Archive for December, 2010
Whaddya mean, define “big time free agent.” Oh, you nattering nabobs of negativity. When will you ever learn?
Anyhoo, um, take that, Red Sox! According to MLB.com, the Yankees, still smarting from losing out on the “Let’s Overpay An Aging Pitcher Like Cliff Lee Because That Always Works Out Well Bonanza,” reportedly have signed Los Angeles Dodgers catcher Russell Martin to a contract. The Red Sox, who have completely outperformed their AL East rivals thus far in the free agency period, have to be feeling the sting of defeat and a little bit of comeuppance after the Yankees swooped in and wrestled Martin out of Boston’s hands as it was reported that the Red Sox had offered Martin an offer as well. Terms of the contract were not disclosed, but it is believed Martin was demanding a $5 million per year. And that’s, like, a ton of money. Sure, not Cliff Lee money, but let’s see if you can scratch together five million smackeroos for a once-promising but slightly fading prospect. What’s that? Why would you need to sign a major league baseball player to a contract when you don’t even own a major league baseball team? Good point, but calm down, I was speaking metaphorically. Or whatever the right word is for that.
Via ESPN New York:
Martin appeared to be a rising star in 2007, when he batted .293 with 19 homers and 87 RBIs. He won a Gold Glove, a Silver Slugger award and made the first of two consecutive All-Star appearances. But his production has dropped off the past two seasons.
Martin, who will turn 28 in Februrary, tore the labrum in his hip early in August and missed the rest of last season. He hit .248 in 97 games last season but had an on-base percentage of .347.
Martin is likely to assume starting catcher duties for the Yankees next season while Jorge Posada becomes the team’s full-time designated hitter.
Hooray the Yankees! Everybody was counting them out, but they’re back in business, baby! Look out!
Report: Yanks to sign Russell Martin [ESPN New York]
The highly anticipated meeting between President Obama and the world champion Los Angeles Lakers took place yesterday in D.C., but not at the White House, as is usually the custom. Instead, the Lakers hooked up with the President at the Boys & Girls Club of Greater Washington in order to promote NBA Cares. Among the activities which occurred at the Boys & Girls Club included the team and Obama participated in several community service projects, which included preparing “toiletry kits for the homeless and care packages for wounded veterans and their families.” The President was also presented with a replica of the Championship Banner which hangs in Staples Center.
It must have been difficult for Obama, a die-hard Bulls fan, to be forced to set aside his allegiances for the day in order to properly commemorate the Lakers’ remarkable achievements, but that didn’t prevent a little good-natured ribbing to take place between the Commander-in-Chief and Kobe Bryant.
Via ESPN Chicago:
“Derrick Rose may have your number,” President Obama lightheartedly jabbed at Kobe Bryant as the team posed for a photograph…
“I said, ‘If he calls that number, I’ll be sure to pick up after the fifth ring,’” Bryant quipped back — referring, naturally, to the five championship rings he has.
Ha. Rings. That’s gold. And more than likely improvised. You can’t teach that sort of witty repartee. In fact, the easy give and take between the two and the way in which they easily riffed off each other reminds me of the comedic tensions of a young Stiller & Meara, perhaps even an Abbott & Costello, but I will stop short of comparing them to the Sklar Brothers. Those guys are hi-larious. I’m sure Luke Scott would disagree on all counts, though. He’s such a contrarian, that guy.
Lakers, Obama do community service [ESPN Chicago]
This series is sponsored by Captain Morgan. Make your Holiday legendary with Captain and Cola. Join the party on Facebook.
Recently, I was presented with a seemingly simple task by the good folks of Captain Morgan. To accomplish my assignment, I was to come up with what I thought was the best advancement from the world of sports which has created unparalleled improvement and the reasons why said advancement was far and above the cream of the crop as it related to others, be they a technological improvement, a means by which fairness of play was enhanced or even an advancement which improved the overall entertainment factor. Silly me, I figured accomplishing the modest task that was my charge would be easy, easy like Sunday morning. Nope.
As I contemplated the conundrum laid out for me, I quickly realized that over the years, we have seen such a multitude of changes to sports (e.g. shot clock in basketball, instant replay in football, the shootout in the NHL – okay maybe not the shootout), not to mention in so many facets of the respective sports, that coming up with the Best One Ever would be a far more dubious task than I had originally envisioned. I mean, what makes one better than another? And what criteria was I to use in determining which one was the best? The options and possibilities were endless. So while my idea as to what has been the Best Advancement In Sports Ever may be different than yours, hopefully you will find it difficult to disagree with me that if it were not for this particular advancement, sports – and the many ways in which we enjoy them – would be so vastly different the world of sports would indeed by unrecognizable. Read More→
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, comments and complaints to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• God, this is just stupid. Malcolm Alarmo King, a convicted drug dealer and an inmate in the Orange County Jail, has been unhappy with the salami meals he’s been being served, so he has requested kosher meals due to his adherence to the tenets of Festivus. The lamest part? King was served different meals than other inmates for two months until the jail got the order thrown out of court. I’ve got a lot of problems with this legal system, and now you’re going to hear about it. Okay, you’re not. [Yahoo!]
• Cliff Lee has signed with the Phillies, which means we can all sit back now and laugh at the Yankees. Ha ha. [Larry Brown Sports]
• The 7 most epic stadium collapses of all-time. [Ranker]
• Is Elin moving on from Tiger and stepping out with a new man? [Devil Ball Golf]
• This just in: LeBron James is a good basketball player. [The Basketball Jones]
• Epic Wayne Gretzky trivia question fail, courtesy of VERSUS. [Puck Daddy]
• The president of FIFA has suggested that homosexuals consider curtailing their sexual activity at the 2022 World Cup. [Off the Bench]
• Derek Jeter’s dad has been accused of assault? Wha? [Ted Williams Head]
• Amar’e Stoudemire is the King of New York. [Outside the Boxscore]
• One of my favorites: screengrabs of idiot fans from Monday Night Football. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: ‘Yogi Bear’ Movie Introduces Boring Cartoon Character To New Generation
Site Note: I will be away from my desk for a good portion of the morning due to out of the office appointments. I will resume annoying you guys upon my return. Cheers!
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
Posted by:
• Awesome: Clippers owner Donald Sterling has begun heckling his own players. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Be sure to check out PD’s Reader Art Contest consisting of NHL Holiday Card/Songs, Gallery. There is seriously some great stuff contained therein. [Puck Daddy]
• Tim Duncan is annoying. Ain’t that the truth. [The Basketball Jones]
• Tashard Choice has taken it to the Tweets to defend himself for getting Michael Vick’s autograph. [The Jersey Chaser]
• Finally, a video that clears up what is a legal or an illegal hit in the NFL. [TAUNTR]
• When chicks wearing Derrick Rose jerseys attack! [Busted Coverage]
• Hey look, Peter King is still an idiot. Christmas Ape does a tremendous job taking the reins for Big Daddy Drew this week. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Creepy white guy would like to touch you with his “Double Dream Hands.” [The Last Angry Fan]
• I have to agree: this very well could be the greatest F1 racing photo ever. [Ted Williams Head]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: LeBron James – Already An NBA Champion Of Friendship
Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
I know! Crazy, right?
The reports are in, and the results indicate that being a player in Major League Baseball has its rewards, especially financial ones. For the first time ever, the average salary of an MLB ballplayer eclipsed the $3 million mark.
The 912 players in the big leagues before rosters expanded in September averaged $3,014,572, the Major League Baseball Players Association said Monday. The average rose 0.6 percent from last year’s $2,996,106, the smallest increase since a 2.5 percent drop in 2004.
The union’s opening-day average first reached $3 million in 2007, but the average drops during the season as veterans are released and replaced by younger players earning far less. The union’s average at the start of this season was $3,340,133.
Oh, I get it. So the average salary broke an arbitrary monetary barrier – $3 million – yet the increase was only 0.6 percent? That’s a load of bullcrap. How are we to expect these players to feed their families when their salaries aren’t even keeping up with an inflation? No, I cannot say with any confidence that my assertion regarding inflation is even remotely accurate – what do you think I am, an economist? – but I can say with complete certainty that Latrell Sprewell knows all to well what I’m talking about…the feeding the family part, of course, not the inflation thing. Obviously, Spree is not what you would refer to as a sound manager of money.
MLB’s average salary finishes over $3 million [Yahoo!/AP]
Because, like, the quarterback is like a super important position in football and stuff. So much so that ESPN will be dedicating the entire upcoming calendar year to marveling, dissecting and as they are wont to do with everything, performing overwrought and unnecessary analysis of the ins, outs, ups, downs and what have yous regarding the position of quarterback. Thanks, ESPN! If we’re lucky, it’ll be kind of like the Year of the Cat, only lacking a catchy little song courtesy of Scottish singer-songwriter Al Stewart to provide it some musicality.
Via ESPN Media Zone:
“The quarterback is a star-powered position played by many, but excelled by few, and we will dig down to examine why people are so fascinated with this elite group of athletes,” said Joan Lynch, vice president and executive producer, ESPN content development. “ESPN will create and produce extensive content throughout the year to establish 2011 as the ‘Year of the Quarterback’ – among fans, athletes and across the sports spectrum.”
Who woulda thunk it? Quarterbacks? Star-powered? Played by many, but excelled by few? Fascinated? Additional meaningless phrase from the quote turned into an innocuous question?
Oh, but that’s not all, dear readers. Just wait until you see how this year-long celebration of all-things quarterbacking will start off. How about a “quarterback roundtable”? Does that tickle your reading bone? No? Maybe?
Crazy stuff. But it looks like the folks up in Detroit are pulling out all the stops to make Ford Field feel just like the Metrodome, not only for players, but for the fans as well. So much so, in fact, that to re-create the stadium experience, officials at Ford Field are closing 50% of the restrooms and barricading off sections of the concourses so they are only about 10 feet wide.
Yeah, that’s an inside joke to people who have been subjected to the miserable gameday experience that occurs whenever one takes in a sporting event at the Metrodome. But hey, I’m sure the logo at midfield will make all the difference in the world to the Vikings players. It will feel just like home, just with acceptable player accommodations.
[H/T KFAN (via Daily Norseman)]
Seriously, that’s the new logo? After all the time, effort and presumed debate that went into it, this is the best the Big Ten could come up with? Somewhat disappointing, wouldn’t you agree?
But the big reveal of the new, underwhelming logo was only one of the big announcements that was made at noon eastern press conference aired on the Big Ten Network: conference commissioner Jim Delaney also announced the names of the two new divisions…and the two division names are:
(drum roll please)
“Legends” and “Leaders.” Ugh.
Via Chicago Breaking Sports:
Iowa, Michigan, Michigan State, Minnesota, Nebraska and Northwestern will compete in the Legends division.
Illinois, Indiana, Ohio State, Penn State, Purdue and Wisconsin will vie for the Leaders.
Um, yeah. Once again, Legends and Leaders were the best ideas out there? How about “Likely Bowl Championship Series Underperformer Division #1″ and “Likely Bowl Championship Series Underperformer #2″ instead? You know, for accuracy’s sake and more importantly, a nod to tradition. Probably a bit too wordy, huh?
Big Ten division names: Legends and Leaders [Chicago Breaking Sports]
(image credit)
Oh my word. Words cannot even begin to describe the horribleness of the jerseys the players on the ECHL’s Florida Everblades team had to wear not once, but twice over the weekend, but if I were forced to pick a phrase to explain them, it would have to be “emasculating over-festiveness.”
For Christ’s sake, there are friggin’ snowflakes on them. Snowflakes! And the “Happy Holidays” tropical print on the lower half of the sweater? Terrible. I bet even Jimmy Buffett wouldn’t be caught dead in one of these abominations.
Further, what shade of of green is that anyway? I cannot say for certain, but I’m pretty sure the 128-pack of Crayola crayons doesn’t even include that horrific color. What would you call it? Radioactive Urine, maybe?
Wrong. Just wrong. Those poor, poor bastards.
[H/T to the be all, end all of awesome hockey blogs, Puck Daddy]
After the miserable team that is the Cincinnati Bengals lost to the Steelers 23-7 on Sunday, their 10th loss in row in yet another epic fail of a season (2-11), one would suspect that players on the squad would be down in the dumps a bit. Thankfully for one Bengals player, Chad Ochocinco, members of the team that just laid a whipping on Cincinnati were kind enough to do a little something for the egomaniacal wide receiver in an attempt to lift his spirits.
You see, some time after the game, Ochocinco ran into Steelers’ QB Ben Roethlisberger and safety Ryan Clark and they tried successfully to sweeten Ochocinco’s mood by buying him a Big Texas Cinnamon Roll. You can tell by Ochocinco’s smile that the gesture was much appreciated. That’s nice and all, but if I were a Bengals fan, looking at this photo of Ochocinco mugging with opposing players so quickly after a disappointing loss might perturb me a little bit. Although this display of fraternizing between rivals has become so commonplace in this day and age perhaps Bengals fans shouldn’t give a damn about Ochocinco’s postgame actions nor the outcome of the game. It sure doesn’t look like it is affecting Ochocinco all that much.
You know, on second thought, he did tag this photo he uploaded to twitpic with this message:
Big Ben n Ryan Clark bought me a Big Texas Cinnamon Roll after the game, losing sucks 
Well, pardon me. I guess I was wrong. Ochocinco truly does care that his team stinks and that losing sucks. You can tell by the sad face emoticon. If that doesn’t drive the point home about the devastation Ochocinco is currently feeling about his team’s failures, I don’t know what would.
(image)
With his team already down 4-0 midway through the second period, Alexander Ovechkin decided to let his hip and then his fists do the talking when he delivered a vicious hip check to Rangers defenseman Dan Giardi and then, in a futile attempt to motivate his team, went mano-a-mano with Brandon Dubinsky at center ice. Interestingly, this was only Ovechkin’s second NHL fight (per HockeyFights.com) and sadly, his dropping of the gloves clearly did not fire up his teammates, as the Capitals went on to lose 7-0 in a savage beatdown. The Caps have lost six in row (one in overtime) and are now 4-5-1 in their last 10 games.
But there is no reason to panic, so says Unfrozen Caveman Hockey Player (via Yahoo!/AP):
“I think we just have to relax. I know it is huge pressure for us right now. Six games in a row. It’s big pressure for our players and coaches. We just have to relax and not think about the losing streak.”
Makes sense. Relax. Don’t panic. But as you will see in the video that follows, perhaps Ovechkin should try to motivate his team with his scoring prowess and instead work on his fighting techniques during his free time before he decides to drop the gloves again. I’m not saying he performed horribly, but his pugilistic skill level is nowhere close to his offensive talents.
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, comments and complaints to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• The Confetti Night Club in New Jersey canceled a costume party for teens after a controversial and suggestive ad generated concerns regarding the theme, “Pimp & Ho.” “The ad, which was removed from the website Thursday night, features a busty woman in black lingerie who is suggestively lowering the thin black strap to her bikini underwear. A few hundred-dollar bills hover over the slick Rolls Royce she’s standing next to, with a cityscape in the background.” Nice. [azcentral]
• Here’s the video of the Metrodome’s roof collapsing. We’re still digging out up here. [Awful Announcing]
• Despite all the hullabaloo surrounding it, the Jets sideline trip is nothing new. [Rumors & Rants]
• Congratulations to the Lions on snapping their 19-game intra-division losing streak by beating the Packers yesterday. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Joe Paterno gave the greatest interview of all time last Thursday. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]
• Who knew Jim Tressell had a bit part in a 1974 stop motion holiday television special? [The Last Angry Fan]
• Andy Reid was pretty upset the officials missed a late hit on Michael Vick yesterday. It was almost like when someone else takes the last pork chop. [Shutdown Corner]
• Try all you want, you will never have enough Gallicisms for Bob Costas, ya ingrates. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• The top 11 sports moments of 2010…and one bad decision. [I'm Taking My Talents]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Dead Teen Had Pretty Terrible Life Ahead Of Him, Parents Report
Sweet holy hell. For the love of all that is good, pure and honorable about not only the fine game of hockey, but its Holy Grail as well, Lord Stanley’s Cup, why in the name of Howe did somebody allow Justin Bieber to touch the trophy?? Why, dammit, why?
Even worse, two card companies commemorate the bastardization of the precious cup with hockey cards? Those miserable, cretinous jagoffs.
I’m sorry, that’s just plain wrong. If you are anything like me, I prefer to remember the good times, when only people who deserve to touch the Stanley Cup are allowed to hold it in their hands, namely the players who win it. Oh yeah, and Hayden Panettiere – especially when she caresses, kisses, licks and straddles it (documentation of that wondrous day follows): Read More→
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
Posted by:• In case you missed it, the best story of the day: CNN accidentally airs diarrhea scene from Dumb & Dumber. [Warming Glow]
• My good pal Josiah Schlatter had the opportunity to interview former Patriots wide receiver Troy Brown. [Off the Bench]
• Thank goodness: Ron Artest is still Ron Artest. [The Basketball Jones]
• Awesome: Washington Capitals analyst Craig Laughlin swore on the air during the Caps-Panthers game. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Be sure to take a gander at this 2010 Heisman Trophy preview. [TAUNTR]
• Idiot: former NFLer Dana Stubblefield is about to spend 90 days in jail for stealing his ex-girlfriend’s mail. [Deuce of Davenport]
• Hilarious video of a janitor falling down the stadium stairs. [Bob's Blitz]
• Just so you know, a woman’s basketball getting used in the Illinois-Oakland game is only the latest in historic equipment errors. Check out these amusing ones. [Joe Sports Fan]
• Somebody paid $7,500 for John Wall’s first game-worn jersey? Dolt. [Ball Don't Lie]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: New Horse-Racing Initiative Aimed At Training Thoroughbreds From Inner City
Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
