Archive for February, 2011
Even though Mike Tyson’s boxing career has long been over, the pontificating pugilist has somehow managed to remain incredibly relevant and extremely popular, which is not surprising at all when you think about it. The guy is a fascinating person and you never know what he’s going to do or say next.
Case in point: Iron Mike made an appearance recently on ESPN 1100 in Las Vegas with Gridlock where he discussed a multitude of topics. One of his responses is what you see above in the headline: “Very rarely do number twos supersede number one.” An odd statement for sure, somewhat vague without some level of context, which brings us to a round of the latest totally made-up game show craze currently sweeping across the nation: let’s play “Guess What Mike Tyson Is Talking About Now!”
Write your guesses down now, contestants.
Another day, another scheme hatched by the biggest huckster of them all, Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones. The greedy Dallas grandstander is now peddling “stairwell standing” seats in Cowboys Stadium for Super Bowl XLV, meaning that you – yes, you – could say that you were there – in the building at least – when the Green Bay Packers took on the Pittsburgh Steelers in the Big Game. Sure, you won’t see one stinking bit of the game – you’ll be standing in a freaking stairwell, likely packed in like a bunch of swindled sardines- but you can say you were there, separated from viewing the game, the playing field and that ginormous video screen by only a few feet of concrete and some stairs. But hey, isn’t that all that counts?
Via FS Southwest:
About 300 of these tickets are available. A pair currently sells for $350 to stand in the stairwell.
WFAA reports that one pair has already sold on EBay for $3,500.
Arlington city fire marshals have signed off on the sale of these tickets.
Sweet Jesus. Anyone foolish enough to pay $350, let alone $3,500 to stand in a goddamn stairwell of a stadium doesn’t only deserve to take it up the poop chute from Jerry Jones figuratively – which they are – they probably deserve to take it up the poop chute literally as well. Bend over, suckers.
(note: sure, using the legal term “Replevin” in the title was a bit of a stretch in more ways than one, but work with me here, there’s not many words that rhyme with “Heaven” in this situation, unless Double-J is planning on selling SRO tickets to watch the game in his buddy Devan’s penthouse apartment)
Jones, NFL Selling ‘Stairwell Standing’ Tickets to the Super Bowl [FS Southwest]
(pushes imaginary buzzer)
“Who are three people who have never been in my kitchen?”
While that may be true, the correct question is, “Who are among the people who will be featured during FOX’s Super Bowl pregame show?” Whatever the correct question, that’s some star-studded talent right there, kids.
Via Game On!
Fox’s Super Bowl pregame show will include the second Super Bowl red-carpet show, with celebs dropping by between 2:00 p.m. and 4:00 p.m. ET Sunday expected to include actors Michael Douglas, Jennifer Aniston, Adam Sandler and Owen Wilson.
Also in the pregame lineup: An already-taped Terry Bradshaw interview with Ben Roethlisberger, which comes after Bradshaw had been sharply critical of the Steelers quarterback but for now is a supporter, to air at about 5:30 as well as Fox News’ Bill O’Reilly and President Obama in an interview airing at 4:30 p.m. ET.
Alrighty then. Although I find it peculiar that in Game On!’s headline, they chose to highlight Jennifer Aniston, Michael Douglas and Barack Obama as opposed to mentioning Adam Sandler, Owen Wilson, Bill O’Reilly and most importantly, the one, the only Terry Bradshaw. It boggles the mind.
Even more peculiar? My insistence on making 20+ year-old pop culture references. It’s not like anyone reading this has ever seen the Cheers episode, “What Is…Cliff Clavin?” featuring the mailman’s epic appearance on Jeopardy!, let alone have ever heard of the show. What’s up with that?
Oops. There I go again.
Jennifer Aniston, Michael Douglas, Obama on Fox pregame show [Game On!]
Washington Redskins epic fail of a defensive lineman Albert Haynesworth has been charged with simple assault stemming from a road rage incident on Wednesday where the bloated waste of NFL talent allegedly punched some guy driving a 1994 Honda Civic – hardly the “tough guy” kind of automobile – after words were exchanged and “non-verbal hand gestures” were utilized. Haynesworth has not yet been arrested, but intends to turn himself in next week, according to police.
The Washington Post’s Tom Jackman has the scoop. From The Crime Scene (where more details are available):
The episode occurred Wednesday morning, and involved a 38-year-old man driving a 1994 Honda Civic and another driver, allegedly Haynesworth, both driving south on the Fairfax County Parkway, Broderick said. The driver of the Civic reportedly felt that a pickup truck following behind him was tailgating, and issued a “non-verbal hand gesture” to the pickup driver, Broderick said.
About 9:16 a.m., at the intersection with New Dominion Parkway, near the entrance to Reston Hospital Center, the two vehicles came to a stoplight. Broderick said the driver of the pickup truck emerged from his vehicle, had a brief exchange of words, and then struck the Civic driver.
Oh, so the situation erupted because Haynesworth was riding this guy’s ass? Maybe he was simply acting out after having his ass ridden all year by Redskins coach Mike Shanahan.
It isn’t really necessary to pore over what a disaster Haynesworth has been during his stint in D.C. at this point- that mess has been well documented all over the interwebs, but really, has there ever been a more disastrous free agent signing in the NFL ever? Even Scott Mitchell – and the rest of the guys on this list – cannot believe the heaping and ridiculous piles of money the Redskins mistakenly threw at this guy and the jack squat they have received in return. Still, I suppose this will at least shine the glaring spotlight away from Redskins owner Dan Snyder and his moronic lawsuit, so there’s that.
Haynesworth charged in road incident [The Crime Scene]
This series is brought to you by T.G.I Fridays®, where every weekend means Food, Fun & Playoff Football! Hut, Hut, Hut!
That’s right. I referred to my sponsored Super Bowl preview post as “Sassy!” Hey, if it’s good enough for a classic Saturday Night Live skit featuring the magnificent Phil Hartman, well, you’re darn tootin’ it’s good enough for me. So there.
Moving on, we have finally arrived at the much hyped, much ballyhooed culmination of yet another outstanding NFL season. Of course, I am referring to the fact that the Pro Bowl has mercifully been played and I didn’t catch one second of it.
Kidding, of course – not about the Pro Bowl, but the fact that said exercise in banality is the culmination of the NFL season. I am of course referring to Super Bowl XLV. And unless you are some kind of twisted freak who eschews major cultural events just to be different and put yourself up on a pedestal, I imagine not only are you well aware that Super Bowl Sunday is nearly upon us, but that you have already made iron clad plans as to what you’ll be doing during that blessed day. Of course, it involves a ridiculous amount of overeating and sitting around, two fixtures of the American Dream. I guess what I’m getting at is I find it highly unlikely that any of you out there reading a sports blog will not be having the following exchange with your pastor/reverend/priest/rabbi/cult leader on Sunday, as played out on The Simpsons:
Reverend Lovejoy: Well, I’m glad some people could resist the lure of the big game.
Guy: Oh my god, I forgot the game!
Yeah, I’d be very disappointed in any person who would allow something like that to happen. Shameful.
It’s been a good run, but after 29 years, mostly with ESPN and ABC, veteran college football broadcaster – as well as Pro and College Football Hall of Famer – Bob Griese has announced his retirement.
His statement, via ESPN Media Zone:
“I’ve had a wonderful career and now it’s time to experience new things,” Griese said. “I’ve had many highlights along the way, from working the NFL’s Super Bowl and college football’s championship games to covering many of my son Brian’s games during his undefeated season in 1997. I want to thank ABC, ESPN and the fans for their support and all the men and women on our TV crews for their patience and support thru the years.”
Griese has had a stellar career, both on and off the field, but he achieved a level of unwanted notoriety due to a comment he made during an October 2009 broadcast, when he made a wisecrack about auto racer Juan Pablo Montoya’s absence from the top 5 in NASCAR rankings. The reason, according to Griese? Montoya was probably “out having a taco.” Hilarious. And awkward. Probably inappropriate, too. In any event, Griese subsequently apologized for the politically incorrect, off-the-cuff remark, and despite a slight blemish on his reputation, retires as an admired, well-respected member of the media. So there you have it. And now, in the immortal words of Mr. Orange: “I’m hungry. Let’s get a taco.”
Veteran Football Analyst Bob Griese Retires [ESPN Media Zone]
It’s funny because it’s true. I guess you could say if peeing in your pants is cool, consider the Black Eyed Peas front woman Miles Davis.
Anyhoo, Fergie and her merry band of annoying song hitmakers are headlining Super Bowl XLV’s halftime show and she has assured everyone there will be no Janet Jackson-esque “Wardrobe Malfunctions” during their predictably hyperkinetic yet underwhelming performance. Yet she remained noncommittal, not saying a word, on whether she plans on once again soiling her trousers.
Via FOX Sports:
“It is a challenge because you want to give a little sex appeal,” Fergie said.
“But, you know, you don’t want to get into any trouble. So we’re very particular on the wardrobe. There will be no more malfunctions, and I think Janet’s amazing. She’s a great performer.”
Fair enough, but how much can we really trust Fergie? After all, she did piss her pants on stage once, so anything’s possible. If you ask me, if you have to decide whether to trust or not trust a reputed pee pee pants, I’m going with the latter.
Fergie vows no ‘wardrobe malfunction’ [FOX Sports]
Ha. Arizona Cardinals defensive end Darnell Dockett delivers again courtesy of his finely-honed talent for using social media. And frankly (get it?), there’s nothing like a well-executed wiener-based double entendre headline to start off a Friday. Yes, I do believe it was well-executed. And accurate. To wit, here’s Dockett’s description accompanying the above photo:
Its no way I’d eat from a place like this! This does not meet food regulations!
See? He refuses to put anything in his mouth that comes out of a wiener. I rest my case. Or whatever.
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• Clive Clemmons says, “INAPPROPRIATE!!!” A 12-year-old girl discovered a rather a perverse message on one of the candy hearts from a box she purchased at a discount store in North Highlands, California. “I thought it was kind of shocking,” said the girl, Ciara Bush. “I was reading them, and I brought it to my mom after I saw it.” Oh man, imagine if that had been discovered by a 12-year-old boy. Things could have gotten real ugly. [msnbc]
• Why LeBron made the wrong decision and instead should have went to the Los Angeles Clippers. Seriously. [Rumors & Rants]
• Tony Kornheiser busted out the Penguin Dance on PTI. [Awful Announcing]
• Here’s how Taiwanese animators see Super Bowl XLV. [With Leather]
• Here’s my Yardbarker colleague Alana G goofing around during Pittsburgh Steelers media day. [Yardbarker]
• A nice photo gallery from Wing Bowl 19. [Busted Coverage]
• A California man is auctioning off his bad Super Bowl karma. [Shutdown Corner]
• Dwight Howard was back at it again, mimicking LeBron’s chalk toss. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Ben Roethlisberger’s Hall of Fame bust, as imagined by ESPN, is terrifying. [Joe Sports Fan]
• I could watch this video of Knicks fans booing Justin Bieber all day. [Sharapova's Thigh]
• Happy Trails, Andy Pettitte. [Babes Love Baseball]
• A video tour of the worst seats in Cowboys Stadium. [Bob's Blitz]
• Another day, another goalie fight video, this one an ice-level account from college club hockey. [Puck Daddy]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Area Woman Marries Into Health Insurance
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
Posted by:
• Check out Nike’s new clothing line featuring MLB mustaches. [Joe Sports Fan]
• Craig Adams crazy water bottle holder in 1 shot is pretty wild. [Puck Daddy]
• Introducing the newest stat in basketball: The Triple-Zero. [The Basketball Jones]
• Which Pittsburgh Steelers player has peed his pants during a game? Click through and find out. [Bob's Blitz]
• Japanese baseball’s spring training got off to a normal start…except for the freaking active volcano. [Off the Bench]
• Some porn star wants to show some Steeler love. [With Leather]
• National Signing Day: breeding ground for sense of entitlement and immaturity. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Bill Romanowski, Smoothie King. [Hugging Harold Reynolds]
• Why is Carson Palmer the Chief of Yahoo! Security? [The Sports Hernia Blog]
• Check out Terry’s Super Bowl Questions! [TAUNTR]
• Super Bowl Week is all about controlling the message. Just ask Mike Tomlin. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• One of my all-time favorite bits on the interwebs: FCL Finishes The Headline. [Food Court Lunch]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: Packers, Steelers Find A Bunch Of Fu**ed-Up S**t While Exploring Cowboys Stadium
Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com. On a side note, it’s been a slow couple of days here at the Sportress. Crazy days at the office., but never fear, we’ll get this ship righted soon enough, I’ll assure you of that. For the time being, thank you for your patience.
About damn time someone put those bastard puppies in their place. They really should spay and neuter all of those sociopathic miscreants, if they haven’t been fixed already.
Courtesy of comedian Dan Telfer’s Twitter (via Off the Bench)
Lindsey Vonn had herself a pretty crazy crash during a training session, slamming her head, less than a week before the opening race of the World Championships.
Thankfully, she’s okay, although she did make a trip to the hospital for a CT scan as a precaution.
Via AP:
“I should be fine in a few days,” said Vonn, who was expected to race in a slalom on Friday and a GS the following day at a World Cup event in Arber-Zwiesel, Germany.
“I will have to see how I feel and play it by ear for the upcoming races this weekend,” the three-time overall World Cup champion said.
While unfortunately not embeddable, Vonn uploaded a video of the wipeout to her Facebook page with the following message:
I had a pretty scary crash today training GS in Hintereit, Austria. I hit my head pretty hard and had to go to the hospital to get a CT scan. Luckily the scan showed no major injuries! I will be very sore tomorrow but should be fine in a few days. I will have to see how I feel and play it by ear for the upcoming races this weekend in Zwiesel, Germany. Here is video of the crash. xo LV
After viewing said video and seeing the spill she took, I would say Vonn should consider herself very lucky she wasn’t seriously injured. But I should add that the video does lack some of the post-production qualities we have come to expect in this YouTube era. Personally, I would have added some star wipes. A cool soundtrack may have added a little panache to the video as well. “Wipe Out” by The Surfaris, perhaps?
Jeez, I’m sorry. That’s just cold, man. Nevertheless, she is okay and no worse for wear, so it’s all good. You know what? Maybe we should just think of her during better times. Yeah, that’s nice.
Skiing star Lindsey Vonn OK after training crash [AP]
"One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do"
And here we are, folks. Time for Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler to begin the process of reclaiming a little dignity, regaining a modicum of respect and to perform some much needed rehabilitation to his badly damaged reputation. Reports out of Chicago are indicating that Jay Cutler did everything in his power to get back out there on the field during the NFC Championship Game against the Green Bay Packers, even taking a painkiller shot at halftime to help alleviate the effects of a Grade II MCL tear to his left knee that Cutler suffered in the first half, apparently when Green Bay Packers defensive lineman Ryan Pickett landed on it.
Via a Sean Jensen report in the Chicago Sun-Times:
It’s believed the team planned to shelve him for the remainder of the game, at that point. But that Cutler insisted on trying to play and received a painkiller injection to ease the pain.
He returned to the field a few minutes after the rest of his teammates, and he led the offense on the opening series of the second half. But on a handoff to Forte, Cutler’s knee buckled, and he left the game for good after that three-and-out series.
Fair enough. I suppose Cutler deserves some credit for getting the shot and somewhat doing everything he could to help deal with the pain he was experiencing due to his wonky knee. But hey, I had to pop a couple of Vicodin just so I could get through watching Cutler’s putrid first half performance and you don’t see me bragging about it.
Jay Cutler received painkiller shot at halftime of NFC title game [Chicago Sun-Times]
Wow, and I suppose it should come as no surprise given her brilliant performance in Just Go With It (okay, I haven’t seen it, but she looks phenomenal and all actress-ey in the previews),the lovely and talented model/actress Brooklyn Decker is much more than just a pretty face. Well spoken, oodles of personality, and she really seems to know her NFL football, although sadly for her, she cops to being a Carolina Panthers fan. Ouch.
But what’s the deal with Matthew Perry interviewing her? And he doesn’t look his best either. All bloated and stuff. He must be trying to kick the the pills again or something.
