Archive for March, 2011
It’s been something of a hectic day here at the Sportress Headquarters, so since we’ve been kind of light in the content arena today I thought it would be a perfect opportunity to upload this little nugget of whimsical video goodness, courtesy of FAIL Blog.
After multiple failed attempts, this young lad finally makes contact on his tee shot. Unfortunately for his dad – well, I’m presuming it is his dad, who else would be recording it? – the kid doesn’t quite make solid contact and the ball slices terribly which proceeds to drill the camera holder (whoever the hell he is).
Score one for the kid. And score one for me, too, because now I know exactly what it feels like to be Bob Saget or Tom Bergeron: you know, completely untalented and using the misfortune of others to further advance my faltering career.
[H/T FAIL Blog]
No, but I can tell this guy, Johnathan Washburn, 23, sure does. Probably. Washburn was arrested in Austin, Texas for allegedly hitting a man in the head with his skateboard after he noticed the victim taking a photo of his unique hairstyle. the Daily Mail is referring to the hairtrocity as a triple mohawk but anyone who grew up during the 1980s can clearly tell that whether it was unbeknownst to Mad Swinging Skateboard Psycho Guy or not, Washburn’s hairdon’t is obviously an homage to the Flock of Seagulls. Now, I don’t even attempt to understand what these whippersnappers today are up to with their complicated hairstyles, but this mug shot is on par with Mid-Haircut, Half-Afro Stabby Dude.
All I know is I bet the victim now wishes that instead of snapping the photo, he would have heeded the lyrical advice of the Flock of Seagulls and ran, ran so far away…
(high fives self)
Bad hair day: Man with bizarre triple mohawk arrested for attacking someone who tried to take a photo of his hairstyle [Daily Mail (via Off the Bench)]
If a major league manager was ever going to emulate a television character – especially in the realm of magnificent facial hair – I can think of no better mentor than Parks & Recreation head honcho Ron Swanson. It’s a certifiable no-brainer. I mention this because as I was perusing my feeds earlier this morning, I came across a post on 7th Inning Stache where David Chalk is deservedly decrying the fact that new Seattle Mariners manager Eric Wedge, or more accurately, his mustache, has come under fire. Why? Lord only knows. Probably because the goofballs who have a problem with it are simply jealous that they cannot cultivate such a formidable soup strainer.
I mean, look at that thing. It is fantastic.Even better? The following animated GIF which further documents the epicness of Eric Wedge’s facial hair.
Or, perhaps if things had gone a bit differently and taken a turn for the worse for NESN’s Pat Gamere (via SB Nation), we could have instead been saying that said cameraman was in the wrong place at the wrong time as he captured not only amazing video of a pane of glass shattering during a Boston Bruins practice but also a face full of shattered glass for his efforts.
Pretty cool video, though. And thankfully, this Pat Gamere fellow came out unscathed.
I’m pretty sure college basketball analyst was trying to pay his new CBS colleague a compliment with the following statement, but what Carl Kellogg said about Charles Barkley’s rebounding acumen during his call of the North Carolina-Washington game certainly came across as somewhat strange (via USA Today): Kellogg said that Sir Charles had the “arms of an orangutan, heart of a lion and bounceability of a trampoline.”
Wait. What?
What kind of mutant freak creature is comprised of two animals and one piece of backyard play equipment? Further, couldn’t Kellogg have simply completed the animal reference trifecta and said that Barkley has the bounceability of a kangaroo or a jackrabbit or something? Saying someone has a characteristic of an inanimate object is just plain weird, man. Well, at least Kellogg didn’t refer to CBS as ESPN, so he has that going for him. I bet Greg Gumbel feels about as sharp as a worn out fingernail clipper right about now. Wait, now I’m doing it. Actually, maybe Kellogg’s description of Barkley as a rebounder makes sense after all. Huh.
Officiating expert on-air is a good call by CBS/Turner [USA Today]
I guess when you’re Blake Griffin, even something like fouling out of a game has to involve some gravity-defying display of dunk science. Such was the case during the Los Angeles Clippers’ 108-99 loss to the Phoenix Suns on Sunday afternoon, when Griffin was called for charging while he was in the process of slamming home a ridiculous monster jam over Marcin Gortat late in the 4th quarter. Griffin was subsequently assessed a technical foul by referee Steve Javie due to his demonstrative reaction to the call.
Griffin, frustrated by the call but was cautious in the manner in which he discussed the call, had this to say postgame (via the Los Angeles Times):
“I can’t really speak on that. I don’t want to get fined anymore. We’re not really in a playoff race right now. Some of the teams we’ve been playing are. So we’re not going to get those.
“We’re not going to get foul calls like that. They’re not going to give us anything. So we’ve got to figure out a way to overcome it.”
One area of agreement was the way he felt about the charge call. Griffin said it was the most frustrated he has felt about one.
“Definitely,” Griffin said. “Just the way it started and obviously how it ended — just the icing on the cake. I’ll be glad when I’m not a rookie anymore.”
Yep. Give it another season, Blake, and before you know it, you’ll be getting the NBA star treatment to and will never be called for a questionable foul ever again. Just like Kobe.
Blake Griffin and Clippers are frustrated in 108-99 loss to Suns [Los Angeles Times]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• During an interview with MTV to promote his new book, Red: My Uncensored Life In Rock (is that an Oprah book), rocker Sammy Hagar (you have to always preface Sammy Hagar’s name with “rocker,” just like you have to for Bret Michaels) claims he was abducted by aliens. A passage in the book reports the alien encounter as a dream, but Hagar insists it was real: “It was real,” Hagar told the reporter, according to the story on MTV’s Hive website. “They were plugged into me. It was a download situation … Or, they uploaded something from my brain, like an experiment.” Let us all pray for the alien lifeforms who felt Sammy Hagar’s brain was worthy of uploading or downloading or whatever. [Yahoo!]
• Recapping the best and the worst from the opening week of the NCAA Tournament. [The Dagger]
• Pro golfer Stewart Cink’s Twitter account was hacked. [Wei Under Par]
• Rays manager Joe Maddon had an Orioles fan removed from a spring training game for alleged racist comments directed at B.J. Upton. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Toronto Raptors rookie Ed Davis was the victim of a car-related prank courtesy of Raptors veterans. [That NBA Lottery Pick]
• This outfit donned by a VCU band member is all kinds of wrong. [Busted Coverage]
• In case you missed it over the weekend, here’s Andrew Bynum’s vicious takedown of Michael Beasley from the Lakers-T-Wolves game. [Bob's Blitz]
• Finally, a sports game for both whores and sluts! [Tirico Suave]
• Heh: “Pitino to tournament: ‘I don’t usually finish this quickly, I swear’” [TAUNTR]
• It’s never too early to get the lowdown regarding the announcing schedule for Sweet 16 action. [Awful Announcing]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Microsoft Word Now Includes Squiggly Blue Line To Alert Writer When Word Is Too Advanced For Mainstream Audience
Now that’s a way to close out the week, pardners!
Some of you might have noticed that the productivity at the Sportress ground to a halt sometime earlier this afternoon. I must admit that I shut her down a bit early today so I could take in some NCAA Tournament action without interruption and without the necessity of having to put down by cold adult beverage to type. That’s right. By the time I was watching my fifth game spread across four networks, I was already well into taking down a fifth of vodka. The SKYY’s the limit during March Madness, I say.
Anyhoo, enjoy Jimmy Joe’s preview and enjoy your weekend. We’ll see you on Monday. Peace and hair grease.
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
Posted by:
• Alcohol and the hockey players who love it. [Puck Daddy]
• Yep, just your run of the mill, average $68,000 foosball table. [With Leather]
• I just wrote about the Los Angeles Kings coach’s hostility towards fans and here we have Mike D’Antoni telling Knicks fans to start popping Prozac. [The Baketball Jones]
• Roger Goodell sent it all in a letter. [With Leather]
• BC has another edition of “Ladies of March Madness” for your viewing pleasure. [Busted Coverage]
• Awesome: more from Jack “The Hammer” Justice, Attorney for Referees. [TAUNTR]
• It’s all fun and games until someone is shattered with broken glass. [Off the Bench]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: Johan Santana Denies Reports He Will Miss Season, Waits 2 Seconds, Confirms Reports
Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
Now that’s an example of stickttoitiveness, if there were such a word, which according to some highfalutin thing called a dictionary, there is not.
The reporter, 10News sports director Ben Higgins, live and on the scene, was reporting on the San Diego State Aztecs’ first-ever NCAA tournament win when he nearly got run over by some moron backing up his SUV while not paying attention. Odds are the driver was on their cell phone. But despite nearly getting plowed over, Higgins keeps his eye on the prize and continues to deliver the news. That’s commitment to your job, folks.
[H/T The Dagger]
Hey, what did you want me to do? The Tampa Bay Online story about how REO Speedwagon is one of the big stars who are lined up to perform during the Tampa Bay Rays’ Summer Concert Series already used the obligatory “Take It On The Run” reference. I operate within the confines set out for me. Deal with it.
I’ve had a lot of fun at the Sportress – alright, not a lot two posts-worth of fun – making light of the Rays’ wildly Saturday night summer concert series performers, but to land REO Speedwagon, during prime state fair circuit time, is a major coup for the team. And if that weren’t enough, check out who else the Rays have lined up to entertain the fans:
Joining REO Speedwagon (April 30) on the concert schedule are the Goo Goo Dolls (Aug. 6) and Miranda Lambert (Sept. 24).
Those acts join Darius Rucker (May 14), who was announced earlier this spring.
Goo Goo Dolls? More like Goo Goo Goody, amirite? But seriously, the summer concert series have been a wildly successful promotional coup for the Rays. Instead of drawing their customary 5,000 fans to the baseball park atrocity that is Tropicana Field, the Rays have drawn well during the concerts, averaging more than 30,000 fans…for the Go-Go’s…and Bret Michaels. So there’s that. But the powers that be elected to build an indoor ballpark in Florida and as the saying goes, you reap what you sow. But I guess that’s the way they want it. Baby.
And now, for no reason other than I feel like it and this is my blog and I can do whatever the hell I want, here’s Me First & The Gimme Gimmes’ version of “Take It On The Run.” Enjoy.
REO Speedwagon, Lambert set for Rays summer concert series [Tampa Bay Online]
Above is a video of Manchester City striker Mario Balotelli struggling to put a bib on during warmups. Yes, I am referring to possessing the most minimal amount of intelligence and manual dexterity to be able to one’s head through the big hole in a top and ones’ arms through the smaller holes on the side of a garment. You know, something a toddler with a severe learning disability can reasonably accomplish with little to no difficulty.
It’s really quite enthralling (and comical) to watch Balotelli become completely baffled with the complexity of it all. The fact that some sorry sack had to come and assist him with such a menial task only adds further to the hilarity. At least the commentators heard in the video had a good time mocking and ridiculing the supremely talented professional soccer superstar. Good times.
Still, I have to give credit where credit is due: Mario Balotelli looks great - far better than the last time I saw him on Iron Chef America. He looks so much healthier and thinner, and if I may dare say so, um, blacker. But I don’t think we should really be discussing that in the first place, although here I am doing so.
"So these people paid good money for the tickets? Hmmm..."
I bet Los Angeles Kings coach Terry Murray wishes he could have a do-over relating to the antagonistic comments he made criticizing fans for booing the putrid effort put forth by the team last night during a 4-0 home loss to the St. Louis Blues. But it appears that Murray couldn’t hold his tongue and lashed out at the very people who have vigorously supported the Kings during an overall successful regular season. He’s mad as hell and he isn’t going to take it anymore.
During his postgame presser, Murray expressed his dissatisfaction regarding how the Kings faithful filling the seats at Staples Center booed the squad after the end of the second period, and he didn’t mince his words and wasn’t afraid to incorporate some overreaching hyperbole in the process (via the Los Angeles Times):
“That is the most embarrassing thing I have ever been through. That’s the worst I have ever been through in all the years I’ve been coaching,” Murray said. “I’ve been behind the bench almost 3,000 hockey games in the NHL and booed off the ice by your own fans, at the end of the second period, after… this road trip, going 4-0 in hard places, it’s very disappointing.”
Did you hear that, Kings fans who were in attendance last night? He’s very disappointed in all of you. So much so that after making that incendiary statement, Murray promptly stormed off, concluding his postgame comments. Does Murray want some cheese with his whine? Did I mention that not only were the Kings down 2-0 at the conclusion of the second period, but they were also being outshot 30-6 at that point of the game? So, yeah.
Here’s the thing that somebody should point out to Mad and Miffed Murray: these people paid good money to attend the game and if they want to boo, that’s their prerogative. In other words, given their investment, they can do what they wanna do. We can sit here and debate the merits of whether or not it is apropos for a hometown crowd to boo the home team – and the fact that the Kings are having a great season is a decent point against fans doing so – but a coach should never – never – hammer fans in some convoluted attempt to sidestep the team’s – from the coach to the players on the ice – complete responsibility for their performance. It never works. In fact, it more often than not completely backfires. So how about Murray just shuts his trap and does his part to make sure the Kings don’t give the fans a reason to boo in the first place?
Terry Murray is angry – with the fans [Los Angeles Times]
Yeah, I thought so. Evidently, this is Danica Patrick checking out the intimidating track at Bristol Motor Speedway in advance of her participating in the Nationwide Series’ Scotts EZ Seed 300 on Saturday. She looks impressed, or amazed, or…terrified. Either way, I’m not going out on a limb here to suspect the expression on Miss Danica’s face is a reasonable facsimile of her O-Face.
At least her stated goal for Saturday’s event is modest (via USA Today): “It’ll be interesting. I just hope to finish.”
Ha. Hope to finish. If I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard a woman say that…
No, man: I used to be quite the accomplished amateur female marathon trainer…statements similar to Danica’s simply go with the territory.
[image via]
Danica Patrick has a modest goal for Bristol: Finish the race [USA Today]
While watching the BYU-Wofford matchup last night, I heard Verne Lundquist and Bill Raftery manage to squeeze in the nugget – when they were not too busy genuflecting at the Altar of Jimmer – that BYU Cougars star/college basketball Messiah Jimmer Fredette’s brother TJ is an aspiring rapper. Obviously, as a die-hard fan of in-your-face hip hop, I just had to go to YouTube and check out TJ’s mic skills. There are quite a few videos out there of TJ dropping some rhymes, but I believe the track “March Madness” not only perfectly encapsulates TJ’s MC skills, but it will help all of us get pumped for a second day of wall-to-wall NCAA Tournament action. Bring it, TJ!
(watches video again)
Um, I guess all I can add after viewing the above video – as well as video of a few of TJ’s other songs is…
Word…to your mothers.
