Archive for April, 2011
No, I mean it. I ain’t even bullsh**ting. Former major league baseball player Elijah Dukes has once again found himself tangled up and on the wrong side of the law, this time for driving with a suspended or revoked driver’s license, and boy, he doesn’t look happy about it. Dukes last played in the big leagues with the Washington Nationals after spending several years in the Tampa Bay Rays organization.
Via an AP report in The Seattle Times:
Officials say the 26-year-old Dukes was arrested Sunday afternoon on an exit ramp of Interstate 75 near Tampa.
Hillsborough County Jail records show he was released Sunday on a $250 bond.
It was the latest in a string of arrests for Dukes, who most recently played for the Washington Nationals.
Dukes was also arrested March 2 after a former girlfriend accused him of hitting her. At that time, he was charged with aggravated assault on a pregnant woman and driving with a suspended or revoked license.
If you missed out on the Life & Times of Elijah Dukes as he went from a decent ballplayer to colossal trainwreck, you have missed quite a bit. In fact, his outlandish behavior in 2007 delivered him all the way to the quarterfinals of Deadspin’s Sports Human of they Year competition. A tremendous accomplishment. And I suppose we should give Dukes his due: at least he hasn’t sent the arresting officer a threatening text message. Or assaulted a pregnant woman. Yet.
Former Tampa Bay Ray Elijah Dukes arrested [The Seattle Times]
Hey, Josh Elliott: cheer up: at least you weren’t fired, right? High five! As was previously reported here at the Sportress, SportsCenter anchor – and a guy with a great sense of self-deprecating humor, obviously – Josh Elliott is leaving ESPN for the sunnier career climes of ABC and Good Morning America. As you can see above, Josh became a little verklempt while saying his goodbyes during his last SportsCenter broadcast on Friday. Perfectly understandable, but buck up, good sir. Like the rest of us, Josh, you will just have to tune in to the A.M. edition of SportsCenter in order to keep tabs on just exactly what kind of suggestive attire the lovely and talented Miss Storm will elect to wear next…just like the rest of us horndoggers.
‘SportsCenter’ anchor’s teary goodbye [New York Post (via Deadspin)]
If there is one thing we can count on in the topsy-turvy world of journalism, it’s that the papers in New York will gleefully wallow in the misery caused by their professional sports teams via their trademark sarcasm and snarky headlines. And given the underwhelming performance by the New York Knicks in the playoffs which culminated in the 101-89 loss on Sunday to the Boston Celtics, who dispensed of the Knickerbockers in sweep-like fashion, the NY rags were more than happy to pile on. Heh. Still losers. It’s funny because it’s true.
Additional examples of delightfully sarcastic headlines can be found here.
First, to make amends for his homophobic slur directed at referee Bennie Adams getting caught by TNT crews during an April 12th game against the San Antonio Spurs, Kobe Bryant took the lead in a PSA featuring several players from the Los Angeles Lakers touting the acceptance of diversity, now we have this undated image, which to make it work with this bit, was captured at some point after Kobe’s gay slur. Way to put the message where your mouth is, Kobe. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
But hey, at least Luke Walton seemed to enjoy the scene.
[image via]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• Man, that post title is one of the weakest (and flimsiest) Digital Underground references ever. Be that as it may, for some reason, Russian space exploration experts have gone on record to state that there is no evidence that Russian cosmonauts ever engaged in sexual activities while in outer space. “There’s no official or unofficial evidence that there were instances of sexual intercourse or the carrying out of sexual experiments in space,” Valery Bogomolov, deputy director of the Moscow-based Institute of Biomedical Problems told the Interfax news agency. So there you have it, folks, Russians are a bunch of sexual space prudes. You read it here first. [Yahoo!]
• Our great pal Josh is stepping aide from his post as head honcho over at With Leather. We wish him all the best as he continues his quest for global domination. [With Leather]
• Tony LaRussa’s daughter is an Oakland Raiders cheerleader. And quite a fetching lass as well, I might add. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Chris Paul said he would hit his momma if she were on the court. At least he has a few weeks before Mother’s Day to make up for that one. [The Basketball Jones]
• Check out these brand new NBA Playoff Player logos. [TAUNTR]
• Ray Allen is and always has been a sight to behold. [The Legend of Cecilio Guante]
• ESPNU softball analyst has bought you two tickets to her gun show. Sheesh. [Busted Coverage]
• Here’s video of the Versus announcer flubbing the call during the Bruins-Canadiens overtime thriller. [Outside the Boxscore]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: David Ortiz Terrified After Hearing About Red Sox Bats Coming Alive
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
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• Apparently, minor league mascots have bucket lists, too. [Off the Bench]
• Today’s edition of The Dugout takes a look at the mess that is the Los Angeles Dodgers. [With Leather]
• Minor league bullpen stages a carnival game. [Big League Stew]
• Oregon’s spring practice jerseys are camouflaged hideousness. [Larry Brown Sports]
• A compelling argument for why the NBA should go back to best-of-five for the first round of the playoffs. [The Basketball Jones]
• Would you like to chat with Tom Brady? Of course you would. [Shutdown Corner]
• Express Lane golf sounds pretty badass. [Devil Ball Golf]
• Speaking of badass, check out this high school baseball play. [Sharapova's Thigh]
• Famous figures from the world of sports tell us about their favorite Easter candy. [Sports Pickle]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: Shaq Sits On Celtics Bench Enjoying Garbage Bag Filled With Popcorn
Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
According to a report in the Pioneer Press, Minnesota Vikings left tackle Bryant McKinnie has made it an offseason goal to not only not get arrested, but to also shed a few pounds, so he’s lean and mean whenever the NFL Lockout is over. Well, at least as lean and mean as a man who is 6’8″ and played last season at a whopping 360 pounds.
McKinnie has sought out the advice and guidance of one of his good pals, Venus Williams, to assist in his weight loss program and to date, has shed five pounds and is on his way to losing his goal of twenty pounds.
Video from the large man’s training session with Miss Venus follows.
There are few events on the U.S. sports scene that are more captivating and generate near-fanatic interest than the showcase event of female competitive bowling: the U.S. Women’s Open. So it makes perfect sense for it to be held inside the confines of the grandest arena in all the land: Cowboys Stadium. Who knew Jerry Jones was such a bowling fan? Not me.
Via an AP report in The Seattle Times:
Shiny wooden lanes will be placed on either side of the famous Cowboys star at midfield. There will be temporary seats on the field for the June 30 event.
Pro bowler Stefanie Nation says it’s exciting to have “the pinnacle of women’s bowling” at the site of last season’s Super Bowl.
Awesome. And quite an ingenious way to recoup some of the operating losses should the NFL lockout extend into the regular season. All I hope is the WPBA doesn’t try to pull a fast one on the rabid women’s professional bowling fanbase and try to pack in too many people into the cavernous stadium like the NFL did for Super Bowl XLV. I can assure the powers that be that bowling fans are a segment of the population that will not allow themselves to be trifled with and then keep quiet about it.
Game-changer: Cowboys Stadium to host bowling [The Seattle Times]
Out of prison in 2009 and given that Gerald Ford has shuffled off this mortal coil, it appears Squeaky Fromme has retired to the Pacific Northwest, become a Portland Trail Blazers fan and directed her renowned diabolical attention away from less felonious pursuits and has begun taking in some NBA playoff basketball. A welcome alternative to the actions of her sordid past, to be sure, although I highly doubt old Charlie is impressed. He’s much more of an NHL guy, you see.
[H/T SB Nation]
From vlogger GoProCamera:
Matthias Giraud and Stefan Laude capture some of the most incredible content seen by GoPro as they hit the Alps like true heroes skiing the French backcountry while escaping a large avalanche on their tails!
That is freaking wild, man, wild. Or gnarly, either one. Not that I would ever find myself in this kind of predicament while I have a pair of skis strapped to my feet, but this video is now No. 2 on my list of “Reasons Never To Leave The Bunny Hill.” Number one being, of course, Sonny Bono, while “”Tangled Up In The Tow Rope With Icicle Snot Hanging Out Of My Nostrils” now slipping down to number three. It’s a list of fifteen items, but I think my point has been adequately illustrated without going any further. But if you’re curious, Hot Dog…The Movie is number fifteen.
[H/T BuzzFeed]
To answer the above headline’s query: well, that depends, I guess, on exactly who they’re going down on and whether said individual is a willing and interested participant in said act. Entitlement aside, there could very well be some hygiene issues that need be considered prior to making the decision on whether or not to go down.
And yes, my sense of humor is in an incredibly crude and sophomoric state today, even more so than usual. But just think what we would be missing if it was not. I am referring to jokes about going down, of course, but the day is young. Who knows what other ill-conceived jokes will arise from the abyss where my immature attempts of humor are conceived? I guess it’s all about playing the waiting game now.
Are players entitled to go down? Just think of what we’re missing [SI]
Oh, come on, have some fun with it. Sure, this is a precious photo of Tom Brady visiting Disneyland on Thursday with his son Jack and niece in tow, but what I state is the truth: rarely does it occur in a photo containing Tom Brady where he is not the most fancy boy of them all, but some dude dressed up as Flynn Rider from Disney’s Tangled is for all intents and purposes, an even fancier boy than the Patriots quarterback, which is quite a feat in its own right. And even better for Brady? Minimal amount of embarrassment from said image. He’s not even crying in it. Or dancing. Or wearing a headband. Or playing golf. Or riding on a scooter. A wonderful image of Tom Brady on many, many levels. He should be thankful.
[H/T The Huddle]
Now that’s one jiggly jam, kids. The crowd was kicking in the Wells Fargo Center and this guy was shaking his groove thing during the Philadelphia 76ers-Miami Heat game on Thursday night. Sure, the 76ers couldn’t pull out the victory, but for my money, Rob Base and DJ EZ Rock’s 1988 classic, “It Takes Two” has never been utilized better. Rock on with your bad self, Portly 76ers Fan.
[H/T The700Level]
First off, do not fret: Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban was uninjured and his pretty, sneering face is as inspiring and captivating as it always has been. That’s definitely a relief, but you know temperatures are running high and animosity is out of control when some nitwit’s passive aggressive behavior elicited by the victim nitwit’s even greater passive aggressive behavior culminates with some super rich guy being assaulted courtesy of some hurled item. Here’s how the ugly scene played out: while sitting behind the Mavs’ bench during the Trail Blazers’ eventual 97-92 Game 3 win at the Rose Garden, Mark Cuban was nailed in the face with some unknown foreign object.
Via ESPN Dallas:
The incident occurred midway through the fourth quarter after Cuban had been interacting with the fans in the section behind the Mavericks’ bench. Cuban was not injured.
“I don’t know what it was, but something hit me in the face,” said Cuban, who encouraged fans to boo him more by putting his hand by his ear.
Extra security was assigned to the area behind the Mavericks’ bench for the remainder of the game. There were no other issues.
Unbelievable. Here’s Cuban, minding his own business while supporting his team, the next thing he knows…BLAM-O! Drilled right in the face. It’s almost as if Cuban, a man who insists on antagonizing and taunting opposing fans in their own arena while acting like an all-around jerk doesn’t have any rights to be a complete jagoff anymore without fear of retaliation.
But seriously, all kidding aside, throwing something like that is not acceptable behavior in the least, no matter what Cuban was up to. All I hope is that Free Throw Guy wasn’t the perpetrator behind this heinous act.
Projectile struck Mark Cuban in face [ESPN Dallas]
Tragic. Simply tragic. It pains me to inform you that Erin Andrews tweeted some devastating news last night regarding a treadmill mishap that occurred to her while doing what she does to maintain her beauty, physical fitness and overall glow and perky effervescence (via my pals at Busted Coverage):
Make sure u are not too tired when u when u get on the treadmill..I just busted it in front of everyone..grace!! #skinnedknees
To make matters worse, Miss Andrews not only busted up her face, she skinned her knee as well and guess who has to be in a cocktail dress next week? That’s right, she does! How could this have possibly happened? Why wasn’t there a bevy of handlers, spotters, personal assistants, entourage members, courtiers attending to her?
Better yet, why is it that Miss Andrews does not have a Russian weightlifter on her staff who could do her workouts for her while she’s sitting comfortably being fed grapes while connected to said weightlifter via a bunch of electrodes and a Cold War-era Exercise Output Transference Machine monitored by a mysterious Soviet scientist? Nope. Nothing about this disaster is right, nor is it fair. So not an Epic Win.
[H/T Busted Coverage]
