Archive for December, 2010
Still your beating hearts, lovers of the Spaniard tennis phenom, because you are about to get a whole eyeful of Rafael Nadal, now that it has been announced that he will be the next world famous athlete – following in the sock-stuffing paths blazed by soccer stars David Beckham and Cristiano Ronaldo – to model underwear for Armani.
Via The Telegraph:
The latest sporting legend to strip off to sell pants is world number one tennis player Rafael Nadal, who will appear as the face and, more importantly, six-pack of Giorgio Armani underwear and Armani Jeans for spring/summer 2011. Nadal has already been shot by top fashion photographers Mert Alas and Marcus Piggot, but we won’t get to see the results until February next year.
I’m sure this is very exciting news for the lady-set out there in Internetland, and some guys, too (not that there’s anything wrong with that). Although I still cannot understand why Armani hasn’t come knocking on my door and asked me to model their skivvies. Yet another example of how devastatingly bloggers are railroaded in this cruel, cruel world.
Rafael Nadal to strip off for Armani underwear [The Telegraph]
With the entire city of Chicago mourning the sad passing of beloved Cubs icon Ron Santo with the wake yesterday and the funeral today, one mourner clearly believed the only way he could properly articulate his grief was to express it in words…with a Sharpie…on the Red Line’s Grand Avenue station stop…with an amusing sprinkling of misspelled words.
Ron Brakes, saying he was “trying to do a good thing,” was arrested and charged with criminal defacement of property and possession of a marker with intent to deface.” Weird. Before today, I have never heard of the heinous crime of possession of a marker with intent to deface. Learn something new every day, I guess.
From a report in the Chicago Sun-Times (via Big League Stew):
“Good! Buy! Ron Santo! Cubs Best Cub Thirt-Baseman Forever Love Always God,” Brakes, 48, scribbled on the platform wall, according to a police report.
Ha. There’s a whole bunch of wrong going on there. But I suppose we shouldn’t judge the man too harshly. He is imploring us to “Love Always God.” Either that or he was trying to pass the buck by signing his message as God but neglected to insert a comma between “Love Always” and “God.” He’s a crafty one, that Ron Brakes.
Ah, geez: Grieving Ron Santo fan arrested for vandalism [Big League Stew]
With the Toronto Maple Leafs meandering through another miserable season (10-14-4, last place in the Northeast Division), the fans appear to be getting a bit surly. And what does a surly Canadian hockey fan do when they reach their wit’s end with the once proud but now beleaguered franchise after watching the current assembled squad half-ass its way to a 4-1 loss to the Philadelphia Flyers on Thursday night? Simple: throw waffles on the ice.
Wait. What?
Via the Toronto Sun:
When the final horn sounded at the conclusion of the game between the Maple Leafs and Philadelphia Flyers on Thursday night at the Air Canada Centre, a pile of waffles was thrown on to the ice, with one of them hitting the stick of Leafs defenceman Francois Beauchemin.
“Who brings waffles to the game?” a bemused Chris Pronger, the Flyers defenceman, said afterward.
Beauchemin brushed off the breakfast food attack.
“I didn’t see what it was,” Beauchemin said. “Something came to my stick. The way we’re playing, it is frustrating for everybody.”
Hilarious. Since reading this story an hour or two ago, I have been trying to come up with an angle regarding Angry Waffle Chucker Guy. What was his motivation? Is there some kind of hidden message embedded in his rather unique choice of throwing the breakfast food staple? What kind of waffle was it? Eggo, Aunt Jemima’s or homemade? Belgian, buttermilk or original? Why not pancakes or french toast? Did he (or she) eat the sausages? So many questions. Although on a personal note, in light of this story, I now know what I’m having for lunch today: an omelette. What?
(Note: video quality isn’t the best. If a higher quality alternative emerges, I will replace this one)
Flying waffles invade the ACC [Toronto Sun]
Grey skies are gonna clear up, put on a happy face
Since Calvin Johnson joined the maligned Detroit Lions franchise after being drafted by the team in the 2007 draft, the team has gone a putrid 11-49, including 2-10 so far this season. And it appears all that losing is finally starting to take its toll on the talented wide receiver. So much so, in fact, that Johnson did not mince words during his weekly radio appearance Thursday on WXYT-FM (97.1). When asked if he was happy playing for the Lions and how that will play into whether or not he will elect to re-sign with the team when his rookie contract expires after next season, Johnson opened up and let it all hang out (via the Detroit Free Press):
“Put it like this, if we turn this thing into a winner, I’m happy,” Johnson said. “I’ve won 11 games since I’ve been here in four years. Losing definitely sucks, and you definitely don’t want to be around losing. You can’t get used to that. I can’t get used to it because I haven’t come from that. I’ve been used to winning. And if this thing can’t get turned around, man, like I said — I’m just going to leave it at I can’t get used to it. I want to win.”
Ouch. That cannot sound good to Lions fans at all…all 100 of them. Johnson is easily the most talented and productive offensive player on the Lions’ roster – in 57 games, he has 255 receptions and 33 touchdowns – and if he decides to bolt after next season, the progress, albeit limited (but hey, we’re talking about the Lions here – any upswing is good), the team has made over the past two seasons with Jim Schwartz as the head coach, along with the drafting of future All-Pro Ndamukong Suh this season, could be all for naught. Add to Johnson’s possible departure the fact that their supposed franchise quarterback can’t stop suffering shoulder injuries, and the Lions might be headed in the wrong direction once again. What’s worse, Matt Millen isn’t running the disaster up in Detroit any longer, which means there isn’t a bevy of first round wide receiver flameouts to take Johnson’s place. Wait. That might be a good thing.
Calvin Johnson on future with Lions: ‘I want to win’ [Detroit Free Press]
That's not a bowling ball!
After transferring from Marquette to Tennessee in December, 2009, forward Jeronne Maymon had to sit out one year before he was eligible to play for the Volunteers. With the year just about up, one thing is preventing Maymon from making his debut on Saturday against Pittsburgh:
A passing grade in a bowling class he took during fall semester, one of the five classes Maymon was enrolled in.
Unfortunately, his grade in the class PYED206 (Description: “Introduction to ball selection, approach, spot bowling, rules, scoring, etiquette, and basic terminology necessary for enjoyable recreational bowling.”), has not yet been posted.
Via The Dagger:
“All my grades are in; just need one to get posted on the main (web) site,” the 6-foot-7 Maymon told the News-Sentinel. “It’s exciting, but I’m also a little nervous about playing in the game.”
Oh man, I can only imagine what the final exam in a bowling class must be like. Hopefully, Maymon didn’t allow the tremendous pressure cloud his focus and make a horrible mistake by stepping over the line. Remember, this is bowling we’re talking about here. Unlike Nam, there are rules.
Bowling grade will determine Tennessee forward’s eligibility [The Dagger]
Hummina hummina.
The lovely and talented Arianny Celeste, easily the world’s most famous – and sexiest – UFC Ring Card Girl, recently hosted a Playboy party at the Palms in Las Vegas. Thankfully for all the internet horndoggers out there, she was kind enough to make an appearance on the red carpet and show off what God gave her. Hallelujah.
You might be asking yourself, what does this have to do with sports? Well, to be perfectly honest, not much, although you have to admit that Miss Celeste is tangentially related to UFC, which is a sport, and that, my friends, was good enough for me.
[H/T Heyman Hustle]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, comments and complaints to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• Wrapped in Christmas paper and ribbons and bows, a package with a tag that read “To Jessie, From Santa” had a very festive treat inside: $400,000 worth of marijuana, police said. A 29-year-old self-employed musician at the residence said the package was for him. Man, those cops. What a bunch of Grinches. [MSNBC]
• Why the hell not? Here’s a photo of Mike Ditka wearing Uggs. [Larry Brown Sports]
• This could very well be the soccer save of the century. [Off the Bench]
• Mark Cuban on the Nets owner: “He’s a pussy.” Nice. [The Last Angry Fan]
• Roger Clemens showed up for a court appearance in a suit I swear was worn by Michael Keaton in the movie Johnny Dangerously. [The Sports Hernia Blog]
• At last, the annual story of a lawyer who files a motion to continue case because of the BCS National Championship Game. [Busted Coverage]
• Red Sox GM Theo Epstein is making it rain, y’all! [TAUNTR]
• Hannah Storm showed some skin during a public appearance last night. [Bob's Blitz]
• The 12 Days of Manningfacemas are upon us. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Craig Sager’s crazy suits are offensive to Kevin Garnett. [Awful Announcing]
• Titans coach Jeff Fisher says the Titans locker room is better without Vince Young around. I’m sure the losing ain’t helping, though. [Rumors & Rants]
• Jesus, NFL-themed Christmas presents are expensive…and crappy. [TheWizWit]
• Newlywed/Dodgers player Clayton Kershaw can certainly bust a move. [Vin Scully Is My Homeboy]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Area Man Has No Ideas Where To Get An Envelope
Help us, Shark Hunter Quint: you’re our only hope. Oh yeah, Quint ain’t real. But that Robert Shaw sure was convincing in that role, wasn’t he? “Cage goes in the water, you go in the water. Shark’s in the water. Our shark.” Awesome.
Where was I? Oh yeah, a single female whitetip shark is causing quite a ruckus at the Egyptian Red Sea resort in Cairo, as it is suspected that she is the sole shark responsible in three out of five recent attacks on tourists. According to a Reuters report, three Russians and a Ukrainian were attacked in the span of two days last week, suffering serious injuries.
A whitetip seen minutes before the first attacks on two of the Russians has been identified as the shark photographed when the German woman was attacked five days later, said Elke Bojanowski, an expert on the Red Sea’s whitetip sharks.
She said the shark still appeared to be in the area.
“Instead of briefly grabbing for testing or tasting purposes, this female apparently considers human swimmers as a potential food source,” she said.
Wow. You see folks, what we are dealing with here is a perfect engine, an eating machine. It’s really a miracle of evolution. All this machine does is swim and eat and make little sharks, and that’s all.
Jeepers creepers.
Same shark linked to three attacks [Yahoo!/Reuters]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
Posted by:
• Here comes Shaq-a-Claus, here comes Shaq-a-Claus, right down Shaq-a-Claus lane… [The Basketball Jones]
• If you ain’t reading Rick Chandler’s weekly feature, Cafe Americain, you should be ashamed of yourself. [Out of Bounds]
• In Russia, tossing your girlfriend off a rooftop is apparently all the rage. [With Leather]
• Yao Ming knows all about the Konami Code? Wow. [Ball Don't Lie]
• Holy crap, SI has another columnist writing FJM-worthy pieces besides Peter King? [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Can’t blame them: Heaven is concerned over God’s obsession with reuniting Tim Tebow and Urban Meyer. [TAUNTR]
• Lingerie Football League bowl uniforms, anyone? [Bob's Blitz]
• Craziness: a woman’s basketball was used for the first few minutes of the Oakland-Illinois game last night. [Busted Coverage]
• How very cromulent: Antoine Walker airballs a free throw shot in a D-League game. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Speculating on Urban Meyer’s next job. [Daddy's Sugar Ball]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: Busy Man Has So Many Things He Needs To Get Oh, Look, ‘Tin Cup’ Is On
Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com. The power of Claus compels you!
Yesterday, the Sportress brought you the news that Alexander Ovechkin signed an endorsement deal with Gillette. Well here is the “Well Groomed Unfrozen Caveman Hockey Player” at the trendy D.C. nightclub One Source on Tuesday night. Of course, Alex did not forget the ultimate accessory: a Russian chick on each arm. Not a bad gig if you can get it.
Dan Steinberg at D.C. Sports Bog (by the way, for anything and everything D.C. sports-related, you better be hitting up that site) sets the scene:
Here’s Ovechkin at One Lounge Tuesday night, when the D.C. nightspot was celebrating its one-year anniversary. Several Caps players are friends with the lounge’s owners and are regulars there, leading them to stop by the anniversary party. Below, see both Ovechkin and Semyon Varlamov with one of the partners, Fillip Zeldin, plus Alexander Semin wearing purple.
Awesome. I just hope the DJ at One Lounge had the good sense to try and make Ovechkin feel at home by playing some ’80s Top 40 music. That would have been nice.
Ovechkin takes clean-shaven look on the town [D.C. Sports Bog]
Correct me if I’m wrong, but couldn’t the phrase “Pull Redshirt Off Dong” simply be just another way of describing a circumcision? And if so, are run-of-the-mill college wrestling coaches qualified, medically speaking, to perform such a delicate procedure?
Zing!
(To Sportress reader Kevin: thanks for the tip – no pun intended)
Now calm down, all you tea partiers, birthers, Luke Scott defenders and assorted right wingers: it was a simple mistake. I was not calling Luke Scott a moron. It was a simple typographical error. What’s that? Haven’t I ever heard of a backspace button? Well, of course I have, but like many of you folks I am addressing here, censorship, even when done to oneself, is never an acceptable modus operandi, no matter the situation.
Anyhoo, Orioles designated hitter Luke Scott is refusing to back down, and by defending himself, is in fact fanning the flames of the PoFloWa he has ignited due to his controversial comments regarding President Obama, even after the Orioles organization issued a statement in an attempt to distance the team from his views. How is he defending himself, you ask? Invoking the First Amendment, of course (via The Baltimore Sun):
“We all have the right of freedom of speech under the First Amendment. We all don’t have to agree with one another on our opinions,” Scott told The Sun on Wednesday. “Everyone in my circle, that I run around with, we all feel the same about God, country, integrity and character.”
God, country, integrity and character. Now if that isn’t a slogan that would look perfect on a bumper sticker…
Pictured above is one Ron Pettichord. A 69-year0ld retired mail carrier, Pettichord was presented quite the conundrum recently when he discovered that the BCS National Championship Game, pitting the Oregon Ducks against the Auburn Tigers, was to be played on January 10th. As luck would have it, Pettichord had previously scheduled his open heart surgery to repair an enlarged aorta for that very same day, so he did what any sensible fan would do when faced with such a dilemma: he postponed his incredibly necessary heart surgery. And get this: he’s not even that big of an Oregon fan.
Via The Oregonian:
“I’m not a die-hard Duck, believe it or not,” said Pettichord, 69. “I grew up remembering (Oregon State’s) Tommy Prothro and Joe Francis and the single-wing. I like both teams. Whoever’s winning, I like.”
So, what we have here is a surgery-avoiding, Oregon-loving, bandwagon jumper. Now, I’ve run into a few of these kind of folks in the past, and let me tell you: they cannot be trusted.
Of course, this isn’t the first time a fan has put his favorite team before personal health and well-being. You may recall the Michigan State fan who delayed a implantation of a new pacemaker just so he could watch his beloved Spartans take on the Michigan Wolverines last October. People are crazy. In fact, this is about as kooky as this guy I know that, in 1998, postponed his vasectomy until after the Minnesota Vikings inevitably won the Super Bowl. Yeah, he’s got 6 kids now. What an ignorant bastard.
Oregon Ducks fan zone: Proud Oregonian postpones heart surgery for BCS title game [The Oregonian]
Awful. Just awful.
A man who cannot grow sideburns should be ethically precluded from growing a beard. And what’s the deal with the close cut underneath the jawline? I understand that it takes a special man to sport a neckbeard – Kyle Orton is a good example – but the closely trimmed beard on CC causes his neck fat to appear even more prominent.
Finally, I’d be remiss if I didn’t at least briefly mention the comely reporter. Who is she? Now, we’re only afforded a profile view of her, but as far as I can tell, she has the whole sexy librarian thing going on. Not too shabby.
[H/T TheSportsHernia at TBL]
Given that LeBron James can’t even go out to dinner in a restaurant in Miami without getting taunted, I guess that he has decided that even on road trips he should stay in his hotel room, order room service and watch SportsCenter, lest he be accosted by angry villagers armed with pitchforks and torches. At least that was the case last night as LeBron was taking it to the tweets to criticize Trent Dilfer for criticizing Peyton Manning. Evidently, in the fantasy world of King James, where the sky is always blue, gumdrops fall from the sky and the masses impulsively kowtow to his every whim, sports analysts shouldn’t be allowed to analyze the performances of the players they are paid to critique unless they were at least as successful in the given sport as the player being criticized. Oh, what a mystical, magical world that would be!
Over at Shutdown Corner, MJD, née the mighty mjd, has come up with a laundry list of reasons why LeBron is certifiably wrong in his critique of Dilfer (speaking of which, according to LeBron’s logic, shouldn’t he be precluded from criticizing an analysts work since he has never done analyst work before?), but I believe MJD’s final say on the issue sums it up nicely:
5. Trent Dilfer: one ring. Peyton Manning: one ring. LeBron James: zero rings.
Oh, snap!
LeBron James bashes Trent Dilfer on Twitter [Shutdown Corner]
