Archive for April, 2011
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• The world famous (?) Phallological Museum in the tiny Icelandic fishing town of Husavik has finally procured a human penis to add to its extensive collection of penises from whales, seals and bears (oh my!). According to Sigurdur Hjartarson, who runs the museum, recently deceased 95-year-old Icelander Pall Arason has donated his manhood to the museum and now his pickled penis will be part of the museum’s considerable collection of schlongs for years to come. Pickled penis. I wonder if Peter Piper ever picked a peck of those. [Yahoo!]
• Rory McIlroy had to fly all the way to Malaysia with Charl Schwartzel while the Masters champion was wearing his green jacket. [Busted Coverage]
• Top Nike designer isn’t a fan of LeBron’s entourage. [Ball Don't Lie]
• A Sonics fan confronted the former Sonics owner at a book signing. Things didn’t end well. [Off the Bench]
• Jose Canseco is now a player-manager for an independent league baseball team. [Sharapova's Thigh]
• The gals of BLB interviewed Joe Mauer. [Babes Love Baseball]
• Here’s a photo of Yankees outfielder Nick Swisher doing his best Joey Lawrence impression. [Hugging Harold Reynolds]
• Taking a look at other things that make Tom Brady cry. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Patrick Kane is back to rocking his mullet. [The Last Angry Fan]
• Goalie scores 275 foot goal, rips off his shirt, gets a yellow card. [Bob's Blitz]
• This past weekend in tweets. [TAUNTR]
• This video of Bubble-sort with Hungarian (“Csángó”) folk dancing is, well, I don’t know what it is. [With Leather]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: India’s Top Physicists Develop Plan To Get The Hell Out Of India
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
Posted by:
• Makes sense: Ron Artest is hosting his own stand-up comedy tour. [Ball Don't Lie]
• Makes sense, Part II: Carl Lewis is running for Senate. [Hugging Harold Reynolds]
• Adam Scott’s long putter should be labeled as a war crime. [With Leather]
• Did Carmelo Anthony call his game-winning shot? [The Basketball Jones]
• Jim McMahon on getting around BYU’s honor code: find girls who won’t talk. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Overheard from Dodgers fan to Giants fan the day after Bryan Stow was savagely beaten: “I hope you get shot in the parking lot.” [Off the Bench]
• Another week means another edition of Drew pointing out the idiocy in Peter King columns. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Who is the poor bastard who had to take 250 separate measurements of Tony Siragusa? [Bob's Blitz]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: Writer Unwilling To Admit His Screenplay Perfect Fit For Justin Long
Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
Man, look how shocked Eliza Dusku looks. She probably realized at that very instant the secret about her and Wally the Green Monster’s torrid love affair was about to go public. Wally, on the other hand, doesn’t seem to mind much. This ain’t his first rodeo, if you know what I mean (lest we forget the real reason behind the breakup of Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez – yeah, he hit that – I’m talking about Ben, of course). In any event, damn paparazzi with their obsessive stalking of B-list celebrities. Don’t they have anything better to do?
Hey, I’ll admit the Boston Red Sox mascot is a particularly handsome fellow – and quite the romanticizing lothario, I have heard – but come on, Miss Eliza Dushku: how could you? I know, I know, your acting career is in the toilet – although she will be starring with Damon Wayans in that show based upon Colin Cowherd’s radio show (like I said, in the toilet) – and with every passing day, the arduous death march towards advancing age – not to mention a complete lack of talent – is bringing you closer and closer to complete irrelevancy, but I really thought you and Rick Fox had something special. Sure, Rick is 11 years your elder and apparently has some serious issues with managing his perspiration, but nailing mascots? Even for you that’s pretty desperate.
[via SportsFeed]
No, complain all you want, but you shall not know her true identity! Hey, photographer person who took this action pic during a Tampa flag football game: I don’t mean to tell you how to go about your business, but you’re doing it wrong.
You know, I guess I shouldn’t be so rash and quick to judge. Perhaps the photographer, in not framing the photo correctly was simply doing us a favor: perhaps this flag football quarterback gal is just really, really homely. It’s possible.
Flag football: Freedom’s Jackson impresses [TBO.com]
Sammy Hagar and Joe Satriani teamed up to perform “The Star-Spangled Banner” prior to the San Francisco Giants World Series ring ceremony at AT&T Park on Saturday, and goodness gracious, it was just terrible. Simply dreadful. Cringe-worthy even. And if the horrific vocal rendition wasn’t bad enough as it is, I hate to say it, but in light of how he looks, methinks Sammy just joined the ranks of Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians. To utilize some lyrics from a song by the aging rocker, “I Can’t Drive (Fast Enough To Get Away From Watching This Horrible Rendition Of The National Anthem.”
[H/T Big League Stew]
Okay, okay, I might be paraphrasing a little bit in the title, but by now you have likely heard that Jenn Sterger recently sat down for an interview with ABC’s George Stephasmurfoulos for her first interview since the entire Brett Favre-New York Jets texting/dong photo disaster. ABC has released a sneak preview of the interview (below), and from what I can ascertain from it, Miss Sterger wants her life back. I know this because the title of the teaser is “Jenn Sterger: ‘I Want My Life Back’.” My suspicion is that Sterger wishes things could just go back to the halcyon days of yore when it was her boobs and not Brett Favre’s horndoggedness that kept her employed and in the public eye. I can see that.
I haven’t actually watched the video yet and it is for the same reason why I never watch coming attractions at the movie theater. Maybe you’re different, but personally, I prefer to be surprised and delighted by what kind of crazy antics Tyler Perry has Madea up to without having any foreknowledge of the hilarious shenanigans beforehand. That’s just how I roll.
[video via]
FACT: every 9 seconds, some unsuspecting toddler is victimized by a teetering miniature basketball hoop in this country. It’s a serious issue, people, and it needs to be addressed. Hey, I’m not one to pick on a little kid – most of the time, unless some little sucker is really bugging me – but there is no way in hell this little tot is the next Blake Griffin. At the same time, I wonder if Griffin would be so willing to throw down thunderous dunks with such viciousness if he knew that the hoop could come alive and nearly strangle the life out of him. Something to think about.
[H/T FAIL Blog]
For $14.95 (free shipping!), all you little Jimmermaniacs out there can get your hands on this poster depicting BYU star Jimmer Fredette holding a basketball while wearing, um, I don’t know, the same getup he wore to his senior prom, I guess.
The 24″ x 36″ poster (on high-quality paper, mind you) is available on JimmerPoster.com (fitting name) and if you act now, they’ll even throw in a Jimmer Fredette boutonniere! Nah, just kidding. There’s no free boutonniere offer, but I think if Jimmer had worn one, it would have looked great and really tied the entire dapper outfit together.
[H/T The Dagger]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• A suicidal man in West Melbourne, Florida shot the s**t out of a SWAT robot which had been sent in to his residence to avoid risking the lives of any police officers. When the robot opened his bedroom door, the man stormed out, butt naked, armed with an AK-47. I bet the robot didn’t think he was signing up for this kind of crap when he joined the force. SFW video in the link. [msnbc]
• Say what you want about Rory McIlroy’s epic meltdown Sunday, you have to give him credit for the class and maturity he displayed afterward. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Tiger Woods making haters and fans alike smile. [Devil Ball Golf]
• The best stereotypical Cubs fan ever. Check out this broad. [Foul Balls]
• Video of a Pirates fan getting beaten, tased and refusing to go down. [Busted Coverage]
• Tom Brady is a crybaby. [Shutdown Corner]
• Here’s what an NBA Hall of Famer looks like in lingerie. [Off the Bench]
• Start your Monday off right with an episode of TBJ TV. In this edition, “The Kardashian Effect” is addressed. [The Basketball Jones]
• Take a gander at this Pittsburgh Penguins fan’s man cave. [Puck Daddy]
• Real tweets from real people about Joe Buck’s less than stellar announcing performance on Saturday. [Awful Announcing]
• Jenn Sterger’s back, baby! [Bob's Blitz]
• Ha. “Bulls to erect statue of Luc Longley under interstate near United Center.” That’s awfully nice of them. [TAUNTR]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Guy In Audience Shouts Out Perfect Thing
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
Posted by:• Nice: the return of JIM…JIM THOME to The Dugout. [With Leather]
• Fred Couples is like the Ponce de Leon of Augusta National. Well, that doesn’t make much sense, but you know what I mean. [Devil Ball Golf]
• I cannot see how it is possible that a minor league baseball team’s Charlie Sheen promotion stirred up controversy. [Off the Bench]
• Who won the Phoenix Coyotes’ $5k diamond giveaway? Nobody. [Puck Daddy]
• Nobody wants to play anybody in the NBA playoffs. [The Basketball Jones]
• Ndamukong Suh has no problems sharing photos of himself getting a pedicure. I can see that. I love those damn things. [Shutdown Corner]
• Video of what went down after some Oakland A’s fans smuggled in a beer bong to a game. [Busted Coverage]
• The NCAA would like the internet turned off. [EDSBS]
• Check out episode 1 of TAUNTR’s new online show, “The Lineup.” Good stuff. [TAUNTR]
• The Japanese have got nothing on the suffering that is being experienced by Red Sox fans, in particular Tommy from Quinzee. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: Video Game Character Wonders Why Heartless God Always Presses Continue
Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com. You may have noticed a half-assed posting day here at the Sportress. I took the afternoon off to watch the Masters and the home opener for the Twins…you wanna fight about it? Didn’t think so.
I suppose the writer of this particular headline about Rory McIlroy’s trash talking of Tiger Woods couldn’t go with a “you don’t spit in the wind” reference from the classic Jim Croce diddy, “You Don’t Mess Around With Jim”, as there was nary a breeze blowing through Augusta National Golf Club on Thursday during the first round of the Masters. And since I can’t seem to recall Tiger Woods ever donning a mask of the old Lone Ranger, that line would not have worked, either. Come to think of it, has Tiger ever worn Superman’s cape before? Well, maybe during some whacked-out, superhero costume orgy or something. Weird.
Rory McIlroy tugging on Superman’s cape, and getting away with it [Sporting News]
I don’t care what anyone else says: fans at baseball games busting a move – even ridiculously – is always entertaining. This Cincinnati Reds fan felt the beat and allowed his groove lobe to interpret the pulsating rhythms and there was no turning back from that point. That’s right: nearly two minutes of this guy’s uninterrupted, unadulterated expression of joy through the magic of dance. And hey, it even got him up on the jumbotron, so it was totally worth the effort.
All I know is I would have been completely wiped out after that kind of dancing marathon. What, two minutes isn’t really a long time to perform? Seriously? Well, that bit of news certainly doesn’t bode well.
[via BuzzFeed and H/T "B-Boy Bouillabaisse" for the title]
Now here’s a nice story to warm the cockles of your bitter, jaded and embittered heart. Centenarian spitfire Violet Smith from Midland, Michigan, threw out the ceremonial first pitch at the season opener Thursday for the Great Lakes Loons, the Low Class A affiliate of the Los Angeles Dodgers. To make it even better, Miss Violet Smith was celebrating her 109th birthday. Awesome.
Smith told WNEM-TV that she was not too worried over her big moment, telling a reporter, “When I think about it, no, I don’t think I’m nervous.” Something that likely helped assuage any trepidation she might have had leading up to her pitch was the fact that her son, Richard, who happens to be a spry 72 in his own right (Mandelbaum! Mandelbaum! Mandelbaum!), brought along a baseball so his mother could properly loosen up her arm prior to her pitch. Her daughter, Marj, was also on hand to watch Violet throw, adding, “You can imagine how wonderful it has been to have her around for 109 years.” I bet.
You can see WNEM-TV’s video report of Miss Smith’s remarkable achievement here. And just so you know, Violet performed admirably: while the ball did come up a tad short, it bounced a couple of times but ultimately rolled its way to the catcher, making her performance far exceed many others we have had to watch, embarrassed, over the years who have failed miserably attempting the same task.
Good for Violet. I hope I have half the enthusiasm and zest for life at 50 that she does at 109. What a great old broad.
109-Year-Old Throws Out First Pitch At Game [WNEM.com]
Alright, perhaps that’s a bit of a stretch – I am sure that 99% of the hockey fans of the University of North Dakota Fighting Sioux are well-behaved, kind folk who never would dream of doing anything untoward or behave reprehensibly when cheering on their beloved hockey team, but two fans in particular who were in attendance at Xcel Energy Center in St. Paul yesterday and watched their squad lose 2-0 in upset fashion to the University of Michigan Wolverines in their Frozen Four semifinal game did not behave in a manner befitting the usually honorable Fighting Sioux team spirit.
The screencap above from this video (courtesy of Deadspin) illustrates how one of the two cretins mentioned above articulated his frustration after Scooter Vaughn scored an empty netter with 36 seconds left in the third period, effectively ending UND’s hopes of a thrilling comeback to tie the game and ultimately, possible national championship glory. There’s nothing more classy than a middle-aged man giving the double-middle-fingered salute to a college athlete probably enjoying one of the greatest moments of his life. And as an added bonus, he did a great job of sticking ass in some lady’s – perhaps his wife’s – face. Good stuff.
Onwards and upwards downwards, below is an image captured by RandBall’s very own Michael Rand, who was at the X on Thursday taking in the semifinal games:
Come on, man. Above is video of NHL referee Frederick L’Ecuyer acting like a sissy after an imaginative Vancouverite tossed a salmon onto the ice during the Vancouver Canucks’ 5-0 victory over the Minnesota Wild at Rogers Arena on Thursday night. While tossing seafood onto the playing surface is a time-honored tradition in the NHL, the salmon is a new addition to the pantheon of sea creatures which have ended up on the ice and is clearly a development not appreciated by the grossed out referee.
Adding to the confusion, the salmon was tossed out on the ice during game play, sitting there just past the blue line in Wild’s defensive zone. At first, L’Ecuyer attempts to kick it out of the way, but to no avail. While the play is still live, someone actually throws the ref a towel so he wouldn’t have to touch the icky fish with his bare hands, but that doesn’t work, either. Finally, play stops and L’Ecuyer sheepishly scoops up the fish and drops it into a shovel being carried by a member of the ice crew. Once again, come on, man. It’s just a freaking fish. He’s probably the kind of guy who, if he ever went fishing – would refuse to bait his own hook – “Leeches? Ewww!!!”
Perhaps the best part of the entire video is the banter between Wild television announcers for FOX Sports North, Dan Terhaar and Mike Greenlay, who relish the opportunity to give L’Ecuyer a hard time due to his reluctance to touch the salmon (after all, they are the Wild announcers, there hasn’t been much enjoyment on the ice this season, so there you go), prompting Terhaar to say razz the ref’s pitiful performance with the following:
“Oh, just pick it up. It’s just a salmon, for cripe’s sake. You act like it’s poison. It’s just a salmon!”
Awesome comment by the announcer, terrible display of masculinity by the referee. Come on, man.
[H/T Puck Daddy]
