Archive for November, 2010
Buckle up, folks, because if you are one of those people who love football commentary about the game of football and football players playing the game of football, you are going to be thrilled with the news that Jon Gruden will be joining his Monday Night Football cohort Mike Tirico in the booth to broadcast the Outback Bowl on New Year’s Day on ABC. Being on hand to broadcast the game will mark the return of Gruden to Raymond James Stadium, his old stomping grounds when he coached the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. And guess what? Jon Gruden loves it.
Via Tampa Bay Online:
“Mike Tirico and I love it, New Year’s Day, the Big Ten taking on the SEC at the Outback Bowl’s 25th anniversary game. One of the best bowl trips in the country, and the Big Ten and SEC will get after each other,” Gruden said in a statement from bowl organizers. “Mike and I can’t wait to be a part of everything.”
Oh, I bet he loves it. Here’s a guy, Jon Gruden, now here’s a guy whose engine gets revving at the mere thought of football games and getting the chance to talk football and football players in a football bowl game in a football stadium he once coached football in as a head football coach, especially when he gets to do so with his buddy Mike Tirico, who knows his football, too.
Gruden to broadcast Outback Bowl for ABC [Tampa Bay Online]
GAH! Good gracious, those are two frightening-ass mascots. And here we thought Wenlock and Mandeville, the mascots for the London Olympics, were haunting enough, capable of feasting upon your very soul. Apparently, we hadn’t seen nothing yet. These two nightmarish creations are perhaps even more sinister and terrifying than those cycloptic beasts. I don’t know, it’s just that there is something impure and bloodcurdling about their blank, heartless stares and misleading, demonic smiles.
Their names? Depending on the outcome of a vote, the Euro 2012 mascots will be named either Slavek & Slavko, Siemko & Strimko or Klemek & Ladko, which does absolutely nothing to take away from the cold dread I feel when gazing upon these hell-spawned demon seeds.
According to the report in the Toronto Star, one of these ghoulish beasts is sporting the soccer uniform for Poland and the other has donned the uniform for the Ukraine, which makes sense, as the 2012 UEFA European Football Championship will be hosted by those countries between June 8 and July 1, 2012.
Some of you may disagree with my supposition that whatever these creatures are eventually named, they are pure, unmitigated evil. Look at those cold, soulless eyes. That poor kid who was trotted out with them in Warsaw at the unveiling ceremony? Yeah, he’s going to have problems.
Euro 2012 mascots unveiled [Toronto Star]
You know, because Joe Paterno is old and probably pees his pants a lot. It’s funny, you see, because making fun of an elderly man’s supposed inability to control his bladder is, while heartless, a humorous take on ageism at its best. Or worst. Depending on whether or not you happen to be in close proximity to said pants pee-er.
Be that as it may, freshman running back Silas Redd found himself in a bit of trouble early Sunday morning when he was allegedly caught urinating near the Agriculture Engineering building by Penn State campus police at approximately 4:13 a.m. Redd was briefly detained and cited for public urination and if his case goes similar to how other public peeing cases go, will likely only be fined and be allowed to “go” on his way, although Coach Paterno has not ruled out punishing Redd himself for the running back’s impromptu potty break via some sort of team discipline. And given that in 2007, Paterno had the entire football team clean Beaver Stadium after every home game due to some Penn State players running afoul of the law, there’s no telling what JoePa might have this kid do to pay penance for his urinary sins. Or peenance, I suppose, since up to this point, I had not yet reached the recommended daily allotment for urine pun jokes. Or perhaps I had. It’s tough to stop making them once you break the seal.
PSU’s Redd cited for public urination [Philly.com]
Sadly, the nine-year reign of idiocy which has typified kicker Jeff Reed’s time in Pittsburgh may be finally coming to a merciful end. Not content with being an off-the-field distraction away from the team for incidents like getting busted for trashing a convenience store paper towel dispenser, defending a teammate’s right to urinate in public and frequently being photographed in varying levels of inebriation (like the one above, and this one, and this one, and (sigh) this one), Reed has upped the ante by becoming a distraction in the locker room by not only struggling mightily on the field but also allowing his frustration to boil over when he criticized Steelers fans.
Below is Reed’s long-winded take on how he felt after hearing that Steelers fans were booing him after he botched an extra point during Sunday’s team-wide debacle against the New England Patriots. Of course, Reed was wearing a t-shirt which read “Haters Gonna Hate” emblazoned on it.
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump, returning after a one-day hiatus – along with the rest of the site – due to some unforeseen scheduling conflicts and appointments outside of the office. Miss me? Yeah, I’m sure you did. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• Actually, the above headline should read, “Free Beer for All, Who Gives A Rip About Miniature Australian Flags,” especially after the announcement that Australian brewer VB will give out one free beer to every Australian adult if the Aussies manage to beat England in the upcoming Ashes cricket Tests on November 25th. [Yahoo!/AFP]
• Mark Cuban, like pretty much everyone else, is positively thrilled about the Miami Heat’s early season struggles. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Speaking of the Heat, LeBron James is one of 25 finalists for TIME magazine’s “Person of the Year.” Yep. [That NBA Lottery Pick]
• Lou Holtz can be an angry old curmudgeon. [Awful Announcing]
• The Big Ten as characters from South Park‘s “Coon and Friends.” [Rumors & Rants]
• Michael Phelps? Yeah, he’s doing alright. [With Leather]
• Here’s what happens when bulls try doing the Lambeau Leap. [Out of Bounds]
• These guys told you months ago that the New Meadowlands sucks. Pay attention next time. [Bob's Blitz]
• Antonio Margarito’s swollen eye speaks! [TAUNTR]
• The top 10 takeaways from Philly’s beatdown of Washington last night. [Five Tool Tool]
• The evolution of Donovan McNabb’s contract extension in pictures. [TheWizWit]
• Shocking: Terrell Owens took a shot at McNabb’s new contract on Twitter. [Sharapova's Thigh]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Careless Blazers Goofing Around With Basketball Shatter Greg Oden Into Thousand Pieces
This series is powered by EA Sports Active 2: The complete at-home digital trainer.
Greetings, one and all. To commemorate the release of Active 2, the good folks at Electronic Arts have asked me to come up with my five most heart pumping moments in the world of sports from the 2000s. And boy, what a decade it was, amirite? Crazy stuff was happening. Obviously, to whittle down all the unbelievable moments from the previous decade into such a small number was terribly difficult, but I did my very best and below are the results from my very unscientific yet, like, super smart study on what might constitute the top five heart stopping events from the world of sport in the 2000s.
Now, I imagine your list of the five most exhilarating, fantastical moments from the past decade may be different than the ones selected by yours truly (more on that later), but here’s ol’ Weed’s Top 5.
Enjoy, and agree to disagree with me afterward. You might even win a copy of EA Sports Active 2 for your efforts.
Chase Race 9, pardners! It’s the Kobalt Tools 500 in Phoenix! Giddy up!
Thanks again, Jimmy Joe, for your countrified, backwoodsian NASCAR knowledge. You’re the best, and about as sharp as a raccoon skinning knife.
And so are all of you, friends of the Sportress. Thanks for reading and I’ll see you on Monday.
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
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• The opening ceremonies to the Asian Games are as trippy as you would expect them to be. [Out of Bounds]
• Behold: “Puck the Bunnies,” the anti-Puck Bunny anthem. [Puck Daddy]
• My Twin Citian compatriot Michael Rand landed an interview with Ines Sainz. [RandBall]
• Qudditch is now an official sport at Florida…kind of. [With Leather]
• Battleshots looks like the Best. Game. Ever. [Midwest Sports Fans]
• For the 93rd consecutive week, Bill Belichick has succeeded in creeping the hell out of the media. [The Sports Hernia Blog]
• Charles Barkley sounded off on the Cam Newton scandal. [Busted Coverage]
• Ouch: watch a shot by Robert Allenby drill a spectator in the head at the Australian Open. [Ted Williams Head]
• Forced to eat your own beard? That’s a paddlin’. [Deuce of Davenport]
• Kato Kaelin: baseball prodigy? [Joe Sports Fan]
• This lady kills at Arcade Basketball. [Bob's Blitz]
• Donte Stallworth is still fatally colliding with things. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Kentucky suffers another setback as Jon Hood ruled eligible. Ouch. [TAUNTR]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: Bills Celebrate 8th Straight Loss By Dumping Contents Of Garbage Can On Coach
Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
ESPN Loves America, As Well As Its Veterans
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Via ESPN Media Zone:
ESPN’s week-long celebration of Veterans Day began Saturday, Nov. 6, with a segment on College GameDay and continued on other programs, including Mike & Mike in the Morning, SportsNation and Outside the Lines. The special tribute concluded today with portions of SportsCenter live from the U.S. Army Garrison Grafenwoehr Parade Field in Germany. In addition, the salute to those in the armed services took form today on the company’s center quadrangle in Bristol, Conn. Nearly 100 employees took part in displaying a 100 x 60-foot American flag. A color guard from the U.S. Navy was also on hand for the event.
Now, I can be as cynical and snarky of an S.O.B. as they come in all matter tWWL-related, but even I cannot find anything wrong with this above display of respect for our nation’s veterans. I could, however, be incredibly cynical and snarky if we found out that ESPN required that the 100 employees who took part in displaying the flag were forced to take personal time in order to participate. Because, to be honest, I could see them doing something like that. And that, my friends, I’m afraid that would not result in the reward of a Leadership Pickle.
To all our troops and veterans, ESPN salutes you! Happy Veterans Day! [ESPN Media Zone]
Colts punter Pat McAfee has avoided prosecution and instead will enter a pretrial diversion program relating to the incident of October 20th, when he was arrested and charged with public intoxication after police found him shirtless and soaking wet after he took a dip in Central Canal in Indianapolis. McAfee has until April 8th to complete the terms of the deal, which includes paying a $298 fee and performing eight hours of community service. McAfee also must attend an NFL-sponsored alcohol education program as part of the agreement.
Obviously, no surprises here. It wasn’t like the 23-year-old second-year player was going to serve any hard time for his drunken shenanigans, although I did get a chuckle out of the way the reporter described McAfee’s appearance and what transpired at court.
Via the Indianapolis Star:
McAfee, his hair long and in the Led Zeppelin style circa 1973, wore a conservative dark suit to court and bantered briefly with the judge, Becky Pierson-Treacy, about his appearance.
Outside the courtroom, he declined to talk to reporters except to say “Absolutely!” when asked if he was glad the affair was over.
Ah yes, “in the Led Zeppelin style circa 1973.” No one else has had long hair like McAfee’s since Robert Plant sported the look during the Houses of the Holy tour of 1973. I guess it is true: the song really does remain the same. As far as rockin’ hairstyles are concerned. Let us just hope that McAfee’s “Dancing Days” are over, if you know what I mean. Absolutely!
Colts punter Pat McAfee will avoid prosecution for public intoxication [Indianapolis Star]
(Warning: some salty language at beginning of video)
This delightful video comes courtesy of Wei Under Par and the site’s new feature, “Best Crappy Shots,” where they ask readers to send in video evidence documenting their troubles hacking away around the course in order to “celebrate the best of our most godawful golf shots.” Brilliant idea.
Below is the description of the comically epic ordeal this guy had trying to get out of a pot bunker:
Every year since the opening of Bandon Dunes, there’s been a group of us ranging from 12 to 64 guys heading down for a weekend in January.
Oh man. That’s horrible, but believe me, I know exactly what that guy went through. That’s why I am eagerly anticipating seeing the snow fly outside my window. That’s the good thing and bad thing about living in a region where you can’t golf year-round: if your game is in shambles, at least you can take a few months off and not have your weekends ruined by your horribly inept golf game. And boy, do I know all about that condition right now. Lately, it’s like I’ve never swung a club before in my life.
So come on, Minnesota skies: snow! Please! I can’t afford to wrap another hybrid around a tree. Okay, I’ve never done that, but I’m getting close. Stupid golf.
Best Crappy Shots: Bandon Bunker Rage Edition (NSFW) [Wei Under Par]
Look To The Cookie, Bud Selig
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I’m not kidding, if Bud Selig would only look to the cookie, all his problems would be solved.
And thankfully for him, Mrs. Fields, the purveyors of deliciously delectable cookies of all shapes, sizes and tastes has signed on to become the Official Cookie of Major League Baseball. The crummy, tasty inside scoop, courtesy of Sports Biz with Darren Rovell:
12 individually wrapped Mrs. Fields cookies with team-specific logos on them will retail for $35.99.
The company will also sell smaller cookies, called nibblers, in 48- and 96-count tins with an MLB logo on it for $29.99 and $39.99 respectively.
Teams that will be rolled out first are the 2010 playoff teams can get their team’s cookies first — the San Francisco Giants, Atlanta Braves, Cincinnati Reds, Minnesota Twins, New York Yankees, Philadelphia Phillies, Tampa Bay Rays and the Texas Rangers. Teams which didn’t make the playoffs but have a huge following — the Boston Red Sox, Chicago Cubs, and St. Louis Cardinals — can also get logoed cookies and tins. The rest of the teams will be available by Opening Day.
What the heck? You plop down 36 freaking bucks and all you get out of it is twelve freaking cookies? What a ripoff! I’m sorry, not interested. No way could I afford to bring a tin of those cookies, Ring Dings and a big plastic jug of Pepsi to a dinner party at that steep price! But hey, if you are one of those rich folks who can throw money around like it’s going out of style just to get your hands on some overrated cookies imprinted with the logo of your favorite MLB team, be my guest. Myself? I was always more of an Otis Spunkmeyer kind of guy.
Heh. Spunk. Wait…
Major League Baseball Has An Official Cookie [Sports Biz with Darren Rovell]
(scratches making a reference to Ramo from Beat Street off Sportress of Blogitude Bucket List – next up on the list: Johnny 5 from Short Circuit)
Whoever this guy is – all I can say for certain is that he’s got more flavor than Fruit Stripe Gum – I imagine he is quite happy with how his team performed last night in their thrilling – yet somewhat controversial (Roddy White push off, hello?) – 26-21 comeback victory over the Baltimore Ravens. Even better, he was at the game, so he didn’t have to go through the torture of listening to the absolutely atrocious performance by Joe Theismann and Matt Millen as they “called” the game on NFL Network.
So I guess you could say it’s a win-win on all counts: the Falcons got the victory, this guy was all “rippin’ style holmes” and I got to incorporate a Beat Street reference into this post. Happy days all around.
[H/T Busted Coverage]
Officials are searching for a woman who vandalized a pillar in a restroom at the new Boston Garden. While her considerable karate skills cannot be denied, what she did amounted to willful damage of property and if caught, will likely be ordered to pay restitution, which kind of sucks for her, because I’m pretty sure she won’t be able to use martial arts to kick her way out of that situation. At least I think she won’t be able to…but the gal’s got skills, so who knows?
Via CBS Sports:
Boston Bruins spokesman Matt Chmura said building officials found the damage in their postgame sweep after Saturday night’s game against the St. Louis Blues. They are trying to identify and locate the woman, whose face is clearly shown in the video.
In the video, a woman in a Milan Lucic Bruins T-shirt kicks a hole in a support pillar in the bathroom.
Then she falls down.
Well, of course she fell down. Did you see the brute force she summoned when kicking that thing? What’s that? Oh yeah. I guess if this is the first time you have read or heard about this story, you have unlikely seen the video. You can see it over on Deadspin, but my friends at TAUNTR have also converted it into delightful animated GIF form, which follows.
Now that is one crazy getup. This is Kristin Miller. She’s 25-years-old, hails from San Diego, California and as clearly evidenced by her waterfowl outfit, loves her Oregon Ducks. She also appears to enjoy beer – well, Bud Light – but let’s not split feathers here.
I’ll give her all the credit in the world for her dedication to the philosophy that you “Gotta Support The Team” and all, but allow me one observation: it must be a bitch for her to pee. And when you’re drinking watery swill like Bud Light, figuring out a way in which to make the minimal amount of effort in order to urinate should be a top priority. Just saying.
