Archive for January, 2011
It hasn’t been confirmed just yet, but reports indicate that Christina Aguilera will be performing the National Anthem at Super XLV in Arlington on February 6th. And how excited we all are about this thrilling development. Between her and the Black Eyed Peas performing at halftime, Super Bowl Sunday is shaping up to be a humdinger of a craptastic musical event. Who has the NFL lined up for the pregame performance? Justin Bieber? If it’s not Boz Scaggs, I’m going to be pissed.
The NFL, being the NFL, has thus far refused to comment (via The Dallas Morning News):
A spokesperson from NFL had “no comment” on Aguilera’s participation, and added ‘When we have something to announce, we will announce it.”
Yes, whatever half-assed talent the NFL is trotting out to perform the National Anthem should be shrouded in secrecy. I’m not kidding. There are probably millions riding on prop bets in Vegas as to who will sing the anthem as we speak.
The funny thing is I’m having a bit of deja vu right now, like I wrote the exact post at some point in the past…
(checks the Sportress archives)
Wow. I have written something about Aguilera singing the National Anthem one before – and I almost even used the exact same photo. Strange. Maybe I’m just a fan of Christina Aguilera Hand Bra pics and will seek out any reason to upload them. I guess there are worse hobbies.
Reports: Christina Aguilera will be singing National Anthem at Super Bowl XLV at Cowboys Stadium [The Dallas Morning News]
NFLPA general counsel Richard Berthelsen, responding during a conference call Thursday afternoon to allegations by the NFL that the leaders of the NFLPA actually want a lockout to occur (via Pro Football Talk):
“Any suggestion we want a lockout is coming from outer space.”
Goddamn brilliant. Those friggin’ aliens are some smart S.O.B.’s. Muddle up the labor negotiations and while everyone becomes obsessed about whether or not there will be an NFL lockout next season and are incredibly distracted by that horrifying possibility, swoop on in and invade the planet when no one’s looking.
Jesus. Mulder & Scully were right: The truth is out there. Although if were an alien life form hellbent on taking over the planet Earth, I would have instead started screwing around with soccer, what with it being much more of a global game. But I admire how they’re thinking. All I know is I’m sure glad I held on to my aluminum foil hat and have been watching all those episodes of Ancient Aliens on History. That crazy-haired dude sure know his stuff.
NFLPA: “Any suggestion we want a lockout is coming from outer space” [Pro Football Talk]
NO ONE DENIES THIS! Except for Tommy. He insists he “was wearin’ a rubbah.”
[Tommy From Quinzee H/T Kissing Suzy Kolber]
[image credit]
Yeah, I’m as confused by this one as many of you – although the fact this piece of art hails from Germany makes a lot of sense.
Read more about Urinating Policewoman Art here.
Well, that’s certainly a relief to hear. Of course, as we all know because the world cannot get enough Kardashiansanity, the pro athlete in question she is currently banging is New Jersey Nets power forward Kris Humphries. Kardashian spoke with People do discuss how she has been enjoying her budding relationship with the NBAer and why he hasn’t appeared in her reality show, the one I have never heard of, Kourtney & Kim Take New York:
“I met him towards the end of filming the show,” Kardashian, 30, tells PEOPLE, explaining why Humphries won’t appear in her new series. “I’m having a lot of fun [with him].”
I bet she is, I bet she is. At least until some other athlete captures her fancy. I’m holding out hope her next conquest will bring her into the world of professional competitive eating. Joey Chestnut, you could be next!
As I am wont to do, here’s a quote from the article which is fairly amusing when taken completely out of context:
“I never think love is hard,” she says. “I think if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be.”
Heh. Hard. Talk about some embarrassingly flaccid commentary regarding the current state of her love life.
Kim Kardashian Is ‘Having a Lot of Fun’ with Kris Humphries [People]
Philadelphia Phillies first baseman Ryan Howard, to MLB.com’s Todd Zelecki, on how his rehabilitation is going with his nagging ankle injury (via The700Level):
“I still get a little bit of stiffness every once in a while,” Howard said. “I’ll take it now and see what happens in Spring Training. I’ll just continue to look after it and take care of it. Those kinds of things linger, like the Cranberries.”
Alrighty then. I really have nothing more to add here. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I apparently have some much-needed catching up to do on female-fronted ’90s alternative bands.
(downloads “Here’s Where The Story Ends” by The Sundays)
Ryan Howard Talks About His Ankle, References 90s Pop Song [The700Level]
GAH! Sweet Jesus, that creature is downright petrifying. And if you know what’s good for you, it would be wise for you to cheer for the Seattle Seahawks this weekend as they take on the Chicago Bears in NFL Divisional Playoffs action. Otherwise, Bonkers will hunt you down and claw out your eyeballs while you sleep and eat them. Yikes.
This haunting image comes via The Seattle Times and their “Seattle Seahawks fans show their pride” bit. You may recall yesterday’s Seattle Seahawks fan submission,”When Gotta Support The Team Goes Wrong” with 12th Man Head Shaver Guy, which was troubling in its own right, but nothing like the above frightening image.
It appears this fan photo upload routine is really catching on, evidenced by a separate initiative: NJ.com’s reader participation-based photo upload shtick which brought us these two heartbreaking images of pets being humiliated by their owners all for the sake of J-E-T-S JETS! JETS! JETS! And while the photos of the painted-green cat and completely demeaned dog made me incredibly sad, Bonkers the Seahawk Ferret evokes a completely different emotional response: abject terror. I mean, look at that beast.
Granted, that’s not how the Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers classic goes, but the meaning behind the song and the above ad is exactly the same: buck up, because even the losers get lucky sometimes. And while you may feel like a loser right now, keep the faith, because sometimes, multi-billion dollar athletic apparel corporations still have your back. Well, as long as the CEO of said multi-billion dollar corporation is an alum of your institution of higher learning and uses the uniforms of your football team as some kind of plaything for his own amusement.
Actually, the sentiment of Tom Petty’s song has absolutely nothing to do with this ad at all. Forget everything I just wrote.
Yamma-hamma, it's fright night!
You know, because she looks like a troll. A troll who would try to eat goats attempting to cross a bridge to reach a bountiful meadow. Like in the fairy tale. Because she’s a homely-looking thing that kind of resembles what a troll might look like.
Perhaps LeBron James should just stop tweeting for a spell. Or at the very least halt all tweeting until he understands the multitude of tools available to users on Twitter. At least that’s how it appears if you interpret his comments after the Miami Heat lost to the Los Angeles Clippers last night in regard to his controversial “Karma is a bitch” tweet from the other night. Of course, everyone assumed the tweet was intended for and directed at the Cleveland Cavaliers in lieu of their 112-57 loss to the Los Angeles Lakers on Tuesday night. But that’s not the case, you see. According to James, the tweet wasn’t even in his own words – someone had sent it to him.
Via FOX Sports:
“It was just how I was feeling at the time,” he said. “It wasn’t even a comment from me, it was someone who sent it to me and I sent it out. It wasn’t towards that team. It definitely wasn’t a good showing by that team last night, I know they wish they would have played better, but nothing towards them.”
That team? Can he not even bring himself to say the Cavaliers?
Further, hasn’t James ever heard of retweeting? Okay, so let me get this straight: someone sent him the contents of the entire tweet – and I’m assuming he is implying it was forwarded to on Twitter, but I suppose it could have been via e-mail, text, pony express, etc. - and all he did was copy and paste the text into a tweet and subsequently tweeted what he didn’t, um, twote?
Had LeBron simply used the retweet function (somebody should forward him this link), things could have turned out much differently and this entire controversy could have been averted. Alternatively, if it wasn’t a tweet and an e-mail or whatever, he could have prefaced it with “Someone just sent me this” or something along those lines. Had he done that, everyone would have thought that LeBron was simply repeating something he received from someone else which he then co-opted. Said unoriginal thoughts were then subsequently intended for and directed at the Cleveland Cavaliers in lieu of their 112-57 loss to the Los Angeles Lakers on Tuesday night.
Sure, LeBron still would have come off as a colossal jagoff wallowing in his own narcissistic douchebaggery, only he would instead be viewed as simply a hacky one who couldn’t come up with his own sarcastic dig. Big difference. Lofty difference.
LeBron says Twitter comment wasn’t his [FOX Sports]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• Ah yes, Kentucky: making the rest of the United States look better by comparison since 1792. A 23-year-0ld man admitted in court that he got his two-year-old stepdaughter drunk on gin and iced tea and now faces between five and ten years behind bars for his disgusting, reprehensible actions. When the child’s mother got home from work, her daughter, who was in this jagoff’s care was passed out and emergency room records indicated that the child’s “serum alcohol concentration” was between 0.216 to 0.231. What the hell, man. What the hell. [azcentral]
• Well, well, well, now this is a sexy way to start the day: the top 100 girls of Detroit’s 2011 North American International Auto Show. [It's Always Sunny In Detroit]
• Missed dunks are usually lame, but a missed dunks that shatter backboards are great. [Sharapova's Thigh]
• Hoo boy: Brett Favre’s sister arrested in meth lab bust. [Deuce of Davenport]
• ESPN’s Brian Kenny lurves Vince Vaughn. [Bob's Blitz]
• AWESOME WITH A CAPITAL “A” BABY! Four more years of Dick Vitale! [Awful Announcing]
• Florida State beats Duke in basketball, chick decides to upload photos of herself exposing her belly in the mirror. It’s a win-win, really. [Busted Coverage]
• Golden-voiced hobo Ted Williams to enter rehab. [Off then Bench]
• Kevin Kolb wants out of Philadelphia, but will he get his wish? [Rumors & Rants]
• In light of the Kings’ odd new arena name, here are some other potential changes to NBA arena names. [TAUNTR]
• The Timberwolves were assessed five technical fouls in 10 seconds the other night. That’s, like, a lot. [Ted Williams Head]
• Did peeing in a bar lead to a minor league hockey player being released? [The Last Angry Fan]
• There is now a Washington Capitals blog for gay guys. Interesting. [D.C. Sports Bog]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Father’s Dying Wish A Real Hassle
No LOLcats for you!
Shameful. Just shameful.
Yesterday, NJ.com asked readers to submit user photos depicting how die-hard New York Jets fans celebrated the win over the Colts last weekend. Of course, many Gang Green fans were more than happy to oblige and to our shock and horror, some J-E-T-S JETS! JETS! JETS! backers resorted to humiliating their own pets in order to display some kind of bizarre display of devotion to the team.
I mean, look at the poor cat. It looks like the damn dog from Spun, for Chrissakes. And if you think that’s bad, check out this submission, featuring “Ozzie the Ultimate Jet Fan”:
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
Posted by:
• This week in chicks who bang athletes… [With Leather]
• Apparently, there are a lot of counterfeit Steelers-Ravens tickets out on the street. [Mondesi's House]
• Tiger Woods is a cat burglar? The National Enquirer says so. [Pro Golf Talk]
• Check out former NBAer Matt Geiger’s former residence. [Busted Coverage]
• Here are five suggestions to make Onion Sports Dome better. [Off the Bench]
• Sadly, we must bid farewell to one of the all-time great KSK bits: Wade & Jerry. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Colts president Bill Polian thinks he’s bad at his job. [Rumors & Rants]
• The biggest disappointments on the roster for all 30 NHL teams. [Puck Daddy]
• So, Bulls player Keith Bogans has a unique skill set. [The Basketball Jones]
• Former Eagles wideout Freddie Mitchell, a/k/a FredEx, is still Hollywood. [Hugging Harold Reynolds]
• Awesome: X-Men offer protection to Lamar and Khloe’s inevitable mutant baby [TAUNTR]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: Tim Duncan Reports 5th Straight Successful New Year’s Resolution
Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
Larry King, you magnificent, senile bastard! We don’t have to tell San Francisco Giants pitcher Barry Zito – obviously, he has been in King’s presence so he’s probably got a good idea – but once you are mentioned in an inane musing by Larry King, you’re golden, baby. The tweet (via Hardball Talk):
Had dinner last night with Barry Zito – famed Giants pitcher. He does everything right handed except pitch!
Awesome.
Does anybody remember baseball cards?
Sudden thought, gang. I have no compassion for anyone who commits rape.
God, I miss Norm MacDonald. And those Larry King News & Views sketches were some of the funniest bits on SNL back in the day.
Come back to us, Norm, wherever you are. This cold, humorless world needs you now more than ever.
[H/T Hardball Talk]
No unforced errors here.
Yeah, that’s all I got. You get what you get and you don’t throw a fit. Enjoy the photos and leave it at that.
UPDATE:
Ooh! I got a better one: I can’t “double fault” her for wearing that outstanding outfit!
No better, eh? Huh.
