Archive for October, 2010
Now, I am certainly no cricket aficionado, or even a neophyte for that matter – although I can bust out a “sticky wicket” pun with the best (or worst) of them – so I am unsure if India’s complete dismantling of Australia in cricket by such obscene goal differentials is out of the norm or do cricket games (matches, winkydinks, scallywags?) routinely have these kind of scores (289-3 and 292-5)? Actually, I am not even sure what those scores mean. Did Australia win one match 289-3 and India win the other 292-5? It’s all so confusing. Damn cricketers with their weird scores and complicated shoes.
What I do know, however, is an outcome like this – at least how I understand the outcome to be – causes me to suspect that a Ditka might have had a hand in the domination, at least that’s what Bill Swerski’s Super Fans might have suspected. You know, if the Super Fans were real and not an outdated bit from 20 years ago. But who knows, right? Maybe Virat Kohli is how you say Mike Ditka in Punjabi or something.
DA BEARS.
Ha. That never gets old, does it? It does? Whatever. I don’t think you know what you’re talking about…(Ditka…sausage…Ditka).
Virat Kohli guides India to five-wicket win over winless Australia [The Guardian]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportess of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions and ways tattoos have gotten you identified by police to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• Joseph Eric Williams, 19, is in the custody of the Broward County Sheriff’s Department after a string of robberies of AT&T stores in Florida after the tattoo on his forehead, which read “I’m Me,” led authorities right to him. Unfortunately, his alleged accomplice, who had a tattoo on his forehead which read “I’m With Stupid” is still at large. [MSNBC]
• Here’s the audio from the Pat McAfee 911 call that got the Colts punter arrested. [Busted Coverage]
• Watch Mark Schlereth go completely apes**t over the new NFL fines. [Awful Announcing]
• Bengals offensive coordinator Mike Zimmer on Bobby Petrino: he’s a gutless coward. [Larry Brown Sports]
• TAUNTR goes inside the illegal NBA shoe. Not literally, of course. That would be one huge shoe. [TAUNTR]
• A losing Peruvian soccer squad allegedly poisoned their opponents, then blamed it on chicken. [Out of Bounds]
• You know what? Maybe James Harrison and Channing Crowder should put their money where there mouths are and go ahead and retire. [Rumors & Rants]
• Behind the scenes at UFC girl Arianny Celeste’s Playboy shoot. [Bob's Blitz]
• NSFWednesday is back, baby! Click through and be disturbed. [Melt Your Face Off]
• Lamar Odom is going into the fragrance business? [That NBA Lottery Pick]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Area Grasshopper Kind Of A Thorax Man Himself
Sweet fancy Moses, would you get a look at that thing? It’s aquatic nightmare fuel.
The above prehistoric-looking beast is a Goliath Tigerfish, and it was caught by esteemed British fisherman Jeremy Wade in the River Congo for the television program, River Monsters. It has 32 teeth similar to those of Great White Sharks and this particular specimen was five feet long and weighed over 100 pounds. Extremely dangerous (duh), the Goliath Tigerfish are rarely caught.
Said Mr. Wade about his remarkable catch (via The Telegraph):
“This fish is no tench,” said Mr Wade.
“It is, for all intents and purposes, a giant piranha. It is quite a beast.
“The teeth on it are incredibly sharp and are about the same length as a great white shark.
“It also has an extremely powerful bite and has been known to consume prey the same size as itself, attack people and take pieces out of crocodiles.
“It is thought that these fish attack in a reflex response to a sudden movement or splash.
“It is very rare to catch one, especially by an outsider because they are found in such a remote and difficult location to get to. There are no guides or lodges on that part of the Congo River.”
No tench indeed, whatever that means. I have to say, that is one gruesome and horrifying beast. I’m not kidding, that thing is uglier and more appalling than seeing Lisa Rinna* after her third chemical peel of the week. And that ain’t good.
* sorry, I was reading People at lunch today. Suffice to say, I lost my appetite after the Lisa Rinna article. Also, I was originally intending on going with a Sarah Jessica Parker comparison, but that has been so played out and would have been completely disrespectful. To the Goliath Tigerfish.
Giant tigerfish with razor-sharp teeth caught by British angler [The Telegraph]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
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• I have to agree, this little factoid about the MLB Playoffs is absolutely mind-blowing. [Midwest Sports Fans]
• According to The New York Times, the Islanders suck at crossword puzzles. [Puck Daddy]
• Hot pot of coffee! Josh Hamilton broke out the Anchorman quote during his post-game interview. [Ted Williams Head]
• Here is a pretty neat hockey goal celebration by a bunch of little tykes. [Out of Bounds]
• James Harrison is contemplating retirement after being fined $75,000 for the hit he made on Mohamed Massaquoi over the weekend. [Larry Brown Sports]
• There certainly is a robust group of sports finalists for the 2010 Goulet Award. [Joe Sports Fan]
• Well, look at that: the Colts have a brand new drunk idiot kicker. [With Leather]
• We touched on this yesterday, but this is story about a devoted Cleveland Browns fan is either the best fan story ever or the worst fan story ever. [The Legend of Cecilio Guante]
• Uh-oh. Look out Wade Phillips, Double-J is on the warpath! [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• A nice visual summary of Baron Davis’ dirt-throwing adventure. [The Basketball Jones]
• The top 10 irrefutable laws of parenting. [Food Court Lunch]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: Carbon-Monoxide Detector With Snooze Button Recalled
Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
After selling off his 4.5% ownership stake in the Los Angeles Lakers on Monday, Magic Johnson sold back 105 Starbucks franchises back to the company yesterday. Most folks in the know are speculating that Johnson is liquidating his assets in order to be in a financial position to purchase an NBA franchise, which is the most likely scenario. The two business transactions he made this week alone were worth more than $100 million in his pocket.
However, could it be possible that Johnson is sick to his stomach – not from too many lattes or Frappucinos or whatever the hell they call those blasted beverages – it’s just that he cannot any longer know that he is a complicit party in the peddling of overpriced, overrated coffee to the ignorant, uninformed masses? Mom & Pop coffee shops are the only way to go, people.
Well, it’s either that or he’s trying to resurrect The Magic Hour. Who knows.
Magic Johnson sells his 105 Starbucks franchises [Los Angeles Times]
Earlier today, LeBron James, in an attempt to illustrate what he has been going through since he decided to take his talents to South Beach, retweeted three examples of the kind of depraved, ignorant and racist messages that have been left for him on his Twitter account. Via ESPN:
“I just want you guys to see it also,” James said after the Heat’s practice Wednesday afternoon. “To see what type of words that are said toward me and towards us as professional athletes. Everybody thinks it is a bed of roses and it’s not.”
While I am not in any way attempting to defend the ignorant, bigoted actions of the many mouthbreathers that pollute the interwebs – people such as those James is highlighting by retweeting their messages deserve to be at the very least called on it, although I wonder how much of a difference that makes – these people are clearly idiots and are best ignored. Still, does it come as any shock to anybody that anyone with an internet connection can spew their vile hatred at whomever they choose, in particular professional athletes who open themselves up to it by becoming proficient in using social media to connect with their fans? Years ago, fans (and haters) never had the kind of access afforded to them today and it should come as no surprise when provided the medium, people are going to utilize it to articulate their misguided, narrow-minded and hate-based world views.
I understand the point James is trying to make: no matter the situation, no person should have to read that kind of crap written about them. Unfortunately for LeBron, everything he says and does now is greeted with suspicion at best, derision at worst. I cannot help but think this is simply a way for him to bolster the claim put forth previously by James and his camp that all the vitriol directed at him due to his decision to sign with the Miami Heat was racially motivated.
But no matter. Ain’t nothing gonna break his stride. Ain’t nothing going to slow him down (oh no oh no). Despite all the negativity directed at him, LeBron is going to use it as motivation.
“You’re always going to have people who love you and who hate you,” James said. “I have enough motivation but I can always use a little more.”
Can’t we all?
LeBron James shares hateful tweets [ESPN]
I’m not sure what’s crazier: the fact that Scott Mitchell, he of the spectacular flameout of an NFL career, is a high school football coach in Utah, or the fact that he, along with the coach for another team, conspired to cancel a regular season game so Mitchell could rest players on his team for next week’s playoff opener.
You might recall the NFL story of Scott(although I seem to recall everybody referred to him as “Scottie”) Mitchell. After performing admirably as Dan Marino’s backup in 1993, the Detroit Lions signed him to a ginormous free agent contract, holding out hope that he would be the Detroit Lions’ second-coming of…um, Eric Hipple, I guess. Obviously, things did not go as well as planned, although he did lead the Lions to the playoffs a few times. Actually, Barry Sanders did, but Mitchell’s contributions were tantamount to the relative success the Lions had those few magical seasons. Until that rat bastard Charlie Batch waltzed on in and stole Mitchell’s starting job away. Ouch.
But that is all in the past. Now, Mitchell is the head coach of the Springville High School football team, which brings us to this mini-controversy, as far as Utah high school football can ignite a controversy. Mitchell had some banged-up players and didn’t want to play the game, so he called up Mark Wootton, head coach of the Mountain Crest football squad, who also had some players with nagging injuries who could use the rest, and they agreed to cancel the game, scheduled for October 13th. Just like that.
Via USA Today:
“We have a lot of guys who are banged up, and I’m not sure how productive we would have been in the game,” Mitchell said Tuesday. “I don’t really care what people think. I’m focused on the playoffs, because we’re already seeded where we’re going to be seeded. It’s not going to change at all. I just wanted to be as fresh and healthy as possible going into the playoffs.”
Ya hear that, people who view high school sports as a welcome escape from the crap, politics and mind games we have to put up with from college and pro sports? Mitchell doesn’t give a rip what you think. Nor does he care about good sportsmanship or fair play or teaching kids the lesson that no matter the odds, despite everything that might be stacked against you, it’s completely appropriate to quit and not honor previous commitments – as long as it benefits you in the long run.
SPRINGVIEW HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL RULES!
High school game in Utah canceled to rest players for playoffs [USA Today]
I really have nothing to add here other than there is nothing more precious than a child’s smile – especially when they are holding up a sign containing alternatively-spelled profanity while shirtless and wearing panda suits.
[H/T The700Level]
Uh-oh. After taking a two-month break from golf, citing fatigue and burnout, Sergio Garcia is back: refreshed, inspired and obviously popping far too many crazy pills. I just hope he has a prescription for them.
How else can we explain Garcia’s stated goal to become the world’s number one golfer other than a case of extreme, nearly-comical denial? Anyone who has watched the spectacular flame-outs throughout Garcia’s career (missed par on 18 at the 2007 British Open), paired with his arrogant personality and temperamental nature (spitting in the cup, anyone?), can certainly attest to the fact that Garcia might want to, you know, win some tournaments and play up to his perhaps lost potential before setting his sights on being the world’s best golfer. Just a thought.
Yeah, like I wasn’t going to write a post regarding a story where Bruce Dickinson – the greatest metal singer EVAR! – and the world of sports intersect. That’s kooky talk. So run to the hills, run for your life, because my adoration for all things Iron Maiden is in full blown overdrive.
For the non-Iron Maiden fans out there (losers), Bruce Dickinson is the longtime frontman (despite a six-year layoff when the other members of the band made the egregious error and had the audacity of allowing someone else to take over lead vocals) of Iron Maiden. Of course, even those unfamiliar with the legendary band are at least tangentially aware of many of their songs, from “Number of the Beast” to “Wasted Years” to “Can I Play With Madness?” to the aforementioned “Aces High” and “Run to the Hills”. Even more so, most people are undoubtedly familiar with Eddie, the band’s sinister, iconic mascot.
Indeed he does. Indeed he does. But that is a misleading statement at its best – or worst. Newly hired Mariners manager Eric Wedge does play with dolls, but he does so when spending time with his daughter, 4-year-old Ava, one of his two children with wife, Kate. Awwww, what a softie.
As far as I’m concerned, there are few better ways for a new member of a professional sports organization – be it a manager, player, etc. – to ingratiate themselves to a new fanbase than to have a local journalist write a fluff piece detailing the “softer side to the gruff exterior” which everybody already knows about, replete with touchy-feely quotes from the guy’s spouse. It’s a genius way of allowing fans to see a different side of the new guy in town without forcing the guy to admit he cried during The Notebook.
In a special feature for the Seattle Post-Intelligencer, Jim Moore sat down with Kate and compelled her to expound on the aspects of her husband’s personality not usually seen by fans, including the juicy nugget that the Wedge family owns – gasp! – a cat! (shudders)
“He’s a super dad,” Kate said. “He helps with baths and puts them to bed. Ava’s a girly girl, and Eric will play with her and her dolls. And Cash is into all sports. He’s all boy. He’s already swinging a golf club.”
Kate sees the softer side of him at home. They met in 2001 when he was manager of the Buffalo Bisons and went to lunch at a TGIF’s where Kate was managing the bar. When asked what attracted her to him, Kate said: “Just look at him, really … nah, he’s fun to be around. We had a connection right away.”
In all seriousness, Wedge seems like an alright guy, and it is nice to see him getting another crack at managing at the big league level after getting railroaded and scapegoated during his tenure with the Cleveland Indians. And as long as he doesn’t bring dolls into the dugout, I suppose there are far worse things than playing the role of doting Daddy. Like living in Cleveland, for instance.
Wedge is a tough guy with a soft side, and he plays with dolls [Seattle Post-Intelligencer]
Cameron Diaz Vs. Jodie Foster: Who Ya Got?
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While attempting to attack a narcissistic baseball player during a playoff game due to his relationship with a washed-up actress pales in comparison as far as attempting to assassinate a sitting President over an actress due to her role as an underage prostitute, there are certainly parallels between what John Hinckley, Jr. did way back in 1981 when he shot and wounded President Reagan and what Grim LeRogue (nice name for a whackjob, by the way) did last night at Yankee Stadium when he stormed the field, allegedly to choke out Alex Rodriguez in a misguided attempt to impress Cameron Diaz:
An unhealthy obsession with an unattractive actress.
Hey, that might be an unfair and harsh criticism of both of these talented actresses – actually, make that one talented actress and one who managed to parlay once-youthful good looks into a marginal, yet fading, career in show business, but I calls ‘em like I sees ‘em.
Video of the aftermath of Grim LeRogue’s unhinged hijinks follows.
I keed, I keed! That’s exactly how you treat a ballplayer who selfishly kept himself in the lineup game after game despite the fact that he was often a detriment to the success of the team.
Okay, I’m kidding again. Cal Ripken is a national treasure and he should be treated with the utmost respect, not subjected the target of taunts by a troglodyte making half-witted, uninformed wisecracks on the internet. Nor should he be subjected to some knuckle-dragging Yankees fan (playing the law of averages here) attempting to dump a beverage on him as he is innocently doing his very best to tolerate David Wells’ body odor without chuffing while providing insightful analysis of MLB playoff games.
But such was the case last night when some moron tried to interject himself into TBS’ broadcast by chucking a drink in Cal Ripken’s general direction. And who says the American sporting public lacks class? Well, I guess I just did.
Video (courtesy of fine folks over at Awful Announcing) follows.
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, links and ideas of how best to punish these weirdos who sexually violate animals to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• Marian Wegiel, 63, was arrested in Connecticut Monday and charged with, among other things, animal cruelty, sexual assault, criminal trespassing and breach of peace after police discovered him sexually assaulting a horse. Wegiel insisted that he was only comforting the animals but admitted he may have inadvertently stuck his fingers inside one of the horses. What is wrong with people? [MSNBC]
• Brian Urlacher is apparently not a huge fan of the new rules regarding hitting in the NFL. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Vancouver Canucks goon Rick Rypien went after a Minnesota Wild fan in the stands while he was on his way back to the locker room after receiving a 10-minute misconduct. [The Last Angry Fan]
• Joe Paterno never wore a facemask when he played football, so why should players wear them now? They also didn’t use electricity back when he was playing football because it hadn’t been discovered yet so let’s not go crazy here. [Dr. Saturday]
• Is Stuart Scott the VP of Marketing for YouTube? It certainly appears so. [Melt Your Face Off]
• Goofball runs on the field, supposedly to attack A-Rod over Cameron Diaz. Aren’t there far better reasons to go after the douchetard than that washed-up hag? [Bob's Blitz]
• Ron Artest has a new rap song. Of course he does. [You Been Blinded]
• The coolest thing from last night’s Yankees-Rangers game? When a chunk of Brett Gardner’s splintered bat busted up a TBS camera. [Big League Stew]
• Another day, another video of a crazy football fight spilling into the stands. [Out of Bounds]
• Another link, another video of a crazy occurrence at a football game. [The Legend of Cecilio Guante]
• Indianapolis Colts punter Pat McAfee arrested after being found drunk, shirtless and swimming in a canal. Alrighty then. [Busted Coverage]
• Kobe Bryant coolly dismisses the Miami Heat. For once, I like the guy. [The Basketball Jones]
• Headline: “Football Is Dead. All Hail Two-Hand Nerf-Powered Queefball.” Nice. [Kissing Suzy Kolber
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Hey, Come On In, Sorry About All The Dead Pets (By Dorothy Goodman)
I saw this yesterday and made a mental note to look into it further, but as most things that cross my mind, it quickly disappeared in a disorienting haze of forgetfulness. So, I must express eternal gratitude to the always-excellent The Sports Hernia Blog for this hilarious screengrab from yesterday’s episode of Pardon the Interruption. As I was watching one of my favorite programs yesterday afternoon, I, like The Sports Hernia, couldn’t believe what I was seeing. There I sat, aghast and confused, horrified yet amused (I guess I’m a poet and didn’t know it) as Tony Reali showed off his new hairdon’t during the “Errors And Omissions” segment of the show. It has to be some kind of joke, right? Right?
The Sports Hernia Blog has additional screencaps documenting the, well, whatever the hell that is sitting atop Reali’s scalp. If the disturbing images don’t get you in the mood for Halloween, I don’t know what will. Well, maybe this will do. Spooky.
Tony Reali nails “Metrosexual/Mad Men/Jersey Boys/Chelsea Pony Boy” look [The Sports Hernia Blog]
