Archive for December, 2010
How in the hell did the name Phyllis Mangina, who was the longtime women’s basketball coach at Seton Hall, elude my awareness for so long? That ain’t right, man. Her name is almost as hilariously appropriate as the women’s volleyball coach at Pepperdine, Clitty Fister* or the world famous instructor of modern dance, Phillip McRevice*.
* not actual people
[H/T FAIL Blog]
99% of everything that comes out of Charles Barkley’s mouth requires no embellishment. We should simply cherish the fact that there is no mechanism in his brain that filters his purest thoughts from getting articulated in their rawest form. Such is the case regarding what Sir Charles had to say while appearing on the “The Roundtable” on WJOX in Birmingham, Alabama.The topic of the Brett Favre sexting scandal came up, and of course, Chuck had a unique, sizable take on the topic (via Sports Radio Interviews):
“My biggest problem with the whole Brett Favre thing is if you’re going to send a woman a picture of your junk, it should be huge. You can’t send small junk to a woman and expect anything. Seriously you have to be like Ron Jeremy or some of those other porn stars. If you send a woman a picture of your junk, it should be humongous, it shouldn’t be small. That’s one of the Ten Commandments.”
How theo-schlong-ical of him. God bless Charles Barkley. Seriously, shouldn’t this guy be a poet laureate or something by now?
Charles Barkley On Tipping, Title Game, and Texting (Small Junk) [Sports Radio Interviews]
You know, for obvious reasons, in light of recent developments. Although I’m not even sure there is such a thing as an Armenian burial grounds. Huh.
Either way, Kobe Bryant (above, hugging teammate Derek Fisher during the event) got to take a trip down memory line yesterday while in his hometown of Philadelphia as his former school, Lower Merion High, a school he led to the 1996 PIAA state basketball championship, honored his commitment to the school as well as the generous donation of $411,000 he recently made by naming a gym after him.
Although 45 minutes late because of inclement weather, 4,000 people – some paying upwards of $250 to be there – were on hand to pay tribute to the local superstar. Several guests were on hand to honor Bryant, including his old coach, Gregg Downer, and Derek Fisher.
Via Philly.com:
Bryant’s coach at Lower Merion, Gregg Downer, even pointed out one crucial, little-known, fact: that Bryant still wears his Lower Merion shorts under his Lakers shorts.
“When the game is over, no more cameras, lights are off, he’s not the kind of guy who’d typically sign up for something like this,” explained Fisher. “This is not his kind of thing. . . . That’s the part of Kobe that I think is so greatly appreciated.”
Bryant himself spoke only briefly, admitting that public speaking made him nervous.
“This is where I came from. This is where I grew up,” Bryant said. “I didn’t go to college. This is my university. This is where my memories lie.”
Bryant concluded: “I’m going to calmly put myself out of my misery and slide back to my seat.”
While it’s all well and good that Bryant made a considerable donation to his alma mater and was appropriately honored, I have but one question: what is he doing to help the plight of Canadian elephants? That’s what I would like to know.
Lower Merion High names a gym after Kobe Bryant [Philly.com]
Tires? Seriously?
Although it will not air until Monday, an editor for The Washington Post procured advance footage of the appearance by Alexander Ovehckin, Sidney Crosby and Jeremy Roenick on The Price Is Right and allow me just to say, wow. Hockey players? More like hokey players, amirite?
Ovechkin appears like he’d rather be in a gulag in Siberia and Crosby is so tight that he looks like the Tin Man left outside during monsoon season. Roenick, to his credit, clearly is enjoying his time, hamming it up during his brief moment in game show paradise.
Still, that is a whole pile of awkward right there.
[H/T D.C. Sports Bog]
This series is brought to you by T.G.I. Friday’s, where every Sunday means Food, Fun & Football! Hut, hut, hut!
Another weekend of NFL action is upon us – well, there was a game last night, but it involved the 49ers, so there you go – and if you’re anything like me, you have begun to savor each and every Sunday of games, knowing that the regular season is in its last legs and soon enough, the playoffs and Super Bowl will be quickly here and gone and we will be left with no football for seemingly an eternity. Oh sure, there will be Arena League Football games come March, but isn’t that the viewing equivalent of wasting time watching a professional floor hockey league, if there ever were such a thing?
Hey, on second thought, that not be such a bad idea…
(Note to self: initiate online campaign, announce tryouts for the USFHL. Oh man, this is gonna be awesome!)
Anyhoo, moving on, let’s take a look at some of the super terrific NFL games on this weekend’s docket, shall we? The USFHL will have to wait a minute, but do not worry, I will keep you updated regarding any developments.
During his lengthy and successful NHL career, enforcer Georges Laraque let his considerable strength, size and sometimes, his fists do the talking. Now, on the outside world, the politically-active (he’s the Male Deputy Leader of the Green Party of Canada) and public advocate for PETA is now putting his money where his mouth is: Laraque recently came out in support of Lucy, the lone elephant at Edmonton’s zoo, and a movement to move her to a warmer, more comfortable and appropriate climate. So much so, in fact, that he has stated he is willing to pony up $100,000 of his own money to make it happen.
Laraque sent a letter to Edmonton Mayor Stephen Mandel to inform him of his philanthropic motives (via FOX Sports/The Canadian Press):
“Lucy’s serious health problems and the signs of mental distress that she has long exhibited are reason enough to send her to a sanctuary in a warmer climate, but I hope that my proposal creates even more incentive…
“…Hopefully, all the plans to revitalize downtown Edmonton will draw even more entertainment events to the area. However, the zoo’s expensive, out-of-date elephant exhibit only stands in the way of progress.”
Laraque’s offer of monetary support is certainly commendable and he should be lauded for his efforts to make the world a better place, one elephant at a time and any light shed on his efforts is worthwhile. However, being the goofball that I am, my simple mind cannot help but be transfixed over the idea of a movie mashup of My Own Private Idaho and Operation Dumbo Drop. The idea of two street hustlers, one of them a gay narcoleptic and the other one, um, portrayed by Keanu Reeves, doing their damnedest to help assist Green Berets in transporting an elephant during the Vietnam War. Now that, my friends, would be compelling filmmaking, especially if Gus Van Sant would be at the helm directing it. But no Denis Leary. That guy is box office poison.
Ex-hockey player lobbies for elephant [FOX Sports/The Canadian Press]
Talk about an extraordinarily prescient action. San Francisco 49ers defensive tackle Justin Smith was ejected from last night’s game against the San Diego Chargers in the 2nd quarter after he shoved official Garth (Party on, Wayne) DeFelice – a Bermanism occurrence! – as he was mixing it up with some opponents after DeFelice attempted to separate him from some Chargers players. Personally, I didn’t take in the Thursday Night Football action – I had paint drying that needed watching and a sock drawer that needed rearranging.
At that point in the game, the Chargers were only up 7-0, but as we all know now, a beatdown was about to ensue, as the Chargers went on to whip the inept 49ers to to the tune of 34-7. The fact that he was ejected prior to the game getting out of hand begs the question: did Smith have foreknowledge of the events to come and whether he was consciously aware of it or not, purposely got himself removed before the carnage? Spooky.
Video of Smith’s mea culpa while meeting with reporters after the game follows.
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, comments and complaints to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• Via MSNBC: “‘WikiLeaks… Butterfly doesn’t,’ boasts Butterfly brand sanitary pad company in their new campaign, which is gracing two billboards in Karachi, Pakistan’s capital. A print campaign and a third billboard are on the way, RG Blue Communications, the ad agency behind the campaign…” Clever. But Pakistan? Weird. [MSNBC]
• Did Jon Gruden have something to do with Randy Shannon getting fired at Miami? [SPORTSbyBROOKS]
• Oh my God! Mass teddy bear suicide at minor league hockey game! [Off the Bench]
• Danny Woodhead gear is outselling Wes Welker and Tom Brady stuff. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Tiki Barber likes to get pornographic with his football analysis. [Bob's Blitz]
• Clearly, Chargers NT Antonio Garay spends more time on his hair than a woman does. [Busted Coverage]
• The Tiger Woods Drama was voted AP Sports Story of the Year. You know, because it had so much to do with sports. [Awful Announcing]
• My pals at R&R give out their college football awards, and trust me, these aren’t your boring, run-of-the-mill awards. [Rumors & Rants]
• NCAA Volleyball groupies rule. [Hugging Harold Reynolds]
• Apparently, Drew Brees is well-mannered. [The Last Angry Fan]
• Yeah, I suppose a Tim Tebow start in Denver could be intriguing… [The Legend of Cecilio Guante]
• An amusing series of Celtics Photoshops. [TAUNTR]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Opium-Inspired Ad Executive Composes Epic Tums Jingle
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
Posted by:
• A Cleveland radio station has edited LeBron’s name out of a Jay-Z song. Oh, sweet revenge. [Ball Don't Lie]
• Rex Ryan makes his triumphant return to KSK. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Wanna buy Cincinnati Bengals season tickets? No? Would a box of popcorn change your mind? [Out of Bounds]
• A grass roots campaign Twitter campaign has been started to get John Daly into next year’s Waste Management Phoenix Open. [Devil Ball Golf]
• So, uh, the Redskins practiced at a Lifetime Fitness. [D.C. Sports Bog]
• Hulk Hogan’s wedding sure sounded fun. [With Leather]
• Here’s what it might look like when Shaq serves as conductor for the Boston Pops. [TAUNTR]
• A new Maria Sharapova video? Yes, please. [Sharapova's Thigh]
• The dudes at DSB answer John Clayton’s mailbag. [Daddy's Sugar Ball]
• Colin Cowherd’s assclownery might cause him to get in a bit of trouble. [Ted Williams Head]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: Center Worried He Did Something To Make Quarterback Call So Many Shotgun Formations
Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
Ozzie Claus? If that isn’t a disconcerting thought, well, I don’t know what is.The strings of profanity spewing out of his mouth alone would be enough to traumatize small children. And some overly-sensitive adults.
Now that, my friends, is a brilliant video. There is so much going on that dazzles the eyes and delights the ears. Ozzie’s holiday-themed sweater. His violent shaking of the bobblehead. The partial shirt lift. The multitude of bleeps. His verbal sparring with the director (“I’m not going to read that…not yet.”
You know what? Keep the tickets. I’ll gladly pay the $171 as long as someone puts Ozzie in front of a camera, has him wear something absolutely ridiculous and forces him to read a script off cue cards. That’s money well spent, folks.
[H/T Deadspin]
Like, far out, man. It’s almost like St. Louis Blues defenseman Carlo Colaiacovo is coming right at you and if it were not for the glass, he would have ended up right in the laps of all the hockey fans watching the Red Wings-Blues game on FSN Detroit.
The esteemed Wysh over at Puck Daddy makes the argument that this is proof positive that NHL action would be mesmerizing in 3D. I am inclined to agree.
Video follows.
Dear Lord. Terrifying. Certifiably, positively, unquestionably disturbing. Potentially emotionally scarring, even. And Lamar Odom made the conscious decision to freaking marry into this hot mess. And to the ugliest Kardashian harlot, no less.
I suppose this is what rich families who masquerade as celebrities do for their annual Christmas card. It looks more to me like a bunch of figures from a wax museum momentarily came to life and dressed up in garish attire before returning to frozen, lifeless, inanimate objects.
Yeah, I guess I won’t be sleeping tonight. for Christ’s sake, Bruce Jenner’s wax doppelganger could be coming to get me. Actually, “Bruce Jenner” and “wax doppelganger” is somewhat of a redundant statement. Please excuse my error.
[H/T The Basketball Jones]
Christian Laettner, one of the most notorious douchebags ever spawned by the Duke Blue Devils basketball program, has announced his intention to begin working out with first-year ABA team Jacksonville Giants. Boy, how lucky are those guys, right?
But have no fear, anti-Dukies, Laettner has no intention of reviving his satisfyingly marginal professional basketball career; the petulant, pretentious and pompous former pro simply has grown tired of his regular workout routine and thought it would be a hoot to practice with the Giants, who are based only a short distance away from his home in Ponte Vedra Beach, and dazzle players he undoubtedly believes will gladly genuflect and bask in his magnificent aura of success…at least in the college ranks.
“I’m tired of my daily routine workouts and look forward to a little five-on-five with these Giants,’’ Laettner said.
Poor Christian Laettner. Nothing to do to pass the time but work out and then spend hour upon hour admiring himself in the mirror. It’s a hard knock life, but I guess somebody’s got to do it.
Former Duke star Christian Laettner to work out with Jacksonville Giants [The Florida Times-Union]
There are few sights more welcome in life than heading out to a pool and seeing Poon in there.
And before anyone gets all up in a snizz about it – I mean tizz – by “seeing Poon in there,” I of course mean that she is a very talented swimmer and a joy to watch. In fact, you should have seen the time when Michael Phelps raced out of the locker room after hearing about Poon being in the pool.
Poon.
Poon earns 100-metre freestyle berth thanks to Canadian record [The Vancouver Sun]
So, the opening round of the South African Open at the Durban Country Club in, coincidentally, South Africa, has been suspended after a deluge of torrential downpours washed out the course, and I was not going to sit idly by without making the mandatory reference to the 1983 Toto classic, “Africa”
That’s how I roll, folks. Deal with it.
SA Open faces change of format after washout [ESPN UK]
