Archive for December, 2010
Yamma hamma, it’s Fright Night.
Courtesy of twitpic citizen Adri_Mane comes this photo along with their speculation that this Big Booty ‘Bron Backer might have been the the (diabetic bale of) straw that broke the camel’s back, so to speak, which caused LeBron to spurn Cleveland for the warmer and much shapelier environs of South Beach.
That’s a whole lotta woman right there, kids. In my humble opinion, she belongs right up there with Portly Pittsburgh Steelers Gal in the heavily-supported (she puts the “butt” in “buttressed”) pantheon of “larger than life” female sports fans who, when they say, “Gotta support the team,” they mean they could literally support the team. Just lean on up in there, fellas.
Jesus, you would think Kobe Bryant would have learned by now: don’t mess with the Armenians. But here he goes again, thumbing his nose at the people who call that wonderful country in the Caucasus region of Eurasia home (or are descended from folks who once called it home). You see, Kobe recently signed an endorsement deal with Turkish Airlines to become their “global brand ambassador” in the coming year. Why would that piss off Armenians, you ask? The usual sort of run of the mill stuff that ticks people off: genocide denial.
The tension stems from Turkey’s denial that about 1.5 million Armenian deaths from 1915-19 constituted genocide. Turkey instead describes the deaths as the result of civil unrest during the collapse of the Ottoman Empire.
There are about 700,000 Armenian Americans in California, and Armenian National Committee of America executive director Aram Hamparian tells the Times that many of them are furious over Bryant’s deal with Turkey’s state carrier.
Wow. I guess I can see why Armenians and Armenian-Americans alike could have a problem with Kobe’s decision. And as noted above, I cannot believe Kobe would allow himself to get into this kind of sticky situation involving the Armenians once again, given his troubled past with them. One would suspect the controversies which erupted when Kobe slapped Eric Bogosian, threw a drink in Cher’s face, cheated in a game of chess against Gary Kasparov, called Bob Keeshan (a/k/a Captain Kangaroo) a pedophile, reneged on an assisted suicide pact with Dr. Jack Kevorkian, came on to Armen Ketayan’s wife and performed a pornographic parody of several songs from Raffi’s catalog during the Annual Armenian-American Pride Gala in 2003*, that he would steer clear of anything involving the Armenians.
All I know is Kobe and his family will most certainly not be invited to the annual Kardashian family Christmas party this holiday season, although I assume that could be perceived as a welcome development.
(* incident never occurred – I think)
Bryant causes outrage with Turkish Airlines endorsement [SI/AP]
The Big Maestro? What the fungus?
Now, we all know that Shaq can “rap” (I mean, “What’s Up, Doc? Can We Rock” is an American hip hop standard, right? ), but does he possess the talents to serve as the conductor of an orchestra?
It appears we will know the answer of that question soon enough, as it has been announced that Shaquille O’Neal will serve as honorary conductor of the Boston Pops during a performance of the traditional Holiday Pops concert on Monday evening.
Via NESN:
Shaq will climb the podium in a tailcoat and a white tie and lead the orchestra in one of the Pops’ most popular renditions, Leroy Anderson’s “Sleigh Ride.”
The Celtics’ center has truly immersed himself in the city culture since his arrival this summer. From posing as a statue in Harvard Square, to handing out toys as Shaq-a-Claus, you never quite know what O’Neal will come up with next.
It’s true: what kind of crazy shenanigans will Shaq come up with next? The mind boggles at the possible tomfoolery and skullduggery Shaq could get into in the near future. But let’s be honest – he has the time. It’s not like he seems committed to working on his game at this stage in his career. Or staying healthy, for that matter.
Shaquille O’Neal to Appear as a Guest Conductor During the Boston Pops’ Holiday Concert [NESN]
Through the wonder and splendor of modern technology, even if you do not reside in the Twin Cities area, you – yes, you – can observe a bunch of hearty Minnesotans braving the harsh elements up here in a frozen wasteland as they set aside their igloo making and polar bear hunting for a spell to assist in digging out TCF Bank Stadium as it is prepared for a potential Monday Night Football matchup between the Vikings and the Bears.
A link to the live stream video player is here. You will need to download Silverlight to watch it, but that’s a small price to pay to watch people, um, shoveling.
Trust me, as a guy who has watched this for hours, it’s a positively awe-inspiring, gripping scene to behold. But hey, it’s better than working, right?
[H/T RandBall]
It was like the O.J. Simpson chase, only without Al Cowlings…and a Zamboni instead of a white Bronco. Oh, and no double murders. That’s an important distinction.
Thrash, the mascot for the Atlanta Thrashers, has had all he can stands and he can’t stands no more as it relates to the NHL team’s anemic ticket sales. You see, despite winning 10 of their past 12 games, the attendance at Thrashers games is pitiful, averaging just a paltry 11,789 fans per game, bad enough to rank 28th out of 30th NHL teams.
So, Thrash did what any sensible mascot would do once they have reached their wit’s end: he stole a Zamboni and initiated a low-speed chase through suburban Atlanta. Of course, he was subsequently “arrested.”
Video of Thrash’s arrest follows.
Read More→
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• If you live in Ukraine and have already ostracized all your drinking companions due to your inebriated idiocy, a company named King Fairy has the cure for what ails you: they have a full compliment a drinking buddies for hire who will put up with all your crap. Well, to a certain extent I suppose. Said Yulia Peyeva, head of the company Kind Fairy: “It is a pleasant companion who can enliven a boring evening. Virtually all of our people are talented. They can play guitar, sing or recite poetry. Today you may want to talk about art and tomorrow to read Faust.” Goethe, eh? Well, that’s all well and good, but will said hired drinking buddy do Jägerbombs with you? Jäger. [Yahoo!/AFP]
• So, the Metrodome sprung another leak. Great. [Daily Norseman]
• New York Jets Tripper Guy suspended indefinitely. Bonus points to PUNTE for a Jack Tripper Photoshop reference. [With Leather]
• Cliff Lee on Phillies fans: ‘Don’t Need Teleprompter’ to know when to cheer. [Larry Brown Sports]
• NO ONE DENIES THIS! Tommy from Quinzee made an appearance during a Bill Simmons chat recently. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• FOX may start playing in-game music during NFL broadcasts. [Awful Announcing]
• Dwight Howard isn’t really Superman, folks. [The Basketball Jones]
• Colin Cowherd believes AJ Burnett’s divorce was the worst, Jerry, the worst. [Bob's Blitz]
• Congrats to my pal Rick Chandler over at Off the Bench on winning a Foulie Award. Yeah, I was up for it, too, but I’m a good sport. [Off the Bench]
• Gary Kubiak’s time as Houston Texans coach may be mercifully coming to an end. [Rumors & Rants]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: 4-Year-Old Gets Wasted On Rum Balls
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
Posted by:
Site Note: Jesus, another day when my “real work” interfered and the Sportress was reduced to a half-assed posting schedule. I’m telling you guys, this “real job interfering with my blogging” routine is really starting to get on my nerves. In any event, I appreciate your patience and I’ll be back tomorrow, presumably with a full slate of delightful posts for your enjoyment. I will tell you this about the annoying interference: something’s gotta give…worlds are colliding!
• Help Ray Lewis name his sleeved blanket thingy. But don’t even think of calling it a Snuggie or he’ll stab you. [With Leather]
• Anyone out there need a drinking game for HBO Sports’ 24/7 Penguins/Capitals: Road To The NHL Winter Classic documentary? Of course you do. And here is one. [Puck Daddy]
• It’s Mascot Power Rankings time! [Off the Bench]
• Hey look, matching Washington Redskins tramp stamps. Nice. [Mr. Irrelevant]
• Nike introduced new gear with five NFL stars. [Shutdown Corner]
• Michael Vick wants to get a dog someday. [Deuce of Davenport]
• Video of a high school basketball player breaking a backboard. [Sharapova's Thigh]
• No! Jayson Werth shaved his beard! [The700Level]
• Chicago Bulls fans start a website, Let’s Beat The Heat, so they of course made a video using Michael Jackson’s “Beat It” as musical inspiration. [The Basketball Jones]
• The New Jersey Nets as the Brooklyn New Yorkers? That has the potential to be hipsterrific! [TAUNTR]
• Lil’ Wayne went bowling with Chris Paul and Reggie Bush last night. [Bob's Blitz]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: Silvio Berlusconi – I Think The Leader Of The World’s 10th-Largest Economy Put Something In My Drink
Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
Wow, Charlie Manuel Sure Looks Happy
Posted by:
I wonder why…what could be going on in the Phillies manager Charlie Manuel’s life that would cause him to appear as pleased as punch? The holidays, perhaps? It has to be something, right?
Huh. I don’t know, maybe he just really enjoys wearing a chef’s hat. The apron is pretty nice, too. Whatever it is, you can be sure ol’ Charlie has got something cooking…
[H/T The700Level]
He is not an animal!
Deadspin had the above screengrab yesterday of this obviously comfortable and completely in his booger harvesting element Texans fan digging for nose gold from Monday night’s Houston-Baltimore game, but our pals at Busted Coverage have located the video, because hey, a photo of a guy picking his nose on national television is great, but a video of guy picking his nose on national television is, um, moving pictures of a guy picking his nose on national television. And even greater.
Let us rejoice as we watch this nose prospector’s one-finger booger salute after the jump.
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions and dirty Santa jokes to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• Well, of course you have to strip down to complete nakedness to photograph spirits – skin is the best canvas to show spirits’ orbs of energy. Oh, Robert Hurst was showing some orbs alright, but now he has been arrested and charged with indecent exposure after being caught gallivanting around a southern Mississippi cemetery in the buff. With a camera. And hopefully, not an erection. Sheesh. [azcentral]
• Voltron made out of shi**y NFL quarterbacks? Voltron made out of shi**y NFL quarterbacks. [With Leather]
• “Unleash the Tebow,” so says Broncos fans. That sounds perverse. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Yeah, it looks like sports fans in Detroit spent all their money on Vikings-Giants tickets, if the turnout at the Pistons game was any indication. [Busted Coverage]
• The Avs’ Paul Stastny and Matt Duchene did a nifty little “Bang Bang” dance the other night. [Puck Daddy]
• Nothing says hockey like a dress. Yowsers. [The Slanch Report]
• If the Cowboys’ Keith Brooking’s pregame speech on Sunday was anything like this, it would have been awesome. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• So, the Washington Nationals’ Racing Presidents crashed The Nutcracker… [Big League Stew]
• Where is Zack Greinke going to land? [Rumors & Rants]
• Rock ‘em Sock ‘em Russian hockey rules. [Off the Bench]
• Kobe Bryant buffed Jeff Van Gundy’s head. Yep. [That NBA Lottery Pick]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Report: U.S. Kids Get Majority Of Antibiotics From McDonald’s
As the dust settles from the Cliff Lee Sweepstakes and everyone is allowed to take in a deep snort of air through their nostrils to clear their heads, there was one person was likely intricately involved in the overall process who wasn’t surprised how it all shook out, with Lee signing with the Phillies: Rangers manager Ron Washington. And he’s not being snooty about it, either. No really, this will blow your mind.
Via ESPN Dallas:
“I’m not surprised by anything that happens in baseball,” Washington said. “I wondered if they’d get involved because he played there before. He did what he felt was best for him and his family. I wish him well.”
Interesting. The tone of this post is amusing, you see, because I weakly attempted to make several cocaine-related jokes regarding Washington. Because subject matter as it pertains to feeble attempts at humor has to get pretty stale around these parts before I’ll pass on it. But that’s part of the Sportress’ enduring charm, right?
Cliff Lee doesn’t stun Ron Washington [ESPN Dallas]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
Posted by:• Headline: “NBA’s David Lee Has A Vagina In His Elbow.” Wait. What? [With Leather]
• Oh yeah: LOLNFL Week 14. This is the good stuff, kids. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Superman is dead: no more dunk contests for Dwight Howard. [The Basketball Jones]
• With Cliff Lee out of the picture, what is the Yankees’ plan for their starting rotation now? [Larry Brown Sports]
• Holy crap, check out these socks the Oregon Ducks are planning to wear in the BCS Championship Game. [Sharapova's Thigh]
• If you’re a referee, one player from the DeSoto County High School basketball team will flip ya. He’ll flip ya for real. [Bob's Blitz]
• This NHL Ugly Sweater party is going to be a rager! [TAUNTR]
• Was son’s health a factor in Cliff Lee’s decision? [Off the Bench]
• What in the hell was Ravens quarterback coach Jim Zorn wearing during Monday Night Football last night? [Shutdown Corner]
• According to my pal, Samerochocinco, Tashard Choice has nothing to apologize for regarding getting Michael Vick’s autograph. [Second String Fullback]
• How about we break down Cam Newton’s Heisman Trophy speech? [Daddy's Sugar Ball]
• The IIHF U20 World Junior Hockey Championships: a true Christmas miracle. At least to General Tao. But he’s a Canadian, so there you go. [Food Court Lunch]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: Landon Donovan – A Disgrace To The Soccer-Loving Country Of America
Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
Blaise Taylor, the son of Trooper Taylor, who happens to be the assistant head coach/wide receivers coach of the Auburn Tigers, is a 14-year-old student in the Auburn school district. A lawsuit was recently filed against said district due to claims that Blaise Taylor was denied playing time on Auburn Junior High’s JV basketball team because he wears his hair in braids.
Via USA Today:
A lawsuit claims Auburn junior varsity coach Frank Tolbert won’t let Blaise play on the team unless he changes his hairstyle. The suit says the rule violates free speech rights and is racially discriminatory because it targets a black hairstyle.
A lawyer for the Auburn school board defends the rule and says it applies to everyone, not just blacks.
They’re kidding, right? First of all, this kid is the son of an Auburn coach…in Auburn. One would think the kid would be treated like freaking royalty the way they are about their college football down there. Secondly, in this day and age, a school is seriously refusing to allow a player to participate because of braided hair? What year is this? But it’s good to know that the policy isn’t racially motivated, what with all the white kids these days wearing their hair in braids. Yeah, I know there are a few of them out there, but aren’t they mostly socially inept outcasts just trying to be different who likely have no interest nor aspirations to participate in competitive sports? I mean, the last white person who successfully pulled off the braids look was probably Bo Derek and that was over 30 years ago and tyat was for a damn movie starring Dudley Moore.
Oh yeah, there is one more white person rocking the braids: Axl Rose. We mustn’t forget about the Axl Man.
Player sues after coach denied playing time over hairstyle [USA Today]
Oh, did I mention Ms. Beard is not only a gold medal-winning Olympian, she has also dabbled in swimsuit modeling and posed for Playboy? Yep.
Nevertheless, despite Ms. Beard’s contributions to the Olympics, Maxim and internet horndoggery, the title of her memoir, slated for release in April 2012, has the most maudlin, heavy-handed, tug-at-the-heartstrings title of a book since, I don’t know, the unreleased Nicholas Sparks memoir, I Give Up: I Can’t Keep Writing This Drivel…And Here’s a Hint – The Chick Dies In This One.
The title of Beard’s upcoming memoir: In the Water They can’t See You Cry. Hoo boy.
Oh man, I bet you Bob Barker is so angry he could spit right about now. There is nothing that xenophobic old coot hates more than maple tree-humping Canadians, communist pig Russians and, um, Jeremy Roenick. Don’t ask me why, Bob just can’t stand that guy.
Fortunately for The Price is Right, Barker ain’t emceeing the show any longer – they have some guy who should be the cover boy for the website menwholooklikeoldlesbians.blogspot.com now (really, take a look at Drew Carey and tell me otherwise) – because on the Monday, December 20th edition of the show, hockey stars Sidney Crosby, Alexander Ovechkin and retired NHLer Jeremy Roenick will be guests to give out an NHL-themed showcase, which includes a trip to this season’s Winter Classic which will pit the Washington Capitals against the Pittsburgh Penguins on January 1st at Heinz Field.
Via NHL.com:
Host Drew Carey, Roenick, Crosby and Ovechkin will unveil the showcase that features tickets to watch the Penguins play against the Capitals in the historic outdoor game; VIP passes to the NHL’s New Year’s Eve Bash; field/ice-level access during the Capitals and Penguins team practices at Heinz Field on Friday, Dec. 31; and a brand new 2011 Honda CR-Z Sport Hybrid car.
Roenick also will introduce an NHL® prize that includes a once-in-a-lifetime trip to the 2011 Stanley Cup® Final and NHL-licensed products. Other NHL-related prizes include items from NHL partners Bridgestone, Reebok, Enterprise Rent-A-Car, LG and Starwood Hotels.
Pretty kick ass package, but the guys are getting totally jacked. They have to show up for an appearance at the long-running weekday morning staple and won’t even be allowed to be a contestant and hear the world-famous “Come on down!”? Lame.
Although one is left to wonder how any of these guys would have fared on the show anyway. Ovechkin likely wouldn’t even get out of the initial “One Bid” segment, unless the items up for bid were acid-washed jeans or compact discs from ’80s bands. Crosby? Sure, he might be able to make the closest bid without going over, but could you imagine how much of petulant little turd he would behave like if he lost in Plinko, or even worse, Cliff Hangers (for some reason, I reckon the Mountain Climber Guy’s “Yodelay Hee Hoo!” would drive Crosby right over the edge if he were to lose)? And Roenick? Crap, unless there’s a “Funky Cold Medina” karaoke contest, that guy would have no chance. And he’s not even neutered, for crying out loud.
Crosby, Ovechkin and Roenick to guest on Dec. 20 edition of ‘The Price is Right’ [NHL.com]
