Archive for November, 2010
With his deal with Nike expiring over the summer, Tom Brady and his flowing locks have jumped ship, leaving the athletic behemoth to sign a lucrative endorsement deal with up-and-comer Under Armour. Shoulda been you, Pantene.
Not only will he be a contracted endorser of the company’s line of athletic apparel, Brady also now has a financial stake in the company as a shareholder, according to Under Armour CEO Kevin Plank. Via a Peter King report on SI.com:
And finally, this little news nugget regarding Tom Brady’s marketability would not be complete without a douchey quote from the pretty boy quarterback:
Trying to stay “cutting-edge”? Please tell me that he said that somewhat in jest. And “stay hungry, stay humble”? Come on, man. At the same time, when a grown man patterns his hairstyle after a teeny-bopper, I suppose remaining on the cutting edge is a requirement in order to stay hip with the 13-year-old set, although you have to give Brady credit where credit is due for at least having a sense of humor about his stylistic similarities to the tweener phenomenon, as evidenced by his appearance on the Mayne Event on yesterday’s Sunday NFL Countdown:
In an ominous, terse tone befitting the maniacal ranting of a bloodthirsty tyrant, Jerry Jones clearly articulated his unhappiness and anger regarding the most public yet of his many humiliations involving his Cowboys during a postgame tirade yesterday. The frustrated owner warned that heads will likely roll due to the disgraceful performance the team had in its 45-7 drubbing by the Packers. Via FOX Sports Southwest:
“There are a lot of people here who are certainly going to suffer and suffer consequences,” the Cowboys owner said. “I’m talking about within the team — players, coaches who have got careers. This is certainly a setback. I know firsthand what it is to have high expectations. I think unquestionably that our expectations were thinking we’re something we were not, possibly looking at what might be relative to a Super Bowl. All of those things have certainly contributed early.”
Well, I suppose it’s a good thing that Jones has recognized that a 1-7 record can certainly be looked at as a “setback.” Better late than never, I guess. This development can only mean bad things on the horizon for beleaguered coach Wade Phillips (from this point forward, Wade Phillips has to always be referred to as beleaguered, no matter the situation), among others within the organization, and despite Jones’ public proclamations that Phillips would be the head coach of the Cowboys for the balance of the season, my guess would be that all bets are off at this stage of this embarrassing nightmare.
When attempting to explain exactly why things have gone so horribly this season, Jones was at a loss:
“I can’t put my finger on it because I don’t have enough fingers.”
I don’t know why, but I find that quote quite amusing. Don’t have enough fingers. Ha. I suppose Cowboys fans probably don’t, but that’s there problem. For everyone else, we are free to enjoy watching this epic trainwreck from afar. It certainly is mesmerizing theater, to say the least. How ’bout ‘dem Cowboys?!?
Jones: People will ‘suffer’ for Cowboys’ latest loss [FOX Sports Southwest]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions and stories regarding things you have discovered in your bacteria trap masquerading as a hot tub to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• AP: “DICKINSON, N.D. – Police say a North Dakota man was surprised to find two people sitting in his hot tub when he went to check on a noise at 4 a.m. Officer Ron Van Doorne told The Dickinson Press that the man asked them what they were doing. They said, ‘We’re sorry,’ then left. The incident occurred Monday….Van Doorne said there was no disorderly conduct or damage, ‘other than the fact that they were sitting in his hot tub at 4 o’clock in the morning.’ Odd story, but you know how impulsive “lovahs” can be at times. [Yahoo!/AP]
• Here’s video of a 13-year-old Andy Reid participating in a Punt, Pass and Kick competition. Spoiler alert: he was a ginormous teenager. [The Last Angry Fan]
• The five greatest screencaps from the CGI re-creation of that rugby player’s simulated sex act with a dog. [Busted Coverage]
• Turn on your heartlight, Kevin Durant. [The Sports Hernia Blog]
• Erin Mangini 1, Bill Belichick 0. Ha. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Here is your BCS Conspiracy Theory of the Week. [Rumors & Rants]
• Here’s video of LSU coach Les Miles eating grass. Hey, we all need roughage. [Ted Williams Head]
• Ndamukong Suh attempted an extra point yesterday, missed. [Detroit4Lyfe]
• Good question: can’t we all just start ignoring Colin Cowherd? [Awful Announcing]
• Charlotte Bobcats games no longer a safe haven for murder suspects. [Tirico Suave]
• Mmmmm…bacon flavored soda. [Out of Bounds]
• Reporter gets smacked up by rowdy soccer fans. [Bob's Blitz]
• Wade Phillips is doomed and even the hot chick from that commercial can save him now. Wait, what? [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Guy Excited About Party Studying Up On History Of Parties
While the above Jimmy Joe video is a preview of the AAA Texas 500, the 8th race in the Chase for the Cup, I believe the three-way being referred to in regard to what’s going on at the top of the standings. But I’d reckon if you asked him, ol’ Jimmy Joe could come up with the name of that above-mentioned closet porno. Was it Hang Your Clothes On This Rod? No? Well, it could’ve been.
Have a great weekend everyone. See you back here at the Sportress on Monday.
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
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• Holy Christ: world famous jockey Calvin Borel gets into brawl with another jockey at Breeder’s Cup. [Bob's Blitz]
• Charlie Whitehurst to start at QB for Seahawks on Sunday. Who’s Charlie Whitehurst, you ask? Exactly. [Rumors & Rants]
• Da: KHL teams have partnered with Playboy for a fan swimsuit contest. [Puck Daddy]
• The 14 greatest “Rugby Player Molests A Dog” related tweets. [Busted Coverage]
• Usually superb announcer Kevin Harlan got a wee bit confused last night. [Awful Announcing]
• Bear vs. Bison: who ya got? [Out of Bounds]
• Japanese baseball star Yu Darvish headed to the MLB in 2012. [Larry Brown Sports]
• More LeBron haterade, this time from Cleveland. [With Leather]
• The Jerk Store called, they’re running out of Charlie Villanueva. [Daddy's Sugar Ball]
• Here’s a video of a skanky Steelers fan shaking her moneymaker. No, not this Steelers fan, thank goodness. [Ted Williams Head]
• Here’s your weekly lesson in Ottiquette. Pay attention! [Melt Your Face Off]
• Why yes, I always wanted an oil painting of a Washington Redskins play, why do you ask? [Mr. Irrelevant]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: Group Of Kids With Diabetes All Die One Day After Visit From Jay Cutler
Send tips, links submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
In case you missed it, Big Ten football titans Northwestern and Illinois are the teams playing in the Allstate Wrigleyville Classic on November 20th at historic Wrigley Field. Photos are now beginning to surface of the grand transformation which Wrigley Field is currently undergoing to host its first football game since the Bears quit playing at the stadium in 1970 and the first collegiate game held there since 1938 when DePaul played its games there.
I suppose it will be pretty cool to have a football game there after so many years, and I anticipate a grand time shall be had by one and all in attendance – except for those who choose to pay attention to the unique brand of Big Ten football occurring on the field on that day between the Wildcats and the Fighting Illini. Sorry, Michael Wilbon and water-skiing Ron Zook, it is what it is. But who am I to talk? The Gophers are the pathetic “big time” college football team here in my neck of the woods. Perhaps I should just keep my mouth shut. But I won’t.
Wrigley turned into Northwestern football field [Chicago Breaking Sports]
Sorry folks, the overhyped “Dougie” bulls**t is so…played. If it wasn’t bad enough that Skip freaking Bayless did the “Dougie” the other day, now Washington Wizards (and Capitals) owner Ted Leonsis has stated that he will do the dance his prized rookie John Wall has made an irritating phenomenon after the first sold out game (one caveat: first sold out game can’t be against the Heat, Celtics or Lakers).
Alright, enough with Dougie crap already. To be honest, I don’t even know how the “Dougie” dance goes. You know why? Because I have never bothered to click play on a video depicting the goddamn dance. Who gives a flying f**k about some ridiculous dance anyway? What a colossal waste of time.
Unless it’s “The Hustle”. Then all bets are off.
Ted Leonsis Will Dance For Money [Obsessed With Sports]
Ha. Well played, guy in mascot uniform for transplanted franchise.
Man, you have to feel for those poor Sonics fans, an incredibly devoted and passionate bunch when they, you know had a team to root for and support. It must suck to watch the team you spent all those years supporting beginning to flourish in Oklahoma City, of all places. But what’s done is done and all they are left with are regrets about what should have been. At least they can take solace in the fact that in the Thunder’s visit to Portland, their former squad beat the Trailblazers 107-106 in overtime, although come to think of it, they probably would prefer to see the Thunder lose every single game from here on out.
A side note on the appearance of Squatch: another Sonics legend, Shawn Kemp, was also at the game in Portland last night, only he was holding a sign that read, “Will Slam Dunk For Cash – Child Support Payments For However Many Kids I Got Now Ain’t Cheap.” Yeah, it was a pretty big sign.
[H/T Pro Basketball Talk]
Ain’t no party like a convent party because a convent party goes Hail (Mary)!
Alright, that was total weaksauce, but if there ever were a time for a bunch of nuns to throw a stupid dope house (of God – again, sorry) party, it would be right now, because the Baltimore-based Sisters of Notre Dame just sold their Honus Wagner T60 card for an astounding $262,000 at auction, exceeding the estimates of Heritage Auction Galleries, the auction house which handled the sale. The card was sold to card shop nerd Doug Walton of Knoxville, Tenn.
Via CBS Sports:
The nuns will receive $220,000 from the sale. The total sale price includes a 19.5 percent buyer’s premium. Sister Virginia Muller, who was entrusted with the card, says the proceeds will go to the order’s ministries in more than 30 countries around the world.
The heck? Come on, nuns, keep a little of that scratch for yourself. With all their dedication, piety and good works, these ladies have certainly earned it. There would be nothing wrong with setting aside 10,000 big ones for a fun party. As far as parties go, from what I hear, even nuns would have no problem getting back in the habit. Ouch. That one was worse than all the previous horrible jokes in this post combined. Anytime a Sister Act 2 reference is made, 1,000 angels die.
Wagner card brings $262,000 at auction for nuns [CBS Sports]
This series is brought to you by T.G.I. Friday’s, where every Sunday means Food, Fun & Football! Hut, hut, hut!
For those of you out there who don’t know how to read a calendar or have no concept of the passage of time (or perhaps both), since last Sunday’s NFL action, the calendar has been flipped and has turned from spooky October to anticipatory November, meaning that we are headed into the latter stages of the NFL season as teams prepare to make the stretch run. Some teams are in pretty good shape, while others have fallen woefully short of preseason expectations. Nevertheless, the coming games in the coming months are huge, whether it be to get back in the race, hold off oncoming challengers in the division or setting your franchise up for a high draft pick by tanking the rest of the way.
While every game on tap is sure to be a scrumptious exercise, tantalizing our football palate, let’s take a look and highlight a few of the tastier games that the NFL has prepared for us on this crispy crisp autumn November weekend.
Suck on it, Betty White.
A Facebook page has been started in an effort to get oddball Giants closer Brian Wilson on Saturday Night Live as a guest host. At the time of this post, the “Brian Wilson Should Host SNL” has 14,375 “likes,” which is well short of the half million Betty White’s SNL Facebook page garnered trumpeting her comedic talents, but the movement to get Wilson to New York is still in its infancy stages, so who knows?
The brief summary for why Wilson should host Saturday Night Live:
Funniest man in baseball deserves to host SNL! Not only is he a dominant closing fireballer, mental assassin and fashion pioneer, he has a hilarious natural wit and charisma.
Mental assassin? Fashion pioneer? Sure, why not? Although while Wilson does indeed have natural wit and charisma, would those unique personality characteristics translate well to live sketch comedy? The fact that his appearance on Jim Rome Is Burning as well as with Chris Rose on FOX’s “The Cheap Seats” were largely improvisational experiments in the absurd on his part certainly would benefit him on live television, we must remember one thing about athletes hosting Saturday Night Live: for every show that was a tremendous success, when the likes of Joe Montana, Wayne Gretzky, Charles Barkley and Peyton Manning hosted SNL, there have been some real duds as well: the awkward shows when Nancy Kerrigan, Jeff Gordon and Lance Armstrong hosted immediately come to mind.
I suppose that’s where The Machine comes in. That sucker will scare you into a bit of awkward laughing. I say run with it, folks. Brian Wilson on Saturday Night Live! YES WE CAN!
Fans want Wilson to host ‘SNL’ [FOX Sports/AP]
Denial, Thy Name Is Roy Williams
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Oh, Roy Williams, despite your mediocre wide receiver play in the NFL, you truly are a delight as well as a goofball gift that keeps on giving. We have documented numerous times here at the Sportress the occasions when the Cowboys receiver suffered from an outbreak of foot-in-mouth disease, but his latest transgression against good sense was a real doozy (via The Dallas Morning News):
“You know me. I think we can go nine in a row, if you ask me,” Williams said. “People can call me stupid or whatever but this football team has the corps of players and the supporting cast of players to win nine in row. We just got to get it started.”
Thanks for the suggestion, Roy. Allow me to say it first: STUPID! YOU’RE SO STUPID!
But wait, there’s more.
“Nine in a row is going to be tough, especially with the schedule we have,” said Williams. “But if we just take it one game at a time _ just give your best for three hours on a Sunday, just one Sunday out of the week because there’s only one Sunday in a week, then we should be good.”
Tough indeed. Better yet? The Cowboys only have to give their best for three hours on the one Sunday that comes in a week – because, as Roy astutely points out, there is only one Sunday in a given week. If there were two Sundays in a given week, the Cowboys could totally coast on that one, man.
At the same time, could it happen? Could the Cowboys rattle of nine in row? Sure. Is it going to happen, with their starting, yet overrated, quarterback injured, a beleaguered coach who has never appeared more lost and befuddled than he does right now, among other things? Doubtful. In fact, there’s a better chance that Wade Phillips would pass up an opportunity to show off his stellar dance moves when a DJ puts on “YMCA.”
Roy Williams: Cowboys can win nine in a row [The Dallas Morning News]
@SFGiants Even the skies are celebrating our champions. #SFGiants – maricristheband
Whoa. Like far out, man.
A supremely beautiful photograph of an ethereal, dazzling sky, to be sure, but how exactly is this colorful, majestic sky “celebrating” the Giants victory? Granted, I’m not as blazed as the stereotypical San Franciscan hippie/Giants fan who takes photos of the setting (rising?) sun after seeing some crazy, stony stuff in it, but I’m not following this person’s logic. Maybe if I had some Grateful Dead grooving in the background and the hookah stoked, perhaps I’d see it, too.
Although I imagine it is pretty cool if rudimentary stimuli not only enhanced but also coincided with the groovy mellow a person is currently feeling about their beloved baseball team…
(adds cream to coffee, watches as the white cream swirls into the rich, steaming sepia-toned liquid)
“Whoa! It’s like even my coffee is celebrating our champions! Dig it, man. I can’t wait until I add milk to my Fruity Pebbles. Is that going to be a show or what? Go Giants, dude.”
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, comments and complaints to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• Police in Wyoming are frantically looking for a black box containing nearly an ounce of methamphetamine with the word “METH” on it after the contraband was left on the bumper of a car on October 27th during a canine training exercise. A deputy drove off in the vehicle with the drugs still on the bumper. I’m sure someone upright citizen will return the box. Sure, it will be empty, but they’ll get the box back, you can count on that. [Yahoo!/AP]
• Who’s crazier? Oddball Giants closer Brian Wilson or unhinged Beach Boys member Brian Wilson? [Rumors & Rants]
• The partial dental plate of former Habs great Yvan Cournoyer is up for auction. Yuck. [The Last Angry Fan]
• That “Player X” from ESPN The Magazine wrote that Jay Cutler is a “head case.” I can see that. [Foul Balls]
• Keep looking: former Shanahan QB Jake Plummer believes the Redskins coach is still searching for John Elway. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Holy Giant Captain Morgan at the New Meadowlands, Batman! [Busted Coverage]
• Is Fred Couples (kinda) done playing on the PGA Tour? [Devil Ball Golf]
• A very special PSA from TAUNTR regarding bullying of BCS officials. The more you know… [TAUNTR]
• The Auburn football team’s Halloween party video is interesting. [Bob's Blitz]
• If you haven’t seen the South Carolina sorority girl crying video yet, here it is. Good stuff. [Outside the Boxscore]
• Get the advice on your fantasy football team and your sex life you desperately need with KSK’s Sex/Fantasy Football Mailbag. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• A toilet in every elevator? What the fungus? [Food Court Lunch]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: African-American Community Calls For New Black Nerd Archetype
