Archive for March, 2011
How Birdman Got His Groove Back
Posted by:
According to a report in The Denver Post, ever since the Denver Nuggets traded Carmelo Anthony to the New York Knicks on February 21st, Chris “Birdman” Andersen, everybody’s favorite heavily tattooed, mowhawked NBA oddball, has increasingly appeared to be on the verge of fully regaining his back after missing a bulk of the earlier part of the season as he recovered from offseason knee surgery. And this development is a mighty good thing, because, as you know, Birdman Swagger is the best kind of swagger of all.
Even Nuggets head coach George Karl has taken notice of the brewing return of the swagger (via The Denver Post):
“I think he’s very much into it,” Karl said. “Since we made the trade, his energy has been up. I think his impact on games has been much more consistent. It seems like he’s gotten his body back into a better place, better condition, physically feeling better.”
Great news. Great news, indeed. I’m sure we are all on the same page here when I argue that a world without the Birdman is not a very colorful world at all.
That Birdman swag is back since big trade [The Denver Post]
In one fell swoop, Dallas Mavericks forward Dirk Nowitzki might have mercifully put the kibosh on Charlie Sheen’s reign of terror with this commercial promoting the team’s Bobblehead Nights, in particular his own, which is scheduled for March 20th. I’m not quite sure what to make of it, between the German accent and awkward delivery, I don’t know whether to or fear for my family having to suffer as they cry over my exploded body.
Actually, it’s not half-bad, although one has to wonder if Dirk truly committed to the character or if he had Hasselhoff on the brain the entire time. And while it’s not as stellar as some of the other videos rolled out this season by the Mavericks organization, it’s alright. It’s certainly no Rick Carlisle-Roll, that’s for sure.
[H/T FOX Sports Southwest]
Blasphemer! How can Tim Tebow stand idly by and allow such a thing to happen? According to a report on NFL.com, Tim Tebow will be honored by his alma mater, the University of Florida, with a statue which will be erected on the west side of Ben Hill Griffin Stadium and is set to be unveiled for idolatry during the Gators’ spring game on April 9th. Commandment breakers!
For those of you not as well-versed in Old Testament studies as yours truly, the Second Commandment is of course: “You shall not make for yourself an image in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments. (Exodus 20:4-6)
I don’t know, man, but if you ask me, the erecting of a statue sure seems like a total violation of the above Biblical edict. I suppose we shouldn’t blame Tebow for this, but given his Christ-like status in Gainesville and the adoration he receives in that neck of the woods, there is little doubt that the statue will not only be revered, it is highly likely that it will be worshiped. Not that this is Tebow’s fault, but one would think he might have stepped in and prevented the creation of this graven image. Ah, but who am I to say one way or another. Judge not lest ye be judged.
I suppose I should mention that not only will Tim Tebow be honored by the university with a statue, fellow Heisman Trophy winners who attended the University of Florida will also be honored with their own iconic sculptures: Steve Spurrier (1966) and Danny Wuerffel (1996). Spurrier could be a wild card but I’m guessing we won’t have to worry about devotees genuflecting in front of Wuerffel’s statue anytime in the near future.
Florida to honor Heisman winners Tebow, Wuerffel, Spurrier [NFL.com]
Singer-Songwriter,” ex-husband of Jessica Simpson and current fiance of Vanessa Minnillo , Nick Lachey, who cut his teeth in the music business as a member of boy band 98 Degrees which he somehow parlayed into hosting duties on the atrocity that is NBC’s The Sing-Off show, has penned a theme song for the Big East Tournament. I know. What the fungus, right? Was the lead singer from Sugar Ray not available or something?
The song, entitled “Last One Standing,” will premiere during the championship game on Saturday and if you’re anything like me, you are frantically honing your mute button-pushing reflexes in anticipation. To wit (via The Miami Herald):
The song’s chorus asks, “Who’s the last, last one standing?” Unlike many of the slow, anthemic ballads that tend to play during the highlight reel at the end of tournaments, Lachey’s tune is a driving rock song.
Guh. More like “Who’s the last, last one listening” to the almost certain train wreck of a driving rock song, amirite? The only “driving” part of this endeavor should involve a truck carrying the master recording of the song being driven straight off a cliff. This is Nick Lachey we’re talking about here.
Actually, setting such trivial qualities as talent and the lack thereof aside, it does make some semblance of sense that Lachey was selected to compose the song: he’s a native of Ohio and a huge University of Cincinnati Bearcats fan (who happened to get destroyed by Notre Dame on Thursday), so I guess there’s that, but still. What say you, Nick?
“My two biggest passions probably in life are sports and music, so for me it was a good opportunity to marry both in this song,” Lachey said during a break in Big East tournament play on Thursday.
“Writing it, I kept seeing these highlight packages, dunk after dunk after dunk,” the former “Newlyweds” reality star said. “Sports is so much about energy and all the excitement you get being there live at a game, and I wanted to capture it in a song.”
Oh, I’m sure he captured something, alright. Whether that turns out to be a catchy little rocker paying tribute to the Big East Tournament or a testament to the drivel that passes as “popular” or “good” music today is the question. Actually, it isn’t. It’s going to be awful. Just terrible. Nickelback terrible.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some Backstreet Boys to listen to. That’s right: I do want it that way.
Nick Lachey writes fight song for Big East tourney [The Miami Herald]
What else can be said that hasn’t been offered up already which further illustrates the awesomeness of Gus Johnson – Gus Johnson Soundboard, anyone? The unbridled enthusiasm which permeates his unique style of broadcasting – some might even say there’s some cockeyed optimism thrown in there – is truly a wonder to behold and a gift we sports fans should certainly cherish. And with the NCAA Tournament just days away, it’s a good of time as any to celebrate all things Gus Johnson.
Which is why it should come as no surprise that overdubbing Gus Johnson’s trademark frenetic energy over a soccer highlight – in this case, Landon Donovan’s thrilling, game-winning goal in extra time against Algeria during group play of the 2010 World Cup, instantly becomes even more exciting, more transcendent and infinitely more entertaining simply due to the presence of Gus Johnson’s voice. Throw in some “Onions!” courtesy of Bill Raftery and you’ve got some mighty tasty announcing stew.
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• A man in Virginia has been arrested after attempting to rob the same pharmacy twice in one day, once while wielding a sword. Michael Edward Towler, 27, has been charged with robbery, brandishing a weapon and attempted robbery. The pharmacist on duty told police that when Towler returned to attempt to rob the pharmacy again, he was wearing a lime green rain coat and was armed with a three-foot long sword. Towler made off with an undisclosed amount of narcotics but was arrested at his home a short time later. Word on the street is Matt Dillon is angling to portray Towler in a yet-to-be-green-lighted film, Drugstore Ninja, just as long as Gus Van Sant is the director. (Rest in peace, William S. Burroughs) [Yahoo!]
• After the Lakers lost to the Heat last night, Kobe Bryant returned to the court to practice. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Four-second soccer goal? Four-second soccer goal. [With Leather]
• Be sure to you’re checking in with the gals over at BLB as they are rolling out their unique season previews. [Babes Love Baseball]
• Phil Jackson compared the way the Miami Heat play basketball to an XBox game. [That NBA Lottery Pick]
• Habs owner Geoff Molson has written a letter to Montreal fans regarding the Max Pacioretty hit. [Puck Daddy]
• Debating the finer points of fan jersey etiquette. [The Basketball Jones]
• Man training for Los Angeles Marathon will only eat McDonald’s during the 30 days leading up the race. [Bob's Blitz]
• Rick has some pointers for those of you desperately trying to win your NCAA Tourney office pool. [Off the Bench]
• Another informative and entertaining edition of KSK Sex/Fantasy Football Mailbag. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• What the Miami Heat are doing now that they’re not watching television. [TAUNTR]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Food Critic’s Wife Makes Best Lasagna She Possibly Can
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
Posted by:
• Brilliance: Paula Deen’s commentary on Georgia’s new nutrition program. [EDSBS]
• Now here’s a dunk over a car that’s worth your time to watch. [Sharapova's Thigh]
• Holy crap: the Wikipedia entry on Hack-a-Shaq is a 3,100-word opus. [The Basketball Jones]
• The Montreal police have initiated an investigation into Zdeno Chara’s hit on Max Pacioretty. [Larry Brown Sports]
• The New York tabloids’ take on the blown call in the Rutgers-St. John’s game was predictably understated. [The Dagger]
• For $8,000, you can dress exactly like an All-Star Mario Lemieux. [Puck Daddy]
• Here’s a mega-gallery of some amusing examples of athlete fan art. [With Leather]
• ESPN’s Doris Burke looking like a naughty secretary. [Busted Coverage]
• Cheer up, Sacramento Kings fans: Guns N’ Roses bassist Duff McKagan feels your pain. [Ball Don't Lie]
• More from the most emo guy in hockey, Danny Briere. [Melt Your Face Off]
• Don’t eat Luis Tiant, Dennys Reyes! The guy is a living legend! [The Sports Hernia Blog]
• Could Missouri QB Blaine Gabbert be the top pick in the NFL Draft? [Rumors & Rants]
• Simply an awesome photo of John Cusack, Johnny Depp, Hunter S. Thompson and a blow-up doll. [FilmDrunk]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: Hey, Man, I Totally Get It; I’d Watch A 2-Hour ‘Biggest Loser’ Special, Too (By A Collection Of Nabokov’s Short Stories)
Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
Talk about good strategery: Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh, two-time Gold medalists as teammates in the field of beach volleyball, have announced that they will reunite in a quest for a third chance at Olympics glory at the 2012 Summer Games in London.
Via ESPN:
Walsh’s agent confirmed this week that the two will play together in qualifying events. NBCSports.com first reported the decision.
The two Americans played together in Athens and Beijing. Walsh took time off for two pregnancies, and May-Treanor injured her Achilles tendon in 2008 rehearsing for Dancing with the Stars.
So, let me get this straight: we will once again have the opportunity to ogle at the incredibly firm bodies of these ultra-talented American gals as they dive around in their skin-tight “uniforms” all under the guise that we are merely being patriotic as we support our Olympic athletes? Mission Accomplished.
And just for the fun of it, here are some additional photos of President George W. Bush hanging with the ladies. Ah, memories.
Misty May-Treanor, Kerri Walsh reunite [ESPN]
Thar she blows! The weather took a turn into severe territory earlier this afternoon at Doral’s Blue Monster, site of the WGC-Cadillac Championship, and we have Ian Poulter’s social media acumen for providing compelling images and video of the scene.
Sideways rain, lightning and wind gusts upwards of 52 mph wreaked havoc on the course. Two TV towers were leveled and as you can see above, the scoreboard near the 18th green was ripped to shreds.
The South Florida Sun-Sentinel documents the carnage:
The most dramatic damage came by the Blue Monster’s famed 18th green, where the hand-operated scoreboard – showing hole-by-hole progress of the leaders – was left in a heap and some pieces blown into the adjacent pond.
TV towers behind the greens at Nos. 8 and 9 also came crashing down. The No. 9 tower appeared to simply fall backward into a stream, with its camera resting in the water. Damage at No.8 left a twisted pile of metal. The storm downed 17 trees on the course.
Video shot by Poulter from the safety of the players lounge follows.
And no, I am not referring to former Columbus Blue Jackets coach Ken Hitchcock. I am, of course, making a reference to legendary filmmaker, The Master of Suspense: Robyn Hitchcock, who went on from making incredible films to becoming the frontman of the eponymously named Robyn Hitchcock & The Egyptians. Talk about prolific, man.
Anyhoo, Anaheim goaltender Jonas Hiller missed his 10th consecutive game Wednesday night between the pipes for the Ducks due to dealing with the debilitating effect of vertigo, which WebMD characterizes as such:
…a feeling that you or your surroundings are moving when there is no actual movement. You may feel as though you are spinning, whirling, falling, or tilting. When you have severe vertigo, you may feel very nauseated or vomit. You may have trouble walking or standing, and you may lose your balance and fall.
Funny, that sounds exactly like I felt after one too many Jägerbombs last weekend. (/Jäger)
All kidding aside, this vertigo condition has really messed Hiller up (via Yahoo!):
“I’m still having the same issues, especially on the ice,” Hiller said. “I start feeling out of myself, kind of feeling all over the place. I guess it’s just going to take time. All I can do is be patient. It’s definitely not easy, especially the mental side. It’s really tough.
“It feels like I’m always falling behind the play,” said Hiller, 26-16-3 with five shutouts this season. “It’s like I can’t keep up with the puck any more. I might be physically there, but I always feel like my head’s not there yet. I almost feel like I’m running behind the whole play for half a second or something. I’m always trying to catch up, which throws me off even more.”
Ouch, man. Sounds like he could use a couple of Jägerbombs or something. Or alternatively, he should just kick back, curl up on the couch and take it easy for a spell until the symptoms subside. Might I suggest a Hitchcock movie marathon or perhaps some DVDs of Hitchcock’s classic show, The Twilight Zone? I particularly enjoy the ones where the guy wakes up, and he’s the same – but everyone else is different. Wait, they are all like that.
Anaheim’s Hiller struggles with mystifying vertigo [Yahoo!]
Oh sure, laugh if you want, but this is serious: the New York Post is reporting that 85-year-old and living New York Yankees legend Yogi Berra was taken to the hospital as a precaution after taking a bit of a tumble inside the visiting clubhouse of the Philadelphia Phillies minor league complex.
Berra, serving as a guest instructor for the Yankees during spring training, allegedly was standing at the buffet table when he teetered backwards, ultimately falling down on his ass. But don’t worry, Berra is just fine.
“He is being taken (to the hospital) for precautionary reasons,’’ Yankees GM Brian Cashman said. “He was in the clubhouse, caught his sneaker and fell. He is in good spirits, smiling and doesn’t want to go.’’
Added Yankees manager Joe Girardi, “Yogi was really mad.’’
I bet he was. This is the second recent scare for Berra involving taking a nasty spill. He was hospitalized last July after falling in his New Jersey home.
Maybe I’m being a Nervous Nelly about all this, but wouldn’t you say it is high time that Yogi gets outfitted with a Life Alert bracelet? Like the lady says in the commercial, “All senior citizens should have Life Alert.” Don’t make C. Everett Koop angry. You wouldn’t like him when he’s angry.
What’s that? C. Everett Koop is dead? Since 1989? That long? Wow. It’s like deja vu all over again.
Yankees legend Yogi Berra taken to hospital after fall at Phillies’ minor league complex [New York Post]
"Damn you, fescue! Damn you straight to hell!"
Well, that can’t be good, can it? Professional golfer and noted fancy boy Ian Poulter, who is currently in Florida competing in the WGC-Cadillac Championship, admitted on Twitter recently that after consulting doctors due to some itchiness on his back, it was concluded that he is allergic to grass. Yep. Grass. That stuff he spends nearly every waking moment of his life strolling across, picking up and tossing in the air in order to act like how fast and how far the blades fly have an effect on how he will hit his next shot.
So funny I’m allergic to every type of grass apart from 1 quality effort that. And All trees apart from 3. Chuffed to pieces
Wait. Chuffed? Does that term mean the same thing in England as it does here stateside? Because if so, is Poulter implying that he vomited due to his grass allergies? Come on, Ian, rub some sod in it and move on.
Still, how weird is that? A golfer allergic to grass. That’s like a butcher being allergic to meat. A baker who is allergic to gluten. A candlestick maker who discovers he’s allergic to wax. Rub-a-dub-dub, etc. Or a blogger who is allergic to Bagel Bites and slacking off…I mean, can you imagine?
Ian Poulter reveals he is allergic to grass [The Guardian]
By now you have more than likely heard that Tampa Bay Rays third baseman Evan Longoria had a couple of cars stolen recently from an overflow lot of a shop in Chandler, Arizona, a 1967 Camaro RS and a Buick RSX. The Buick was quickly abandoned by the obviously inept thieves (they had no carjacking skills, allegedly) and subsequently recovered but police are still searching for the Camaro, which is said to have a value of $75,000.
To make matters worse, I heard that the Bitchin’ Camaro has tremendous sentimental value to Longoria: as a gift for the teenager Evan, his parents drove it up from the Bahamas.
But do not fret for Longoria, police have their best people on it, according to Chandler Police Detective David Ramer (via azcentral):
“We are still looking for leads from the public and detectives are working the case.”
Leads, yeah, sure. They’ll just check with the boys down at the crime lab, they’ve got four more detectives working on the case. They got them working in shifts! Leads!
Yeah, that’s right. A reference to the Dead Milkmen AND The Big Lebowski in one post. I got skills to pay the bills, y’all. Or not. But a reference to the Dead Milkmen that doesn’t involve “Punk Rock Girl” or “Stuart”? I hate to toot my own horn, but that’s blogger gold, kiddos. I’m not like the other people, here, in the trailer park.
Chandler police continue search for baseball star’s stolen car [azcentral]
Zing! Man, that’s particularly vicious, wouldn’t you say? The season hasn’t even started yet and people are already taking shots. Is this how the New York Mets are always treated in the Big Apple? With such derision? Not to say that the woebegone franchise doesn’t at least partially deserve it, but that’s coldblooded. Especially coming from a mini storage company.
Lemme ask this: are Manhattan Mini Storage’s facilities climate controlled? Are people’s storage units availiable 24 hours a day? The tables are turned now, aren’t they? How about these guys worry about their own business and leave the miserable Mets out of it.
At the same time, far be it from me to criticize, and I will always appreciate for a well-executed dig, no matter who the target. And for that, I give this advertisement…
Three out of five Dejected Mets Fans. That’s not too shabby.
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• A St. Louis high school teacher has taken a leave of absence after it was discovered she appeared in porn films prior to her foray into a career of molding young students’, um, minds. The best part? Her sordid past came to light after a student confronted her about it, presumably after seeing one of her on-screen, off her feet performances. Obviously, things ended up as they should have with her taking leave, but I wonder what the kid thought was going to happen when he asked her about it. He probably was thinking about all the education that he’d miss, but then his homework was never quite like this….and so on and so forth. I brought my pencil. [azcentral]
• The video of Miguel Cabrera’s DUI bust is, well, you just have to watch it. [Busted Coverage]
• Sweet merciful crap, get a look at this photo of Tiki and Ronde Barber. Yikes. [Sharapova's Thigh]
• Former NBA player Cuttino Mobley is opening up a marijuana dispensary. [With Leather]
• Air Canada is threatening to pull its sponsorship of the league if the NHL doesn’t do something about head shots. [Puck Daddy]
• Two men are alleging that Patriots safety Brandon Meriweather shot them. [Larry Brown Sports]
• The customize option for Ralph Lauren Polo shirts is sure to give you douche chills. [Hugging Harold Reynolds]
• Athletes at Stanford will no longer be able to coast through their education with easy classes. Easy classes which would probably be considered impossible classes at any other college. [Off the Bench]
• Laugh all you want at his antics, TOM BRADY AIN’T CARE. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Good stuff: MLB Automobile Safety Equipment. [TAUNTR]
• TNA Wrestling’s Brian Kendrick once appeared on The Price is Right. [Bob's Blitz]
• Gourmet Spud takes a look at Miami’s Big Three, in happier times. [Food Court Lunch]
• Watermelon Skiing? Sure, why the hell not? [The Slanch Report]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Grown Adult Actually Expects To Be Happy
