Archive for March, 2011
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
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• Great story about how a Japanese foreign exchange student pitched a no-hitter. [Off the Bench]
• Finally, the Taiwanese animators take on the NFL lockout. [With Leather]
• Would you let Livian Hernandez punch you in the balls for $50? [Sharapova's Thigh]
• Tiger Woods is in the hunt at Bay Hill, y’all. [Devil Ball Golf]
• Joe Mauer, Kemps dairy products and you. [Babes Love Baseball]
• The minor league hockey team Portland Pirates host thousands of elementary and junior high kids at a game only to have a fight break out during it. Oh, the humanity! [Puck Daddy]
• The 2011 NBA Playoff Beard season is now open. [The Basketball Jones]
• Arizona Diamondbacks bullpen catcher will eat and do anything for money. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Tommy Lasorda is now pimping edible health strips, whatever they are. [Big League Stew]
• Well played: “Habs exact revenge by making Bruins work really hard and score a ton of goals” [TAUNTR]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: Magazine: Our Exclusive Nude Pictorial Of The Cars Of NASCAR
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Headline: Car Blake Griffin Dunked Over Exacts Bloody Revenge
Ha. That’s…disturbing and hard to look at, yet funny. Kind of like Kathy Griffin. You know, except for the funny part.
In a reprehensible bit of timing – what with it being March Madness and all – crews from the Delaware Department of Transportation began taking down basketball hoops in two neighborhoods in the city of Claymont that they say are in violation of the state’s Clear Zone Law “which prohibits hoops, trees, shrubs and other objects from being within seven feet of the pavement’s edge in subdivisions.” Owners of the basketball hoops which violated the law – eight in total – were originally ordered last fall to to take them down themselves but those who did not would have to foot the bill for crews to come out. As one might expect, the defenders of hoops freedom from these two neighborhoods were not going to allow the DOT to remove the hoops without incident, as protesters prompted the crews to call in the Delaware State Police to serve as escorts.
One protester in particular was not going to go down – literally – without a fight. The wife of resident John McCafferty actually climbed up on top of the basketball hoop in a move reminiscent of tree activists who attempt to stop loggers from cutting down trees. That’s right: if they were going to take the hoop down, they were taking down Mrs. McCafferty along with it. And guess what? Her risky gambit proved effective.
The Pittsburgh Penguins organization uploaded the above photo to twitpic earlier today and I am confident that the image of Sidney Crosby actually skating – around cones, mind you – is a welcome sight as the superstar slowly and cautiously gets perhaps a step closer to his return from a debilitating concussion. Captain Crosby has been on injured reserve since January 6th and if he keeps progressing and his ability to skate around cones improves, who knows? We might just see him back in the Penguins’ lineup come playoff time.
Let us just hope that he’s not running over those cones as he skates. At the same time, they were cones.
Holy crap, that’s a long way to go for a measly and poorly-executed reference to The Wedding Singer. It might be high time to finely tune my blogging game a bit.
(places cone on desk, stares at it while typing this)
Oh yeah. Much better.
The Hollywood Reporter is, um, reporting that the life story of Laura Vikmanis, a 42-year-old cheerleader for the Cincinnati Bengals – the oldest of her kind – is currently being developed into a movie by New Line Cinema. The dish on the scoop (ooh! I sound just like a Hollywood bigwig!) via FOX Sports:
The movie will be produced by Richard and Lauren Shuler Donner and Donners’ Co. president Jack Leslie and written by scribes Emily Cook and Kathy Greenberg, whose credits include “Gnomeo & Juliet” and “Ratatouille.”
Vikmanis, a mother of two teenage daughters, tried out for the cheerleading squad of the Bengals at the age of 39 after her husband left her for a younger woman.
She failed to make the cut at her first try-out but made the squad after a year of improving her fitness and working on routines.
Certainly inspirational, but given the screenwriting team’s previous films, is it possible that this film will be an animated flick? No? Well, if it ain’t, that’s quite the leap. But hey, as long as Ms. Cook and Ms. Greenberg “Be Aggressive…B-E Aggressive,” I’m sure things will work out just fine. I just hope that one day, I will accomplish something in my life significant enough to be worthy of film treatment. To be honest, actually appearing in a film has been a goal of mine for some time, ever since I dreamed I was in a Hollywood movie, and that I was the star of the movie. This really blew my mind, the fact that me: an overfed, long-haired, leaping gnome should be the star of a Hollywood movie, hmm, but there I was…
Yeah, that’s a War reference. Spill the Wine, baby.
Report: Cheerleader’s life to be movie [FOX Sports]
Some higher-ups at IndyCar appear to be poising the racing circuit to seize the moment and capitalize on the aimless television viewing meanderings of lost and embittered NFL fans this fall if in fact the lockout continues and there is no 2011 season, or a delayed one, for that matter. IndyCar CEO Randy Bernard is reportedly in talks with Texas Motor Speedway president Eddie Gossage to possibly stage a Monday night Izod IndyCar Series race at the track. Hank Williams, Jr. is already re-working the lyrics to that blasted song in eager anticipation.
Via IndyStar.com:
“It’s all pie in the sky at this point, but I’m a firm believer that when one door closes on someone another one opens for someone else,” Bernard said. “We’re ready to do anything and everything we can do to reach more mainstream, and I know the press will be hungry for more to cover if they’re not covering football.
“(Gossage) is aggressive and likes to try these kinds of things.”
While I admire IndyCar’s initiative and foresight, I just don’t see auto racing ever becoming an accepted replacement for prime-time NFL football. Although I would love to watch Ron Jaworski break down race film and hear Jon Gruden go over the top in his praise of the moxie and compete level of individual drivers, as well as cars. “Now THIS CAR. THIS CAR has got it all. And THIS DRIVER sure knows how to OPERATE it by STEERING AND SHIFTING. But if THESE TWO want to win this race in the INDYCAR FOOT—er, RACING LEAGUE, it’s going to require TEAMWORK and they’ll have to step up their PREPARATION and probably make a pit stop or two for more FUEL.”
Or something like that. Still, I don’t see it happening.
If games are lost in NFL lockout, IndyCar might fill void [IndyStar.com]
It’s funny because due to the juxtaposition of the magazines on the rack, it looks like Tiger Woods is ogling the covers of Penthouse and Playboy’s Lingerie. Get it?
But seriously, that’s pretty funny stuff, although given his recent struggles and the current state of his game, it might have been even more amusing- or at least more accurate – had Magazine Cover Tiger Woods been looking up at a copy of Gary McCord’s Golf for Dummies. You know, because of McCord’s weird mustache. Goofy facial hair is always a sure-fire comedy hit.
[H/T Midwest Sports Fans]
I know, crazy, right? But ’tis be true, as the Denver Broncos quarterback will be the first professional athlete to model Jockey underwear since Jim Palmer did so way back in 1980 (photoshop of Tebow’s mug on Palmer’s body via here). And we mustn’t forget about this epically disturbing image of Pete Rose, Underwear Model from 1977. Hoo boy.
Moving on quickly from that, in case you haven’t noticed over the past several years as Tebowmania quickly gripped the nation, it is Tebow’s world and you’re just living it. At the same time, he cares about the kind of underwear you put on while taking residence in his blessed domain, as he will be promoting Jockey’s new Staycool line, which according to Jockey’s site, makes you and your nads feel about 3 degrees cooler. That’s nice.
While some might question the appropriateness of Tebow’s new endorsement gig, given his staunchly held religious beliefs, but do not fret. Tebow has stated that he “wouldn’t do anything that goes against” what he stands for and adding that the entire “campaign is very classy.” Further (via ESPN):
“People may say it’s underwear, but everyone wears underwear — it’s not like I’m doing something risque.”
Everyone wears underwear? Don’t think so. Speak for yourself, Mr. Goody Two Shoes. As the old saying goes, “Once you go commando, you’re never going back-o.” Yeah, that’s not a real saying.
Tim Tebow to appear in Jockey ads [ESPN]
Squeal like a pig, Brian Gionta. The worst part about how the camera documented this moment during the Boston Bruins’ 7-0 ass-whipping of the Montreal Canadiens on Thursday night was that Gionta was the one being the aggressor as he hip-checked Zdeno Chara, but despite his efforts, ended up putting himself in what appears to be a very submissive position.
Most experts expected the Habs to be full of piss and vinegar during last night’s game as it was the first matchup between the Original 6 squads since the ugly incident which occurred in the teams’ previous game 16 days earlier, when Chara ran Max Pacioretty’s head into the padded stanchion. Pacioretty suffered a broken vertebrae and a concussion and right or wrong, Chara was not suspended by the NHL for the hit, but made his presence known last night, notching three assists and leaving us with this everlasting image – which is also amusing, if you posses the sense of humor of an 8th grade boy – of how horribly things went for the Canadiens. At least the lady in the stands looks like she enjoyed the moment. Or was appalled. It’s hard to tell.
Bruins erupt to blow out rival Canadiens 7-0 [Yahoo!]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• Ah yes, Walmart: the provider of good deals in an environment comparable to a leper trailer park colony. And when a love triangle develops between employees? Hoo boy! Watch your fingers! Clodia Coicour, 43, an employee of a Florida Walmart, has been charged with aggressive battery with great bodily harm causing permanent disfigurement after she bit the top of a finger off a co-worker who she suspected was sleeping with her husband. She took ur husband! [msnbc]
• Fitting: Rick explores the reasons behind why we all hate Duke. [Off the Bench]
• NO! Gus Johnson kind of blew a call last night! [Awful Announcing]
• Shocking: Chad Ochocinco’s MLS tryout was likely just a publicity stunt. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Here’s Zinedine Zidane making a young goalie look completely foolish. [Bob's Blitz]
• Three aces on one hole on the same day? That’s kooky talk! [Devil Ball Golf]
• Awesome: TJ Fredette delivers on promise to kid brother Jimmer. [Joe Sports Fan]
• Team Jimmer Boobs, anyone? [Busted Coverage]
• Why Mike D’Antoni is the perfect coach for the Knicks. [Ted Williams Head]
• The gals preview the Texas Rangers in their customary haiku fashion. [Babes Love Baseball]
• “Crazy, dead or Korean: how do you want your girlfriend?” are among the topics addressed in the latest KSK Sex/Fantasy Football Mailbag. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• The latest Freudian Slip video to hit the interwebs. [Sharapova's Thigh]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Time Between Thing Being Amusing, Extremely Irritating Down To 4 Minutes
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
Posted by:• Dwight Howard almost killed a person last night. [The Basketball Jones]
• What’s this? Communist Kickball is overtaking Canadian Shinny? No, seriously, what is this? [With Leather]
• Here’s video of Rodney Stucky posterizing Chris Bosh. [Sharapova's Thigh]
• Eliza Dushku has landed the coveted role based upon Michelle Beadle in the train wreck sitcom based upon Colin Cowherd. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Jaromir Jagr’s coach in the KHL wanted to kick his ass after a playoff game. [Puck Daddy]
• Political commentator James Carville had quite the zinger about the NFC West recently. [Off the Bench]
• Epic photo of Buckeyes coach Jim Tressel posing with some OSU fans. [EDSBS]
• So, uh, Jason Whitten had a cameo in an Archie comic. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Ron Artest and a cavalcade of rap stars performed on George Lopez’s show last night. [Ball Don't Lie]
• It looks like Barry Bonds’ Netflix trial is going well. Huh? [TAUNTR]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: FCC Chief Cites Special Occasion For Allowing Vaginal Penetration On Network Sitcom
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He’s a Great Book! with Ozzie Guillen — The Great Gatsby from Dan Bulla on Vimeo.
Courtesy of Big League Stew comes this amusing video from the minds of Jasbir Singh and Dan Bulla who are apparently two up-and-comers in Chicago’s legendary improv scene. Called “He’s A Great Book!”, it features a guy who does a spot-freaking-on impression of Chicago White Sox skipper Ozzie Guillen reviewing one of my favorite novels, F. Scott Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby. It’s a real hoot and the more I think about it, I realize this is exactly how I envision Guillen would respond to Fitzgerald’s elegant prose. Hey, just because Guillen spends all his time at the ballpark and swearing like a sailor does not mean he could not appreciate the classic novels of American literature.
[H/T Big League Stew]
Sorry, don’t have much to add to this one: just think of it as a mid-afternoon slice of whimsy, a succulent snack of silliness, if you will. I wish I had something more, but I have become somewhat preoccupied listening to Maria Sharapova getting her grunt on.
[H/T Mediaite]
A Sound Track Composed of 29 Moanings Taken from Maria Sharapova’s Tennis Matches by jaeyong_park
Wow. Just wow.
Some people might call Jaeyong Park’s “29 Moanings” – which consists entirely of a looped sequence of tennis goddess Maria Sharapova grunting her little heart out – some kind of aurally-based work of expressionist modern art based in an extrapolation of verbalized jazz fusion deconstructionism (I have no idea what those previous words mean, but bear with me). And that would be alright by me, ya dig? But on a personal level, I believe it could just as apropos to refer to the piece as “Soundtrack for a Spank Bank.” Just saying. And by the way, whatever it is, I plan on listening to it nonstop for the rest of the day. And no matter which way you slice it, this Jaeyong Park person must be one far out cat, man.
[H/T Oregon Live]
Oh yeah, she’s a screamer alright, but that’s cool. Apparently, Meghan Harrison, the wife of Texas Rangers pitcher Matt Harrison, is quite the vocal supporter of team her husband plays for, and she evidently gets perhaps a bit too ultra-vocal whenever her hubby is toeing the rubber, as it has been reported that her voice can be heard above all the miscellaneous sounds which commonly occur at the ballpark. Case in point: during Wednesday’s spring training game against the Arizona Diamondbacks, Meghan was her typical boisterous self, cheering on her husband and hollering at umpires.
Despite the fact that she “gets on him too,” Harrison enjoys the fact that his wife is so supportive of his career (via ESPN Dallas):
Harrison jokes that his wife “evens things out” in their marriage since he’s not a big talker and she is quite outgoing.
“As long as she’s not cussing out fans and getting in fights, I’m all right,” Harrison said. “At least she’s watching what’s going on and knows what’s happening. She’s not just sitting up there not paying attention.”
Yeah, he says that now. Let’s see how he feels after getting browbeaten by the battle axe for another 10, 15 years. You know how those pushy womenfolk can be, amirite? “Yes, dear, I promise I won’t burn the house down again by trying to grill indoors…just lay off, will ya?” You know, stuff like that.
Matt Harrison’s loud cheering section [ESPN Dallas]
