Archive for January, 2011
Mmmmmm…Green New York Jets Bagels…
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Boy, do those look…gross.
But that hasn’t stop die-hard Jets fans/bagel factory owner Warren Bell and his son from whipping up a batch of dyed-green bagels which they will be giving out for free to Jets fans from 7:00 a.m. to 2:00 p.m. this upcoming Friday, Saturday and Sunday at their Bagels by Bell factory in Brooklyn.
“I’m a Jets fan. My son’s a Jets fan,” said factory owner Warren Bell, who has season tickets. “We said, ‘Hey, let’s have some fun.’”
While I admire Bell’s “Gotta Support The Team”-iveness, Bell understands the bagels don’t have the most appetizing appearance, even though the bagels are only green because of food coloring. In fact, Bell originally offered up to one million free bagels to his distributors to deliver to various delis and supermarkets, he concedes they likely would have not generated much interest among those who sell his normal bagels.
“To be honest, I’m not sure if they’re really going to want them,” Bell said. “A supermarket won’t want to sell green bagels.”
Well, why the hell not? Who wouldn’t want to sink their teeth into a moldy-looking baked item that more closely resembles a curled-up turd excreted by Fireman Ed after he ate way too much Spanakopita and then washed those Greek delicacies down with a couple of gallons of Shamrock Shakes? They’re free!
Green bagels for fans? Father, son show true Jets colors with free baked goods [New York Daily News]
One’s a guy who has never quite lived up to expectations and might be past his prime and the other is…John Daly!
Great news today for Dallas Cowboys fans as well as followers of fancy, flat cap-wearing fops the world over as it has been announced that quarterback Tony Romo has been cleared to resume physical activities, only said physical activities involve playing in a golf pro-am with good old boy John Daly.
Via John Daly’s Twitter account:
After Qatar I’ll head back and team up my Cowboys partner Tony Romo at Pebble Beach once again this year!
Daly and Romo were also teammates at last year’s AT&T Pebble Beach National Pro-Am and how exciting it must be for both of them to know they will be reuniting for the tournament once again when it kicks off February 7th. And what a relief it must be for Cowboys fans the world over to know that their overrated quarterback who has never really accomplished much of anything worthy of the accolades heaped upon him is on the right track to return to the Cowboys next season to deliver yet another underwhelming performance as America’s Team underachieves yet again. Good times.
Tony Romo cleared to resume activity [ESPN Dallas]
For all I know, a person on a strict vegetarian diet are allowed to engorge themselves upon Krispy Kreme doughnuts – I spend as much time contemplating the vagaries of vegetarianism as I do when someone asks me if I want extra bacon my double bacon cheeseburger – but I am not going out on a limb to assume that FIGJAM himself, Phil Mickelson, will soon be feasting upon the meaty goodness of Five Guys burgers now that he has abandoned the vegetarian diet he was on to treat his psoriatic arthritis. Of course, Mickelson is (or was) co-owner of several Five Guys franchises in California, so I imagine he will be the recipient of a hefty discount as he attempts to make up for lost time of devouring ground beef deliciousness. Not that he needs the discount, but at the same time, Phil’s insatiable lust for red meat is probably at obscene levels right now.
Via Reuters:
“I was a strict vegetarian for five months, and that went okay but ultimately, it was doomed to fail,” he told a news conference on Wednesday. “I learned a lot from that as far as eating habits and diet and so I’ve implemented a lot of the things from that.
“I continue to eat a lot more vegetables than I have in the past and I’m trying to have a better balance now than instead of all protein.”
Yeah, doomed to fail. He’s got that right. I don’t have the first clue how someone can develop the willpower to deny themselves meat, so while Phil should be proud that he held out so long, it’s nice to have him back in the carnivorous fold.
Phil Mickelson abandons vegetarian diet used to fight arthritis [Reuters]
And if you refuse, Denver Broncos running back and militant anti-littering crusader Laurence “Iron Eyes” Maroney just might shoot you. With his gun. Legally. Because this entire arrest hullabaloo was a bunch of baloney. You see, Maroney was “unlawfully arrested for possession of weapons” because he “holds a permit to carry a concealed weapon.” That’s according to his trustworthy publicist, Jane Higgins, and while I do not know the first thing about this Higgins, I reasonably suspect she hates litterers just as much as Laurence “Iron Eyes” Maroney. Because hey, who doesn’t, right?
Give a hoot. Don’t pollute. Wait. That’s the motto of a completely different staunch anti-littering proponent from the 1970s: Woodsy Owl, not Iron Eyes Cody. But their similar messages remain relevant and still ring true during these crazy times.
RB Maroney arrested; no charges filed [St. Louis Post-Dispatch]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• Police suspect 42-year-old Lonnie Michael Felts was under the influence of drugs when he called 911 repeatedly to request a hooker and an escort. On the first call, he requested “a hooker and an escort to get boots,” because, you know, nothing impresses a prostitute more than some new boots. Or something. Anyway, he got arrested for is repeated attempts. The strangest part of the story is if you take a look at the mug shot of the North Carolina resident, you wonder why a guy possessing such rugged good looks would ever require the services of a hooker or an escort. [msnbc]
• Seattle Mariners whackjob Milton Bradley has been arrested for a felony. [Foul Balls]
• Is New York Jets linebacker Bart Scott really Olllie Williams from Family Guy? [Second-String Fullback]
• Laurence Maroney had one of the most epic mug shot photos taken ever. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Al Davis: always good for a laugh – unless you happen to be looking at him (see below). [Rumors & Rants]
• Mike Florio has apologized for the hatchet job he did on Aaron Rodgers on Pro Football Talk. [Awful Announcing]
• An Olympian has been robbed of his medal – literally. [Hugging Harold Reynolds]
• Lawnmower races are awesome, but lawnmower races with fistfights are super awesome. [The Slanch Report]
• Great stuff: Ask Joe Thornton About Movies. [Melt Your Face Off]
• Awesome SportsDome bit about a cancer patient whose last wish was to heckle David Wright. [TheWizWit]
• Charles Barkley teaches absolutely nobody how to Dougie. [It's Always Sunny In Detroit]
• This guy and his monkey are far too excited about crappy Starting Lineup figures. [Sharapova's Thigh]
• “Macho Man” Randy Savage looks like hell, man. [The Sports Hernia Blog]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Iams Executives Scrambling To Figure Out Why Brand Is Losing 2- To 4-Year-Old Chocolate Labs
Sweet merciful crap, great Hell-spawned depiction of dreaded unholiness. Get your hands on some Holy Water and promptly bathe yourself in it. Al Davis is back in the public eye and, well, Old Al doesn’t look too good. In fact, it’s borderline pitiful.
These photos are from Hue Jackson’s introductory news conference as Oakland Raiders head coach on Tuesday, and clearly, the camera is not complimentary to Al’s advancing march into a full-fledged demonic existence.
To say Al has seen better days would be an understatement. Corpses have seen better days. Death warmed over? More like death left under a heat lamp for hours upon hours after getting dragged behind a car through a parking lot littered with broken glass and lepers. I’m not trying to be mean – okay, I am – but really…that ain’t…that ain’t right, man. Poor bastard.
(more grisly photos – if you haven’t eaten in the last few hours – are available for your perusal over at Tirico Suave)
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
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• My pal PUNTE is rooting for an NFL lockout. Before you metaphorically storm his castle with torches and pitchforks, hear him out. He makes some fantastic points. [With Leather]
• Contrary to the frenzy whipped up on the interwebs, the reports that Sidney Crosby would skip the NHL All-Star Game in protest are not even close to accurate, according to the man-child himself. [Puck Daddy]
• Thank goodness: I was just saying what the world needs more than anything right now is a LeBron James cartoon series. [The Basketball Jones]
• Calling out Mike Florio for his irresponsible reporting on the “Aaron Rodgers ignored a cancer patient” story. [Awful Announcing]
• LOLNFL: Divisional Playoff Weekend, y’all. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Despite the sanctions, Lane Kiffin is still pulling in a virtual bounty of solid recruits. [Rumors & Rants]
• Awesome job on headline: Erroneous TMZ report claims Laurence Maroney is “NFL Star” [The Sports Hernia Blog]
• Don’t miss this epic photo story: “The Ballad of ‘Bathroom Ben’ & Friends” [Midwest Sports Fans]
• A post defending Chris Bosh? That’s kooky talk! [Ball Don't Lie]
• That’s a recipe for disaster: Bill Belichick got really close to Jon Bon Jovi’s daughter on Sunday. [Bob's Blitz]
• Blake Griffin’s mystery WAG revealed. [Ted Williams Head]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: Tiger Woods Wondering If He Should Tell People He’s Still Getting Laid
Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
Indeed, New Orleans newspaper The Times-Picayune, indeed. In fact, I can recall the exact moment during the game between the New York Jets and New England Patriots when everything went all herey barllskdjf gf asdf. Weird stuff.
Obviously, as Gawker pointed out, this was simply the case of someone neglecting to remove a nonsensical sequence of letters whose sole purpose was to serve as dummy text for the actual jump head, but that doesn’t make it unfunny. Because those who have not laughed at jump heads going herey barllskdjf fkdasd fg asdf during their time here on Earth have not truly lived at all. Herey.
[H/T Gawker (via Mediaite via Off the Bench)]
Louie DeBrusk, a former NHL player and current color commentator on Rogers Sportsnet’s broadcasts of Edmonton Oilers games, has been charged with assault and mischief relating to an incident which transpired outside the Westin Bayshore hotel in Vancouver on January 9th when DeBrusk was in town to broadcast the Oilers’ game against the Vancouver Canucks.
Via The Vancouver Sun:
According to Vancouver Police spokesman Const. Lindsey Houghton officers were called to the 1600-block Bayshore Drive at 1:30 a.m. Sunday after witnesses reported seeing a male assaulting four other men — two taxi drivers and two bystanders — and causing damage to two taxi cabs.
Reports also indicate alcohol may have been a factor in the brouhaha. Shocking. DeBrusk was known as a tough player during his 11-year career, accumulating 1161 penalty minutes.
But here’s my question: what’s the deal with hockey players – both current and former – and incidents involving taxicabs? First it was Patrick Kane and the $1.20 Cab Fare Caper in Buffalo, now this?
Former NHLer Louis DeBrusk facing assault charges after Vancouver taxicab incident [The Vancouver Sun]
Yowsers. I’m not entirely sure where to begin with this one. On second thought, I do. I’d like to thank Tecmo over at P.S.A.M.P. for shedding some light on the creepy little corner of the interwebs where the person behind Gladis Doright uploads her, um, unique videos. Well, I don’t know if thanking Tecmo is the right way to put it, but you know where I’m coming from – at least you will after you view the Patriots fan’s latest video, “Gladis Doright Eats Crow!” which follows.
In light of the usual outrageous outfits Venus Williams likes to wear during her tennis matches, the above getup she donned Monday for her first round 6-3, 6-2 blowout of Italy’s Sara Errani is pretty tame by her standards. That is until she admitted that the outfit was originally intended to be an “illusion dress,” meaning that she originally planned to wear flesh-colored shorts underneath the top to give the impression she wasn’t wearing any panties, a look she tried to pull off at last year’s French Open, with horrifying results.
Said Venus on her last-minute fashion decision (via Game On!):
“But at the last minute I decided not to,” said Williams of a decision that no doubt was lamented by photographers.
Williams added that, “A lot of the focus of the dress is the zipper.”
Ah yes, the zipper. Unfortunately for Venus, had she decided to forego the black shorts and instead had gone with “the commando look,” as USA Today’s Tom Weir put it (in nightmare fuel fashion, I might add), I’m pretty sure nobody would have been talking about the damn zipper today.
Halftime: Venus contemplates the commando look [Game On!]
Yes siree, lazy blog writing at its best, especially in light of the fact that I just used a scene from Curb Your Enthusiasm less than an hour ago to discuss the hiring of Hue Jackson as the new coach of the Raiders. I got problems.
Anyhoo, have the Cowboys seriously soured on Dez Bryant? Interesting question. Do I care? Most certainly not. But will I use it to satisfy my impulsive need to incorporate Seinfeld references into my daily life to the point of absurdity? You got that right, bub.
Just a little whimsy to help us make it through a Tuesday. Positively hypnotic. And hilarious.
And believe you me, no matter how this video is blended together, these slack-jawed yokels can most surely bust a move, dadgummit, no matter what music they are dancing to. Darn tootin’.
[H/T Team Jimmy Joe]
Much to the shock of everyone, Al Davis emerged momentarily from his crypt to issue a statement regarding a news conference scheduled for today during which it will be announced that offensive coordinator Hue Jackson is to be promoted and will take over for Tom Cable as head coach of the Oakland Raiders.
Jackson, who oversaw an offensive renaissance for the Raiders after taking over play-calling duties for Cable this season, has no head coaching experience, but Al Davis has complete faith (for now) in Jackson’s ability to oversee the Raiders’ operation…at least from under the ancient thumb of Davis.
From a statement issued by Davis (via the San Francisco Chronicle):
“The fire in Hue will set a flame that will burn for a long time in the hearts and minds of the Raider football team and the Raider Nation.”
Kind words, to be sure, but they come from a notoriously impatient man, so who knows how long Davis’ admiration for the “fire in Hue” that will ultimately last. But to be honest, if I were a Raiders fan, I wouldn’t be too keen on having a flame burning in my heart and mind – that condition sounds akin to having a stroke and suffering from a bleeding ulcer at the same time.
Be that as it may, one can only reasonably suspect that Davis will soon grow tired of Jackson when the coach doesn’t lead the Raiders to a 16-0 season where they score 5,000 points – seemingly the only way Davis could ever be happy with a coach – and I suspect this following scene from the classic Curb Your Enthusiasm episode, “The Nanny From Hell”, more than adequately encapsulates how Davis will ultimately feel about his new coaching hire.
You may recall the story from last week where Andre Agassi offered up a nude photo of his wife Steffi Graf to anyone who bid $4,000 for a stupid plate as part of an auction prior to a charity tennis exhibition in Taiwan. Photographed with Agassi above is one Franz Chen, the CEO of Taiwanese porcelain manufacturer who won the auction. Unfortunately, the glimpse of the women’s tennis great might have been a bit underwhelming since Chen has no idea whether or not the photo was in fact of Steffi Graf because it was only of a nude woman’s back.
Via the Toronto Star:
“I couldn’t see her face,” said the 60-year-old businessman, whose company supplied the plate used in the auction. “But she did have a pretty good figure, and it was a very artistic photo.”
Of course, Chen, being the polite guy he clearly is, refused to even raise a fuss about the major ripoff:
“I only complimented Agassi on the beauty of his wife,” Chen said. “He was very happy to hear the compliment.”
I do not mean to split hairs here, but how hard is it for a woman to look attractive if the only thing you are looking at is her back. Unless the woman has spinal meningitis like the grotesque and horrifying Zelda from Pet Sematary, pretty much any woman can look halfway decent from that vantage point.
What a crock of crap. $4,000 ($7,000 US) and all Chen got was the back of some blond broad who may or may not have been Steffi Graf? Andre Agassi, you are one over-exaggerating jerk. Nude photo of his wife my ass. Speaking of ass, that’s the very least Agassi could have shown this poor sap who just got hoodwinked by a nude photo-promising, first class swindler. For shame, Andre Agassi, for shame.
Man glimpses naked Steffi Graf for winning auction [Toronto Star]
