Archive for November, 2010
Ha, dog beer puns. Good stuff.
A little bird tweeted me a link to this post on Slashdo regarding Happy Tale Ale, a beer brewed specifically for man’s best friend:
Every dog owners knows there is nothing more pathetic than watching your dog beg for a sip of your delicious beer. Now, thanks to some forward thinking brewers, you can finally drink with your dog. Australian pet deli and boutique Paws Point, and American brewer Dog Star Brewing Company, have designed beers especially for dogs. Both beers are non-alcoholic, non-carbonated, and infused with meat flavor, making them less than ideal for all but the most troubling family Christmas.
Awesome.
Beer Made Just for Dogs [Slashdo]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
Posted by:
• November sure was an epic month for human failure. [Out of Bounds]
• NBA 2K11 zings Tony Parker, drops a boom on his loyalty rating. [The Basketball Jones]
• Tiger Woods has been quite the Tweetin’ Fool today. [Smart Ass Sports]
• Ladies and gentlemen, the Top 10 Movember mustaches from the NHL. [Puck Daddy]
• LOLNFL for Week 12 is the tops. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• College football fans sure love their awful rap music. [With Leather]
• Holy epic Spider-Man tattoo, Batman! [The Dagger]
• Here’s a video of Stuart Appleby trying to outhit a speeding Lamborghini. [Devil Ball Golf]
• Derek Anderson must fancy himself a character in Goodfellas. [Ted Williams Head]
• Here’s Derek Jeter wearing the uniform of every MLB team. [Big League Stew]
• Tom Brady’s making a fashion statement with UGGs! [TAUNTR]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: Bud Selig Name-Drops Willie Mays At Party
Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
The golf world was all atwitter yesterday with the news that Martin Kaymer, who just recently won the European Tour’s money title, had unceremoniously withdrawn from Tiger Woods’ Chevron World Challenge tournament. Also yesterday, his lovely girlfriend, Allison Micheletti, was playing this week at the Ladies European Tour Qualifying School, causing speculation that Kaymer preferred to spend his valuable time cheering on his special lady friend than competing in another tournament. Can’t say I blame him. She’s quite the fetching lass.
Now comes news that Kaymer is not only cheering on Micheletti at LET Q-School, he’s caddying for her. From the Ladies European Tour website (via Wei Under Par):
The world No.3 arrived in Spain from the Dubai World Championship to surprise his American girlfriend, whom he joined for dinner in the bar on Monday evening.
Golf’s hot couple was then spotted walking the fairways together, with the US PGA champion Kaymer carrying Micheletti’s bag.
Rebecca Hudson (@BecsHudson) tweeted prior to Tuesday’s second round: “Martin Kaymer is caddying for his girlfriend at Pre-Qualifying. Hope he gets the yardages ok!!”
He seemed to be doing a sterling job as amateur Micheletti’s score improved dramatically in the second round.
Ohhh, how very romantical! This Kaymer fella appears to be quite the guy. But whipped. So, so whipped. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, of course.
Martin Kaymer turns caddie at La Manga Club [Ladies European Tour (via Wei Under Par)]
A mere hours after the funeral during which Line Burns (above, holding the remains) mourned the death of her husband, legendary coach Pat Burns, who died November 19th after a lengthy battle with cancer, she awoke Tuesday morning to find that her car had been broken into overnight and several irreplaceable pieces of memorabilia, keepsakes and miscellaneous family keepsakes were stolen.
Via the Toronto Star:
About 30 autographed hockey sweaters from Burns’ personal collection and numerous family valuables were taken in the robbery, which was discovered by Burns’ wife Line on Tuesday morning.
“They went through his stuff,” said Const. Anie Lemieux of the Montreal police, noting Burns’ wallet was in the car.
“The person who left with the shirts and everything knows that this is Pat Burns’ stuff.”
Burns’ cousin Robin, who delivered a eulogy at Monday’s funeral, called the crime “deplorable.”
While Canada doesn’t have the death penalty – the last execution in the country was December 11, 1962 – given the tremendous love and admiration the nation’s citizens had for the great man and coach, I wouldn’t be surprised if Canada temporarily reinstated that particular method of justice, simply so they could mete out what they probably believe would be the appropriate punishment for these miserable bastards.
Thief breaks into car of Pat Burns’ widow, steals hockey items [Toronto Star]
Awk-ward.
It’s funny because the crescent moon on Singapore’s national flag is unfortunately placed right in front of where their schlongs are!
Via the Toronto Sun:
The men showed up at the Asian Games in China wearing swimming trunks that had the moon of Singapore’s flag unfortunately placed on their groins.
“We would have told them that their design is inappropriate as we want elements of the flag to be treated with dignity,” the government said.
The government also said the men should show ‘dignity’ to the country’s flag.
Awesome. Even better? Due to rules and regulations regarding uniform attire at the Asian Games, teams cannot change uniforms during the tournament, therefore Singapore’s water polo team will have to compete in these hilarious trunks for the balance of the Games.
While unfortunate, the trunks sure do make a progressive fashion statement. In a way, it’s almost like each guy has their very own metaphorical banana hammock. And all men know how important support can be, symbolic or otherwise.
Singapore men sport controversial trunks [Toronto Sun]
(insert obligatory Snakes on a Plane/Mace Windu/Pulp Fiction reference here, I’m too lazy)
Via Dr. Saturday comes this video of thespian extraordinaire Samuel L. Jackson participating in the University of Georgia Bulldogs’ “Dawg Walk,” which according to Wikipedia (which is never wrong, by the way), was a long-running pregame tradition “revived in the 2001 season that features the football players walking through a gathering of fans on the way to Sanford Stadium.”
Interesting indeed, but why would the great Samuel L. Jackson take part in the Athens tradition? According to his bio, Jackson attended Morehouse University, located in nearby Atlanta. So what gives? Thankfully, Joaj34, a Yahoo! sports blog commenter (who, incidentally, are never wrong either) might have possibly shed some light on the topic:
He went to college in ATL, used to vend at the GA Dome, recorded a Falcons commercial, and his sister’s a UGA Law School alum – so he’s become somewhat of a fan over the years. I guess he’s just getting involved.
Cool cool, but why does he seem so bored, you ask? The answer to that query is simple, my friends:
Video: Samuel L. Jackson does the Dawg Walk, for some reason [Dr. Saturday]
La Liga, more like La Uhhhhh-ga, amirite?
On Barcelona’s 5-0 thrashing of Madrid (via The Guardian):
Even the clinically obsessed Marca, while whining a bit about the referee, admitted that Barcelona had been “too MOUch for Madrid.” Roberto Gómez described it as “intolerable”, the “most ridiculous thing this century” – and he wasn’t talking about one of his ‘articles’. He was talking about Madrid. But it wasn’t just about Madrid; it was about Barcelona producing what Santi Segurola described as “a symphony” – one of the most extraordinary displays anyone could remember AS declared Barcelona “still miles ahead of Madrid”. Inside, Santi Giménez – who should probably seek medical advice – was having a “blue and red orgasm”. Prompted by Xavi’s claim that beating Madrid was like a spot of carnal bliss, both Sport and El Mundo Deportivo followed suit, leaping from the Dream Team to the Wet Dream Team. Barcelona, they declared, are the “Orgasm Team”.
A blue and red orgasm? That doesn’t sound good. Nope, not at all. Frankly, isn’t a “blue and red orgasm” just a more pleasant way of referring to someone in the throes of autoerotic asphyxiation?
To be honest, I originally came to the conclusion that I should be watching more soccer, but after thinking about it, I think I’d rather pass. The ghost of Michael Hutchence would probably agree.
Barcelona, the ‘Orgasm Team’, win another epoch-defining clásico [The Guardian]
Get your mind out of the gutter, Trebek! from The Basketball Jones on Vimeo.
That’s not how your mother said to handle a stick last night, Trebek!
It’s funny because the Jeopardy contestant was telling a story about how he met his wife through teaching her about how to properly handle a hockey stick (shoot, pass, etc.) and Trebek nimbly tiptoed around the story fraught with sexual innuendo regarding “handling a stick” with a “Don’t even go there” comment while having a look on his face typical of a raging pervert.
Classic.
[H/T The Basketball Jones (via Out of Bounds)]
If anybody is in need of the restorative powers of a Scooby Snack right about now, it is most certainly embattled Denver Broncos head coach Josh McDaniels. Not only is the team sucking balls this season, limping to a 3-8 record – highlighted by the debacle against the Raiders in October in which the Broncos lost 59-14 in Denver, McDaniels is also in damage control mode after getting booed lustily during another home loss last Sunday, a 36-33 loss to the St. Louis Rams. Add on to that already heaping mess the news that McDaniels and the Broncos were separately fined $50,000 each in connection to an unreported taping of a 49ers practice prior to the teams’ game in London and you could say that McDaniels not only needs a Scooby Snack, those closest to him might want to make sure he doesn’t have any of Fred’s stylin’ scarves nearby, lest he finally snap and attempt to hang himself with one.
When McDaniels spoke with the Denver media on Monday, he addressed the circling s**tstorm currently swirling around his team as a result of a FOX Sports report which alleges he attempted to shift blame by calling out the New England Patriots as he deflected criticism for the so-called SpyGate II: London Boogaloo brouhaha (via USA Today):
“The things that we talk about in there are supposed to be for our staff and our squad,” McDaniels said, via the Denver Post.
“I don’t know exactly what that was or who said it and I’m not going to go chasing ghosts about what that is. I have a lot of faith and trust in our staff and believe in them very much. I know they’re going to work extremely hard here this week and the rest of the season as we go forward.”
Jinkies! Despite everything going on around him, McDaniels appeared to be somehow maintaining a tenuous grip on his employment status with the Broncos, but that was prior to owner Pat Bowlen issuing contradictory statements regarding McDaniels’ future with the franchise. As a result, the coach would be wise to continue his not “chasing ghosts” mantra and instead focus on the task at hand. As far as the ghosts are concerned, it is usually best to leave that to the experts: Frank, Velma, Daphne, Shaggy & Scooby. Or alternatively, the Ghostbusters. Yeah, Ghostbusters may have been a even better theme for this post. But, like hey, I have always been a sucker for Hanna-Barbera cartoons. In any event, it’s too late now to turn back now, I guess, but I bet Ray Parker, Jr. sure could have used the residuals.
Embattled Josh McDaniels hears boos, won’t ‘go chasing ghosts’ [USA Today]
Not so fast: Bowlen issues statement about McDaniels’ future [Yahoo!]
At first, I was like, “What the fungus?” and then I saw the cover and then I said, “Oh, I get it – not in reference to the state of perfection in a current sense, but instead the pursuit of perfection,” and then I wondered aloud why I was talking to myself out loud which in a way was kind of weird in and of itself. Huh.
Via ESPN Media Zone:
ESPN The Magazine (available Friday, Dec. 5) will focus on the concept of “Perfection” – with pro golfer Tiger Woods on the cover. Woods, who sat for the cover and inside shots, is a part of a photo combo that includes Kobe Bryant and Jimmie Johnson — “Meditations on Perfection.” “We’re inherently flawed, so how can there be perfection?” said Woods.
Far out, dude. How very Buddhist-like. Anyhoo, ESPN The Magazine couldn’t have picked a better athlete to represent the unending pursuit of perfection than one Tiger Woods. At one point, long before his life went all to hell, one could have argued that Woods had practically arrived at the precipice of near perfection in his sport – and some may say in his private life as well – only to piss it all away as a result of his narcissism, unchecked hunger for self-indulgence and uncontrollable horndoggery. But hey, The Great Tiger Woods Brand Resurrection Hype Machine is in full swing, as evidenced by not only this cover story but his gradual granting of unprecedented accessibility in other areas as well (e.g. Twitter), so we should all expect Tiger to continue to hone his craft not only on the golf course, but his public persona as well. Although I wouldn’t count on him landing the cover of Modern Husband magazine anytime soon, because, well, there is no such periodical, among other reasons.
ESPN The Magazine Explores Perfection: Tiger Woods on Cover [ESPN Media Zone]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, comments and complaints to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• A Pennsylvania woman was rescued by way of ropes and ladders after her truck ran off a road and landed in a treetop 30 feet down in a ravine. Police believe she was driving too fast for the conditions, but I suspect she was putting on eyeliner and lipstick – you know, because that better follows stereotypes regarding women drivers, which makes it funny. [Yahoo!/AP]
• President Obabm’s basketball injury received the Taiwanese animation treatment. Of course it did. [Out of Bounds]
• Alabama PA guy fired for playing “Take the Money and Run” and “Son of a Preacher Man” during Auburn game. You know, because of Cam Newton. [Awful Announcing]
• Holy tirade: what in the hell got into Derek Anderson last night? Besides the inspiration to wear a pink polo, of course. [Bob's Blitz]
• If you ever wondered what it would look like if a super old guy got a lap dance at a New York Giants tailgate, here you go. [Busted Coverage]
• James Harrison is totally getting railroaded by the NFL. [The Legend of Cecilio Guante]
• Andre Johnson and Cortland Finnegan were fined $25K each for their fisty shenanigans on Sunday. What does it take for the NFL to suspend a player? [With Leather]
• Carl Crawford’s agents are sending out iPads loaded with video of highlights to market their client. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Jeez, Danny Ainge sure loves his cell phone. [Rumors & Rants]
• These guys managed to get a photo of the marker board which was used to jot down notes during the Heat’s players only meeting. [TAUNTR]
• Whipped cream that contains alcohol? Win. [Sharapova's Thigh]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Pepsi CEO’s Wife Buys Coke When She’s Mad At Him
Holy mackerel, would you get a look at the size of that fish? Quite impressive. And I have to say, my “just for the halibut” line is pretty impressive as well, but just so you know, I’m not angling for compliments, if you catch my drift.
Via The Mail:
A 70-year-old angler will have no need to visit his local chippie for the foreseeable future – after reeling in a record-breaking halibut that weighed more than 34 stone.
Gunther Hansel spent more than two hours battling with the 8ft 2in flatfish while on a trip to Iceland’s Western Fjords.
And when he finally got his prize alonhgside his fishing boat, the German pensioner needed the help of five crewmates to haul the beast aboard.
The monster fish weighed in at a mighty 482lbs 13ozs – big enough to serve up almost 1,000 individual fillets.
Impressive feat, especially for a 70-year-old man. So much so, in fact, I am floundering to come up with a worthy complimentary statement. What? Hey, you can carp on the bit all you want, but coming up with these fish puns ain’t easy. Further, I know for a fact there are lots of folks out there who come from the same school of thought as I do regarding well-crafted puns who will find it nearly impossible not to take the bait and want to play along, in a manner of speaking.
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
Posted by:• Ladies and gentlemen, the first full-fledged college competitive eating team. [With Leather]
• Tailgating Cleveland Browns fans set fire to a LeBron jersey then proceed to piss on it. [Busted Coverage]
• Members of a Cornish soccer team are likely licking their wounds and wondering why they play the game after getting drubbed 55-0. [Out of Bounds]
• Redskin fan-on-Redskin fan violence is, um, pretty violent. [Bob's Blitz]
• ABC News is crediting the “Tiger Woods Effect” as the reason more men are seeking help with sexual addiction. I believe it’s called “The Getting Out Of Trouble Easy Method.” [Hugging Harold Reynolds]
• God finally tweets back to Bills wide receiver Steve Johnson after the wideout blamed Him for his dropped pass. [TAUNTR]
• Due to the Bears success this season, the memory of Bill Swerski lives on. [Joe Sports Fan]
• Michael Jordan once again will serve as a captain’s assistant at the 2011 Presidents Cup. [Wei Under Par]
• Dirk Nowitzki got his Kanye West on. [Ball Don't Lie]
• Cool photo of the wrecking ball that wrecked the Spectrum. [The700Level]
• Peter King: still an annoying idiot. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: 14-Year Anniversary Of ‘Crash Bandicoot’ Passes By Largely Unnoticed
Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
Jets coach Rex Ryan was back to his usual, jovial, self-deprecating self in front of the media earlier Monday when he pointed out the many similarities between himself and Patriots quarterback Tom Brady, in particular the fact that they are both married to supermodels: he to the NFLShop model pictured above, Michelle, and of course, Brady to Gisele.
Via an AP report/USA Today:
“I never realized how similar that I am to Tom Brady,” Ryan said Monday. “I mean, the obvious physical appearance would be the first thing. The fact that he’s married to a supermodel? Hello?”
A smiling Ryan then held up a copy of the December issue of InStyle magazine, which includes an advertisement for women’s apparel at NFLShop.com featuring his wife, Michelle.
“Yeah,” Ryan said, grinning. “I’m also married to a supermodel.”
“I just happened to turn the page of InStyle magazine, page 329,” Ryan said, showing off the picture of his wife. “I just realized that we are very similar in that way.”
You gotta love Rex Ryan and his unique sense of frivolity in the ultra-serious world of NFL coaching, although if he truly believes he resembles Tom Brady, he may want to invest in a mirror not purchased at a carnival: the Jets head coach is much better looking. And I have to say, Michelle ain’t a bad looking lady. Old Rexy definitely outkicked his coverage with that lovely lady.
Rex Ryan says he and Tom Brady have ‘supermodel’ wives [USA Today/AP]
Or, alternatively, until you’re super white in the face with dyed-blue hair and goatee. Either way, schadenfreude has never taken on such a blue hue before this snapshot of Face-Painting Colts Superfans was taken.
Boy, do these guys appear sad, dejected and disappointed. Not that I can blame them. Personally witnessing the end of an era can be heart-wrenching experience. Where is their Peyton God now? They should repent! The Floating Kingdom of Marmalard is close at hand.
But that’s a discussion for another time. We should be focusing all our attention on these suffering Colts fans. And the worst part? They had to drive to their homes, likely somewhere in Indiana, looking like this – but I suppose that’s the trials and tribulations that go along with being a face painter. You never know if you’ll look like a loser or an ever bigger loser.
