Stairway To Replevin: Jerry Jones Figuring Out New Ways To Rob Ticket Buyers Blind
Another day, another scheme hatched by the biggest huckster of them all, Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones. The greedy Dallas grandstander is now peddling “stairwell standing” seats in Cowboys Stadium for Super Bowl XLV, meaning that you – yes, you – could say that you were there – in the building at least – when the Green Bay Packers took on the Pittsburgh Steelers in the Big Game. Sure, you won’t see one stinking bit of the game – you’ll be standing in a freaking stairwell, likely packed in like a bunch of swindled sardines- but you can say you were there, separated from viewing the game, the playing field and that ginormous video screen by only a few feet of concrete and some stairs. But hey, isn’t that all that counts?
Via FS Southwest:
About 300 of these tickets are available. A pair currently sells for $350 to stand in the stairwell.
WFAA reports that one pair has already sold on EBay for $3,500.
Arlington city fire marshals have signed off on the sale of these tickets.
Sweet Jesus. Anyone foolish enough to pay $350, let alone $3,500 to stand in a goddamn stairwell of a stadium doesn’t only deserve to take it up the poop chute from Jerry Jones figuratively – which they are – they probably deserve to take it up the poop chute literally as well. Bend over, suckers.
(note: sure, using the legal term “Replevin” in the title was a bit of a stretch in more ways than one, but work with me here, there’s not many words that rhyme with “Heaven” in this situation, unless Double-J is planning on selling SRO tickets to watch the game in his buddy Devan’s penthouse apartment)
Jones, NFL Selling ‘Stairwell Standing’ Tickets to the Super Bowl [FS Southwest]