle]
• Interesting details about the Nick Saban statue. [TAUNTR]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Piece Of Art For Sale On Coffeehouse Wall Has Had It Up To Here With The Wiseass Remarks
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
Posted by:
• Don’t worry about Michael Phelps, folks, he’s doing just fine. [With Leather]
• Ladies and gentlemen, a new sport: professional chair racing. Nice. [Off the Bench]
• Ben Roethlisberger has finally done something positive in the bathroom. [Shutdown Corner]
• ESPN has released a list of endorsements by their on-air talent. [Awful Announcing]
• Provocative headline: “Racist Logos From Mars c/o MLB and New Era” [Bugs & Cranks]
• A groom was was walked down the aisle at his wedding by the Winthrop mascot. [The Dagger]
• After winning the Valero Texas Open on Sunday, Brendan Steele cut himself in the trophy. [Pro Golf Talk]
• Travis Snider of the Toronto Blue Jays has a mustache he should be ashamed of. [7th Inning Stache]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: IRS Can’t Believe Area Man Didn’t Get A Raise Last Year
Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
Like many NFL players currently locked out, New Orleans Saints safety Darren Sharper is finding things other than football to take up his time as well as to serve as a “Plan B” of sorts. And yes, that is screencap from his acting performance from WorkingBug.com’s “A Series Of Unfortunate People” series which depicts the character portrayed by Darren Sharper pretending like he’s humping a dog. Yep.
The webisode, entitled “Punchline,” is about a woman who is unknowingly dating a man (Sharper) afflicted with ISOH (Inappropriate Sense of Humor), and believe me, if it were real, it would be one serious condition.
Video follows, but allow me to warn you, if the screencap of Darren Sharper humping a dog didn’t make it clear enough for you, the video is a bit on the lewd and crude side. Viewer discretion advised.
When most people look at the words, deeds and appearance of New York Jets head coach Rex Ryan, my guess is the first person they think of is not President Barack Obama. Usually, when people think of Rex Ryan, their assessment of the man likely revolves around the image of a loudmouthed braggart who may or may not have a foot fetish. Come on, who are we kidding? Let’s be honest here: he totally has a foot fetish. But Ryan’s said dalliances with the tawdry world of foot fetishism does not prohibit him from being a great man who is well respected by others. Like Jets linebacker Bart Scott, for instance. In fact, Scott admires his team’s coach to such a degree he cannot help but draw comparisons between Ryan and our nation’s Commander-In-Chief.
To wit, from New York Metro (via The Huddle):
“It’s how (Ryan) talks and says what he’s thinking and how he lets us be loose and talk. People don’t think the president is supposed to be black either. They think a president is supposed to look a certain way. It’s the same thing with Rex. He doesn’t look and act the way other coaches act. And we love him for it.”
Fair enough. But let me ask this question: first things first, has anybody ever seen Rex Ryan’s birth certificate?
Yes Rex Can: Scott likens Ryan to Obama [New York Metro (via The Huddle)]
Wait. What?
Actually, CNN International Edition writer Will Tidey makes a compelling case regarding the similarities between P Diddy and golfer Ian Poulter, despite the apparent absurdity inherent to such an odd comparison. Both are flamboyant characters who enjoy messing around with clubs. Ha! Get it? You do, but still don’t find it funny? Sigh.
Anyhoo, Tidey begins:
One is a hip-hop superstar and music mogul who dazzles audiences with his lyrical prowess, the other is a gregarious golfer who fights with the world’s best to sink balls in the fewest shots.
Their professions may be world’s apart but rapper Sean “P Diddy” Combs and Ian Poulter have more in common than first meets the eye.
That’s because Combs and Poulter — who are both ferocious self-publicists, lovers of the high life and boast their own clothing lines — are two examples of celebrities building business around their personalities.
Fair enough. Still, P Diddy and Ian Poulter? Despite their relative similarities as it pertains to their acumen for business-related wheelings and dealings, It just doesn’t work for me. To be honest, as far as comparisons to hip hop stars go, Ian Poulter reminds me a bit more of Gerardo, for some reason. Don’t know why, though. Maybe because Poulter is so suave, I guess.
Is Ian Poulter the ‘P Diddy’ of golf? [CNN International (via Yahoo!)]
Cleveland Browns running back –
(already forgot his name, have to look it up)
– Peyton Ellis has upset Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers in the semifinals and will face Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Michael Vick (who beat Minnesota Vikings running back Adrian Peterson) in the finals to determine which NFLer will grace the much-coveted cover of this year’s version of Madden ’12. Woo-hoo. The winner will be announced on ESPN’s SportsNation program on April 27th but the opportunity to vote ends on April 25th, so mark your calendars.
You see, ladies and gentlemen, this is precisely why you cannot trust the voting public troglodytes who spend their time participating in lame popularity contests to get anything right. First it was Pia on American Idol, now this. Well, I guess all that is left to do is send out a congratulations to –
(had to look up guy’s name again)
– Peyton Ellis on the upset. You’ve come a long way, dude. From total obscurity to, um, relative obscurity. Which is quite a leap when you think about it.
Peyton Hillis upsets Aaron Rodgers in Madden voting [USA Today]
Perusing Chicago White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen’s Twitter account has long been a favorite pastime here at the Sportress, so it was with great interest that I read this fascinating interview with Ozzie done by ESPN Page 2′s new social media correspondent Maria Burns Ortiz. In it, Guillen discusses many topics related to social media but the thing I found most amusing was what Ozzie had to say about why he doesn’t follow people on Twitter, but if he did, the kind of people he might seek out:
“I would only follow a couple of the big stars, like Jennifer Lopez, Sharon Stone, to see where they are,” Guillen said. “Then I might show up.”
Sharon Stone? The heck? I can see Jennifer Lopez, but why Sharon Stone and not some other has-been actress whose best days were 20 years ago? As an example, I imagine Elizabeth Shue would have plenty of interesting thoughts to offer up if she had a Twitter account. You know, if she could afford a computer.
Ozzie Guillen gets direct on Twitter [ESPN]
(image via)
Oops. While it was only a minor error, it’s still pretty funny and if I were to guess, if Josh Hamilton ever were to see this graphics fail, he would just blame it on Rangers third base coach Dave Anderson.
(taken from ESPN’s broadcast of the Texas Rangers-New York Yankees game on Sunday Night Baseball (via Hardball Talk)
And a grand time was had by one and all at Citizens Bank Park on Sunday, because before the game between the Florida Marlins and the hometown Philadelphia Phillies, the Phillie Phanatic’s birthday party was held and according to one reporter’s take, things keep getting stranger and stranger at these already odd annual events.
From Philly.com’s Matt Gelb:
They played a Wiffle ball game before the real game and the Phanatic plunked his mother, Phoebe, in the head with a pitch. The Oriole Bird was not pleased with this development.
A Tastykake Butterscotch Krimpet mascot played shortstop and made a crucial error to decide the game. When it was over, everyone, including the San Diego Friar, danced to music by Soulja Boy. Creepy.
Soulja Boy? What the fungus? Why not Lady Gaga? It is, after all, the Phillie Phanatic’s birthday, although after doing some YouTube research, it appears that Soulja Boy might be something of a tradition at the mascot’s birthday celebrations.
In any event, I have to agree, that sounds like some weird, wild stuff right there. I mean,who even knew that mascots actually had birthdays, let alone pregame birthday parties? I don’t even get cards anymore. At the same time, I’m not some ginormous green, um, whatever the hell the Phillie Phanatic is.
Phillie Phanatic’s birthday gets weirder [Philly.com]
Despite his generally low-key, unassuming demeanor, Minnesota Twins designated hitter Jim Thome has developed into a larger-than-life persona during his 21 home run-mashing MLB seasons, so it is more than fitting that in the most recent in a long line of brilliant and entertaining Minnesota Twins commercials, Thome assumes the likeness of a larger-than-life (literally) Minnesota mythological icon: Paul Bunyan. Also featured in the ad are teammates Michael Cuddyer and Joe Mauer…as well as a blue ox, which if you know anything about Paul Bunyan lore, is nod to Paul’s lifelong companion, Babe. No, not that kind of lifelong companion, people. Jeez.
There is so much good stuff going on this commercial that it’s hard to pin down only one component of it as the best, but as Big League Stew points out, Thome taking his traditional at-bat pose to point the direction to the clubhouse for a delivery guy is a pretty solid bit. Well played, Minnesota Twins. Well played. Now, if you’ll excuse me, all of this nostalgia over the great lumberjack has me inspired to book a vacation up to Brainerd for a visit Paul Bunyan Land. It’s going to be a real hoot.
[H/T Big League Stew]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• A mailman has been suspended from his position with the U.S. Postal Service after he was photographed taking a dump in a person’s yard during his route. Don Derfler home watching his son when he witnessed the mailman dropping trou and relieving himself. “He started pulling his pants down and started defecating, and at that point I grabbed my camera and started to take pictures,” said Derfler. Added Derfler: “Nature calls at inopportune times.” But jeez, go back to your rig and find a gas station for crying out loud.” Indeed. That’s the straight s**t, my friend. [msnbc]
• Victor Ortiz wore a killer sombrero into the ring for his match against Andre Berto. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Stick a fork in JaMarcus Russell. He’s done. [With Leather]
• An autographed Houston Oilers helmet has sold $2 million at auction. [Off the Bench]
• The Seattle Mariners might have to trade Felix Hernandez. [Rumors & Rants]
• Time to say bye-bye to the worst 3rd jersey in the NHL. [Puck Daddy]
• Two Houston Texans hopefuls aim to become the first Jewish cheerleading twins in NFL history. [Busted Coverage]
• What other MLB players would look like with Coco Crisp’s killer Afro. [TAUNTR]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Ethicists Update List Of Acceptable Things To Masturbate To
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
Posted by:• Today is Jackie Robinson Day, so be sure to take a few minutes to hit up MLB.com’s new Jackie Robinson tribute site. [MLB.com]
• The Washington Nationals introduced a JFK Racing President the other night. [D.C. Sports Bog]
• Don’t let the door hit you on the ass on the way out: Joe Theismann, Matt Millen reportedly out at NFL Network. [Awful Announcing]
• If you haven’t seen it yet, you have to get a look at Coco Crisp’s kick-ass afro. [Sharapova's Thigh]
• Is this high school kid’s “Matrix Slide” the best slide ever? [Off the Bench]
• Provocative headline: “Soccer Mascot Mutilates Trees For Show, Wins Instant Respect Of American Sporting Public” [With Leather]
• Rory McIlroy hit a 400-yard drive. [Pro Golf Talk]
• A celebratory Montreal Canadiens fan was shoved by a Boston Bruins announcer. [Ted Wiliams Head]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: Last Pick Of WNBA Draft Earns Title Of Saddest Woman In America
Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
"Are you gonna eat that?"
No matter how long an old ball player has been out of the game, once playoff time rolls around, those competitive juices inevitably get flowing again, causing . And apparently, in Boston Celtics President of Basketball Operations Danny Ainge’s case, his competitive juices are likely very similar to au jus sauce. At least that’s what he probably thinks, given what he had to say recently about himself regarding his excitement about the team’s upcoming playoff series against the New York Knicks.
From the Boston Herald (via The Basketball Jones):
“This is the time of year when I want to go put a uniform on,” Ainge said. “But they probably don’t have any that fit me, except maybe Baby’s or Shaq’s.”
(cue instant rimshot)
But seriously folks, low self esteem is a huge problem and not something to be joked about. If I could give Mr. Ainge one piece of advice, it would be this: just start doing something about it. If you’re unhappy with your weight, simply doing anything to set your course in the right direction can do wonders. Pass on dessert, take a nice, long walk after dinner, or perhaps more fittingly in Ainge’s case, do something you have done before to burn calories, like throw a towel around when a member of the opposing team is shooting free throws. Anything will help.
Danny Ainge offers uniform response on Celtics [Boston Herald (via The Basketball Jones)]
If you’re a golfer anything like me – and why wouldn’t you at the very least be aspiring to? – you often find yourself racked with pangs of guilt each and every time you have launched an errant drive (or an approach, or a pitch, or a chip shot) deep into the woods and/or pond during a round, knowing that you will never find and/or retrieve said ball. But it’s not only the money spent that brings you down, you are also aware of the fact that it takes nearly 1,000 years for a standard golf ball to break down.
Well, do I have some good news for all of you hacks out there prone to spraying your golf shots every which way besides the direction you were aiming: the University of Maine and something called the Lobster Institute have teamed up and figured out a way to make a completely biodegradable golf ball. And coincidentally, given that the Lobster Institute was involved, the balls are made out of discarded lobster shells. Do they come with a side of melted butter? Ha, just joshing you. They’re not edible, you see, but they do break down completely within two weeks.
Via the Toronto Star:
“This is something we could eventually work on, but we’re still at the prototype phase,” said Bob Bayer, executive director of the Lobster Institute, a research and education organization.
There are other biodegradable balls on the market, all designed for one-time use. But Bayer says what sets the lobster ball apart is that it is the same weight as a regular golf ball.
“When you hit it with a driver, it makes that same sound as a regular golf ball and goes almost as far,” he said. “It really has the same feel as a normal golf ball.”
Unfortunately, the lobster shell balls do not possess the structural integrity of a standard golf ball and they are prone to cracking after only a few shots. But let’s be honest here: more often than not, you would have usually lost the ball by that time anyway. Because you’re a major hack.
Fore! New biodegradable golf balls are made from lobster shells [Toronto Star]
I try not to be an alarmist as it pertains to the speculated rampant use of performance-enhancing drugs in sports, but this photo of Albania’s Fetie Kasay from the European senior weight lifting championships in Kazan, Russia is certainly hair-raising. I mean, look at that: she’s so loaded up with steroids her hair’s muscles are all artificially pumped up. And here I never even knew hair had muscles to begin with. Weird stuff.
[image via]
