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Criminy! The Dallas Area Is In The Throes Of A Super Bowl-Sized Stripper Shortage!

Won’t somebody think of the children? Er, horndoggers, that is. Unless the Dallas area strip club laws are considerably laxer than they are in my neck of the woods.

By John Walsh’s estimation, who happens to be the owner of local strip joint Showtime Cabaret in Kennedale, Texas and presumably not the dude from America’s Most Wanted, Dallas’ “30 Mile Zone” is approximately 10,000 booty-shaking, lap-dancing-providing strippers short as the region prepares itself for the frenzied, horny, and likely sloppily inebriated masses to descend upon the area for Super Bowl festivities and assorted debauchery.

How serious is the issue? Walsh told TMZ that Showtime Cabaret employs 50 exotic dancers and he is on the lookout for another 100-120 dancers for Super Bowl Weekend. Whew, that’s quite a need for bevy of girls with spectacular bodies and a whole heaping mess of daddy issues.

But gals, hear him out. There’s good money in it for you. If you think you would get a rush from showcasing your “talents” to Def Leppard songs as well as not minding that you will be ogled and pawed at by depraved strangers, this is a no-brainer. More importantly, the strip clubs of Dallas need you. Better yet, the country needs you. In a way, you would be providing a valuable public service. Do America proud, gals.

Dallas: WE NEED MORE SUPER BOWL STRIPPERS!!! [TMZ]

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