Archive for April, 2011
Weed Against Speed’s Day Off
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Instead of being chained to my laptop on this beautiful spring morning, I have elected to break out the sticks and go golfing today. Sure, right now I’m excited, but wait until my first snap hook into the woods, then we’ll see who thought this was a good idea. The hacker’s lament, I suppose. But as the saying goes, a bad day on the golf course is better than a good day at work. Or whatever. And if that fails, there’s always beer.
Have a good Friday and a wonderful weekend, everyone. See you on Monday.
What? Was that a redundant post title? Hey, you never know, maybe Larry is actually some kind of alien being whose race is called Trick Shot Long Snapper. Try wrapping your brain around that one later, but in the meantime, enjoy Larry’s long-snapping antics. If he’s not an alien, that is. Either way, it’s high time a long snapper seeks out the glamorous life of YouTube highlight videos. Rock on with your bad self, Larry. Your skills are considerable.
[H/T BuzzFeed]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
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• A guy dressed up as Santa Claus to take in the Twins-Rays game at a chilly Target Field last night. [Big League Stew]
• LeBron James has ignited an all-out foot metaphor bonanza. [The Basketball Jones]
• Sixteen awesome stadium culinary delights. [BuzzFeed]
• What ESPN was offering to the NHL prior to the league’s megadeal with NBC/Versus. [Puck Daddy]
• Today’s edition of The Dugout details the Houston Astros’ keys to success. [With Leather]
• It appears that David Stern is hellbent on making the NBA even worse than it already is. [Ball Don't Lie]
• Subway made a bust of Mark Ingram entirely out of chicken salad. [The Last Angry Fan]
• OMG! Kristen Cavallari wasn’t wearing her engagement ring from Jay Cutler! [Busted Coverage]
• It’s not too late to get to know better upcoming draft pick Blaine Gabbert. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Ouch: Kenyon Martin busted out the dreaded purple nurple last night. [The Sports Hernia Blog]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: Production Of ‘Iceman Cometh’ Canceled Due To Entire Cast Getting Called Back For Axe Body Spray Commercial
Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
Granted, given that I don’t commit a lot of attention to the matriculation habits of high school basketball players, one would suspect that a person such as I who runs such a totally bitchin’ half-assed sports blog would have at least heard about a guy with such a unique name. But nope. This is the first time I have heard the name of basketball player God’s Gift Achiuwa.
Named God’s Gift due to his family’s deeply-held religious beliefs, the 6-foot-8 power forward from Erie (N.Y.) Community College has elected to commit to St. John’s University and coach Steve Lavin.
Via ESPN:
The Nigerian native, whose father is a minister, chose St. John’s over Washington and Cincinnati.
Achiuwa averaged 22.3 points, 13.1 rebounds and 2.2 blocks for Erie last season and adds some much-needed size to the wing-heavy recruiting class. He will have two years of eligibility with the Red Storm.
“Gift is a talented frontline player who possesses tremendous size, strength, speed and skill,” Lavin said. “He is an ideal fit for our baseline-to-baseline attacking style of play.”
Sounds like a helluva baller. Nevertheless, that is a fair amount of pressure to bestow upon a child by naming him something like God’s Gift. What? Was Divine Angel Holy Messiah Jesus already taken? Although it appears God’s Gift has risen to challenge and embraced the relative holiness of his name. Much like I have risen to the lofty expectations involved with wearing this t-shirt out in public. Yep, I’m a real ladykiller.
God’s Gift Achiuwa chooses St. John’s [ESPN]
What, no Mel Kiper or Rick Reilly or Bill Simmons? That sucks! On second thought…
Still, so much good stuff going on here. A Seattle Supersonics reference. Bonds surgery news. Cal Ripken going on the DL for the first time. The Miami Heat being prominently displayed on the front page. It seems like only yesterday. Well, it actually was yesterday in regard to the last one.
But my favorite part, other than the primitive graphics and that ESPN was ripping people off with an Insider feature all that time ago? Mark Recchi was cleared to play for the Flyers on that day and now, twelve years later, he’s about to face the same Philadelphia Flyers as a member of the Boston Bruins in the Stanley Cup Playoffs. Time waits for no man, unless that man is Mark Recchi.
[H/T 10,000 Words (via Mediaite)]
Paul the Octopus Oracle is probably spinning (and squirting ink, maybe?) in his grave. Her name is Magdalena. She’s an African spurred tortoise. She has two heads and five legs, making it often difficult for her to navigate exactly where she is going. But one thing she might have a knack for: predicting the outcome of hockey games. I say might because her soothsaying abilities have not yet been fully tested, but they shall be soon enough when Magdalena attempts to predict who will win games in the upcoming 2011 IIHF World Championship beginning tomorrow in Slovakia.
Via Reuters:
Magdalena’s first attempt was in line with bookmakers, predicting hosts Slovakia would beat outsiders Slovenia in the championship’s opening match on Friday.
Born in the northern Slovak town of Zilina in March with the genetic defect of having two heads, Magdalena makes the picks by moving around a small-scale model of an ice hockey rink.
Roman Gresak, the tortoise’s owner, said he would not force Magdalena to predict all the results.
“She will forecast selected matches,” he said. “The next one will be Norway against Sweden.”
Awesome. Video of Magdalena follows.
Via YouTube:
A lot of thought is put into what ingredients make the perfect deli sandwich, especially when naming it after an MLB superstar. Here, we take a glimpse at a few Nashua, NH deli employees discussing the perfect sandwich to represent Boston Red Sox All-Star Dustin Pedroia. It’s not crazy, it’s sports.
Ha. “That’s why it’s on the Esposito.” Now I have a wicked bad craving for capicola, which to be honest, is not too uncommon. And let’s be honest, no matter what other ingredients come on either The Esposito or The Pedroia, it’s way better than The Larry David Sandwich.
[via]
Or alternatively, some kind of installment plan? If not, my guess is the city will have to set up an account with one of those fly-by-night payday loan operations. While the curious case of Hockey in the American Southwest Desert (a/k/a the Phoenix Coyotes) situation becomes more and more muddled, the NHL has sent the City of Glendale a bill for $25 million to cover the team’s losses for this season. Best part? The National Hockey League has given the city until Monday to make good on the debt. Otherwise, there’s going to be trouble. Maybe. Could happen.
Via Sporting News:
The documents sent by the NHL a week after the Coyotes were ousted by Detroit in the opening round of the Stanley Cup playoffs show the team actually lost $36.6 million for the eight months ending in March. According to The Republic, Glendale had promised to set aside $25 million from a utilities-repair account to pay for the team losses in exchange for an extension on the timetable to secure new ownership for the team.
Is this the NHL sending a not-so-subtle message implying their unhappiness with the stagnant status of the organization coming up with a new ownership situation? Hell if I know. I’ll allow folks wiser than me to make that determination. And let’s be frank, more often than not, the NHL’s true motivations for doing anything are usually difficult to gauge, which when you think about it, isn’t surprising when the fact that this guy is heading up the operation.
And yet, this development hardly implies an impending death knell for the troubled franchise: even the mayor of Winnipeg doesn’t believe the Coyotes will be relocating to his fair Canadian city anytime soon. In fact, he’s thinking it could be the Atlanta Thrashers. Great job managing this colossal mess, Bettman. If he keeps playing his cards in this manner, in no time he will retake the number one spot on the list of “Most Incompetent Commissioner in Professional Sports.” And the most shocking part? He wouldn’t be taking it away from the presumed Poster Boy for Professional Sports Administrative Incompetence, Bud Selig, but Roger Goodell. But that’s a story for another time. And now, since the phrase “IOU” is stuck in my head, here’s The Replacements’ tune of the same name. Enjoy.
NHL sends Glendale a bill for $25 million [Sporting News]
It’s even more funny because it happened to the French, although it’s safe to say the Frenchies hockey players probably didn’t find the fact they were flown to the wrong Eastern European country for the 2011 Men’s World Ice Hockey Championships as amusing as I do, what with the absence of Jerry Lewis from the incident and all. Also: any hockey team that utilizes a red, white and blue cock as its emblem and then emblazons their team jerseys with said cock kind of deserves what’s coming to them.
Via an AP report in USA Today:
A booking error sent the French team on a flight to Poland instead of Slovakia. So the players had to take a bus ride from Krakow to Kosice for the event.
The French Ice Hockey Federation says the players practiced on Thursday morning. They arrived in Kosice after an 180-mile bus ride on Wednesday.
Poland, Slovakia, same difference, right? At least to the inept person handling the team’s travel itinerary. See, that’s why I always allow Naomi Pryce to handle all my travel needs. She’s solid, she knows William Shatner and that skin-tight leather catsuit she sports certainly doesn’t hurt, either. Obviously.
France booked on wrong flight to hockey worlds [USA Today]
Wait. What? Those wacky Spaniards and the way they change the spatial orientation of sports in order to promote events in their country. No, it’s true: don’t you remember the crazy “Horizontal Rock Climbing” stunt in advance of the World Mountaineering Championships in Barcelona way back in 1982? Now that was a scene, man, although it’s a shame that 28 people died. Not sure how, though.
Anyhoo, the above image depicts two acrobats playing “Vertical Tennis” high up on a facade of building in order to kick-off the Madrid Open tennis tournament, which begins on Friday. Weird stuff.
Video follows.
If there is one professional golfer on tour that can sympathize with what Tiger Woods has gone through over the past year-and-a-half, there is no doubt it is John Daly. He understands all too well the pain and embarrassment that goes along with the not-so-pleasant aspects of one’s personal life getting exposed and the fallout that occurs as a result. That’s why it is so interesting – and informative – to hear Daly’s thoughts regarding what Tiger did and why he might have done it (hint: Elin wasn’t putting out).
During a wide-ranging interview on Atlanta’s 790 The Zone, Daly covers a multitude of topics, but the most interesting is his take on Tiger.
Daly said he had a conversation with Tiger at the Players Championship last year about the whole mess, and after saying he didn’t want to talk specifics because it was “a personal conversation,” Daly proceeds to essentially disclose, albeit in a roundabout way, the details of that very hush hush chit chat and how if Tiger had only addressed the controversy head on from the get-go, the disclosure of some of the uglier, whoremongering details could have possibly been averted.
Being a minor league ballplayer involves a lot of “toughing it out” in order to pursue one’s dream of reaching the major league: long bus rides, crappy motel rooms, the list goes on and on, but who knew that part of the responsibilities around the clubhouse was seeing that undone custodial work was completed? Perhaps that might not be entirely accurate, but for one Texas Rangers minor leaguer, not only did he take on more work than needed, he performed horribly at it. You see, when taking out the trash, you are not supposed to heave the cans into the crowd. That’s a big no-no, a fact Engel Beltre now knows all too clearly.
Beltre has been suspended indefinitely by the Texas Rangers organization for his actions during a Frisco RoughRiders game against the San Antonio Missions in Texas League, Double-A ball. After fans began throwing water bottles at players – an unacceptable act in its own right – Beltre unwisely retaliated by heaving a trash can into the stands.
But how could have things escalated into such an ugly scene? Via ESPN Dallas:
The incident came soon after a controversial call in the ninth inning when umpires overturned a potential three-run, go-ahead homer by Frisco’s Michael Bianucci, instead ruling it was an RBI ground-rule double.
RoughRiders manager Steve Buechele was ejected for arguing the call. The next Frisco batter struck out for the final out of the game.
San Antonio Missions president Burl Yarbrough was nearby when the melee broke out.
“I was standing there, and all of a sudden, a trash can came flying out of the dugout,” he told the San Antonio Express-News in a story on the newspaper’s website. “I’ve been here 24 years, and I’ve never seen anything like this.”
Obviously, there have been many occasions where an irate manager or player has tossed a trash can out of the dugout, but I believe this is the first time said trash can was used as a projectile weapon against unruly fans. I suppose that’s the beauty of minor league baseball: radical changes to the old pastime always begin down in the lower ranks.
Player threw trash can at fans [ESPN Dallas]
GAH! My rods and cones! Why didn’t I heed my own advice on this one? Just when you think the famed CBC NHL commentator couldn’t come up with a more garish, more potentially harmful suit coat, he pulls this one out. And now look at me: partially blinded with bizarre patterns burned into what little sight I have available. A camera obscura, a pinhole camera, some Blublockers…any of these would have at the very least served some beneficial purpose and defrayed some of the irreparable damage that has been done to my eyes. Damn you, Grapes! Damn you to hell!
[H/T Puck Daddy]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• New Jersey’s Hopewell Township has adopted an ordinance limiting when and how often roosters and hens can make eggs, as the saying goes, due to the excessive noise roosters make when they’re getting their “beak on.” Since chicken screwing isn’t the most interesting topic – among non-bestiality practitioners – I believe this YouTube video is more than apropos in this particular instance. [msnbc]
• Barry Bonds visited Bryan Stow in the hospital? That’s pretty cool. [Larry Brown Sports]
• All signs point toward the Carolina Panthers taking Cam Newton with the first overall pick in the draft. [Rumors & Rants]
• Bruins announcer Jack Edwards postgame comments were slightly odd. Make that incredibly odd. [Ted Williams Head]
• Here’s video of the Dodgers’ Andre Ethier cussing himself out and we can hear it because there is virtually nobody in Florida’s stadium. [Vin Scully Is My Homeboy]
• Albert Haynesworth: champion of interracial relationships. [Deuce of Davenport]
• Ozzie Guillen was ejected during the first inning of yesterday’s White Sox game. While that’s not surprising, the fact that he tweeted about it moments later is interesting. [Foul Balls]
• Peyton Hills is your new Madden CoverGrinder. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Check out this St. Louis Cardinals fan digging for gold, apparently to the horror of his old lady. [Busted Coverage]
• Holy crazy table tennis highlights, Batman! [Bob's Blitz]
• Behind the scenes at 9 famous NFL Draft moments. [Sports Pickle]
• Girls in NFL jerseys, hot pants and knee-high boots, anyone? [BuzzFeed]
• Check out the latest hot items in NFL Draft Swag! [TAUNTR]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Trump Unable To Produce Certificate Proving He’s Not A Festering Pile Of S**t
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
Posted by:• It looks like Domino’s Pizza would like to see the end of the Phoenix Coyotes. [Puck Daddy]
• David Beckham dressed up as the Easter Bunny? David Beckham dressed up as the Easter Bunny. [Larry Brown Sports]
• The home of the Oakland Athletics and Oakland Raiders will now be known as Overstock.com Coliseum. [Off the Bench]
• Explaining what it is like to be Dwight Howard. [The Basketball Jones]
• Artistic renderings of what the aircraft carrier will look like when the basketball game between Michigan State and North Carolina takes place. [Busted Coverage]
• This guy is clearly not a fan of Alex Rodriguez. [BuzzFeed]
• You have to love The Vancouver Sun‘s front page this morning. [The Last Angry Fan]
• Ron Artest winning the NBA Citizenship Award is a lot like… [PineRiders]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: Ryan Howard Asks Teammates If They Ever Noticed How Realistic Crowd Looks
Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
