Archive for January, 2011
Here’s Los Angeles Lakers oddball Ron Artest’s deep, greasy burgerlicious thoughts upon learning the NBA rescinded his technical foul from Sunday’s game against the Clippers, which means he won’t have to pay the associated $4,000 fine and how he would have preferred to spend the money anyway (from the Los Angeles Times, via Pro Basketball Talk):
“I could’ve bought 10,000 In-N-Out Burgers,” he said. “I rather would’ve done that than give it away. I’m going to get 10 burgers [after Monday's game]. I love In-N-Out. It’s addicting. It’s the only reason I’m here in L.A. If it wasn’t for In-N-Out Burger, I probably would’ve gone to Memphis or something.”
Being a landlocked individual living in Flyover Country, I have never had the pleasure of dining at an In-N-Out Burger, although I hear they are certifiably fantastic, mouth-watering testaments to the gastrointestinal delights of a big greasy burger, so while I cannot attest to Artest’s love of them nor can I wholeheartedly agree with his motivations for joining the Lakers over the Grizzlies, if the burgers are as good as advertised, I’d ultimately have chosen L.A. over Memphis every day of the week. I mean, what are going to do in Memphis? Eat Fried Peanut Butter And Banana sandwiches and hang out outside Graceland?
But Artest wasn’t done with his amusing comments regarding the events of Sunday evening. Continue on to read about his wish that the uptight referee who assessed the technical to model little boy Fruit of the Loom underwear.
Way to try and steal the retirement spotlight from another athlete no one cares about anymore, Floyd Landis. Of course, I am referring to Kris Benson. What? Who did you think I was referring to?
Anyway, Floyd Landis has shocked the world – well, the cycling world, and honestly, they probably don’t give a crap about it either, but the disgraced cyclist has announced his retirement from competitive cycling and somehow, the cycling world will have to figure out a way to move on without his divisive, worthless presence.
Landis, 35, stated that he hasn’t been able to find a paying job in cycling since he contradicted himself regarding the use of performance-enhancing drugs when he won the 2006 Tour de France when he finally admitted after vehemently denying it from the outset to using blood transfusions and drugs during the peak of his competitive career.
Some of Landis’ “woe is me” statements regarding his retirement (via ESPN):
“I’ve spent five years trying to get back to a place that I can never really go back to, and it’s causing more stress than is worth it,” Landis said. “There must be more to life than this.
“I don’t want it to come across that I’m quitting because I’m bitter,” Landis said.
“I’m relatively sure this sport cannot be fixed, but that’s not my job, that’s not my fight,” he said.
Nope. Not his fight at all. His “fight” was to self-righteously abuse a flawed system as long as he could, gain worldwide notoriety, deny using performance-enhancing drugs and then cop to it to sell books and generate more publicity. I guess Floyd Landis will just have to find another way to subversively attract attention to himself. Might I suggest a celebrity boxing match against Lance Armstrong? That’s about the only way I’d ever pay attention again to either of those a-holes.
Floyd Landis retiring from cycling [ESPN]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, comments and complaints to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• After suffering serious burns when girlfriend Victoria Bynes dumped gasoline on his crotch and set his genitals on fire, forty-two-year-old Andrew Williams has made the ballsy decision to reconcile with the 29-year-old testicular-obsessed pyromaniac. Who says love never dies? For these two star-crossed lovers, passion burns eternal. Maybe she was simply trying too add a little heat to their relationship. [msnbc]
• Ooh la la: a current Mississippi State cheerleader is in Playboy. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]
• Clippers broadcaster really, really likes Blake Griffin. [The Basketball Jones]
• Awesome: retired baseball players with superb porn star names. [Bugs & Cranks]
• Will we see 11 NHL teams change their jerseys next season? God, I hope not. [Puck Daddy]
• Jumbotron dancing at its best…and worst. [Detroit4Lyfe]
• Chad Ochocinco would like to play for the Patriots but there is no way in hell that is ever happening. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Ooh la la, part deux: Maria Sharapova (and other gals) Nike commercial. [Sharapova's Thigh]
• North Dakota took on Minnesota in college hockey last weekend, bench clearing chaos ensued. [Outside the Boxscore]
• My pal Butter Chicken goes on an epic rant against the hand soap dispensers from Bath & Body Works. [Food Court Lunch]
• The girlfriends of the 2011 Conference Championship weekend quarterbacks. [It's Always Sunny In Detroit]
• Introducing Amanda Ponce: California-based, busty Packers fan. [Busted Coverage]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Brian Urlacher Theorizes Saturn Might Have Playoff Atmosphere
Now that, my friends, is one bad-ass dog. His name is Mac and he is all about the New York Jets and if you don’t like it, tough. Actually, his owners are all about the Jets, but to be honest, unlike the poor animals depicted in these photos, Mac doesn’t seem to mind the getup.
Maybe Deion Branch, the pouting New England Patriots wide receiver, would like to have a little chit chat with Mac here to discuss how he accused some Jets players of being classless. Call it a hunch, but I’m pretty sure Mac wouldn’t take too kindly to that kind of talk.
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
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• Not a sports-related link, but this crazy world needs Miss Arkansas’ yodeling ventriloquism act now more than any other time in history. [Off the Bench]
• Chris Bosh is not very popular on the internets. [The Basketball Jones]
• Creepy stalker guy can’t quit Maria Sharapova. [Deuce of Davenport]
• You ain’t a real San Diego Padres fan unless you have a scalp tattoo like this guy. [Big League Stew]
• Dear Lord: fat, drunk and stupid Chicago Bears fan decides to get naked in the stands during yesterday’s game. [Busted Coverage]
• Dan Shaughnessy: still making us puke with his Boston-esque douchebaggery. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Fake Enrique Iglesias finds your Cup chances “Highly Unlikely.” [Puck Daddy]
• Amusing video of a Wisconsin Badgers basketball fan freaking out over MSU’s comeback victory. [Detroit4Lyfe]
• Aaron Rodgers: too cool for cancer. [It's Always Sunny In Detroit]
• Rex Ryan hasn’t changed one bit. [The Legend of Cecilio Guante]
• Bart Scott has a new endorsement product: Bart Scott’s Defensive Nosebleed Tampons. [TAUNTR]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Ceiling Fan’s One Burning Ambition To Come Loose And Murder Everyone In Denny’s
Send tips, links, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
Awesome. You go, Bruins Bear. He so had it coming. Any self-respecting man who would so brazenly flaunt the rigid ethics and violate the societal mores of public urination like this guy did deserves a far worse fate than a measly swirlie. I shudder to think what Bruins Bear would do to a dude who uses a toilet stall to just urinate. I’m sorry, man, stagefright is no excuse.
[H/T Puck Daddy]
Troubling story out of Nevada where five members of a high school wrestling team have come under fire due to allegations that the wrestlers hazed a fellow fifteen-year-old member of the team by stripping him naked and locking him out of his hotel room while the team was in Las Vegas for a tournament in early December. The details of the hazing become even more vile and sickening upon the victim’s return to his hotel room, when his teammates allegedly proceeded to urinate on him.
The wrestlers, who attend Churchill County High School in Fallon, Nevada, await their fate as the victim decides whether or not to press charges. We’re in close contact with him and (waiting to) see what he wants to do,” said Las Vegas police spokeswoman Barbara Morgan.
Via the Las Vegas Sun:
Fallon Police Chief Kevin Gehman said his department handed over findings of its investigation to Las Vegas police because the incident occurred there. His department interviewed all six teens involved.
District Superintendent Carolyn Ross and Churchill High Principal Kevin Lords referred inquiries about the incident to Sharla Hales, the district’s attorney.
Hales said she could not comment on whether the students suspected of hazing were punished because disciplinary matters are confidential.
Jesus, man. What in the hell is this world coming to?
5 Fallon wrestlers accused of hazing teammate in Las Vegas [Las Vegas Sun]
A pilot was forced to make an emergency landing at the Miami area Greynolds Park Golf Course on Sunday. Annette Simon, 35, was flying with an advertising banner over South Beach when she heard after hearing an unusual noise in the cockpit. After releasing the banner, Simon landed the aircraft on the 7th fairway of the course. “I was just making sure I had a safe place to land and that no one would be on the green when I was landing,” she said.
Thankfully, there were no injuries, but one person was greatly inconvenienced by the emergency landing. Allow me to introduce you to slack-jawed yokel Jake Russo, an eyewitness who just so happened to be on the course’s 8th green, in close proximity to the landing spot. Read More→
Arizona Cardinals defensive end Darnell Dockett is not a person who shies away from telling it like it is, especially when he lets his fingers do the talking via his Twitter account. Never one to mince words, you may recall last September when Dockett attracted controversy when he articulated his opinions regarding the Ines Sainz-New York Jets controversy. Good stuff.
Anyway, as you all have likely heard, Brett Favre officially submitted his retirement papers to the NFL earlier today, and what that all means in the grand scheme of things as it pertains to the future of the Old Gunslinger, Darnell Dockett issued his thoughts about the news via Twitter a short time ago with a pictorial editorial that was surprisingly eloquent, understated and incredibly thought-provoking (warning: contains profanity):
Man, the status of the Kim Kardashian-Kris Humphries relationship is becoming far too complicated to keep tabs on. Just last week, Kardashian said she was having a lot of fun with the pro athlete she is currently banging, now Kim’s BFF LaLa Vasquez is telling E!’s Mark Malkin that the budding relationship isn’t as serious as the media is making it out to be:
“I think you guys probably think it’s a little more than it is,” she told reporters last night at W magazine’s pre-Golden Globes party at Chateau Marmont. “It’s a friendship now, and it’s growing, and we’ll see what happens. But he’s definitely a nice guy, and he’s gotten my stamp of approval.”
Jeez, I don’t know what to think anymore about anything. This news has really thrown me for a loop. Maybe I’m just not cut out for the celebrity gossip beat. Trying to keep tabs on these two is playing way too much with my emotions and stuff.
Kim Kardashian & Kris Humphries Not So Serious, Says BFF [E! Online]
Some sobering and tragic news out of Staten Island in the wake of the Jets big win over the Patriots last night: Raymond Larsen, a 46-year-old man was struck and killed when he was run over by a 2006 Hyundai Santa Fe driven by a 61-year-old woman at approximately 8:52 p.m. Larsen was taking a celebratory sled ride down his steep driveway when he and the sled entered the roadway and into oncoming traffic.
From a report on silive.com (via Pro Football Talk):
The car struck Larsen, and when police and emergency workers arrived, he was unconscious and unresponsive. Larsen was taken to Staten Island University Hospital, Prince’s Bay, where he was pronounced dead, police said.
The driver, a 61-year-old woman who police have not identified, remained on the scene, police said. She did not have alcohol in her system, and investigators do not suspect any criminality on her part, authorities said.
Neighbors said they heard a loud sound, similar to a car hitting a pothole, and then minutes later heard ambulances and saw Larsen, clad in a New York Jets Mark Sanchez jersey, bleeding from the head, lifeless. Larsen reportedly took the disc-like sled out for a celebratory joyride after the Jets upset the New England Patriots in a playoff game last night. The game ended about an hour before the accident occurred.
Jesus.
Jets joyride turns deadly for Staten Island fan [silive.com (via Pro Football Talk)]
ESPN’s SportsNation was on the road last week as part of the network’s week-long celebration of Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. While away from the friendly confines of the studio, the gang visited Southern Mississippi University, where members of the Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity Step Team instructed the lovely Beadle and Marcellus Wiley the intricacies of how to “step”, which is quite appropriate, I might add, given that they are the Step Team. As you can see above, Beadle had on some rocking boots and was sporting a nice pair of blue jeans for the festivities.
Said Miss Beadle (via ESPN Media Zone):
“I was overwhelmed with Southern University’s awesomeness,” said Beadle. “The energy, the crowd and of course the band blew me away.”
I can see that, although I am much more overwhelmed by the awesomeness of Beadle’s blue jeans, if you catch my drift. You could say the entire ensemble of Miss Beadle blew me away – who I should note is easily the sexiest Miss Beadle since the schoolteacher on Little House on the Prairie of the same name.
Video follows.
Wow. Just wow.
Pictured above is Paul Janssen, a native of the Netherlands who built a 1/100 scale version of Ohio Stadium out of Legos in the basement of his Dublin, Ohio home. Janssen spent over 1,000 hours over the span of two years to create the 8-foot by 6-foot model of The Horseshoe, and it is an exact replica of the 100,000 seat plus stadium in Columbus. Well, as much of an exact replica as something can be when constructed out of one million Legos.
Jannsen, president of the Central Ohio Lego Train Club, took his project very seriously (via The Columbus Dispatch):
To plan the project, Janssen studied stadium measurements and satellite images, often taking photos of the press box or other details during football games. (He didn’t really understand the sport at first but is now a fan and a season-ticket holder.)
He spent more than three years acquiring the necessary Legos, often improvising: Dragon horns from a Lego castle kit are part of the rotunda decor; chrome truck parts serve as pipes extending from the stadium bathrooms.
Many pieces were purchased or traded through an online marketplace, Bricklink.com; others were already part of his collection.
Had Janssen bought all new parts, he figures the project would have cost $50,000 to $75,000.
Incredible. This thing is even more impressive than my Lego Ultimate Collector Series Death Star II and Imperial Star Destroyer. No, seriously. I actually own both of those sets and have built them. And yes, I’m a total neo-maxi-zoom-dweebie.
Lego hobbyist spent 2 years building model of stadium [The Columbus Dispatch]
Wake N’ Blog: In Russia, Prisons Tan You!
Posted by:Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• Yeah, I have never quite gotten a hold of how to do those “In Russia” jokes, in case you couldn’t tell. Damn you, Yakov Smirnoff! Anyway, here’s the scoop: Moscow’s Butyrskaya prison, one of Russia’s most notorious prisons, will be installing tanning beds as part of its 240th anniversary celebration to help compensate for the inadequate sunlight in inmates’ cells. Now the prisoners will have to think about sunburn and skin cancer. You would think the weightlifting and the sodomy is enough. [Yahoo!/AP]
• Aaron Rodgers is absolutely owning the playoffs… [Larry Brown Sports]
• …but did he snub a cancer patient? [Foul Balls]
• Bart Scott’s post-game interview last night was awesome. [Deuce of Davenport]
• Uh-oh, Tommy from Quinzee is in “Fack You” mode. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Man finishes last in fantasy football league, forced to get ridiculous tattoo. [Off the Bench]
• Steelers fan heckles Ray Lewis with a blown up photo of his murder charge mug shot. [Busted Coverage]
• The six most annoying members of the New York Jets. [Mondesi's House]
• Taking a gander at the headlines about the Jets-Pats game this morning… [Joe Sports Fan]
• I’m inclined to agree: this is most certainly a broken backboard. [Sharapova's Thigh]
• Good read: the NFL Broadcasting Manifesto. [Awful Announcing]
• Hard shove ignites huge Serbian basketball brawl. [Bob's Blitz]
• Albert Pujols to the Cardinals: show me the money. [Babes Love Baseball]
• Oregon’s new basketball arena is totally trippy, dude. [TAUNTR]
• Apropos of nothing, Gourmet Spud would like to point out the resemblance between Lakers player Shannon Brown and Nermal, the kitten from Garfield. [Food Court Lunch]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Area Fry-Cook Learns Leaving Restaurant Industry Isn’t That Easy
In its false witness, we hope you’re still with us,
To see if they float or drown
My favorite patient, a display of patience,
Disease-covered Puget Sound
Bunkers the Seahawk Ferret will come back as fire and burn all the liars,
Leave a blanket of ash on the ground…
