Archive for December, 2010
Talk about a freak injury. New Orleans Saints wide receiver had to be carried off the field after injuring himself when he tripped over a photographer during the Saints’ postseason-clinching 17-14 victory over the Atlanta Falcons on Monday night. Making matters worse, if possible, is that Meachem was coming off his best game of the season, catching 10 passes for 101 yards. Meachem’s status is uncertain at this time, but hopefully he’ll be in good enough shape to play next week where he can up the comically unfair injury ante by getting his head stuck in a cone on the sideline.
It is simply crazy to think that a professional football player, given the incredible potential for injury their job entails, could hurt themselves in such a seemingly innocuous incident. Although it should be pointed out that these kind of things happen all the time, where a person gets injured, far away from the inherent risks found at their job: the construction worker cutting his hand while slicing vegetables, the fireman throwing his back out while getting clothes out of the dryer or even worse, me pulling a hamstring while walking up a flight of stairs, or any other activity which requires minimal physical exertion.
Just be careful out there, folks. The world is a dangerous place.
New Orleans Saints’ Robert Meachem injured in collision with photographer [NOLA]
You see, this lackluster attempt at a backflip more than sufficiently illustrates why attempts at such stunts should be left to well-trained, incredibly coordinated, professional athletes…you know, like MMA fighters, for instance.
Oh wait. Never mind. Carry on, Backflip Faceplant Guy. Just be sure to record your next brilliant stunt.
[H/T FAIL Blog]
In what sure will whip up TCU fans into, um, whatever it is a Horned Frog will do when its angry, ESPN.com’s Rose Bowl shop is prematurely selling 2011 Rose Bowl t-shirts coronating the Wisconsin Badgers as champions.
Now, a lot of people are going to assert that the decision to sell these shirts before the game has even been played illustrates the biases inherent to the current BCS setup as it pertains to its attitudes regarding mid-major teams, but I have another theory: TCU fans are too smart and classy to even think of purchasing a “Rose Bowl Champions” shirt while Wisconsin fans are so cocky, brazen and overconfident that they believe a Rose Bowl victory for the Badgers in the “Granddaddy Of Them All” is a foregone conclusion. Either that or ESPN doesn’t think they have the internet in Fort Worth yet. One of the two. Or possibly there’s some other reason to explain all of it. Don’t ask me, I’m no expert in e-commerce.
At least we know that if the Badgers somehow lose to the Horned Frogs, there will some very happy kids in some Third World Nation who will be sporting these shirts in no time. That’s nice.
[H/T Friends of the Program]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• Cynthia Colson. a 44-year-old idiot from Deltona, Florida, called 911 at least four times to complain about the lengths of her nails after a manicure. Ultimately, she was arrested, and hopefully, put down. [msnbc]
• According to an ESPN graphic, the Vikings are still in the hunt for a playoff spot. [Busted Coverage]
• Not surprisingly, the NBA dominated television viewership on Christmas day. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Golf Course Porn is a nice way to kill some time. [Wei Under Par]
• Notre Dame and Miami are barring their players from crossing over into Mexico during the teams’ Sun Bowl trip. Good luck with that. [Off the Bench]
• Here are the top 10 MLB stories of the year according to the gals at Babes Love Baseball. [Babes Love Baseball]
• Video of the amazing Gilbert Arenas buzzer beater that wasn’t. [Outside the Boxscore]
• What did the Vikings do to pass the time while stuck in Philly? Eat cheesesteaks, of course. [The700Level]
• 22-year-old World Surfing Champion Stephanie Gilmore was attacked by some thug wielding a metal pole at her apartment in New South Wales. [Bob's Blitz]
• Mike Singletary is now the fourth NFL coach not to have a job anymore. [Second-String Fullback]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Classmates.com Employees Don’t Have Heart To Tell CEO About Facebook
Site Note: Like yesterday, I’ll once again be contributing some posts over at With Leather today. Be sure to stop on by.
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
Posted by:
• How in the bloody hell did this basketball stay on the rim for so long? [Larry Brown Sports]
• Amazing video of a puck landing in a some fan’s beer at a minor league hockey game. [Busted Coverage]
• My pal Josiah got to interview former NFL wideout Isaac Bruce. [Off the Bench]
• Here’s Ron Artest diving into the Heat bench on Christmas. [Bob's Blitz]
• In other Ron Artest news, he successfully auctioned off his championship ring for $500k. It’s all for charity, so it’s all good. [Ball Don't Lie]
• A ball thrown by Kerry Collins gave one of his teammates a concussion…on the sideline. [With Leather]
• Christmas Basketbrawls truly are the Lord’s work. [TAUNTR]
• Is the Troy Smith Era in the NFL already over? [Rumors & Rants]
• Hey, U.S. Women’s Bobsledding Team: you’re doing it wrong. [Ted Williams Head]
• Jesus Christ is Peter King an annoying person. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: NASA Announces Plan To Launch $700 Million Into Space
Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
Once again, LeBron James has been forced into backpedaling mode after something he said sent scores of people into a tizzy. This time, it was due to statements he made last Thursday regarding how the talent pool in the league is watered-down and it would benefit the NBA to get rid of some teams.
In case you’re playing catch-up, here’s what King James had to say (via ESPN):
“Hopefully the league can figure out one way where it can go back to the ’80s where you had three or four All-Stars, three or four superstars, three or four Hall of Famers on the same team,” James said. “The league was great. It wasn’t as watered down as it is [now].”
“[Contraction] is not my job; I’m a player but that is why it, the league, was so great,” James said.
“Imagine if you could take Kevin Love off Minnesota and add him to another team and you shrink the [league]. Looking at some of the teams that aren’t that great, you take Brook Lopez or you take Devin Harris off these teams that aren’t that good right now and you add him to a team that could be really good. Not saying let’s take New Jersey and let’s take Minnesota out of the league. But hey, you guys are not stupid, I’m not stupid, it would be great for the league.”
His comments didn’t sit well with some people, particularly New Jersey Nets head coach Avery Johnson, who took exception to James’ take on the state of the NBA. But here’s the deal, people. As you can see, the word “contraction” was inserted into LeBron’s quote. He didn’t actually say the word. In fact, he doesn’t even know what “contraction” means, for Pete’s sake. Via ESPN:
“That’s crazy, because I had no idea what the word ‘contraction’ meant before I saw it on the Internet,” James said after the Miami Heat’s practice Monday. “I never even mentioned that. That word never even came out of my mouth. I was just saying how the league was back in the ’80s and how it could be good again. I never said, ‘Let’s take some of the teams out.’ “
Aha! That is sound, logical reasoning right there. How can LeBron be in favor of something if he has never even heard of the word until he saw it on the internet? Allow me to illustrate: let’s say – simply for the sake of argument only – that some misguided pundit argued that killing some of the babies born into the world every day would be an effective means of population control. Obviously, such a deplorable opinion would generate a lot of controversy. But if someone later asked said pundit how they possibly could be in favor of infanticide, that person could potentially argue that if they have never heard of the word “infanticide” before, how could they be in favor of it? Unless a person can identify the exact word which perfectly describes some particular act, they cannot in any way support said act, even if that person previously stated they were in favor of exactly what that particular word means. It’s all about semantics, you see.
Well played, LeBron. Well played. Your keen mastery of logic mystifies us all.
LeBron James clarifies comments [ESPN]
Nah, I’m just kidding. It likely will not be the balmy 50 degree temperature – which is the current New Year’s Day forecast for the Pittsburgh area for the NHL Winter Classic between the Capitals and the Penguins at Heinz Field – that will be the cause of a buttload of trouble for the ice surface. According to NHL operations facilities manager Dan Craig, the ice surface can be easily kept at the requisite 22 degrees courtesy of a state of the art refrigeration system. Instead it will be the sheets of rain falling on the ice which will wreak havoc, possibly to such a degree that it could be deemed unplayable.
That’s why the NHL – the clever bastards that they are – have several contingency plans in place if for some reason the game cannot be held at 1:00 on January 1st. In fact, the league has something they are referring to as a “long window” in which the game can be played.
Via the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review:
If the game cannot be played Saturday, the league has reserved Heinz Field for Sunday and will attempt to play the game then, according to an e-mail from Jamey Horan, NHL vice president of player development/event communications.
If the game cannot be played Saturday or Sunday, it will be rescheduled for later in the season in Consol Energy Center. No details were available regarding ticketing or refunds.
Sounds like the NHL dotted all their “t’s” and crossed all their “i’s” for this one, which is kind of a funny joke when said out loud as opposed to reading it typed out. Get it? Crossed “eyes,” as in their eyes are crossed because they’re dolts? Seriously, you should try it. Say it with me. Come on, man, don’t be a such a stick in the mud. Bringing the funny requires a collaborative effort between reader and writer here at the Sportress. Clearly I cannot do it all on my own.
Temps in 50s, rain threaten Classic [Pittsburgh Tribune-Review]
You are struggling through yet another woefully underachieving season. Disgruntled fans are throwing waffles at you. You’re in New Jersey, of all the Godforsaken places on this planet. Now this.
Following a 4-1 win over the Devils, the Maple Leafs team bus was stranded for four hours last night on New Jersey Route 24 after authorities shut down a stretch of Route 24 due to the wintry weather conditions currently afflicting the Northeast, although I would like to point out that this storm appears like child’s play to a hearty Minnesotan soul like myself, but that’s another story altogether.
Seriously, imagine it: being stuck on a bus from 11:00 at night until 3:00 in the freaking morning. In New Jersey. Yeesh. I wonder what they did to pass the time. Is it possible that they strapped on the skates for a game of pickup hockey on the frozen roadway, kind of like that Verizon Wireless commercial featuring Alex Ovechkin where the Capitals take on the Flyers on the iced over tarmac? Because that would have been cool. At the same time, the Maple Leafs would have somehow figured out a way for every player participating to lose. You know, because they suck and stuff.
Blizzard strands Maple Leafs on bus for 4 hours [Chicago Breaking Sports]
Penis Investigator? Pecker Inspector? Prick Injester? Professional Irritant? Okay, “injester” isn’t even a word and those four examples can hardly be considered comedy gold, but what if I told you that at this moment I am wearing my “F.B.I. (Female Body Inspector)” t-shirt ? Would that do anything for you? No? Alrighty then.
(note: that’s not me in the above photo – just wanted to make that clear)
Anyway, alleged Tiger Woods paramour Rachel Uchitel recently stated during an interview with FOX News that now that she has checked “Achieve Worldwide Fame As A Homewrecker” off her career options checklist, her new goal in life is to become a P.I. In fact, she is currently in training to accomplish that very stated goal. Uchitel “learned to shoot a weapon” and “had to Taser someone the other day.” Ooh. Kinky.
Although – and to be fair – it is not surprising that Uchitel has an interest in missing persons cases given her personal life. The first time she appeared in the public spotlight was when a grief-stricken photo of her searching for her missing fiance after the 9/11 attacks appeared in the New York Post.
Here’s what Uchitel had to say about her budding new career (via the Toronto Star):
“Having my own detective agency would be something I’d love to do,” she told Fox.
“I’m actually trying to convince some of my friends to invest in cadaver dogs and come down with me on vacation to Orlando to search for a missing girl. I’ve been obsessed with finding missing people for so long.”
Wowee, does that sound like a killer vacation or what? I wish I was one of her friends. “Hey guys, how about we buy some cadaver dogs and go poking around Orlando and see if we can find some missing girl’s dead body? Wouldn’t that be a hoot?” Lamest. Vacation. Ever.
Former Tiger Woods mistress studying to be a P.I. [Toronto Star]
A couple of weeks ago, Barkley was riffing on Brett Favre and how a man sending photos of his small junk to women violates the Ten Commandments. Next up? Rex Ryan’s alleged dalliances with foot fetishism. Here’s Chuck expertly sidesteps questions regarding what kind of fetishes he might be into and what he thinks the Jets should do to bust Rex’s chops about his supposed perversions (via Sports Radio Interviews):
What kind of fetishes he has that people would find interesting:
“Clearly you don’t want to be on TV anymore or radio if you don’t want to know about the Chuck fetishes. Hey, I would have the FCC light up like a Christmas tree… But I have got to say this, Rex Ryan is the best. I love Rex Ryan, he is the best.”
Whether he would joke with Rex Ryan if he were one of his players and if so, what he would do:
“Oh yeah, you have go to. Well if I was on that team, the next meeting I would have every player and every coach come in without shoes on, something like that. Dan that is the best thing about playing sports is the time you make fun of each other. Everybody comes in without their shoes on, something like that.”
Classic. And since it’s all in the spirit of making fun of each other, setting aside the incredible humiliation of it all, Ryan most assuredly would think it was all good and quite the amusing jab. It’s all about the delivery and timing, I guess.
Barkley on Rex Ryan: “If I was on that team, I would have every player and every coach come in without shoes on” [Sports Radio Interviews]
Oh man. That is some awfully epic Photoshoppery fail right there.
The digs on the haphazardly thrown together card, courtesy of ESPN’s NFL Nation blog:
I’m told the idea for the card was hatched a good while back, probably in October. So let’s not go too crazy with it as a message sender.
Adams and some Christmas hats were photo-shopped in, and the owner got to wish people happy holidays with his beloved quarterback leaning on his shoulder. There is nothing unusual about an owner wanting to be flanked by two of his stars.
Nope, nothing wrong with it at all. And despite the fact that the idea was come up with long before his ugly split with Vince Young, I imagine the card was definitely not seen as glad tidings and well wishes by one Jeff Fisher, who has at least somewhat laid out an “It’s me or him” situation with his former starting quarterback, a mess Adams will have no choice but addressing this offseason.
But beyond that little nugget of after-the-fact symbolism, what really matters here is that an incredibly wealthy NFL franchise actually sent these half-assed abominations out as their holiday card. Ouch. Why not add some MS Paint graphics to this thing and hit the mother lode of amateurish imagery?
Titans’ holiday card symbolic of big issue [NFL Nation]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s link dump. Send tips, link submissions, comments and complaints to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• Officials in the town of Kimberly, Wisconsin wanted to commemorate the 100th anniversary of their city by digging up a time capsule which was buried 25 years ago. Problem is, no one knows where its buried. Only in Wisconsin. [Yahoo!/AP]
• So long, 49ers coach Mike Singletary. It was a nice run. Well, it was a run. [Shutdown Corner]
• Here’s some video of LeBron and Kobe talking smack to one another. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Norv Turner’s reign of average in San Diego has got to be over now, right? [Rumors & Rants]
• All this kid wanted for Christmas was for St. Tebow to see his “You Are My Hero” sign. [Busted Coverage]
• The race for NFL coach of the year should be interesting. [The Legend of Cecilio Guante]
• Ravens safety Ed Reed stood too close to the heaters during yesterday’s game and his jacket caught on fire. [It's Always Sunny In Detroit]
• Manningface, redux. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Pennsylvania’s governor wasn’t a fan of canceling the Eagles-Vikings game. [Bob's Blitz]
• Hey look! Another NBA team singing Christmas songs! [That NBA Lottery Pick]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: New Device Desirable, Old Device Undesirable
Site News: Posts this morning will be sparse here at the Sportress as I will be moonlighting and providing some guest postage over at With Leather. Be sure to head on over there and say hello.
In the spirit of the holiday season, please gather the young ones around and read them this delightful tale, courtesy of the holidazzling Spencer Hall of Every Day Should Be Saturday…but this is only an excerpt, you see. If you would like to read the entire story – and why wouldn’t you? – please travel through the tubes to EDSBS!
Craig James: You! Your Christmas is going great, but do you want it to go greaterer? Do you want to do Jesus birthday right? Do you not do Jesus birthday? Why not? Don’t you believe in Jesus? Katy Perry, don’t you believe in Jesus?
Katy Perry: Presents! Who are you?
Craig James: Ha ha that is a good question, Kately. I’m Craig James, football star and television personality.
Katy Perry: You played basketball? I LOVE BASKETBALL.
Craig James: That’s right, Cary. And I also love Christmas.
Katy: I love it too! My husband got me a special gift for Christmas!
[Perry begins squirting whipped cream from her boob-cannons]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
Posted by:• You can sponsor LeBron’s birthday party. Of course you can. [The Basketball Jones]
• The fellas at BC are all over the sordid details regarding what I have dubbed the “This Little Piggy Went ‘Wee! Wee! Wee!’ All The Way Home-Gate” today. Have a look-see. [Busted Coverage]
• The minor league baseball team St. Paul Saints will be giving out Metrodome Whoopee Cushions. Sweet. [Off The Bench]
• Something odd happened at Utah State. Well, at least something happened, right? [With Leather]
• Speaking of odd things happening in boring locales, things are getting pretty weird in Cleveland as well. [Rumors & Rants]
• Headline writing as its finest: “Jordan reignites rivalry with Thomas by destroying franchise of his own.” [TAUNTR]
• Goalie fight! [Bob's Blitz]
• Terry Bradshaw could once throw a football right through commercial dimensions. [PSAMP]
• Well, look at that: the Seahawks cheerleaders are in the Christmas spirit. [Deuce of Davenport]
• Awesome video of Matt Cooke’s prank on BizNasty from HBO’s 24/7. [Puck Daddy]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: Senator Dikembe Mutombo Blocks Record Amount Of Legislation
Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
I have no idea why, but this photo comes courtesy of Andy Gray, keeper of the treasured and beloved SI Vault. Why are there photos of Jerry Stiller in the SI Vault? No clue. Simply enjoy it. Some Blue Nun might help with that.
[via]
