Archive for March, 2011
To quote DJ 3000: Those clowns in Congress did it again. What a bunch of clowns.
Make that one clown, as it is being reported that United States Representative Joe Courtney (D-CT) is unhappy that Connecticut’s favorite men’s college basketball team’s (UConn Huskies, for the uninitiated) opening game in the NCAA Tournament against Bucknell has been relegated to cable television, not CBS, which is completely unfair to the 150,000 homes in Connecticut without cable or satellite television. Oh, the humanity!
Isn’t there something better Courtney could be doing instead of wasting valuable time and taxpayer money bemoaning the new broadcasting setup for the NCAA Tournament? For instance, he could be vigorously defending the actions of his fellow Democratic Party ally, President Obama, for having the audacity and callousness to take five minutes out of the day he spends as leader the free world to selfishly fill out his own bracket? They took our jerbs!
Courtney has penned a letter to NCAA President Mark Emmert and CBS president Les Moonves in which he makes an impassioned plea to move the game to CBS so those poor Connecticut-ians (-ites? -ese?) are not left out in the lurch. The answer: No way, Jose, which is Spanish for Joe. I think.
Via the Boston Herald:
In a departure from past practices, there will be no regionalization of games televised on CBS this year.
CBS Sports Chairman Sean McManus and Turner Sports chief David Levy said last week they weren’t too concerned about the effect on hometown fans who don’t get cable, since they can still watch for free online.
Come on, guys. Do you think a household who does not have cable or satellite actually has a viable internet connection in their home? These kind of people are still holding out for the cost of microwaves to go down. For crying out loud, people, give up the damn horse and buggy and join the 21st century, for Pete’s sake. Get a high-def TV, cable (or satellite) and access the internet already. Do these people have any idea how much porn is out there?
Congressman seeks to move UConn game to network TV [Boston Herald]
As the animosity between the players and the NFL escalates, the vitriolic manner in which the dialogue and commentary is being relayed and disseminated through the media appears to be ratcheting up as well. Look no further than what San Diego Chargers linebacker Kevin Burnett had to say during an appearance on XX Sports Radio in San Diego with Scott and BR regarding the truthiness of the statements made by Der Kommissar, Roger Goodell (via Sports Radio Interviews):
On Roger Goodell’s email to season ticket holders saying that the owners tried their best and encouraging the players to get back to negotiations:
“Goodell’s full of it. He’s a liar. You’re a blatant liar. ‘It’s our league, it’s we, we love the players, we want the league,’ but what have you done for the players? What have you done, in all honesty, to improve the game, besides fine guys, besides take money away from guys, besides change a game that you’ve never played? … He’s done nothing to improve the game.”
Wowee Zowee. That’s some pretty strong allegations right there. However, I do have but one criticism of Burnett’s statements: if you’re going to call someone a liar, you have to embellish it a bit with adjectives more colorful than “blatant.” Goddamn liar, for instance, is a nice one. F**king no good, goddamn liar? Even better. Granted, this was on the A.M. radio so I suppose Burnett understood he couldn’t work blue, but that doesn’t absolve him from not taking his liar comment all the way. I mean, how awesome would it have been had Burnett said, “Liar, liar, pants on fire, hang them from a telephone wire”? Man, that would have ruled. Talk about a total burn.
I guess in the end, Barnett could have chosen to go with a musical reference and had Scott and BR play “Liar” by Rollins Band in and out of commercial breaks. He would have been into some serious zinger territory with that one.
Chargers Linebacker Kevin Burnett: “Goodell’s full of it. He’s a liar. You’re a blatant liar.” [Sports Radio Interviews]
Or, the alternate title for this post: “When Gotta Support The Team Body Painting Is So, So Right.”
Major League Soccer team the Vancouver Whitecaps FC might have stirred up a bit of controversy by stirring up some paint…and then promptly apply said paint to the skin of a topless woman in this latest promotional spot. The ad contains the inquiry “Where Will You Be March 19th?” at the end of the spot, which happens to be date of the Whitecaps’ regular season (as well as home) opener against Toronto FC at Empire Field. It’s subtly racy, to be sure, but after viewing it a few (50) times with my trained, ogling eyes, I noticed nary an appearance of an image of an inadvertent, superfluous nipple.
Nevertheless, some nattering nabobs of negativity are sure to take offense to this provocative foray into nude modeling soccer club promotion. Such as this particular YouTube commenter, who made their Debbie Downer opinion known:
You just lost a huge chunk of your audience. This will really blow up in the faces of the Whitecaps, Bell and BMO.. Plus it’s seriously cheesy. This is not the Whitecaps Vancouver used to be proud of: internationally minded, promoting kids and women’s soccer.. what the hell is happening here? Do you MEAN to be insulting?
Oh, put a sock in it, Goody Two Shoes You Tube Commenter Rainer On Everyone’s Parade Person. It’s all in good fun. It’s seductive, clever and for the first time ever, I took notice of the Vancouver Whitecaps. Everybody wins!
[H/T Game On!]
Fantastic work by Travis Hughes over at SB Nation chronicling the budding unlikely love affair between Phoenix Coyotes winger/epic Twitter oddball Paul Bisonnette and a yet unnamed Ice Girl for the Calgary Flames. We have long been Bissonnette fans here at the Sportress, particularly his shenanigans on Twitter, or as I refer to it, “The Life and Times of BizNasty2point0,” going all the way back to his tweeting of his recipe for Panty Soup and when he regaled his followers with the tale of his MacGyver like ability to improvise when he runs out of toilet paper.
Well, BizNasty2point0 was back at it again last night. Watching the Coyotes taking on the Flames from the comfort and friendly confines of the press box, a lovely lass in the employ of the Calgary Flames as a member of the awkwardly named Big Country Ice Crew caught his eye. As you can see, he even goes as far as making a Beyonce reference to properly articulate his honorable intentions.
And things continued in its own peculiar BizNasty way from there.
Tempers flared, tensions rose and benches cleared during a girls basketball game between two rival teams from the National Christian School Athletic Association, prompting the director of the NCSAA to declare a double disqualification in the league’s title game. Coaches of both teams from Potters House Christian (Jacksonville, ranked No. 4 in the USA TODAY Super 25 rankings) and Riverdale Baptist (Upper Marlboro, Md., ranked No. 22) are attempting to sidestep ultimate responsibility for the melee (during which no punches were thrown) which occurred during the 4th quarter with Potters House leading 68-50.
Via USA Today:
Potters House coach Tony Bannister said there was a lot of talking between teams and that Riverdale’s players were being overly physical.
Riverdale Baptist coach Diane Richardson said both teams were being physical and that the altercation escalated after she criticized Bannister for making a comment toward a Riverdale player.
“I told him, ‘Tony, that’s going too far,’ ” Richardson said. “Then his wife cursed at me, and I told her that was no way for a minister to act. Then their daughter (Potters House player Antoinette Bannister) came at me, and people got in between and both benches emptied.”
Coach Richardson was later heard in the locker room humming the melody to “Son of a Preacher Man” by Dusty Springfield: “The only girl who would ever come at me, was the daughter of a preacher man.”
Anyhoo, NCSAA director Nate Hartman was at a loss as to how girls from two Christian schools could ever behave in such a deplorable manner:
“It’s definitely the first time it has happened to us. We’re just not recognizing a champion. … As Christians we do believe that we bear the name of Christ. Obviously, behavior like this and actions like this are not in line with the spirit of the God whose name we bear. We should expect more of ourselves. I hope this is something that causes the schools and even the organization to ask how we could have done our role differently.”
Amen, brother. If there’s one thing we should always be able to count on in this crazy world, it’s that Christians will always get along with one other. It says so right there in the Bible. You know the passage I’m talking about: the one about getting along and stuff with other people or whatever.
Super 25 girls showdown ends prematurely after altercation [USA Today]
Obviously, as many of you know, we Minnesotans live and breathe hockey. Crap, we’d eat the stuff if it were digestible. So it goes without saying that when the State High School Hockey Tournament rolls around, we greet it with great joy as we groggily emerge from our igloos (insulated with whale blubber and old Prince LPs) to take in the spectacle of our state’s best and brightest pucksters giving it all they got for a shot at on-ice glory.
The results of this year’s tournament? Hardly relevant. Everybody played hard, did their best and a couple of teams won state championships in their respective classes – you see, that’s Minnesota Nice for you – we don’t need the losers the teams who did not win feeling too bad. Especially when we have this delightful little video to distract us from such trivialities: celebrating the wonder and splendor of hockey hair not only in the Lnad of 10,000 Lakes, but everywhere: the “2011 Minnesota High School Hockey Tournament – All Hockey Hair Team.” It’s fantastic. Perhaps my favorite part is the narrator referring to the player from the Blaine Bengals with the heavily bleached hair as “Peroxide Jesus.”
But the video has it all: mullets, slow motion breakdowns capturing the magnificence that typifies a healthy head of hockey hair in movement as well as the overwrought display of team unity courtesy of the Blaine Bengals overuse of hydrogen peroxide. Ouch.
[H/T RandBall]
With his posting of a tidy 66 in the final round of the WGC-Cadillac Championship on Sunday, many in the know suspect that Tiger Woods may be as close to returning to pre-Whoregate form than he’s been in quite some time. Fittingly, Tiger is working his game back into shape just in time for his favorite tournament, the Masters, which begins April 7th down Augusta way.
But I think a more telling sign that Woods is almost back to normal is something which occurred Monday during the Tavistock Cup. While Graeme McDowell was addressing his ball on the tee at the 12th hole, somebody ripped ass, and by all accounts – including the fact that Woods immediately began shaking with laughter after McDowell teed off – Tiger certainly appears to be the primary suspect.
As this story develops, I am sure additional, conflicting theories will emerge regarding who exactly cut the cheese, as was the case during the previous Tiger Woods Fartgate which, um, erupted during the 2009 Buick Open. Ultimately, after much conjecture and video breakdown, it was reasonably concluded that analyst David Feherty was the individual responsible for the gaseous emission on that particular day. It remains to be seen who will step up and assume responsibility for this particular fart, by my money is on Tiger. As the old saying goes, “Whomever laughed harder is the likely sharter.” Actually, that’s not an old saying at all, I just made it up.
[H/T Sportpost (via Devil Ball Golf)]
Claiming that he feels that his former associates with the Denver Nuggets are not rooting for him to succeed with his new team, the New York Knicks, Carmelo Anthony has said that he has done the unthinkable – and unwarranted, I might add – and cut all his Denver ties.
Via FOX Sports:
“I really think they kind of don’t want me to have success in New York, the way I look at it,” Anthony said at the morning shootaround ahead Tuesday night’s rematch with the Pacers.
“I try not to think about that. [I played] in Denver seven-and-a-half years. For me to move on was a hard thing to do. This is a business, and I’ve cut my ties there. ”
I can understand why Anthony might feel somewhat dejected due to his perception that his former teammates aren’t pulling for him, but how does destroying perfectly good articles of clothing change anything? At least try to create something positive out of a bad situation. You know, like Cleveland Cavaliers fans did when they donated jerseys, etc. to charity when LeBron deserted them.
Further, why did Carmelo Anthony even own Denver ties in the first place? Carmelo always struck me as something of a stylish fellow and the thought of him sporting the above tie (or this Denver Broncos’ atrocity) just doesn’t mesh. Nope, nothing about this story makes any sense. Weird stuff.
Report: ‘Melo says he’s cut Denver ties [FOX Sports]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• It’s called “beat-deafness,” and research by Canadian scientists indicates that it is a form of congenital amusia, which also causes tone deafness. Beat deafness is caused by “a quirk in brain connectivity between the auditory cortex and inferior frontal cortex” which prevents people from “recognizing the ‘strong beat’ in music.” Man, I know how that goes. Not the bad dancing part – because I can surely cut a rug with the best of them – the brain connectivity aspect. It’s all a mess up there. [msnbc]
• The gals over at BLB are still rolling out excellent MLB season previews, Haiku style. [Babes Love Baseball]
• In case you missed it, for the NCAA Tourney, Hooter’s is offering free food, doctor’s note for their “Play Hooky Day” promotion. But according to market research, most of the folks who read this blog are unemployed shut-ins, so there you go. [Off the Bench]
• If you’re a 106-year-old Cubs fan, you have been through a lot of misery. Just ask this lady. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Be sure to check out WL’s “Stupid, Awesome, & Cool Athlete Tattoo Trivia Challenge.” [With Leather]
• According to the results of this poll, New Yorkers are woodheads. [Sharapova's Thigh]
• Has Washington QB Jack Locker’s stock risen? [Rumors & Rants]
• A complete idiot’s guide to the NCAA Tournament, Round 2. [Deuce of Davenport]
• Audition photos for the 2011 Detroit Lions cheerleaders, anyone? [It's Always Sunny In Detroit]
• NCAA Tournament Bracket Hot Chicks! [Unathletic]
• Uh-oh: overexcited Nets fan has gone hipster on us. [TAUNTR]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Partygoer Vows To Fix Keg
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
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• ESPN’ employees Michelle Beadle and Matthew Barnaby are dating. She said she would wait for me. Sigh. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Torii Hunter likes to tweet about people farting. [RandBall]
• How four players for the Los Angeles Clippers saved their coach’s life. [The Basketball Jones]
• Awesome video of the Minnesota Wild’s Cal Clutterbuck going head over heels and into the Canucks’ bench on a missed check. [Puck Daddy]
• Wheelchair Boxing might be the next big thing. [With Leather]
• I don’t know what to make of this retro Mike Ditka video. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• For all the Ladies…here’s a photo of Albert Pujols in his underwear. [Busted Coverage]
• Jimmer Fredette Mania is running roughshod over the New York penal system. [The Dagger]
• Awesome: another edition of “Tuesdays with Morrissey.” [Melt Your Face Off]
• March Madness as called by Charles Barkley. [TAUNTR]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: Your Obsessive Love Or Hatred Of Me Means Nothing In The Grand Scheme Of Geological Time (By Justin Bieber)
Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
For those of you just catching up with this story, Minnesota Twins skipper Ron Gardenhire is mad as hell over the highfalutin series of tubes we kids call the internet, and consarnit, he’s not going to take it anymore!
Last Saturday, Gardenhire informed assembled media members that he has decided that Nick Blackburn would be the fourth member of the Twins’ unset starting rotation, a story which Twins beat writers promptly tweeted and blogged about, before Gardy could get back to the field to inform his pitchers of his decision. And that made Gardenhire very angry over the speed of the interwebs.
Via the Star Tribune:
All you guys … tweeted and blogged and all those things,” Gardenhire told reporters Monday. “Before I could get back on the field, it was already back in here that we have a fourth starter. … So [the other pitchers] went right to [pitching coach Rick Anderson]. It’s under control, Andy’s talked to them. We knew going in that they were fighting for a job.”
When asked if Matt Tolbert, Trevor Plouffe and Luke Hughes were on equal footing in their battle for a utility spot, the manager said: “Yes, equal footing. You can tweet that. Just tweet it. You don’t even have to write it. Just fire it through the Internet.”
So there you have it. In Gardenhire’s view, a breaking story is like an artillery shell of sorts, which is then placed in some kind of projectile-firing weapon (the internet) and subsequently fired..um, through something. And here I thought the entire time is was all just a series of tubes…
In any event, my pals over at TAUNTR (via Hardball Talk) are now selling a “Just Fire It Through The Internet” t-shirt, retailing for $19.99. Be the first kid on your block to own a t-shirt mocking and ridiculing a MLB manager’s limited view of technology and new media.
Word travels fast, much to Gardy’s chagrin [Star Tribune]
Just Fire it Through the Internet Shirt [TAUNTR]
Ron Gardenhire’s “just fire it through the internet” quote is already a t-shirt [Hardball Talk]
This series is sponsored by Miller High Life – The Official Beer Of You. Find out how you can get sponsored by Miller High Life.
Oh, Bob. Falling asleep on the job yet again. Certainly not the way in which to ingratiate himself with the folks over at Miller High Life. You see, Miller High Life is the Official Beer of You, and not taking your job seriously is most certainly not a characteristic of a person living the High Life.
The above image, from when Coach Knight was running the locker room while head honcho at Texas Tech, appears to have predicted Knight’s predilection for ill-timed naps. It has occurred again just recently, when Knight was caught snoozing during a radio appearance (which is simulcast on TV on YES Network – natch) with Mike Francesca on WFAN.
Video of Knight’s foray into Sleepytime Dreamland (via a tweet from SI‘s Jimmy Traina) during a live interview follows.
In Russian Soccer, Contract Breaks You!
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Okay, okay, perhaps that title is a bit of a stretch, but do you know how hard it is to make a well-crafted Yakov Smirnoff reference in this day and age? Pretty bloody difficult, I’ll tell you that. Further, while the contract did not technically break Nikola Nikezic, a player for Russian Premiere League club Kuban Krasnodar, he alleges that a couple of armed thugs did threaten to lay a severe beatdown on Nikezic at the team’s headquarters in an attempt to violently coerce him into terminating his contract. Nikezic claims that he has fallen out of favor with the team and this was the club’s attempt to convince him that the grass is always greener on the other side of the handicapped parking spot.
Via The Seattle Times:
Nikezic also says in a video message on a website that the men had guns and threatened to “make an invalid” out of him. He says he signed a contract termination out of fear for his life.
Wow. Sounds prettay prettay prettay prettay rough. The worst part? When the armed thugs raised their fists in a demonstration of how they might savagely work him over, Nikezic flopped to the ground, holding his ankle.
Yep. Yakov Smirnoff + soccer flop joke = Sportress of Blogitude Soccer Commentary. But really, what kind of twisted individuals are running this Kuban Krasnodor soccer club? It’s like Luca Brasi is in charge of security or something.
Player says he was beaten into breaking contract [The Seattle Times]
Yep. Works for me. The Power of Hypnotic Staring Cricket Fan’s menacing, dark and penetrating gaze compels you!
[H/T TAUNTR]
Unveiled to much pomp and circumstance less than 24 hours ago, the London 2012 Olympics countdown clock has ceased to perform its only task, which was to count down the days, hours, minutes, etc. until the official opening of the 2012 Olympic Games. The countdown clock, located in Trafalgar Square, locked up and froze with 500 days and 7:06:56 displayed. Yeah, that’s not good, especially given LOCOG (London Organising Committee of the Olympic Game) chairman Lord Coe’s statements regarding the clock he made just yesterday (via The Guardian):
“The launch of the Omega countdown clock is an important milestone for any Olympic Games and is something of a tradition within the Olympic movement,” said Locog chairman Lord Coe before the launch. “It will be a daily and hourly reminder to everyonewho visits Trafalgar Square that the countdown to the start of London 2012 has well and truly begun and that the greatest show on earth is soon coming to our country.”
Ugh. But when, Lord Coe? But when? Bloody hell. Not surprisingly, all parties involved, including Swatch Group, are tremendously embarrassed over the snafu (via BBC News):
“We are obviously very disappointed that the clock has suffered this technical issue,” said a spokesman for the Swatch Group.
“The OMEGA London 2012 countdown clock was developed by our experts and fully tested ahead of the launch in Trafalgar Square,” he added.
“We are currently looking into why this happened and expect to have the clock functioning as normal as soon as possible.”
Awk-ward. Fortunately, London exists outside the mystical, unpredictable realm of The Twilight Zone, so time did not in fact stop once the clock ceased to operate. You know the episode I’m referring to: “A Kind of Stopwatch”, which is just like every other episode of The Twilight Zone, but, you know, kind of different.
London 2012 Olympics countdown clock stops [The Guardian]
London 2012 countdown clock stops in Trafalgar Square [BBC News]
