Archive for January, 2011
Of course, as a good Minnesota Wild fan, I was watching the team take on the Calgary Flames last night as opposed to taking in the season premiere of American Idol. Sure, it was a difficult decision to make – no it wasn’t – to make the decision that watching a suddenly hot hockey team was a better viewing choice than looking at Steven Tyler’s face and Jennifer Lopez’s eyebrows (those things looked like caterpillars!).
Anyhoo, I’m glad I did eschew televised drivel and opted for hockey because I witnessed the above rather odd goal celebration. After Cal Clutterbuck notched his 14th goal of the season to give the Wild a 4-0 lead early into the third period of a 6-0 thrashing, defenseman Greg Zanon came over to Clutterbuck and proceeded to rub Cal’s nose. Weird. Wiping away icy stalagsnots, perhaps?
Via Star Tribune:
“We’re just having fun, obviously winning and playing with confidence, and we had a good time tonight,” Zanon said.
“I just remember looking at Brodziak’s face and almost bursting out laughing,” Clutterbuck said. “He had this shocked look on his face.”
Those hockey players. What a bunch of nose-wiping goofballs. They are kind of like mothers with Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy that way.
Road roll continues rust-free for Wild [Star Tribune]
[H/T for video Puck Daddy]
Boy, those sure are some fancy duds right there. Don’t agree? Allow me to change your mind.
Of course, pictures are far more persuasive than words, so take a good look at those jerseys above (click on image for a more close-up view), now look at this:
Now this story just breaks my Christianity-infused Packers Superfan-loving heart.
John O’Neill, the 58-year-old Packer backer from Middleton, Wisconsin who has become famous for wearing the Green & Gold Packers-themed bishop’s outfit topped off by a mitre featuring Vince Lombardi, came up empty when trying to procure tickets for “close seats” at the NFC Championship Game between his beloved Pack and the Chicago Bears at Soldier Field on Sunday. He will instead be sadly watching the game from home.
O’Neill, lovingly referred to as “St. Vincent,” usually saves his Cheesehead Papal attire for games at Lambeau Field or at stadiums which don’t contain hostile fans for the opposing teams, but has said he would have showed up at Soldier Field in fully regaled to cheer on Aaron Rodgers and company as he believes there would have been enough fellow Packers fans in the crowd to prevent any savage beatdowns upon him.
I’m not even a Packers fan and I think this sucks. If there are Packers fans – or even better, the Packers organization – would like to benefit from St. Vince’s in-person benevolence, they should probably pony up some funds to get St. Vince to the game toot sweet.
Actually, it means little to me whether or not St. Vince makes it to the game, although I believe it would be a nice gesture to a guy who always goes all out to support the team. I am, however, very curious to find out if St. Vince’s frequent companion, Cheesehead Bra Gal or, better yet, the famous Green Bay Packers Bikini Girls, are planning on making it to Chicago:
Wow. This is exactly how I would envision John Doe’s bedroom to look like in the movie Se7en had he been obsessed with LeBron James, Chris Bosh, Dwyane Wade and the Miami Heat instead of the Seven Deadly Sins. Only in this version, Kevin Spacey’s character would have been replaced by Jim Gray.
Nah, I’m just kidding. It’s a pretty cool room, albeit in an eerie, moody sort of way.
Now, I am most certainly not what you would call a Tom Jones with the women – big surprise, I’m sure – and correct me if I’m wrong here, lady Sportress readers, but I’m pretty sure if most women happened upon this shrine to the Miami Heat, there would be no chance in hell that the proud owner of this bedroom would be “Taking his talents to South Beach,” if you catch my drift. Just a hunch.
Oh man, it’s gonna be a star-studded, booty-shakin’ trip down memory lane back to the heyday of ’90s R&B over the next few days in Tampa at Derek Jeter’s celebrity golf tournament. Why? Because during an extra-special live performance, Boyz II Men will be going off. Not too hard, not too soft, presumably.
And check out the veritable laundry list of celebs who showed up on the red carpet last night (via TBO):
Singer Shawn Stockman, professional tennis player James Blake and host, New York Yankee Derek Jeter walked the red carpet at the Seminole Hard Rock Casino and Hotel to kick off the three-day Derek Jeter Celebrity Golf Classic.
What? Shawn Stock-who? You’re telling me there was no o Boyz II Men, A-B-C, B-B-D? You know, the East Coast Family? Lame. And while the above list of celebrities who were at the kick-off jam last night will hardly knock any sock-wearing person’s socks off, according to this report filed by Rock Reilly – no relation to Rick, I hope – “[s]tars like Michael Jordan, Entourage’s Kevin Connolly, WWE’s John Cena and many more” will also be showing up to support the tournament, with proceeds going to Jeter’s “Turn 2″ foundation, whose goal is to “motivate young people to turn away from drugs and alcohol and ‘Turn 2′ healthy lifestyles.”
Get it? Turn 2? Like in baseball jargon for double play, something that Derek Jeter is still adept at doing, even if he can’t hit a lick any longer? But that’s okay, Yankees fans, at least Jeter is showing up early for spring training to get to work on earning that three-year, $51 million contract he signed so the Bronx Bombers could retain a shortstop with rapidly diminishing skills.
But that kind of talk is for another time. For today, let us imagine how fun it would be to rub elbows with Michael Jordan, and more importantly, that Entourage guy, while kicking it to some Boyz II Men jams. Nevertheless, despite all the celebs who will be in attendance, one name is conspicuously absent from the list of likely attendees…
After her 6-1, 6-3 second round win Carla Suarez Navarro on Wednesday, Todd Woodbridge, a former doubles partner of Kim Clijsters who is now an on-air personality for Australia’s Seven Network, was put on the spot by Clijsters during an on-court interview due to a text message he sent to another tennis player that Clijsters caught wind of regarding his speculation that the tennis star might be pregnant.
While Woodbridge was asking her something about a promotional video she had done, Clijsters interrupted (via AFP):
“(Doubles player) Rennae Stubbs showed me a text message you sent her while I was playing in Sydney (last week) about how you thought I was pregnant,” Clijsters said.
The bewildered Woodbridge asked what he had written.
“You said: ‘She looks really grumpy and her boobs are bigger’,” Clijsters responded to roars of laughter from the Rod Laver Arena crowd.
“Thanks very much, there goes my TV career,” a mortified Woodbridge said, before a smiling Clijsters gave him a hug.
Awk-ward. Video documentation of said awkwardness follows.
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, comments, complaints and high praise to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• Hey, look at that! I’m a poet and I didn’t know it! Burglars in Miami obviously didn’t know it, either, when they stole an urn containing a woman’s father’s remains and two other containers which contained the ashes of her two dearly departed Great Danes and then proceeded to snort the contents, believing it to be cocaine. Upon realization that the ashes were not cocaine, the burglars contemplated returning the ashes but instead threw them into a lake. Police say they are trying to recover the ashes…good luck with all that. [Yahoo!/Reuters]
• In case you missed it, here’s the video of Kentucky coach John Caliapari calling one of his players a “selfish motherfu**er” the other night. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Does the rejected Ashley Madison Super Bowl ad promote bestiality? [With Leather]
• Airport worker smuggles Steelers helmet into work so he can photobomb Jets airplane. [Busted Coverage]
• Have no fear, Pavanostache is back in the fold in Minnesota. [Babes Love Baseball]
• Would the Dallas Cowboys consider trading Dez Bryant? [Rumors & Rants]
• Duke assistant coach Chris Collins has booger issues. [It's Always Sunny In Detroit]
• Rapper Consequence’s new tune “J.E.T.S.” lets you know where his football allegiances lie. [The Sporting Rave]
• Here are some Black Griffin nickname suggestions. [TAUNTR]
• Food Court Lunch hockey news is the best kind of hockey news. [Food Court Lunch]
• The top 10 reasons the Nets walked away from the Carmelo Anthony trade. [Five Tool Tool]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: When You Hire Union Plumbers, You Hire Trained Professionals Who Won’t F**k Your Wife (By Wendell Pupecki)
Or would that be a hoof fetish? Huh.
Anyhoo, a horse named Coach Ryan won the fourth race at Gulfstream Park in Florida on Wednesday, paying $6.20 to win.
I’m no horse racing aficionado, but apparently, this Coach Ryan is a six-year-old bay gelding, meaning that this poor old S.O.B. of a horse has been castrated…
There’s a lot of directions one could go with this one, none of which I’m willing to take.
Coach Ryan pays $6.20 to win at Gulfstream [New York Post]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
Posted by:
• Even Lil’ Wayne is pissed at LeBron. [The Basketball Jones]
• Ladies and gentlemen, the Ashley Madison commercial that will not be airing during the Super Bowl. [Busted Coverage]
• Awesome: one of my personal favorite people in the world, Kige Ramsey, appeared on Tosh.0 last night. [Deadspin]
• Jerry Jones will be charging people $200 to watch the Super Bowl on TVs outside the stadium. What a deal. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Ha! “Bears-Packers game expected to cause “severe brat shortage” across rest of country” [The Sports Hernia Blog]
• Bart Scott: Lego-ized. [TAUNTR]
• Cancer Kid gets rude awakening courtesy of Aaron Rodgers. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• The Utah Jazz Bear and a Cleveland Cavalier fan got in a fight… [Bob's Blitz]
• Hoo boy: Anne Hathaway picked to portray Catwoman in The Dark Knight Rises. [Sharapova's Thigh]
• Athletes who have rocked bald spots throughout the years. [Unathletic]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: Giants Fan Visiting Philadelphia Feels Betrayed By Bud Light Ad For Eagles
Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
When the Green Bay Packers and Chicago Bears face each other on the gridiron come Sunday in the NFC Championship Game, not only will a berth in the Super Bowl be on the line, the dignity and self-respect of their respective state’s political leaders will be hanging in the balance as well.
You know the stupid drill by now: two teams are about to face each other in a big game. So, the political leaders of each region – mayor vs. mayor, or in this case, governor vs. governor – make a friendly wager regarding the outcome of the game. Typically, it involves products – especially foodstuffs – that hail from the town or state and whichever team wins, the other political leader is forced to eat crow and send the victorious side a block of cheese, some seafood, barrel of apples or a ton of spam or whatever. It’s a friendly back-and-forth and no one’s feelings get too hurt, but it is nevertheless ridiculous and more often than not, a total waste of time.
Well sir, the wager between Wisconsin governor Scott Walker (above, left) and Illinois governor Pat Quinn (above, right) is even lamer than what we have come to expect. Read on (via Sporting News):
Walker says the losing governor of the bet on Sunday’s Green Bay Packers-Chicago Bears game will volunteer in a food pantry in the winner’s state wearing a shirt from the opposing team.
Also, Walker says the loser must fly the opposing team’s flag in his governor’s office a day before the Super Bowl.
Oh the humanity!!! Can you imagine it? Not only will the governors have to work among the dregs of society at a food pantry, they will have to do so in the opposing team’s shirt! The humiliation! And to have to fly the flag at the governor’s office? States have moved to secede from the Union for less an affront to their state’s pride. I think.
Wisconsin, Illinois governors bet on NFC title game [Sporting News]
Uh-oh, it might be high time for the folks at the L.A. Times who came up with this poll to break out their trusty Jump To Conclusions Mat. They freely preface the entire exercise by acknowledging that Blake Griffin has only played one-half of one season for the Los Angeles Clippers (via The Fabulous Forum):
OK, he has only played half a season, but the buzz surrounding Blake Griffin is unlike anything the Clippers have experience since moving to Los Angeles. So, considering the team’s spotty history, is Griffin already the greatest player they’ve ever had?
Nevertheless, it appears they are prepared to coronate Griffin as the Greatest Los Angeles Clippers Player Who Has Ever Lived.
The poll’s ground rules:
Criteria: Only L.A. Clippers should be considered, so no Buffalo Braves (sorry, Bob McAdoo) or San Diego Clippers are eligible. And only time with the L.A. Clippers counts, it doesn’t matter what you did elsewhere (sorry, Dominique Wilkins).
So, here’s your chance to vote for the greatest player in L.A. Clippers history. And be sure to leave a comment letting us know why you voted the way you did.
It’s early yet in the polling, but at the time of this post, Blake Griffin already holds the lead. Now, I’m the last person anyone should ask about anything regarding the storied tradition of the Los Angeles Clippers, but given the players who have played for the Clippers in the past, it might be a tad premature to begin anointing Griffin as the be all, end all among Clippers greats…
(looks at the other options)
Never mind. Carry on.
Is Blake Griffin the greatest player in L.A. Clippers history? [The Fabulous Forum]
Why is that, you ask? Well, since the name of the Rhode Island School of Design hockey team is the Nads and the mascot’s name is “Scrotie,” I’ll allow you to draw your own conclusions.
Seriously, it’s the truth. The mascot for RISD’s hockey team is a person dressed up as a penis. Goodness knows how long people have known about RISD and their phallic mascots, but it’s new to me. Update: Deadspin Editor Emeritus Will Leitch had a post about Scrotie all the way back in 2006, so I’m way late to this one. Still funny though.
From the school’s official site:
NADS Ice Hockey
RISD’s NADS Ice Hockey club has been in existence since 1961. Quality of effort has been steady for those many years while quality of play has varied wildly. The NADS’ ebullient fans include students of both art and design and a large phallus named ‘Scrotie’. Come join the other loud and sometimes needlessly gaudy fans as we defend the honor of our honor.
So there you have it. I suppose when a school counts Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane as one of its most prestigious alumni, I suppose this all makes perfect sense and nothing about this particular institute of higher learning should come as a surprise to anybody. For instance, like how their basketball team is called the Balls. Seriously. Look it up.
After the jump, a photo of Scrotie as well as an amusing flier. It should go without saying that a man dressed up as a penis might be NOT SAFE FOR WORK.
Given that the No. 6 seeds in both the AFC and NFC remain in the playoffs and will play in their respective conference championship games and further given the fact that the winner in each game will move on to the Super Bowl, I’d have to say:
Why yes, yes they can.
Can both No. 6 seeds make Super Bowl? [San Diego Union Tribune]
Over the past several years, when he wasn’t watching reruns of Matlock and tying an onion to his belt, John Bates, an 85-year-old retiree from Onalaska, Wisconsin, has mastered the art of Wii Bowling. So much so, in fact, that he has “rolled” 2,850 perfect games since 2008, when he originally caught the Wii disease, which should be pointed out is decidedly different than the Wee Disease, which is an affliction that keeps up many of this old guy’s buddies up at night running to the bathroom.
While it took Bates a year to score his first perfect game on Wii Bowling, it has now become so commonplace that he has become aloof regarding his considerable talents wielding the Wiimote (via the Star Tribune):
“If I get five or six strikes and then a spare, I quit that game,” he said.
Well, that’s certainly not the right attitude, but I suppose when you are 85, you can play hard and fast with the rules of good sportsmanship.
Bates’ remarkable accomplishments have now been documented by Guinness World Records 2011 Gamer’s Edition, fittingly under the category, “Most Perfect Scores Achieved on Wii Sports Bowling.” Makes sense.
One of the skills Bates brought to the virtual lanes which has greatly increased his bowling acumen is his ambidexterity.
“I’m right-handed but can bowl equally well with either hand,” Bates said. “My son got me using two hands under the ball. I got up from 22 percent strikes to nearly 90 percent.”
Being able to use both hands certainly has helped John along the way, not just in bowling, but in many other facets in John’s life. There’s a reason why his buddies refer to him as “Master Bates” and I am afraid that it has nothing to do with his bowling skills, if you catch my drift. That’s gross.
Wii is a perfect fit for octagenarian [Star Tribune]
To be fair, the “g” and “c” keys are pretty close together on the keyboard, especially when the fat-fingered person doing the typing has a steady diet consisting primarily of beer cheese soup and Old Milwaukee. In light of that fact, it is indeed fortuitous that the headline of the Green Bay Press-Gazette on Monday morning didn’t instead read “OASND TOASSA CIHCAOVCO”.
I keed, I keed. Not everyone in Green Bay – or Wisconsin, for that matter – are morbidly obese simpletons who are incapable of spelling the word “Chicago” correctly…just most of them. ZING!
Actually, the Press-Gazette, to their credit, issued a somewhat snarky apology on the front page of the paper’s Tuesday edition (via the Chicago Tribune):
ABOUT THAT HEADLINE
There is no excuse for the spelling error on the front page of Monday’s Press-Gazette. We know the great city of Chicago is spelled with two “C”s and a “G,” and not three “C”s. We were equally embarrassed we got it wrong in the first place and then failed to catch it in the proofreading process. We apologize for the error: In the event the Packers win Sunday and advance to the Super Bowl, we’ll spell the host city of Dallas correctly.
Ha. Those wisenheimers. Well played.
Whoops! Upon further review … [Chicago Tribune]
